Accepting That I'm Not Actually Gay

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ILoveGames48 said:
Kind of strange of my past and all mostly been with men. And several women as well.. that “ he “ entered my life.. and we dated for several months .. we kissed and made out a lot but we both agreed to take it slow .. so over several months we did take it slow and I began to get feelings for him.. .. then one night he revealed he was trans and I was like “ so” … that doesn’t change how I felt about him..

I had only seen ftm in porn but never thought I’d ever meet one in real life … not to mention the distance in our ages ..

I did think he stayed with me because I was the first one that didn’t cuss him out or beat him up for being who he is.. that he’d stay with anyone no matter who it was .. but he tells me he tends to like older guys.. I just told him I like a guy to be proud of who he is now 3 1/2 years later we are still together
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Nice story. Glad you two got along.
 
OldSouldLatino said:
Thanks for sharing! I think it’s a good thing that you’re exploring and finding yourself and finding out what you like/dislike. I can relate a bit to your feelings towards anal sex, as there was a time I thought it was dirty, disgusting, and I didn’t want to get near a butt lol. With time, as I grew to accept myself and became more comfortable with my sexuality, I’m a gay man; I realized that anal sex was fantastic, and there was a time I couldn’t get enough of it, lol! Whether you end up liking something or disliking it more down the road, I would say that it’s ok to change your mind. It’s ok to be different if you don’t fit into one of the categories/labels others have created. My unsolicited advice is to focus on your happiness and forget whether others are upset or angry towards you. Also, no one chooses who we are; we are born this way, and nobody should have to apologize for being who they are. I believe that as long as you’re not hurting anyone, including yourself, you should do what is necessary to be happy and comfortable in your skin.
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Thank you for the comment and your input. Things take time to heal and figure out. Hopefully, whatever happens will be okay...the universe is a capricious thing.
 
LiquidSky said:
Thanks for sharing. Just be you and don't label yourself. I'm a man who is only sexually attracted to other men. I can appreciate the beauty of women and love vintage pin-ups, etc.
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Lol. You're very right. Nothing wrong with appreciating human forms. ^^ I think beautiful women are treasured amongst all human beings, whether in an erotic way or not.
 
BlackBearCognac said:
The labels are completely irrelevant. Just go for what you like.

I don't believe there's a proper label for someone attracted to transmen who look like men but have women's genitals, but if that's what rocks your boat then no problem.

Also keep in mind that sexuality is a spectrum and may change over time. It's totally ok if your tastes continue to evolve.

Lastly I'd recommend a good LGBT therapist to help you overcome some of your unresolved issues that might be blocking you.
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Well said. :) I've been given that advice before irl, so I suppose I should give it a shot.
 
Discovering your sexuality isn't something you need to rush into or to define too permanently. It's really your personal journey and therefore it comes down to how you feel. The one thing I would say is that you've mentioned a few trauma related emotions. Maybe focus on conquering those issues first so that whatever you feel towards whoever you have sex with is genuine.

Just an FYI: I'm gay AF and don't particularly love cock as much as many do. Way more into faces, ass, chest etc. Anal sex can be extremely intimate and beautiful. It's definitely not dirty in the way your mind seems to be hung up on.

Oh and one more thing. 4 inches is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a top in 99% of my sexual encounters but one of the times I did bottom that was best was with a smaller guy. I don't know if it was his technique, how hard it was or what but he made me explode. Lol. I'm neurodivergant myself and a real germophobe so I can relate to that too. Oh and Laith Ashley is one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen and happens to be trans.
 
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Scarletbegonia said:
@Twisted_GardenofOenothera
check out the Ask an Asexual area.

I personally am bi and demisexual, partnered with a bisexual, heteroromantic guy.

its weird, but it’s us, and if someone gets upset? f them.
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Like on here or on a place like Reddit?
Anyways...that sounds like a unique relationship dynamic. This world is so complicated.
 
ariesgeorge said:
Discovering your sexuality isn't something you need to rush into or to define too permanently. It's really your personal journey and therefore it comes down to how you feel. The one thing I would say is that you've mentioned a few trauma related emotions. Maybe focus on conquering those issues first so that whatever you feel towards whoever you have sex with is genuine.

Just an FYI: I'm gay AF and don't particularly love cock as much as many do. Way more into faces, ass, chest etc. Anal sex can be extremely intimate and beautiful. It's definitely not dirty in the way your mind seems to be hung up on.

Oh and one more thing. 4 inches is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a top in 99% of my sexual encounters but one of the times I did bottom that was best was with a smaller guy. I don't know if it was his technique, how hard it was or what but he made me explode. Lol. I'm neurodivergant myself and a real germophobe so I can relate to that too. Oh and Laith Ashley is one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen and happens to be trans.
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Thank you for the kind response. You are right...I should try to deal with my trauma first. It's probably best to challenge the negative voices inside by experiencing things. :) Happy to hear your experiences and that there is a general sense that well....things get better!
 
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I knew I was bi for years but tended towards the gay identity because no one special crossed my path and it seemed to be more easily understood.

That all came to a head when Grindr culture took over. I simply was uninterested in purely sexual relationships. They were unfulfilling for me even though I am frankly considered hot - I would go through the trouble of flirting, making efforts to get to know someone, just to have them focus on hooking up.

I was so uninterested that I focused on myself and learned that I am simply attracted to assertive personalities with athletic builds and gutsy personalities. Had major crushes on three women in a row.

It was harder to tell people I was bi than expected.
 
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Wingman11 said:
I knew I was bi for years but tended towards the gay identity because no one special crossed my path and it seemed to be more easily understood.

That all came to a head when Grindr culture took over. I simply was uninterested in purely sexual relationships. They were unfulfilling for me even though I am frankly considered hot - I would go through the trouble of flirting, making efforts to get to know someone, just to have them focus on hooking up.

I was so uninterested that I focused on myself and learned that I am simply attracted to assertive personalities with athletic builds and gutsy personalities. Had major crushes on three women in a row.

It was harder to tell people I was bi than expected.
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Hooking up never held any appeal to me once I found out there was more to life for us than that (long story). Call me old-fashioned, old school, even old hat, but I was ready to settle down for keeps at 18, if I found someone (spoiler alert: I did not).

At almost 35... that hasn't changed (if anything, my aversion to and disdain for hooking up has only increased), but I don't like my odds of actually getting to do it.

Hopefully you have had better experiences, especially since taking note of also fancying ladies.
 
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Wingman11 said:
I knew I was bi for years but tended towards the gay identity because no one special crossed my path and it seemed to be more easily understood.

That all came to a head when Grindr culture took over. I simply was uninterested in purely sexual relationships. They were unfulfilling for me even though I am frankly considered hot - I would go through the trouble of flirting, making efforts to get to know someone, just to have them focus on hooking up.

I was so uninterested that I focused on myself and learned that I am simply attracted to assertive personalities with athletic builds and gutsy personalities. Had major crushes on three women in a row.

It was harder to tell people I was bi than expected.
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Damn. Thanks for sharing, but damn, that sucks
 
This thread is a great read. I can relate to a point.
As a teen I jerked off to both guys and girls - in my 20s I convinced my self that I was 100% gay and the hot women were just a cover for the guys.
In my 40s I’m still gay but mostly watch straight porn - though my sexuality has moved towards kink as opposed to penetration (which as a teen is I thought sex was and nothing more).

I feel we are living in the age where male sexuality is being broadened and more accepting - don’t bog you self down obsessing about labelling yourself
 
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