The reality of being a side

[Growing123]

Recently when I meet guys everything is going fine during foreplay. We're kissing passionately (if there is mutual attraction) and groping each other.
When the guy wants to have anal sex and I disclose that I'm a side they either have to inquire what the term means or they lose interest. Most guys state that they want to have sex and apologize and leave. It's really upsetting especially when I like the guy and am attracted.
I usually sit alone when they leave and question why I can't have anal sex. Most times I'll ask the guy to either rub his dick against my ass but not enter or I'll rub mine against his but not penetrate inside. For some they find this inadequate and want full penetration. Being bottomed is too much for me as it's too tight and topping feels gross for me.
Do you think that it is strange for a guy to come out yet deny a partner anal play? I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong or they are or it's just a case of 'not meant to be'.

 

[brich693]

Recently when I meet guys everything is going fine during foreplay. We're kissing passionately (if there is mutual attraction) and groping each other.
When the guy wants to have anal sex and I disclose that I'm a side they either have to inquire what the term means or they lose interest. Most guys state that they want to have sex and apologize and leave. It's really upsetting especially when I like the guy and am attracted.
I usually sit alone when they leave and question why I can't have anal sex. Most times I'll ask the guy to either rub his dick against my ass but not enter or I'll rub mine against his but not penetrate inside. For some they find this inadequate and want full penetration. Being bottomed is too much for me as it's too tight and topping feels gross for me.
Do you think that it is strange for a guy to come out yet deny a partner anal play? I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong or they are or it's just a case of 'not meant to be'.

You're not in the wrong!!!!!

I think it's best to be upfront about what you're interested in and what's not on the menu for you before going into it so the other person knows what they're getting into and relieve some of that pressure for you while having fun

In my experience being a side does make it harder to find someone compatible just because the options are more limited but there's a lot more guys who are into nonpenetrative sexual fun than you'd think! It's slowly but surely getting more valid and popularly accepted!

Definitely a case of just if they're not a match then it's not meant to be!

 

[ILoveGames48]

Recently when I meet guys everything is going fine during foreplay. We're kissing passionately (if there is mutual attraction) and groping each other.
When the guy wants to have anal sex and I disclose that I'm a side they either have to inquire what the term means or they lose interest. Most guys state that they want to have sex and apologize and leave. It's really upsetting especially when I like the guy and am attracted.
I usually sit alone when they leave and question why I can't have anal sex. Most times I'll ask the guy to either rub his dick against my ass but not enter or I'll rub mine against his but not penetrate inside. For some they find this inadequate and want full penetration. Being bottomed is too much for me as it's too tight and topping feels gross for me.
Do you think that it is strange for a guy to come out yet deny a partner anal play? I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong or they are or it's just a case of 'not meant to be'.

Does this include no rimming?

Anal sex is painful for everyone pretty much .. just like first penetration when a woman looses her virginity hurts .. it’s ok that you don’t want anal sex but need to let him know before you all are sucking each others dicks that all you want to do is suck dick

 

[Growing123]

Does this include no rimming?

Anal sex is painful for everyone pretty much .. just like first penetration when a woman looses her virginity hurts .. it’s ok that you don’t want anal sex but need to let him know before you all are sucking each others dicks that all you want to do is suck dick

No rimming is ok if it looks clean.

But if you say it upfront nothing happens as they leave. Are top guys happy to rub it against the ass but not lead to penetration? I think that's a rhetorical no to my question. It is the pain factor that puts me off. Men have tried to screw me but my bum can't take a penis inside.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I am not that way I am entirely happy as long as I get to rim the guys ass as I suck his cock n balls .. either swallow his load or let him cum on my face or onto his chest n stomach

Just because can’t do anal doesn’t mean can’t suck the cock n balls and get him off

 

[marriedasian]

I can't recall correctly however I think less than 40% of gay and bisexual men engage in anal penetration sex whether giving or receiving. This means 60% are sides.

Don't feel bad. Anal sex is actually the minority. It's glorified in porn and we all know porn doesn't represent real life.

Next time, be upfront about being a side so no expectations are misunderstood.

 

[ILoveGames48]

Well I don’t think sides are that high of percentage .. in person I’ve never met a guy that didn’t want to do it.. it was either receive or give and sometimes both


I miss the days when a guy says he doesn’t do anal .. everything has to have a name to it now..

I’m a side ??!! Wtf

To me the side meant both on their sides one in front of the other and the one behind slid his cock into the one in front of him…

 

[curtain_swoosh]

i find it abit ridiculous that we need yet another term for something that could be discussed Before we meet for sex.
had to look it up yourself what that even is.

are people not talking with the guys they meet beforehand ?
is it rly that difficult to say "hey, no anal sex, oral only".

ive had many guys tell me beforehand that they dont like anal and it was never an issue.

but never during making out haha

y'all need to start talking more.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I just couldn’t imagine not wanting to feel my cock inside someone or feeling someone’s cock inside me.. I been hooked on that from first time done it

 

[coolestguy]

I am usually the party pooper. I met guys to get a BJ, but many times they asked me to put my dick in their ass or tried to seat on it after sucking. I declined because I was afraid of catching diseases and I didn't carry a condom. Plus they didn't mentioned condom so I assumed they wanted bare.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I’ve been fucked hundreds of times but hundreds of guys bare a never caught anything .. the only time I had bad experience was when he did use a condom and I found out I was allergic to latex

 

[playklax01]

Anal really never did it for me. I was married for 15+ years to a guy, and we did anal often. I tried being top, but I got nothing from that (I'd never get off doing that). Bottoming I get nothing from either. I like the intimacy and closeness of it, but the feeling itself never got me off. Hate to say I went through the motions, to keep him happy. I still can't find my friggin' prostate anyway. There's nothing in there that feels good lol. Once I heard about Sides, I was relieved there was a label for me. I don't mind labels, but knowing I'm not alone feels so much better.

 

[Yougutas]

Recently when I meet guys everything is going fine during foreplay. We're kissing passionately (if there is mutual attraction) and groping each other.
When the guy wants to have anal sex and I disclose that I'm a side they either have to inquire what the term means or they lose interest. Most guys state that they want to have sex and apologize and leave. It's really upsetting especially when I like the guy and am attracted.
I usually sit alone when they leave and question why I can't have anal sex. Most times I'll ask the guy to either rub his dick against my ass but not enter or I'll rub mine against his but not penetrate inside. For some they find this inadequate and want full penetration. Being bottomed is too much for me as it's too tight and topping feels gross for me.
Do you think that it is strange for a guy to come out yet deny a partner anal play? I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong or they are or it's just a case of 'not meant to be'.

I’m the same. It’s confusing and frustrating at first because you are into that person. But when it comes to bottoming I’m too tight as well. And it’s not fun at all…. And topping I literally feel nothing. It’s funny how they are like “Are you going to cum?” And I’m like “No…”. I prefer just making out, getting head and both touching each other. I’ll give head but I don’t really enjoy it that much. Just do it for other person’s enjoyment to be honest (which makes me happy that they like it).

 

[Yougutas]

I am usually the party pooper. I met guys to get a BJ, but many times they asked me to put my dick in their ass or tried to seat on it after sucking. I declined because I was afraid of catching diseases and I didn't carry a condom. Plus they didn't mentioned condom so I assumed they wanted bare.

It’s such a turn off when a guy random tries to put your dick in him when you make out or getting head. And not even ask for a condom. And they say they play safe before hand.

 

[User101823]

How can this be so complicated?
It sounds all psychological to me.
It’s fine if you only want to be a side, but you save yourself and the other guy a whole lot of time and aggravation if you say so from the get-go!
Over the course of 25 years and 100 guys, I’ve never once found myself in the position of having to figure out what we would do and what we wouldn’t do after we were already started!

 

[Growing123]

How can this be so complicated?
It sounds all psychological to me.
It’s fine if you only want to be a side, but you save yourself and the other guy a whole lot of time and aggravation if you say so from the get-go!
Over the course of 25 years and 100 guys, I’ve never once found myself in the position of having to figure out what we would do and what we wouldn’t do after we were already started!

Psychological in what way? Please explain. If I don't want my backside rammed and injured how is that a psychological issue? Plus it always feels like I'm going to poop myself and that's not s great sensation (even if there's a technique). Some of my friends cannot walk after a vigorous session of anal which makes me wonder about internal damage.

 

[Andrej_u]

I am pretty much the opposite of a side, as I really really love anal sex.
I am incredibly relieved since the word "side" came out! It helps them feel less awkward in saying that they don't enjoy anal, and it helps me understand in a respectful way who is a sexual match and who is not. It helped them understand that anal sex does not need to be the norm, and it helped me understand that it's fine if I like anal more than the average person.

I totally disagree with the "oh yet another label - not needed" crowd. Labels serve a purpose, they are not boxes but tools to express your identity better. The label "side" serves the only purpose of helping you find sexual partners.

P.S.: as a non-side, I can attest that there are a lot of sides!

 

[User101823]

Psychological in what way? Please explain. If I don't want my backside rammed and injured how is that a psychological issue? Plus it always feels like I'm going to poop myself and that's not s great sensation (even if there's a technique). Some of my friends cannot walk after a vigorous session of anal which makes me wonder about internal damage.

I think it’s a matter of relaxation and believing it’s not going to hurt, but that it will be pleasurable. That orafice is remarkably expandable, and will adjust to any size cock you try to put in there. I think you just need to resolve it in your mind and you will find it to be a very enjoyable experience, with the right person, who is patient with you as a newbie in this particular area of gay sex.

 

[Andrej_u]

Recently when I meet guys everything is going fine during foreplay. We're kissing passionately (if there is mutual attraction) and groping each other.
When the guy wants to have anal sex and I disclose that I'm a side they either have to inquire what the term means or they lose interest. Most guys state that they want to have sex and apologize and leave. It's really upsetting especially when I like the guy and am attracted.
I usually sit alone when they leave and question why I can't have anal sex. Most times I'll ask the guy to either rub his dick against my ass but not enter or I'll rub mine against his but not penetrate inside. For some they find this inadequate and want full penetration. Being bottomed is too much for me as it's too tight and topping feels gross for me.
Do you think that it is strange for a guy to come out yet deny a partner anal play? I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong or they are or it's just a case of 'not meant to be'.

The problem is not you and it's not "denying" anal sex.
The problem is not communicating before a sex date. Do you talk to them on an app and just tell them "hi, I want sex, come to 123 Growing Avenue"? Don't you exchange pics and then say something like "I love your cock... But just so you know, do you mind that I don't like anal?".

Psychological in what way? Please explain. If I don't want my backside rammed and injured how is that a psychological issue? Plus it always feels like I'm going to poop myself and that's not s great sensation (even if there's a technique). Some of my friends cannot walk after a vigorous session of anal which makes me wonder about internal damage.

Anal sex is perfectly safe if done properly.
"Not being able to walk" is the sign of not doing it properly. They should be careful. Anal sex, if done well, does not hurt the day itself, nor the day after.

In terms of preferring it... The real question you should ask yourself is "am I turned on at the idea of being fucked?". If the answer is no... I think it's not even worth trying to learn how to get over the self-poop sensation and how to relax your hole.
Of course, things are subject to change, and maybe one day all of a sudden you'll meet someone you'd love to bend over for, or someone with a hole that attracts you a lot and you don't find it gross.
Or maybe not! You're fine anyway

 

[Trekrider]

As someone who is only into body contact and masturbation, I can identify with the situation of the OP.
The key is to be upfront about not being into anal at the beginning. You need to be, because most guys expect it. Sides (and bators) are in the minority. Side is a new term and most guys don't even know what it means.
Don't be forced into anal because of peer pressure either - where's the fun in that?
Other sides do exist; I know because I manage to find them, but you will have to search.