Why Are (some Of) Y'all Obsessed With Straight Men?

[bigboaster]

So as someone who is sometimes attracted to "straight" men (among many other types I have), I think I'd explain it this way:

I spent a big chunk of my 20s in the Army on active duty. In part, that was about problems I had with my own sense of masculinity. I wanted to prove to myself that I and that being gay didn't make me any less of one. Another part of that was wanting to turn myself into the kind of man that I'd be attracted to. I was very much into hypermasculinity (some of my first JO material was the WWF) and I wanted to be that big kinda intimidating guy who doesn't set off anyone's gaydar. About the same time, I was noticing that a lot of gay guys who, for instance, get into the leather scene, may be able to dress reasonably convincingly as bikers, but don't exactly act the part; as is sometimes said with some cruelty, "He looks good, but he opens his mouth and his purse falls out."

Meanwhile, I would have all these straight guys back in my unit (and later in the jobs I held after getting out) who were rubbing off on me. You are who you associate with, and for some very formative years I was hanging out with a bunch of crazy straight infantrymen.

I want to emphasize that a lot of this had to do with my own hangups about my orientation. I'm a bit ashamed of how I could be pretty cruel myself regarding stuff like drag or effeminacy (and I've since come to have very great respect for the skill and talent that goes into putting together a drag persona).

So anyways, of course these straight guys around me would have looked fantastic to my eyes. They were everything I wanted in a man at the time. Except as far as I could tell they weren't into me at all, and I didn't dare say anything that might have given away my orientation. This was the age of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

I think, too, being stuck in the the closet throughout my time in the Army also had the effect of making me wonder if I'd be accepted if the other guys knew who I really was. That's one of the things that sucks about the closet: that fear of rejection if they knew the real you really fucking sucks.

So when I did happen to run into someone who came across as "straight" but nevertheless was interested in sex with me, that not only really was an attractive quality, but it also was a way of getting some validation: "See? This straight guy likes me well enough to give my his cock." It was a tiny bit of proof that maybe if ever I did come completely out, it wouldn't be as bad as I feared.

In retrospect, there's something very humiliating and debasing about that sort of thing. It can make you desperate to please men who likely really don't deserve it, just to keep alive the faint hope that maybe, if I can catch him alone at just the right moment, he'll give me the validation that I need to see myself as more of a "real man". I want to be just one of the guys, but I also want it to have that sexual twist added in, or else it's not a full acceptance of the whole me.

If that makes any sense at all.

Thank you for sharing your story. Really thought provoking and you seem like a wise person whose gone through lots of self reflection. Appreciate your honesty and vulnerability

 

[LevinZ]

@SgtGirth this guy gets it. Often when I'm attracted to straight guy, it's because "he is who I want to be" instead of "he is who I want to be with". From there, the feelings grew.

 

[cantaloupe]

It's math. 90 - 95% of men identify as straight. Your chances of meeting straight vs. gay men in real life without any preselection are 10:1. Then comes this masculinity thing that many prefer. I hate to say it but like 90 + % of straight men look and act masculine and about or less than 50 % of gay men do.

Now my solution to this issue was to stop dreaming about who might be gay in real life and specifically look for gay men.

 

[charmander123]

Seems like a bit of strawman to the original argument. No one said anything about attraction to power or to women. Its perfectly reasonable that gays are attracted to masculinity (power? Huh? Idk about that one) so that's fine. I am also attracted to more masculine guys generally.

But that is different from being more attracted to straight men. Not all gays are feminine and not all straight men are dominant or powerful. It's kind of a silly conflation imho.

And just perpetuates the idea that straight men are more of "real men" than gay ones.

Using arguments such as "strawman" or calling an opinion "silly" doesn't validate your point. You are projecting your own insecurities to others because you feel hurt that you got rejected, perhaps, because you are not conventionally masculine and you are just looking for a place to vent your frustrations. Grow up, child.

 

[bigboaster]

Using arguments such as "strawman" or calling an opinion "silly" doesn't validate your point. You are projecting your own insecurities to others because you feel hurt that you got rejected, perhaps, because you are not conventionally masculine and you are just looking for a place to vent your frustrations. Grow up, child.

Someone's projecting. Lol yes I'm sure you're very masculine buddy. The straights will accept you. Nothing I said was incorrect or said anything about me but you have clearly have issues so whatever. Work on that.

You did not interpret my post correctly so I corrected your wrong strawman of what I said. Your post was a prejudiced spiel of nonsense that was clearly from a place of sled loathing.
Learn what a logical fallacy is and then come back.

Learn to stop being a judgmental *** and work on your complex. We don't need more toxic gays like you on this site.

 

[charmander123]

Someone's projecting. Lol yes I'm sure you're very masculine buddy. The straights will accept you. Nothing I said was incorrect or said anything about me but you have clearly have issues so whatever. Work on that.

You did not interpret my post correctly so I corrected your wrong strawman of what I said. Your post was a prejudiced spiel of nonsense that was clearly from a place of sled loathing.
Learn what a logical fallacy is and then come back.

Learn to stop being a judgmental *** and work on your complex. We don't need more toxic gays like you on this site.

You didn't correct anything. You have low self esteem issues that you need to address with a counselor. You want to control how people think so it suits your world and gives you validation for your victimhood. You create scenarios in your head where you feel ,and i quote, "that straight men are more of "real men" than gay ones". No one has said that. You did. Everyone can see through your self loathing and prejudiced spiel of rubbish that only comes from a place of insecurity. You show symptoms of Narcissistic personality disorder and depression.

The reality is that some gays like femininity and some gays like masculinity. That is it. If someone is not attracted to for whatever reason then move on with your life and find someone who does.

Toxic gays like you are the ones that make the community a worse place. You want to control everyone and everything around you. You want to live in your own echo chamber and force others into your own garbage reasoning. Peoples are not robots, they're individual beings.

Take your own advise: Learn to stop being a judgmental *** and work on your complex. We don't need more toxic gays like you on this site.

 

[bigboaster]

You didn't correct anything. You have low self esteem issues that you need to address with a counselor. You want to control how people think so it suits your world and gives you validation for your victimhood. You create scenarios in your head where you feel ,and i quote, "that straight men are more of "real men" than gay ones". No one has said that. You did. Everyone can see through your self loathing and prejudiced spiel of rubbish that only comes from a place of insecurity. You show symptoms of Narcissistic personality disorder and depression.

The reality is that some gays like femininity and some gays like masculinity. That is it. If someone is not attracted to for whatever reason then move on with your life and find someone who does.

Toxic gays like you are the ones that make the community a worse place. You want to control everyone and everything around you. You want to live in your own echo chamber and force others into your own garbage reasoning. Peoples are not robots, they're individual beings.

Take your own advise: Learn to stop being a judgmental *** and work on your complex. We don't need more toxic gays like you on this site.

Stop projecting and stop putting words on my mouth. I never said any of the crap you want to pretend I did. I never tried to control anyone. I used common sense and reason to figure out the self loathing nonsense you said to me. You did imply that straight men are more masculine than gay men when you totally missed my entire point of my post. Don't blame me for your prejudice my guy. You can't even see it but that isn't my problem. My original post never mentioned masculinity or feminity. YOU brought that up. So clearly you're the one with the toxic assumptions.

That's why you have a complex and that's why you're toxic. You have some fantasy and narrative to peddle. I'm not going to entertain your BS though. Go get some help.

 

[deleted4255491]

Pretty straight forward. What's with the frothing at the mouth about them? What about them is supposedly "more of a turn on" than a gay man?

Great question. I'm not surprised many haven't responded. Most gay guys can be pretty defensive or standoffish about this topic.

Anyway, I love watching gay4pay sex workers online (amongst other things). But I have little interest in straight men in real life. The only time I may have a sexual interest in a straight guy would be if I connected with one emotionally. Plus, I prefer to top and the idea of doing that with a straight guy doesn't bode well lol.

 

[deleted4255491]

I think for many it's just the human (though often male) hunting instinct to try and get the most rare prey attainable.

So getting a gay man to drop their pants is relatively easy. A straight or closeted man is harder. A straight man who is good looking is even more rare. A straight good looking man with a donkey cock even more so. The price for being more picky is that there are less fish to be shot in the barrel.

While I am not one to pursue straight men in particular, I admit that I have also made my life more difficult by only choosing men with certain characteristics.

To each their own. If someone wants to chase only straight men, then that's up to them.

I like and agree bro

 

[bigboaster]

Great question. I'm not surprised many haven't responded. Most gay guys can be pretty defensive or standoffish about this topic.

Anyway, I love watching gay4pay sex workers online (amongst other things). But I have little interest in straight men in real life. The only time I may have a sexual interest in a straight guy would be if I connected with one emotionally. Plus, I prefer to top and the idea of doing that with a straight guy doesn't bode well lol.

I get you. Thanks for the honesty and reasonable approach. Appreciate it

 

[MaestroMike]

truth this is one thing so many gay boys do i never got tbh I find macho straight guys completely unattractive 90% of the time myself. i much prefer the pretty effeminate twink boys myself or the emo/scene/goth twink types.

 

[MaestroMike]

I like and agree bro

f that way too much work and effort i am way too lazy to work that hard for a guy lol

 

[LICNYCgay]

I am decidedly NOT obsessed with straight men. Not my thing. And it’s not a choice between straight men or effeminate gay men. There are plenty of ultra masculine gay men to keep any gay man happy.

 

[RyverStyxx]

I’ll be honest - it wasn’t the fact that I was obsessed with straight men. I was obsessed with the masculinity that they possessed, and I did not.

I wanted something that I did not have.
This of course was when I was younger between 18-24.

now? I see a straight man - I see him more of a bro/ friend and I treat him as such - not as a challenge or someone for me to try and sleep with.

 

[bigboaster]

I am decidedly NOT obsessed with straight men. Not my thing. And it’s not a choice between straight men or effeminate gay men. There are plenty of ultra masculine gay men to keep any gay man happy.

LOL exactly. But the usual suspects seem to only have the idea that straight meen possess masculinity. It's just bizarre to me

I’ll be honest - it wasn’t the fact that I was obsessed with straight men. I was obsessed with the masculinity that they possessed, and I did not.

I wanted something that I did not have.
This of course was when I was younger between 18-24.

now? I see a straight man - I see him more of a bro/ friend and I treat him as such - not as a challenge or someone for me to try and sleep with.

Hmm interesting. I wonder if this a phase some gay men will eventually outgrow? I won't hold my breath though but good 4 u. lol

 

[bigboaster]

truth this is one thing so many gay boys do i never got tbh I find macho straight guys completely unattractive 90% of the time myself. i much prefer the pretty effeminate twink boys myself or the emo/scene/goth twink types.

I am very much a all purpose type guy myself. lol. I enjoy masculine and feminine men, muscular or twink. Tall, short. I get that some people have rigid preferences but that ain't my vibe. lol

But I def hear you on thee emo goth twink take. Low key a weakness for me sometimes.

 

[Targareyn87]

First of all Boaster thanks for bringing up this topic because I swear I was just about to do it myself based on other posts I’d seen on here. Personally I’m attracted to what would be considered masculine men, but I’ve personally been repulsed with the gay community’s obsession with “straight men”. I don’t mean to say we can’t or shouldn’t be attracted to straight men, rather the way some gay men put straight men on a pedestal above their own is repulsive. I think a huge part of our community deludes themselves into thinking that they can tempt and hook up with straight men, and if I’m being perfectly honest I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes whenever I hear a gay man say he loves “straight dick” or something along those lines. I’m of the opinion that a straight man does NOT hook up with other men. He’s closeted. He may be gay, bi, or pan, but he falls somewhere on the spectrum. I’m sure there are plenty of straight men who were curious and decided to experiment, but if that experimentation becomes regular hookups with other men then they’re not straight. This conversation reminds me of that poll that recently came out about the number of Americans that identified as LGBTQ+ doubling in a relatively short period of time, with the plurality of those now out identifying as bisexual. The number didn’t just suddenly double, rather, the number of people comfortable enough to admit their truth did. If you think that only 5% of the human population has same sex attraction then boy I have I got news for you.

 

[bigboaster]

First of all Boaster thanks for bringing up this topic because I swear I was just about to do it myself based on other posts I’d seen on here. Personally I’m attracted to what would be considered masculine men, but I’ve personally been repulsed with the gay community’s obsession with “straight men”. I don’t mean to say we can’t or shouldn’t be attracted to straight men, rather the way some gay men put straight men on a pedestal above their own is repulsive. I think a huge part of our community deludes themselves into thinking that they can tempt and hook up with straight men, and if I’m being perfectly honest I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes whenever I hear a gay man say he loves “straight dick” or something along those lines. I’m of the opinion that a straight man does NOT hook up with other men. He’s closeted. He may be gay, bi, or pan, but he falls somewhere on the spectrum. I’m sure there are plenty of straight men who were curious and decided to experiment, but if that experimentation becomes regular hookups with other men then they’re not straight. This conversation reminds me of that poll that recently came out about the number of Americans that identified as LGBTQ+ doubling in a relatively short period of time, with the plurality of those now out identifying as bisexual. The number didn’t just suddenly double, rather, the number of people comfortable enough to admit their truth did. If you think that only 5% of the human population has same sex attraction then boy I have I got news for you.

Thanks for contributing to the thread buddy, you echoed a lot of what I think here tbh.

And you're last point regarding lgbt representation increase is spot on. There are a LOT more same sex attracted people out there than people realize (many sadly will just never identify openly for a variety of reasons ofc) but I was glad to see such a large increase in bi/pan identification in 2020. Glad to see more and more people willing to live their truth openly.

 

[MaestroMike]

I am very much a all purpose type guy myself. lol. I enjoy masculine and feminine men, muscular or twink. Tall, short. I get that some people have rigid preferences but that ain't my vibe. lol

But I def hear you on thee emo goth twink take. Low key a weakness for me sometimes.

my ultimate Kryptonite is an alternative asian twink tbh! cute Asian boys are my other huge weakenss. so if u mix goth/emo/scene with an Asian twink ill be totally done in for lol. I definately prefer more efreminate gay guys though. mainly cause Im turned off by male culture and find muscular (not to be confused with a slighter toned fit body which i can enjoy) plain gross looking to me honestly. and more so to me "bloody wanker" who will go to sleep at sight of muscular guys lol.

 

[bigboaster]

my ultimate Kryptonite is an alternative asian twink tbh! cute Asian boys are my other huge weakenss. so if u mix goth/emo/scene with an Asian twink ill be totally done in for lol.

YES!!!! Same. (I also love Japanese girls too when the mood hits but that's a side story lol)

cause Im turned off by male culture and find muscular (not to be confused with a slighter toned fit body which i can enjoy) plain gross looking to me honestly.

I can somewhat agree here too? I do find muscular guys hot but not like Bodybuilder style. The Leaner the better. I like the twunk body type basically.