Do you believe in labels? I think I'm bisexual, because gay and straight don't feel right to me.

[krazykaizen]

I've always been sexually attracted to dudes. I've just never called it "attraction". I went to an all-boys high school, and I would get the butterflies whenever I saw a good-looking classmate of mine. I've never acted on those feelings, because I again I didn't know that it was an attraction. In college, I've had huge crushes on guys and girls. That was when I was like, "Ok yeah, definitely not straight. I'm attracted to guys as well". I would have a bigger crush on a guy than a girl by looking at their Instagram and staring at them when I see them on campus. Went on dating apps, with settings to "Likes: Guys and Girls". For some reason I just couldn't click with any of the guys though. I don't picture myself dating a guy.
I definitely like girls. Romantically, I've always wanted a girlfriend. To go on dates with her, go to the movies with her, cuddle with her. It just wouldn't feel right having a girlfriend, without telling her my "gay" side though. This is probably just my internalized biphobia, but if I do get a girlfriend I wouldn't want her to know about my gay side. This is when I feel like I should "revert" to being completely straight. Straight though, just doesn't feel right to me. I KNOW I'm attracted to guys. But, I'm definitely not gay, even sometimes I think I am. I really like girls, I want a girlfriend. These labels are so confining, that I don't relate to any of them. Bisexual feels closest to home. I like girls romantically, but wouldn't mind maybe drunk kissing or drunk making out with a guy I find attractive. I also relate to Kit Connor from Heartstopper, which definitely solidifies the bisexual label. There are days when my male attraction is really strong, when I think I'm gay, and some days I really want to cuddle with a girlfriend, when I think I'm straight but it doesn't feel right calling myself that.

Just wanted to rant, hope to hear some comforting advice and words from you all.

 

[krazykaizen]

(I moved this thread to safe space)

 

[hypolimnas]

(I moved this thread to safe space)

You don’t need a label. You might just be open.

 

[deleted19462351]

It's fine if you want to label yourself and it's fine to not label yourself either, what you shouldn't do is lie to yourself.

 

[bi2]

I view myself and so do does my fuckbuddy as 100% straight. Although we are 100% bi.

From my point of view, do what makes you feel comfortable and that of your partner.

My fuckbuddy and I have no need to be open and label ourselves as bi. There is nothing to gain and a lot to lose. There is the unncessary social attention and stigmitization of being openly bi male, so its not like it enhance or improves the quality of our lives in any capacity.

Biwomen are celebrated and embraced, its respected and given the bagde of exploring their sexuality. Bimen are not viewed in this manner by society.

My fuckbuddy and I are private and discrete in our activities and importantly we are both happy and satisfied with the arrangement. If our arrangement works and is satisfying why would there be a need to be open about it? Neither of us want to risk or place in jeopardy our current arrangement.

 

[AG08]

I define my sexuality as "open minded". I really don't like labelling my sexuality at all. I'm a firm believer in the Kinsey Scale.

 

[hvdude]

I've always been sexually attracted to dudes. I've just never called it "attraction". I went to an all-boys high school, and I would get the butterflies whenever I saw a good-looking classmate of mine. I've never acted on those feelings, because I again I didn't know that it was an attraction. In college, I've had huge crushes on guys and girls. That was when I was like, "Ok yeah, definitely not straight. I'm attracted to guys as well". I would have a bigger crush on a guy than a girl by looking at their Instagram and staring at them when I see them on campus. Went on dating apps, with settings to "Likes: Guys and Girls". For some reason I just couldn't click with any of the guys though. I don't picture myself dating a guy.
I definitely like girls. Romantically, I've always wanted a girlfriend. To go on dates with her, go to the movies with her, cuddle with her. It just wouldn't feel right having a girlfriend, without telling her my "gay" side though. This is probably just my internalized biphobia, but if I do get a girlfriend I wouldn't want her to know about my gay side. This is when I feel like I should "revert" to being completely straight. Straight though, just doesn't feel right to me. I KNOW I'm attracted to guys. But, I'm definitely not gay, even sometimes I think I am. I really like girls, I want a girlfriend. These labels are so confining, that I don't relate to any of them. Bisexual feels closest to home. I like girls romantically, but wouldn't mind maybe drunk kissing or drunk making out with a guy I find attractive. I also relate to Kit Connor from Heartstopper, which definitely solidifies the bisexual label. There are days when my male attraction is really strong, when I think I'm gay, and some days I really want to cuddle with a girlfriend, when I think I'm straight but it doesn't feel right calling myself that.

Just wanted to rant, hope to hear some comforting advice and words from you all.

Just a comment on a couple of the things you mention:
First, forget the labels that society has forced on us. Just be you.
Second, "I don't picture myself dating a guy." What does "dating" look like to you? If you transpose the comments about wanting a girlfriend to apply to a guy, that would mean "going on dates with him, go to the movies with him, cuddle with him".
Third, why the caveat of kissing a guy or making out with a guy you have to be drunk? Drinking lowers your inhibitions. Can you do that without liquor?

So here's my thoughts: I don't think you've met the right "person", but I'm going to go at it from a gay perspective. You just haven't met the right guy yet. Your attraction is completely natural and you have to admit that to yourself, so that when you DO meet a guy you are attracted to (and he to you) you can ignore labeling it and just see where things go. Do you fantasize about kissing men, cuddling with them, seeing them naked and feeling their bodies? Have you had sex with a man before? Do you think wonder how large a guy's penis might be? Do you look at his ass? Do you watch gay porn?

I think what you need is to give yourself permission to explore your attractions without slapping a label on it which may make you feel guilty or ashamed. Personally, I can look at a woman and say that she's pretty/attractive but I have zero interest in her physically. As a 100% gay man I can say without a doubt that I love being with men (physically and otherwise) and always have felt that I have had such strong connections to other men. I never doubted myself or felt the need to follow the expectations of society or others but followed my own natural instincts. Remember, "life is not a dress rehearsal".

 

[MoBiGuy]

To me, labels are just a way for other people to fit you into their way of thinking. Personally, I use the label Me to describe myself. In person, unless someone specifically asks my sexual orientation, I don't offer one since it's not any of their business unless I want them to know. On sites like this one, I do say that I am bisexual since that is easy for people to understand.

In truth, I am a Solosexual since I prefer masturbating over having a sexual partner. That doesn't mean that I'm not attracted to both women and men, it just means I prefer to take care of my own needs. It also doesn't mean that I won't have partnered sex again with someone if I have the opportunity, but since it's been 30 years since I have had sex with another person, I don't think that I will happen any time soon. I've only had sex with my ex-wife but would like to experience sex with another man or a transgender person in the future if possible.

 

[krazykaizen]

Thanks for the insight man.

What does "dating" look like to you?

You're right, it could be applied the same to a guy. But again, when I imagine myself going on dates with a "someone", that someone is usually a girl.

Third, why the caveat of kissing a guy or making out with a guy you have to be drunk? Drinking lowers your inhibitions. Can you do that without liquor?

I think I can, I would just have to be extra horny or something. Alcohol and drinking has definitely made me act without any inhibitions.

So here's my thoughts: I don't think you've met the right "person", but I'm going to go at it from a gay perspective. You just haven't met the right guy yet. Your attraction is completely natural and you have to admit that to yourself, so that when you DO meet a guy you are attracted to (and he to you) you can ignore labeling it and just see where things go. Do you fantasize about kissing men, cuddling with them, seeing them naked and feeling their bodies? Have you had sex with a man before? Do you think wonder how large a guy's penis might be? Do you look at his ass? Do you watch gay porn?

I of course have fantasized about kissing a guy, and doing all that with a guy, but much less than with a woman. No, I have never been with a guy. Yes, I have watched gay porn and I don't mind it. Again, I am attracted to guys on that level, but romantically, I don't think I am. Sexually, I'm attracted to both, but I think I can only date and settle down with a woman. But yes, maybe I haven't found the right woman (or man) yet.

I think what you need is to give yourself permission to explore your attractions without slapping a label on it which may make you feel guilty or ashamed. Personally, I can look at a woman and say that she's pretty/attractive but I have zero interest in her physically.

That's very true, I think there's a guilt aspect to it. I can look at both men and women the same, and say they're attractive and have interest in both of them physically as well.

 

[krazykaizen]

In truth, I am a Solosexual since I prefer masturbating over having a sexual partner. That doesn't mean that I'm not attracted to both women and men, it just means I prefer to take care of my own needs. It also doesn't mean that I won't have partnered sex again with someone if I have the opportunity, but since it's been 30 years since I have had sex with another person, I don't think that I will happen any time soon. I've only had sex with my ex-wife but would like to experience sex with another man or a transgender person in the future if possible.

There are also days I think I'm solosexual. Maybe I don't need a partner to make me happy? But I totally understand that as well, how if I were offered sex I would absolutely take it. Thanks for sharing.

 

[hvdude]

Thanks for the insight man.

You're right, it could be applied the same to a guy. But again, when I imagine myself going on dates with a "someone", that someone is usually a girl.

I think I can, I would just have to be extra horny or something. Alcohol and drinking has definitely made me act without any inhibitions.

I of course have fantasized about kissing a guy, and doing all that with a guy, but much less than with a woman. No, I have never been with a guy. Yes, I have watched gay porn and I don't mind it. Again, I am attracted to guys on that level, but romantically, I don't think I am. Sexually, I'm attracted to both, but I think I can only date and settle down with a woman. But yes, maybe I haven't found the right woman (or man) yet.

That's very true, I think there's a guilt aspect to it. I can look at both men and women the same, and say they're attractive and have interest in both of them physically as well.

Thanks for your honest comments. All I can say is that I think you are setting yourself, and possibly an unsuspecting woman, into an unfortunate situation. You have to be honest with her. She has to be able to share you with men and, if you are lucky, share you with them together. You just have to hope that you don't develop romantic feelings for him and leave her in the lurch.

 

[krazykaizen]

Thanks for your honest comments. All I can say is that I think you are setting yourself, and possibly an unsuspecting woman, into an unfortunate situation. You have to be honest with her. She has to be able to share you with men and, if you are lucky, share you with them together. You just have to hope that you don't develop romantic feelings for him and leave her in the lurch.

I will be honest with her, and tell her that I have been attracted to guys. I'm sorry, but I just don't think I see her "sharing" me with another guy. I'm only into monogamous relationships. Similar to straight couples, I would find it weird if a guy would allow his girlfriend to be with another guy. If she's my girlfriend I would be loyal to her and only her. Sure I'll also find other girls and even guys attractive, but I wouldn't wanna sleep with them while I'm in a relationship.

 

[thick_meat69]

Labels are dumb just do you dude !!! Get off to whatever you want !!!

 

[dickthrobbing]

I really do not like the idea that I have to label myself .................... quite simply I enjoy sex with both boys and girls

 

[Andrej_u]

Labels are an imperfect tool to describe ourselves. They are not boxes.
For example, I label myself as “Italian” because it conveys a lot about who I am and my history with only 7 letters, but of course I’m much more than an Italian, I am myself. And being Italian means something different for every person.

Same should go for you: use the labels how you want and how they serve you the best. Ditch them or change them when you feel that they don’t fit anymore.

 

[deleted11768931]

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, for the most part. I'm romantically attracted only to women. I've never had so much as a crush on a guy. But sexually I'm attracted to both, more so to men. So I'd describe myself as heteromantic bisexual, that label seems to fit alright with me.

 

[Triplexintx]

I would tell you not to worry about conforming to a label as none may be an exact description of you. I recently began thinking of myself as bisexual. Like you I have a sexual attraction to both men and women, but I'm only romantically interested in women. For me, if I'm in a relationship with a woman and my sexual needs are satisfied then I don't have a need to seek out a man, therefore, I don't feel the need to tell the woman about my bisexual side.

 

[mateo.fdl]

I can understand what you are saying quite well because something similar happens to me.

All my life I have been attracted to both men and women, for as long as I can remember.

However, I also have fairly specific profiles of what type of man I am attracted to and what type of woman I am attracted to, otherwise I don't feel any type of attraction towards any of them.

I'm generally only attracted to masculine, athletic men, and strong-willed, curvy/voluptuous women (I could say I like having "things to hold onto").

I have also had sexual experiences with both sexes and have never been able to decide which I prefer, which has only made me more "confirm" of my sexual identity as bisexual.

I have never fallen in love, and I am quite lazy in looking for or trying to have something quite formal with someone (invest time and resources), although I admit that sometimes one feels alone and wants to have someone to give as a gift.

Something curious that I have discovered about my attraction to men is that in 90% of cases, the men that I am sexually attracted to are usually the profile of a man that I would also like to be like, it is like an aspirational libido.

 

[krazykaizen]

So I'd describe myself as heteromantic bisexual, that label seems to fit alright with me.

I think this label fits me the best honestly, even though I'm trying to stay away from labels.

 

[krazykaizen]

For me, if I'm in a relationship with a woman and my sexual needs are satisfied then I don't have a need to seek out a man, therefore, I don't feel the need to tell the woman about my bisexual side.

This is exactly what I'm thinking. If my girlfriend and I have an amazing sex life then there's no need to look for a guy to satisfy me.