Cuddling with Friends and Other Issues

[justaguy5000]

Had an argument with my GF about my views on cuddling with my friend. Now first, I'm not talking about the fake ass cuddling I do with her to get laid. I'm talking about curling up on the couch with my bro and just feeling warm and safe and at peace. No ulterior motives.

My best friend and I are pretty close. Were honest with each other, pretty open about everything we've got going on in our lives, and enjoy each other's company a lot. We could sit next to each other for hours and not need to say any words and still feel like we totally understand each other. Or we can speak complete and utter nonsense and still understand each other.

We're both straight. He's recently single and I've got a girlfriend I've been seeing for 6 months or so.

Me and my friend hang out a lot, usually like three times a week...mostly just hanging out, drinking, or playing video games. We used to live together for a couple years, but now we live a couple miles away from each other. Just far enough that stumbling home drunk is usually not a good plan.

I've come to realize that he's one of the few people that I'm totally at peace with.

Anyway, we cuddle. Sometimes when watching TV on the couch. A few times we've taken naps together. And he's slept in my bed more than a few times. Nothing sexual happens although we make a ton of off color jokes about it.

In the past couple weeks my GF has started to make some passive aggressive comments about it. Saying shit like "most guys would see that's not normal" or "if people found out you'd have a hard time explaining it".

Now I don't live with her. And I see her a couple times a week, usually separately from my friend. But sometimes it's the three of us. I can tell she's visibly annoyed and usually hostile with him.

He's never been unkind to her. He's never been rude or dismissive. He even bought her a birthday gift this year and I'd never even think of getting any of his girlfriends a gift. Unless there was a party or something, but not like a random birthday gift.

So is she just jealous of the time I spend with him? Is cuddling with my bro really that fucking weird? She's known about him since as long as I've known her but only recently has it become an issue.

 

[beefstew6969]

I don't think it'd necessarily weird.. but I can definitely see how she would think it's weird.

 

[Rooker]

It seems uncommon. I have some very good, close, deeply connected, straight male friends and have never considered cuddling with them. We aren’t adverse to contact (arms around shoulders, back slaps, hugs) but not cuddling. And our level of contact seems on the more rare side, so I get why your gf thinks that.

Echoing what the person above said, I get why she thinks that even if it is your straight friendship. It does sound like you don’t really care for her much anyway.

 

[dreamer20]

Argument with my new GF = cuddling with my best friend. He and I are open about everything going on in our lives. We cuddle. A few times took naps together and slept in my bed. We joke about it. My GF commented: "Most guys see that's not normal" or "If found out you'd have a hard time explaining it". I don't live with her. I see her a couple times a week. She's visibly annoyed and usually hostile with him. Is she jealous of the time I spend with him? Is cuddling with my bro really that fucking weird?

I don't think cuddling with one another is weird. But your new girlfriend is jealous of the close bond you two share. Please tell her the fact she is hostile to your friend does not sit well with you. Give her a "Love me love my dog" ultimatum. Tell her she has to choose to either abide with you all peacefully or leave.

 

[art]

I've cuddled and slept with best friends for ever. I'm a very huggy guy. Sex not involved, but I like closeness.

 

[CockMySuck]

Had an argument with my GF about my views on cuddling with my friend. Now first, I'm not talking about the fake ass cuddling I do with her to get laid. I'm talking about curling up on the couch with my bro and just feeling warm and safe and at peace. No ulterior motives.

My best friend and I are pretty close. Were honest with each other, pretty open about everything we've got going on in our lives, and enjoy each other's company a lot. We could sit next to each other for hours and not need to say any words and still feel like we totally understand each other. Or we can speak complete and utter nonsense and still understand each other.

We're both straight. He's recently single and I've got a girlfriend I've been seeing for 6 months or so.

Me and my friend hang out a lot, usually like three times a week...mostly just hanging out, drinking, or playing video games. We used to live together for a couple years, but now we live a couple miles away from each other. Just far enough that stumbling home drunk is usually not a good plan.

I've come to realize that he's one of the few people that I'm totally at peace with.

Anyway, we cuddle. Sometimes when watching TV on the couch. A few times we've taken naps together. And he's slept in my bed more than a few times. Nothing sexual happens although we make a ton of off color jokes about it.

In the past couple weeks my GF has started to make some passive aggressive comments about it. Saying shit like "most guys would see that's not normal" or "if people found out you'd have a hard time explaining it".

Now I don't live with her. And I see her a couple times a week, usually separately from my friend. But sometimes it's the three of us. I can tell she's visibly annoyed and usually hostile with him.

He's never been unkind to her. He's never been rude or dismissive. He even bought her a birthday gift this year and I'd never even think of getting any of his girlfriends a gift. Unless there was a party or something, but not like a random birthday gift.

So is she just jealous of the time I spend with him? Is cuddling with my bro really that fucking weird? She's known about him since as long as I've known her but only recently has it become an issue.

To me, it seems like she has a lack of trust in you. That's about her and her insecurities, and not about you doing anything wrong. I do think it's worth talking through with her that you notice her reaction and wanted to share how it makes you feel. And give her space to share more of what's going on in her head. For instance, maybe she's dated guys before who've ended up cheating on her with other guys? Or maybe that's a fear of hers? Or maybe she's just jealous of your closeness? All I know is, communication is key.

 

[justaguy5000]

I get that it's uncommon. I just don't know why it's now an issue for her all of a sudden. We have our own time together, and really nothing has changed much since we've been together.

 

[CockMySuck]

I get that it's uncommon. I just don't know why it's now an issue for her all of a sudden. We have our own time together, and really nothing has changed much since we've been together.

I think it's something about her and not about you two.

 

[jln89]

I get that it's uncommon. I just don't know why it's now an issue for her all of a sudden. We have our own time together, and really nothing has changed much since we've been together.

What age are you?
Do you ever turn down time with her to hang around with friends? Or has there been any other time that she felt like you weren't putting her first?
Would she put you before most people if you needed her? I'm not saying you're wrong, and she is right if you have put her behind others.

I may be way off, but just from guessing... She may just love you more than you love her and therefore expects more. Some women see things as "red flags" even when we haven't intended to. It's natural evolution as women to seek out mates who look like they would stick around. This may be her keeping notes of how much attention you seem to give others in comparison with her. She may just want the reassurance. It's how much you actually like or love her that will show how much you're willing to reassure her? This does not mean that you have to drop everyone else in your life, but just her knowing that you like her enough to do so would do it. Through my early twenties, I had BFs who didn't prioritise me as much as I did them. I noticed with how much time he would still give to friends and nights out with them when I needed him to be there for me. It was red flag after red flag.

It may not even be about you and your friend. It could be about how she thinks you treat her?

Now I didn't know whether I should write this or not, but I suppose if I thought it then she might also. I came across another post of yours about you and your friend with the touching incident. I snooped on your page and almost missed this post. I have to say I was a little shocked when you said GF because I thought you were gay . Whether you are or not, women generally reach emotional maturity quicker than you boys, so we have managed to get very good at following our gut instinct. If we don't have that, there are plenty of others who gossip and pass things along. She may just feel like something is off, or she may have been told. She may even read your posts. But your content that you view and post, and the quantity of them maybe says nothing. She was possibly jealous because she wanted her to be him. But when you're questioning why your partner has become jealous over not picking them to spoon with, that's concerning. It is normally an easy thing to understand. It's only going to get harder from there. If I had to be a third wheel to my BF and his friend, I would be pi**ed at you also.

You may want to ask her why it bothers her? Before this, though, you may need to ask yourself if you care enough to prove to her if this is what she needs. Would it bother you if she had asked you to cuddle her? You just seem completely unaware of what females need from their partners in a relationship, and this sort of stuff isn't really that hard usually? It's normally a natural instinct to want to show intimacy to your partner over your friend?

If it was a one-off, then it's possibly an argument on some deeper issue between you. You seem unbothered about what she is feeling and more bothered about the fact that she felt this way in the first place. I'm concerned for her. I hope it works out, but don't lead her on if you're not sure. She may be further ahead with her feelings for you than you are with her (this seems to be the case to me), and she probably is well aware of this also. You just seemed more excited at the prospect with being with your friend, than her.

 

[justaguy5000]

I'm 32. My GF is 31.

I wouldn't say that I turn down time to spend with her. We both work jobs with conflicting hours. She's a sous chef, so it's a lot of nights and weekends. But we have a pretty decent routine and we spend time together when our off time overlaps. She spends a couple nights a week over here.

I don't know where you seem to have read that I'm ignoring her or picking my friend over her. But it's not what I wrote. We have our time together and we have our time apart.

When we're together I cuddle with her too. It's not as though I've been prioritizing someone else. The two are rarely in the same room together but it's happened occasionally. I didn't mean to portray a scenario where I'm spooning my friend on the couch while she watches from across the room.

The touching thing was an isolated incident. And in hindsight I've determined that it was funny. Lol

I wouldn't say that I'm unbothered about her feelings, but I don't understand her hostility toward something fairly benign and arguably wholesome.

I'd say that I'm more bothered by her inability to verbalize why she suddenly has an issue.