BEST PRACTICAL tips and advice for the PERFECT dating pics and profile on apps like Hinge, Tinder, OkCupid, etc?

[abapl]

Hi! I don't find myself attractive. I'm not saying this for sympathy. If you're like me, the dating world is scary and frustrating at times especially with dating apps asking for pics (I'm not anything close to a photographer) and summaries (definitely not a writer). I understand it's natural to feel self-conscious, but I often find myself feeling worse off than when I downloaded these dating apps! Am I the only one?! Those moments where no one has matched with you or the likes are all one-sided- it sucks!!!

I think it's because I'm not attractive enough. I'll try to eat better, go to the gym more, maybe get a better paying job, etc (I know I sound superficial, but be honest- these things are attractive). In the mean time, I want to do something now. So at this very moment, the only things I can change is how I market myself.

I've looked at dating websites and understand their very broad recommendations, but I want to understand how to best attract all of you- from one "bro" to another. I feel like your individual tips and advice are more practical than these dating website, even though I know each person is different.

I'm hoping you can give a little bit of your time and help all those who are in my position. I think this'll help anyone who wants to put their best foot forward (selfishly, it's probably more for me haha).

So really I have three broad questions:

1. Be honest here. Which is more important: pics or summaries? In other words, would you wish to engage with someone if they have great pics but less than ideal or no summaries? And vice versa?

2. What are THE pics that you'll fall for, are deal breakers, or are the bare minimum to get your attention?

3. Similar to the second question, what are THE profile summaries that you'll fall for, are deal breakers, or are the bare minimum to get your attention? These are the summaries that might make up less than ideal pics.

Thanks!!!

 

[abapl]

Hi! I don't find myself attractive. I'm not saying this for sympathy. If you're like me, the dating world is scary and frustrating at times especially with dating apps asking for pics (I'm not anything close to a photographer) and summaries (definitely not a writer). I understand it's natural to feel self-conscious, but I often find myself feeling worse off than when I downloaded these dating apps! Am I the only one?! Those moments where no one has matched with you or the likes are all one-sided- it sucks!!!

I think it's because I'm not attractive enough. I'll try to eat better, go to the gym more, maybe get a better paying job, etc (I know I sound superficial, but be honest- these things are attractive). In the mean time, I want to do something now. So at this very moment, the only things I can change is how I market myself.

I've looked at dating websites and understand their very broad recommendations, but I want to understand how to best attract all of you- from one "bro" to another. I feel like your individual tips and advice are more practical than these dating website, even though I know each person is different.

I'm hoping you can give a little bit of your time and help all those who are in my position. I think this'll help anyone who wants to put their best foot forward (selfishly, it's probably more for me haha).

So really I have three broad questions:

1. Be honest here. Which is more important: pics or summaries? In other words, would you wish to engage with someone if they have great pics but less than ideal or no summaries? And vice versa?

2. What are THE pics that you'll fall for, are deal breakers, or are the bare minimum to get your attention?

3. Similar to the second question, what are THE profile summaries that you'll fall for, are deal breakers, or are the bare minimum to get your attention? These are the summaries that might make up less than ideal pics.

Thanks!!!

I should also add that this is for finding LTR not hooking up...though is there a difference if you want to grab someone's attention?

 

[Merophe]

Those moments where no one has matched with you or the likes are all one-sided- it sucks!!!

Same here babe, and it makes me feel bad thinking I'll never have any romantic love (or even sex)
I am 27 with an average body shape (no abs, but not fat or chubby) and 5'7, yet I haven't had sex for almost 2 years now. Maybe it could be my fault for being a Thai living in Thailand, but having a preference mostly for white guys lol. I got some matches on Tinder, but they've never replied back. Sorry for my rant.

To answer your q, the first thing you'll see in these apps are profile pics, right? so that's the first impression.
I'll never swipe right those who have no face pics or hide their face in sunglasses or whatever. I always love a variety of pics that show who you are like activities, hobbies, maybe friends in the pics?
For the summaries, it would be a plus from the pics, but having non is a no for me (like I can choose lol ).

 

[Andrej_u]

I mostly use more "direct" apps like Grindr and Romeo, and I'm looking for something a bit in between: not a long-term relationship but also not a one-time cold hookup. I like creating some human contact, and if I have great sex with someone.. Why not repeat and meet him again?

I give a lot of importance to the profile text. It doesn't have to be very long, but to me the most important thing is that it should give the idea that you're nice and approachable. An empty profile makes me think that the guy will be lazy in answering.
You can write something fun, witty, maybe a bit sexually allusive. Self-confidence, real or fake, is sexy. Your text should give cues on how to contact you and start a conversation: e.g. if you write "I love video games", people will ask you what do you play and so on. It makes it easier to break the ice, and you can do the same when you write to someone for the first time.

In terms of photos, every picture that is not clear is "noise". Most people will spend a handful of seconds on your profile, and you don't want them to spend it scrolling through landscapes, photos from very far away, in heavy skiing attire and with sunglasses. Clear photos is the most important thing.

And finally, yes, it's unfortunately normal to be frustrated when using these apps. Get ready to have 3/4 of guys not answering even if you had a match with them, or answering and then disappearing, or being incredibly enthusiastic to meet you one day and then ghosting you the day after. Oh, and the occasional asshole who tells you "sorry, you're not enough [tall, skinny, muscled, young, ethnically X, rich, well-dressed, ...] for me".

Feel free to write to me in private, I can share more

 

[Brodie888]

Photos are the most important. That's unfortunately the first barrier. It's make or break, they never get to your summary otherwise.

If you can't compete with looks, don't just have a body pic or some boring passport style headshot. Show some personality (not too crazy) , a photo with friends having a good time also says a lot.

 

[abapl]

Photos are the most important. That's unfortunately the first barrier. It's make or break, they never get to your summary otherwise.

If you can't compete with looks, don't just have a body pic or some boring passport style headshot. Show some personality (not too crazy) , a photo with friends having a good time also says a lot.

It's definitely tough out there haha! I matched with a guy, and we had some really good conversations. Then we exchanged pics (non-x-rated), and he said that i dont look like my pics and then blocked me. I didnt do any editing/photoshopping (not that I know how). The pics I sent were pretty similar to my profile, so not sure what went wrong there. I have many more stories like this.

On the other end, I get a good amount of guys looking to hook up- it seems like these are the guys who just "swipe right" on everyone and see who they catch...I dont like that. But Im looking for a LTR.... ugh!

 

[JasonPharae]

OK Cupid actually conducted some research on this, and published a bit of "hard data" a few years ago. I can't find the sources right now, but I'm sure the reports they published (on the OK Cupid website, I guess) are still out there if you wanna Google it. Anyway, I do remember 2 basic rules they "discovered" about profile photos:

1. Other things being equal, one specific style of pic is more likely to get positive responses: photos using the bokeh effect. Bokeh is the technical word meaning, basically, that the primary subject of a photo, which is in the foreground (of course), appears in very sharp focus, while everything else in the picture (all of the background) appears relatively out of focus. If you're standing in a forest, the picture won't reveal the individual leaves on the trees, or if you're on a city street, windows and license plates won't be readable. But you yourself will be very crisp and sharply detailed. Evidently the effect was pretty complicated to set up using traditional lens photography. But new iPhones have a magical way of getting the Bokeh effect by adjusting a setting in the camera app. Here's a basic explanation of the Bokeh effect.
2. Use a picture with a pet in it. If you don't have a pet of your own, borrow one from a somebody and take a picture of yourself having fun with it. According to the OK Cupid data, photos with pets have a very clear advantage over ones without.

Of course, what does it really mean for certain photos to "have an advantage" or "be more successful?" I guess OK Cupid already had access to the millions of photos users posted to their profiles, and from site usage data they could which photos had the most influence (positive or negative) on users who viewed them... Something like that, anyway!

BTW—I remember one other research finding from the OK Cupid data. It's totally irrelevant to the specific question of profile photos, but still a pretty fun little factoid, IMO. The site used questionnaires to gather personal information about users, so it could make recommendations about potential matches for you (based on corresponding questionnaire responses). One question asked how open you would be to having sex on a first date, and the researchers found a strong correspondence between (A) "very likely" answers to that question, and (B) positive responses to these 2 questions:

• How much do you enjoy watching scary movies?
• How much do you like the taste of beer?

 

[abapl]

OK Cupid actually conducted some research on this, and published a bit of "hard data" a few years ago. I can't find the sources right now, but I'm sure the reports they published (on the OK Cupid website, I guess) are still out there if you wanna Google it. Anyway, I do remember 2 basic rules they "discovered" about profile photos:

1. Other things being equal, one specific style of pic is more likely to get positive responses: photos using the bokeh effect. Bokeh is the technical word meaning, basically, that the primary subject of a photo, which is in the foreground (of course), appears in very sharp focus, while everything else in the picture (all of the background) appears relatively out of focus. If you're standing in a forest, the picture won't reveal the individual leaves on the trees, or if you're on a city street, windows and license plates won't be readable. But you yourself will be very crisp and sharply detailed. Evidently the effect was pretty complicated to set up using traditional lens photography. But new iPhones have a magical way of getting the Bokeh effect by adjusting a setting in the camera app. Here's a basic explanation of the Bokeh effect.
2. Use a picture with a pet in it. If you don't have a pet of your own, borrow one from a somebody and take a picture of yourself having fun with it. According to the OK Cupid data, photos with pets have a very clear advantage over ones without.

Of course, what does it really mean for certain photos to "have an advantage" or "be more successful?" I guess OK Cupid already had access to the millions of photos users posted to their profiles, and from site usage data they could which photos had the most influence (positive or negative) on users who viewed them... Something like that, anyway!

BTW—I remember one other research finding from the OK Cupid data. It's totally irrelevant to the specific question of profile photos, but still a pretty fun little factoid, IMO. The site used questionnaires to gather personal information about users, so it could make recommendations about potential matches for you (based on corresponding questionnaire responses). One question asked how open you would be to having sex on a first date, and the researchers found a strong correspondence between (A) "very likely" answers to that question, and (B) positive responses to these 2 questions:

• How much do you enjoy watching scary movies?
• How much do you like the taste of beer?

Definitely helpful!!!! It kinda suck tho that it's now a science....takes some of the romance out of the process haha!

But curious, what about you personally? what are the photos or summaries that you're drawn to or catch your eye?

 

[JasonPharae]

Definitely helpful!!!! It kinda suck tho that it's now a science....takes some of the romance out of the process haha!

But curious, what about you personally? what are the photos or summaries that you're drawn to or catch your eye?

Interesting question...strictly in terms of personality—who I'd be into as a potential LT boyfriend, as opposed to who I'd connect with for NSA hookups or whatever—I guess I'd like to see...

• Evidence of an active social life. Having some close friends you care about is a basic requirement for somebody to be a romantic partner, for me. So I might like to see pix or mentions of people you're close to/hang out with, other than work colleagues and family members.
• If I'm being honest—and I realize this doesn't sound great—I'd wanna see some signs of "masculinity." This is a touchy issue: I am thinking of traditional, "stereotypical" masculinity, which has all kinds of problems socially and politically. But we can't really control the desires of our heart, and I know that I'm drawn to stereotypical masculinity when it comes to romantic love. All I'm thinking of is, like, listing a sport or a something competitive, as one of your interests. Or having a picture of you hanging out with your guy friends. That said, I feel the need to say that I'm 100% a gay dude, I celebrate all varieties of queer and alternative identity, and for friends and NSA hookups I don't care if somebody's totally "femme" or non-binary or whatever (although, for sexual activities I am gonna want somebody who identifies as male...).

I'll also admit that I've become convinced that OK Cupid's "discovery" about photos is pretty much true. Photos with a Bokeh effect do make people a little more appealing. It's not like an Instagram filter, which alters your appearance. And it's not like photoshopping or airbrushing, which conceal your flaws or exaggerate your assets. You look the same, but kind of...IDK...fancier or cooler? I definitely think it would be weird to use Bokeh for your dic pix though. The rule seems to apply only to SFW personal photos, posted on "respectable" dating websites...

 

[Andrej_u]

and (B) positive responses to these 2 questions:

• How much do you enjoy watching scary movies?
• How much do you like the taste of beer?

Haha I'm not sure I understand, so this means that if I want to fuck on the first date I need to try and aim to people who like scary movies and beer? Interesting!
But then I despise beer and I don't get scared from scary movies, so I find them very boring. Not sure if it's worth the hassle. And yeah, I'm definitely a "very likely" sex on the first date.

P.S.: I think I did some unconscious Bokeh on a couple of my dick pics

 

[JasonPharae]

Haha I'm not sure I understand, so this means that if I want to fuck on the first date I need to try and aim to people who like scary movies and beer? Interesting!
But then I despise beer and I don't get scared from scary movies, so I find them very boring. Not sure if it's worth the hassle. And yeah, I'm definitely a "very likely" sex on the first date.

P.S.: I think I did some unconscious Bokeh on a couple of my dick pics

LOL!

• Yes, as I understand the research, those of us who enjoy the prospect of sex on a first date should seek partners who (a) enjoy scary movies, and (b) like beer. Of course, the dating industry is totally hetero-centric. So sites like OK Cupid are assuming that somebody who would want 1st date sex needs to make an extra effort to find another who does. To put it bluntly, that sounds like advice primarily "useful" to straight dudes. From the perspective of a gay dude, it's a little odd that you'd need to use indirect signs or cues, just to find somebody into hooking up on a 1st date.
• Please, man: do not send out Bokeh dick pix! It's like using an embossed RSVP card to confirm a Grindr hook up, or using classical Latin instead of writing "'sup, bruh?"

 

[abapl]

LOL!

• Yes, as I understand the research, those of us who enjoy the prospect of sex on a first date should seek partners who (a) enjoy scary movies, and (b) like beer. Of course, the dating industry is totally hetero-centric. So sites like OK Cupid are assuming that somebody who would want 1st date sex needs to make an extra effort to find another who does. To put it bluntly, that sounds like advice primarily "useful" to straight dudes. From the perspective of a gay dude, it's a little odd that you'd need to use indirect signs or cues, just to find somebody into hooking up on a 1st date.
• Please, man: do not send out Bokeh dick pix! It's like using an embossed RSVP card to confirm a Grindr hook up, or using classical Latin instead of writing "'sup, bruh?"

Did not know about the thing with the beer and scary movies! Also, can confirm with @JasonPharae about the Bokeh dick pix- it seems like ur trying to hide something IMHO lol.

 

[abapl]

Interesting question...strictly in terms of personality—who I'd be into as a potential LT boyfriend, as opposed to who I'd connect with for NSA hookups or whatever—I guess I'd like to see...

• Evidence of an active social life. Having some close friends you care about is a basic requirement for somebody to be a romantic partner, for me. So I might like to see pix or mentions of people you're close to/hang out with, other than work colleagues and family members.
• If I'm being honest—and I realize this doesn't sound great—I'd wanna see some signs of "masculinity." This is a touchy issue: I am thinking of traditional, "stereotypical" masculinity, which has all kinds of problems socially and politically. But we can't really control the desires of our heart, and I know that I'm drawn to stereotypical masculinity when it comes to romantic love. All I'm thinking of is, like, listing a sport or a something competitive, as one of your interests. Or having a picture of you hanging out with your guy friends. That said, I feel the need to say that I'm 100% a gay dude, I celebrate all varieties of queer and alternative identity, and for friends and NSA hookups I don't care if somebody's totally "femme" or non-binary or whatever (although, for sexual activities I am gonna want somebody who identifies as male...).

I'll also admit that I've become convinced that OK Cupid's "discovery" about photos is pretty much true. Photos with a Bokeh effect do make people a little more appealing. It's not like an Instagram filter, which alters your appearance. And it's not like photoshopping or airbrushing, which conceal your flaws or exaggerate your assets. You look the same, but kind of...IDK...fancier or cooler? I definitely think it would be weird to use Bokeh for your dic pix though. The rule seems to apply only to SFW personal photos, posted on "respectable" dating websites...

I think we've all been there when it comes to masculinity. I think Im in the same boat too, but Im not sure it's something to be hesitant in admitting. Masculinity/femininity preferences is not like the "ethnic preference" that @Andrej_u mentioned. It's about being drawn to behavior, reaction, and action that is categorized into masculine and feminine categories (whether the categorization is right or wrong is a separate discussion).

 

[Andrej_u]

I think we've all been there when it comes to masculinity. I think Im in the same boat too, but Im not sure it's something to be hesitant in admitting. Masculinity/femininity preferences is not like the "ethnic preference" that @Andrej_u mentioned. It's about being drawn to behavior, reaction, and action that is categorized into masculine and feminine categories (whether the categorization is right or wrong is a separate discussion).

Well, if you think about it, ethnicity is also partially about behaviour and action
I mean, Italians do things that are different than what the Americans do, and behave differently, speak differently and so on. And at the same time everyone is different on a singular level, and the topic is much more complex.

I think we all have our preferences, and it's perfectly fine, as long as we keep in mind these 2 things:
1) Kindness. If we're not attracted to someone, we can express it in a polite way, instead of saying "you're not enough for me" for example, or other things that are mostly only meant to hurt.
2) Openmindedness. You may spend your whole life thinking that fem guys are not attractive, but maybe one day you madly fall in love with someone who is very feminine? It might be unlikely, but we should always be open to the opportunity.

 

[plow]

You can learn a lot, and I mean A LOT, by carefully studying how you behave yourself on such apps.
How do you swipe? Do you check every photo of every profile? Do you read the whole text of every profile? What makes you curious in others' pics or summaries? Do you notice any bias in your behaviour? Do you spend really the same amount of time, with the same probability of liking, independently from name, age, race, body shape, etc.? It is highly unlikely, but it's all just for yourself: it's good to be aware of your own biases, and it's very informative to observe how people behave on the other side: we're all similar.

 

[billybones]

Hi! I don't find myself attractive. I'm not saying this for sympathy. If you're like me, the dating world is scary and frustrating at times especially with dating apps asking for pics (I'm not anything close to a photographer) and summaries (definitely not a writer). I understand it's natural to feel self-conscious, but I often find myself feeling worse off than when I downloaded these dating apps! Am I the only one?! Those moments where no one has matched with you or the likes are all one-sided- it sucks!!!

I think it's because I'm not attractive enough. I'll try to eat better, go to the gym more, maybe get a better paying job, etc (I know I sound superficial, but be honest- these things are attractive). In the mean time, I want to do something now. So at this very moment, the only things I can change is how I market myself.

I've looked at dating websites and understand their very broad recommendations, but I want to understand how to best attract all of you- from one "bro" to another. I feel like your individual tips and advice are more practical than these dating website, even though I know each person is different.

I'm hoping you can give a little bit of your time and help all those who are in my position. I think this'll help anyone who wants to put their best foot forward (selfishly, it's probably more for me haha).

So really I have three broad questions:

1. Be honest here. Which is more important: pics or summaries? In other words, would you wish to engage with someone if they have great pics but less than ideal or no summaries? And vice versa?

2. What are THE pics that you'll fall for, are deal breakers, or are the bare minimum to get your attention?

3. Similar to the second question, what are THE profile summaries that you'll fall for, are deal breakers, or are the bare minimum to get your attention? These are the summaries that might make up less than ideal pics.

Thanks!!!

1 Picture. I’m not going to look at anything written in a profile if I wouldn’t date the person in the picture. I can get better than that.

2 Face. If you don’t have a face picture you’re wasting my time. I shouldn’t have to ask for one. I am well aware that most people on these apps are just there to fuck. I actually use them for dates. I don’t just show up and hump. It’s not 1952 and we don’t have to back-alley shadows this shit anymore. If I can’t have a conversation with you, I’m not going to put my dick in you.

3 Again, you have to converse with me. The profile doesn’t have to be elaborate and profound. You can message me with Sup!? and I’ll respond (assuming the picture is adequate), but the conversation better be deeper and more engaging. I can say that I’m likely not to to respond to a profile that is overrun with LOLs and emojis.

 

[abapl]

i just write 23 cm and then things work out their natural way lol. It works on straight dating apps at least.

and then what happens when theyre disappointed? lol

so what are your pic/summary preferences on apps?

 

[JSS.JLk]

Hi! I don't find myself attractive. I'm not saying this for sympathy. If you're like me, the dating world is scary and frustrating at times especially with dating apps asking for pics (I'm not anything close to a photographer) and summaries (definitely not a writer). I understand it's natural to feel self-conscious, but I often find myself feeling worse off than when I downloaded these dating apps! Am I the only one?! Those moments where no one has matched with you or the likes are all one-sided- it sucks!!!

I think it's because I'm not attractive enough. I'll try to eat better, go to the gym more, maybe get a better paying job, etc (I know I sound superficial, but be honest- these things are attractive). In the mean time, I want to do something now. So at this very moment, the only things I can change is how I market myself.

I've looked at dating websites and understand their very broad recommendations, but I want to understand how to best attract all of you- from one "bro" to another. I feel like your individual tips and advice are more practical than these dating website, even though I know each person is different.

I'm hoping you can give a little bit of your time and help all those who are in my position. I think this'll help anyone who wants to put their best foot forward (selfishly, it's probably more for me haha).

So really I have three broad questions:

1. Be honest here. Which is more important: pics or summaries? In other words, would you wish to engage with someone if they have great pics but less than ideal or no summaries? And vice versa?

2. What are THE pics that you'll fall for, are deal breakers, or are the bare minimum to get your attention?

3. Similar to the second question, what are THE profile summaries that you'll fall for, are deal breakers, or are the bare minimum to get your attention? These are the summaries that might make up less than ideal pics.

Thanks!!!

Abapl, take this from me who has dated THOUSANDS of men, Gay, Bi and Hetero throughout my years. I am newly married now for over 6months, and to a guy who is 22 while I am more than twice his age !

I have 3 Rules you must fully understand about men in general: First and foremost. 1) Men are VISUAL creatures. 2) Men are SEXUAL creatures and 3) If they CAN'T (or don't or won't) have sex with you, they aren't interested in you.

So....knowing this, look directly at ANY of your pictures and think this: Do I Look FUCKABLE ? Do I look like I can ROCK HIS WORLD ? Does my pad (room, house) look like he would LOVE to get FUCKED IN HERE ? If you dont, then toss that picture, any others...or ALL if them n start over. You need to make yourself look SEXUALLY APPEALING to the onlooker. Figure it out. Do whatever you can to make yourself look (and feel) SEXY.

Next 3 things to know about men: 1) Very Impatient. 2) Very NEEDY (selfish) 3) Simple, direct and to the point.

With that being said...look directly at THE WORDS in your profile and think this, "Is my PROFILE more than 3 SHORT SENTENCES?" If it is, make it 3 sentences no more than 7-10 words each...and sometimes, THAT is even too long ! Just learn to keep your words SIMPLE AND EASY to understand: Men like to KEEP IT SIMPLE. Remember, men are NEEDY aka they ONLY want to know 'What's in it for me and is it going to bring/give ME pleasure'. So, if you aren't being FUN (not necessarily funny, not the same) you will LOOSE HIM. And lastly, you need to APPEAL to him. He needs to BE TOLD WHY he should be contacting you over somebody else.

Look, don't try to be funny (jokes) or witty (overly intelligent) or even too personable (caring) because HONESTLY, a guy WANTS TA FUCK and if he doesn't SEE HIMSELF fucking or getting his dick wet BY YOU, then sorry - he's out: You've been swiped left on. Date, a 'relationship' - whatever Dude, THAT'S ALL A LIE. Never forget THE GOLDEN RULE of men, 'If I can't have sex, I'm not interested.'

It's true. Point blank.

Oh, and don't worry about thinking, I can't be FUNNY or Witty or be caring ??? Yes you can be ALL those things...later after he's had sex and before HE LEAVES because that's another thing about MEN: Once They Cum, that clock is ticking. Sorry Dude. It's all true. So if you WANT something from him, ask him or tell him DURING sex. He won't forget.

 

[kelvinza]

Something that you would put on your instagram or facebook. I always like to talk to guys whose pics show who they are and how they would be like.

 

[abapl]

these are really helpful!!! im taking a break from dating though...it sometimes can get a bit too much. im planning on working on myself- hit the gym more (wish me luck), maybe learn to take more pics of me, stuff like that before i put myself back on the market.

i think just want to put my best foot forward (for the algorithms) and i hate talkin about myself/taking pics of myself (cropped group pics just seem weird to me too)