How can I be better sexually?

[ThrowAway1106]

Hi you guys, I'm sorry in advance for the long post. I just want to be as detailed as can be. There's a summary down below if this is too much to read. I appreciate any advice etc. I can get. Thank you.
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My boyfriend (25M) and I (25M) have been in an exclusive relationship for the last 5 months, however, we’ve been dating and in each other's lives for a year and some change. Naturally, we do have some other roadblocks to get over but I’m coming here to ask you all for help in the sex department of our relationship.

I’m not a very sexual person, but he is. I have my moments but for the most part, I’m more than ok just rubbing one out and calling it a day. Sex wasn’t too present in my previous relationship with women (He’s my first boyfriend). For the most part, he’s a top and I’m a bottom, although we do like to switch things up and switch. However, my lack of experience and bad performance anxiety always kicks in to the point where I end up getting soft. This happened with my ex-girlfriends as well. Between not knowing what to do and feeling a need to perform well/bust, I just mentally tap out and can never finish. To this day, I’ve never bust inside of someone.

I’m comfortable with him for the most part and he’s stressed several times that he wants his partner to be able to learn his body, go through trial and error, try new things that we like etc. and I definitely understand that. I mean, he’s learned the things I’ve liked and has no issue getting me turned on etc. He’s been very patient with me but it’s just not clicking on my end. I’ve tried being under the influence, I’ve tried relaxing, I’ve tried poppers and it’s just not working. Maybe I’m not meant to top at all?

He rides me sometimes and the penetration helps him bust but he got irritated the other day because he said that’s all I ever do when it comes to topping and that he wants to try other positions with me, but those other positions are where I end up getting soft/nervous. He said if wanted to ride all the time, he’d just get a dildo and call it a day.

I understand where he’s coming from but again, it just boils down to me not knowing what to do. He has years worth of experience on me and has had several other guys before me. I’ve been doing stuff with guys for less than two years but he’s been doing it since high school (At least 8 years). He said he’s had his fun over the years and doesn’t mind being a top or bottom in our relationship but that he’s with guys because of the dominant aspect. He has to be dominant/masculine in public so he likes to be submissive every now and then and be the one being dominated (= bottoming). He said even if I’m not dominant by nature, that it’s fine because he just wants to have that for a moment during sex. But I’m afraid that I just can’t measure up to that because of my inexperience and that makes me upset.

Again, he’s been very patient with me and I understand his perspective(s) but he recently told me that he’s sexually frustrated in our relationship, which leads me to the second issue. He’s not sexually frustrated because of what I mentioned before, he’s sexually frustrated because he feels as though I don’t “want” him.

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He said we don’t really flirt with each other and that there’s rarely ever any sexual tension between us. I told him I do flirt with him, because I do, but he said it doesn’t feel like it’s flirting because of the energy I give off. I told him sexual tension can be as simple as us getting hard from hugging, talking about certain topics, etc. He got drunk and told me that strangers will give him “the look” and indicate that they want to be in his pants more than I ever do. Being compared to a stranger was something we had a small argument about but at the end of the day, the message being conveyed is that he feels as though he’s not wanted.

Yeah, I show him affection and do cute things but there’s no sex drive behind that. He feels as though I don’t initiate things (sex, oral, etc.) and he’s right. I don’t. It’s not because I don’t want him. I just know that initiating things will lead to sex/me bottoming and I’m not always in the mood for that, especially since it’s a painful thing (Only at first. Once I’m loose, it turns into pleasure, but that still doesn’t stop me from bleeding a little bit).

We’ve improved on the pain aspect and go slowly, use lots of lube, get drunk sometimes, I'm eating more fiber, and use numbing lube as well, so we have sex more often but even so, it starts off painful, as you could imagine and it’s something I have to be in the mood to do. The thing is, I want him often. He sends me hot pictures and when I’m home alone I use those to help me bust. Sometimes more than twice a day. Post-nut clarity always kicks in right after though and I go on about my day, no longer in a sexual mood. I think it’s hot when I’m bottoming for him and we make eye contact. I like having sex but only when I’m in the mood to do it, which isn’t often. Maybe I should stop jerking off so much and bottle up the “need” to do it for when I see him so that the sexual tension can be there? I think that may help.

But at the same time, I know he’s a sexual person and I know that if I keep denying him of sex that his eyes will start to wander or the relationship will end, which is understandable. He has needs that aren’t being met.

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The last thing is piggybacking off of him saying he doesn’t get sexual energy from me. He said he thrives off of emotion during sex because of how intimate it is. I’ve always known him to be long-winded as hell (Another reason I don’t always like bottoming. He takes forever to nut and sometimes I just want it to be over so we can move on) but he said he can nut quickly if he’s feeling the right emotion/energy with his partner. He said it’s a mental thing for him. So in other words, I’m not doing enough for him to bust quickly or bust at all sometimes because of a lack of intimacy.

I’ve never made him bust from head , not once while we’ve known each other. How sad is that? He can do it to me easily but I can never do the same for him and I feel bad for that. I guess it ties back to not having the right energy since it’s a mental thing for him. Or maybe I’m just not doing it right? I know he likes nipple play and when I deepthroat and I try doing those things but again, it’s a mental thing for him. I’m not ugly and I have a decent body, so it just ties back to creating that intimate and emotional connection that’s supported with sexual tension. He responds well when I give him oral but he always ends up finishing himself off since I guess I can’t do it. Which also makes me feel bad.

I pre-cum easily because he turns me on but he’s never pre-cummed for me. He said he has with past partners if he was turned on enough. Another thing I feel bad about. I made him bust a few times from jerking him off. The only time I remember him being really into it was when I was talking him through it but I can’t even remember what I was saying. The only things I say these days are “You like that?” “You feel so good” etc. and I’m sure he’s noticing that pattern and getting tired of it. I don’t know what else to say.

I’m sorry, I know this is a lot to read but I just need help. I wanna be a good partner for him in bed. He’s been so patient with me and I still feel as though I’m not measuring up. I’m in desperate need of advice because I want us to work. If we could get through this, then things would be very solid in our relationship.

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I guess the main problems (TLDR) are:

1. I’m a bottom for the most part but he likes to bottom as well and likes the dominant aspect of being with a man (Being submissive, told what to do, etc.). I’m unconfident and inexperienced with topping and so I get soft and mentally tap out no matter what I try. How can I get over this and be better for him?

1. He’s sexually frustrated because he feels as though he always initiates sex etc. (He does) and that it feels as though I don’t want him in that way. I do, but I just don’t portray that because I’m not always in the mood. I don’t always feel like going through the pain of bottoming and I can’t top either for reasons I explained up there ^. I beat my meat alone 2-3 times a day, a lot of times to pictures of him, so that may play a big hand in things because I do want him often, he just doesn’t receive it

1. Him nutting is tied to how intimate the sex etc. is as he’s a person who feeds off of energy. I’ve never made him nut off of oral and getting him to nut from jerking off can be a chore and he often has to finish himself. He can make me nut fast as hell though. I want to build more of an intimate/emotional sexual connection with him while we’re doing things so that he can nut faster/nut in general. What can I say or do?

Again, I’m sorry for the long post but I really do appreciate any advice or suggestions that you all can give. Thank you so much.

 

[dana2]

here is my opinion: many gay men think gay sex must always involve anal penetration and I think that can limit sexual spontaneity (because sometimes you can't have anal sex and it can take more energy and preparation). My advice: 1) forget about anal for a while and do other things. Make out naked rubbing your dicks together & do mutual oral. 2) great sex happens when you relax and just allow yourself to get lost in the experience. I suggest you have sex in the middle of the night when you are not fully awake. It can be amazing and other-worldly. Also try Cannabis. Not all cannabis has aphrodisiac qualities, look for strains like Wedding Cake that do. also try high CBD strains that relax your body.

 

[Stephenmass]

One suggestion off the bat that I have is stop self pleasuring when he is not around and "save it" for him. It takes energy to "nut". I also bet you have no problems when self pleasuring yourself because there is no pressure to "perform". That said, I also think that communication needs to improve. You enjoy being "taken" by him, but you also mentioned that sometimes you can't wait for him to finish as it takes him sometimes a very long time to nut. It's not a race to the finish line; enjoy him when he's topping; at the same time he isn't being totally cognizant of your needs but you need to communicate with him a bit. If you are starting to get sore ask him to either slow down or slide out and put more lube on. His making you bleed can't be enjoyable, bleeding indicates dryness from too much friction or he's very large to begin with. Communicate your needs when bottoming as well, but try to be spontaneous about it. It sounds like you adore this guy. Teach HIM how to please you in that respect. Communication without finger pointing is key. Cumming, while great when it happens, should be reached in a spontaneous way. He's laying the "blame" if you will on you which if you are not communicating may be true, but communication is key. If it's beginning to hurt a lot, I agree it's not pleasurable, it becomes damn he wants to fuck me again. While the second, third or even fourth time around can be enjoyable, it's not enjoyable for you if you are not communicating.

The other half of the problem may be him finding fault in how you fuck him, this is where again no finger pointing should be done. This gives you performance anxiety before you even begin. You may begin thinking it's taking you too long to cum or whatever. Go with the flow of it. Tell him when he's on the bottom how much you love to fuck him, his ass feels so good etc. That said, it takes awhile to get rid of performance anxiety and just go with it. Also, keep in mind that some guys (maybe you) are not made to top. But he seems to want you to so hopefully that signals to you that he desires you. Make out more, suck more, mix it up. Have him suck you back to hardness if you begin to lose it. He has to be willing to work with you and not point out what isn't connecting. It's a two-way street.

Also, there are LOTS of guys who don't cum from oral sex. Instead of viewing it as a negative, view it as a positive. Most guys that don't cum from oral get waves but can't seem to get past the point of no return. Waves feel good, let him enjoy the waves. Cumming should not be the ultimate goal. If it's going to happen, it will happen on it's own. Take away on both sides the pressure of getting there regardless of what you guys are doing. Take away how long it seems to be taking and forget about length of time. Just enjoy each other. If you are giving him head stop feeling you are doing it wrong. It's true that some guys no matter what you do won't cum from oral. Listen for cues he's perhaps riding the waves, meaning his balls are making a new batch just for you! Forget the clock and length of time.

Surprise him occasionally by taking the upper hand when you feel "up" to it. That may be a hot button for him.

It seems to me a bit by your post that if something doesn't connect communication isn't happening both ways. Remember that it's not anyone's fault if communication without finger pointing isn't happening. You both can't be mind readers. That takes time and even then reading his mind and what he wants is unclear. He may be as you say more experienced based on his past, but he is now with you and no two males are the same. He needs to learn you as much as you need to learn him.

It seems to me that when he is in a "take me" mood, your performance anxiety steps in. Letting that go takes time and patience.

The one problem that may be yours is stop jerking off when he isn't around and save that energy for him. You said his pics turn you on and you please yourself. Keep in mind that perhaps YOU turn him on and he wants to feel that hunger. Etc.

Last but not least, not every time you guys get it on with each other does it have to include anal anything. Get rid of performance anxieties (and the same goes for him) and the clock and how long it takes to cum etc. Go with the flow. Start out with him if he is in a submissive mood doing what you are comfortable with and after a bit you may surprise yourself and begin to do more. I think you have potentially a "brain disconnect" once your brain tells you that you are taking too long. There is no such thing as taking too long. If he is enjoying it, try to eventually block out that brain "clock". It's difficult to do but with practive and understanding on both ends it can get better. Patience and communication is key.

Reminder about your bleeding and sometimes dreading his penetrating you. Communicate what YOUR needs are as well. Could be more lube, slower entry, lowering yourself onto him at YOUR pace instead of his etc. Try taking it slow and easy. Getting all of my suggestions together will take time, but if you both are patient and understanding of each others needs and wants, communicate!

 

[ILoveGames48]

My comments / opinions .


The bleeding from anal see -and it hurting when first hurting..

Bleeding is never — EVER— to be considered normal at any time .. the bleeding can be due to hemorrhoids.. men and women. All ages .. can get them.. all they are — ruptured blood vessels cause by constant constipation to severe diarrhea..

Pushing / forcing to shit causes them.. whether it’s one or the other. Or even just a normal bowel movement that you may push a little to make sure all is done coming out..


You have any of these issues ?


I don’t like giving specifics and stuff like this on site but I will have to I guess .


When you wipe your ass. .. or even finger yourself .. does your asshole feel nice and smooth or does it feel like a lump is there ?

If hurts when beginning .. does he rim and finger your ass? If not and doesn’t want to do that stuff .. but you an anal plug.. it small at tip and are swollen to stretch your hole a little .. pop one in let it set few minutes.. x. With lube of course

..

Stretching your hole a little may make it easier to take his dick..


Last but not least .. relax and trust your partner .. if you don’t relax then it’s going to work out easily for you


NEXT TOPIC—- satisfying your partner


Satisfying each other doesn’t always have to involve your cock or assholes .. the human body.. male and female is one huge sex organ. I myself like exploring the guys body from head to toe. Touch it with fingers /hands … lips ( feel the warmth of his skin against them)

Tongue— taste his body from head to toe.. skip the parts you don’t want to do this to if not all is your thing.


I know nipples can be very erotic and orgasmic if licked on and suck on ( kissed)
Rubbing cocks together. As chest and stomach are against each other and kissing each other ..
if you’re on top he can reach a wet finger down and finger your ass as you do this .


I have talked to straight guys and and gay ones as well ( since I am bi) — and some think it’s a suck n fuck thing.. and actually wish there is more to it.. so I’d explain to them what I just typed here and if they quit that kind of thinking then things be better for all in the bedroom.



Busting a bit inside him? Is this something g you wanna do but can’t?

I will tell another thing fun is if topping him.. have him lay on his stomach .. squirt live in his crack —you lay on top and slide your cock along his crack.. his asshole will love how it feels then go inside him.. fuck him some then pull out and slide your cock along asscrack some more.. build up to where gonna ejaculate and slide back in and pump away and hopefully it will remain ready to cum and few minutes later you cum



Just couple things to mention. Hope it helps

 

[rockmusl1]

Get your ass checked out by a doc. You could have a hemorrhoid, or you could have a fissure (they’re awful) and they need medical attention to heal and attention to diet to keep them from coming back.

 

[Brodie888]

I stopped reading halfway because I am pretty sure of what the problem is.

Mostly, you over think the situation. You are too much in your own head rather than being in the moment.

The irony is that you are worried about performance, but it's the worrying that is ruining your performance! Just focus on the sensation and keep that voice in your head locked in a box.

It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy so stop it!

The reason why you have no libido is you keep masturbating. If you are the half with the lower sex drive, you cannot masturbate and keep up with him.

If you are in pain and or bleeding, it usually means you need to be more gradual in progressing to full fucking or you need more lube. Consider having a butt plug in before fucking so you are some of the way ready before you start.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I agree with brodie888 .. an anal plug will do wonders.. they come in sizes .. so judge it by size of your partners cock ..

There are so many kinds of lube out there I order one called “GRUNT” it works great .. about an inch worth in palm of hand and stroke cock with it .. and you’re good to go..

The one mentioned a fizzure. .. it’s a crack/ tear in skin.. ( not caused sexually but prob could ..

Google them on the net so you get full info about it..

I’ve been fucked gazillion times .. never had any bleeding issues .. .. maybe some times my ass was sore from letting things being too rough ..


But if it’s a fizzure. .. the issue with them is infection can set in due to its in closed area covered and doesn’t get air to heal.. so like any other sore / cut or anything that results in skin that needs to be open to breathe

 

[Brodie888]

The other common problem is porn consumption.

If you are the type of person who jumps from video to video to get off when you masturbate, you are training your brain to have a very short attention span.

That is, your brain becomes desensitized to normal sex and requires the high impact of seeing and hearing varying and intensely gratifying porn that hits your main kinks to keep you hard.

So during real sex, you can't skip forward or change the scene so your brain gets bored and your dick gets soft.

The only way to reset is to avoid all porn until you can function normally during sex.

 

[Stephenmass]

The other common problem is porn consumption.

If you are the type of person who jumps from video to video to get off when you masturbate, you are training your brain to have a very short attention span.

That is, your brain becomes desensitized to normal sex and requires the high impact of seeing and hearing varying and intensely gratifying porn that hits your main kinks to keep you hard.

So during real sex, you can't skip forward or change the scene so your brain gets bored and your dick gets soft.

The only way to reset is to avoid all porn until you can function normally during sex.

I agree on both of your posts Brodie. If he gets in his own head and anticipates he'll go soft before he wants to, chances are he will because his brain already told him to expect it. I also agree with another poster above that because of bleeding he should get himself checked out by a doc to rule out anything that medically could be causing "bleeding". I suspect it's friction and being too dry, but if that isn't it a doc should be taking a look.

 

[SaltnPepper32]

Communicate

 

[Stephenmass]

I agree with brodie888 .. an anal plug will do wonders.. they come in sizes .. so judge it by size of your partners cock ..

There are so many kinds of lube out there I order one called “GRUNT” it works great .. about an inch worth in palm of hand and stroke cock with it .. and you’re good to go..

The one mentioned a fizzure. .. it’s a crack/ tear in skin.. ( not caused sexually but prob could ..

Google them on the net so you get full info about it..

I’ve been fucked gazillion times .. never had any bleeding issues .. .. maybe some times my ass was sore from letting things being too rough ..


But if it’s a fizzure. .. the issue with them is infection can set in due to its in closed area covered and doesn’t get air to heal.. so like any other sore / cut or anything that results in skin that needs to be open to breathe

ILoveGames48, anal fissures can indeed be caused by anal sex. I looked it up and "copied and paste" below. The question was "Can anal sex cause fissures?"


"Yes, anal intercourse can cause an anal fissure:

	Cause
Anal intercourse	Can cause anal fissures
Other causes	Large or hard stools, constipation, diarrhea, childbirth, foreign object insertion, Crohn's disease, decreased blood flow, or extra tension in the sphincter muscles

Anal fissures can be painful and cause rectal bleeding. The most common location for an anal fissure is the posterior midline of the anal canal.



If you experience pain or bleeding after anal sex, you should:

• • Stop anal sex and don't have sex again until you've seen a doctor
    
    
    
  • Wash the area with warm, soapy water
    
    
    
  • Remove any dried blood or lubricant
    
    
    
  • Take a warm bath or use an analgesic cream or ointment
    
    
    
  • Eat plenty of fiber and drink enough water to keep your bowel movements coming
    
    

If you're worried that the injury was not an accident, you should seek help from a healthcare professional as soon as possible."

 

[ILoveGames48]

I said it probably could be caused by anal sex ..

And yes he should get it checked out ..

But I also mentioned other ways can happen..

BUT .. the hemorrhoids and the fissure can be felt to see which it is.. as hemorrhoids are a lump

But he doesn’t need to put it off .. he doesn’t have to say he was getting fucked when it occurred .. he can say it just started bleeding ..

If doctor asks if had any issues like diarrhea constipation and so on .. he can go that route …
He just needs to get it checked out so can get back to doing what he enjoys

 

[goodjock]

Thank you for sharing your story; it’s clear you care deeply about your boyfriend and relationship. Many of the concerns you’ve raised are relatable and the suggestions offered by others in this thread provide some excellent insights. Here are some thoughts based on those and some additional advice to consider.

One of the key issues you’ve mentioned is performance anxiety when topping, which can be common, especially when there’s pressure to perform. As Stephenmass suggested, communication is vital here. Letting your boyfriend know that your challenges aren’t about a lack of desire but rather due to inexperience and nervousness could ease the tension between you both. Taking things slow and exploring mutual activities, as dana2 recommended, could also help build your confidence without the pressure to “finish.” Small steps like mutual oral or simply exploring each other’s bodies can create relaxed and spontaneous intimacy that’s less about specific outcomes and more about enjoying each other.

Addressing sexual initiation and desire can also make a big difference. Stephenmass brought up an interesting point about saving your energy for your boyfriend by reducing solo sessions, which could increase your libido when you’re together. This can allow the sexual energy to build up between you, creating a sense of anticipation. Additionally, as ILoveGames48 pointed out, intimacy doesn’t always have to involve penetration. Exploring alternatives like body contact, kissing, and other non-penetrative activities can show your boyfriend you’re interested without the pressure.

When it comes to building an emotional connection during sex, since your boyfriend thrives on that aspect, consider exploring what makes him feel emotionally engaged. Try adding more variety to your responses during intimate moments. Stephenmass mentioned that sharing positive affirmations about how he makes you feel can be very impactful. Since he enjoys submissive moments, verbalizing your appreciation and desire for him when he’s in that role could enhance the experience for both of you.

For your discomfort with bottoming, it’s essential to address that fully. ILoveGames48 and rockmusl1 both suggested that bleeding is not something to ignore, and it might be beneficial to consult a healthcare professional to rule out any physical issues like hemorrhoids or fissures. As Brodie888 also advised, gradual preparation, such as using an anal plug beforehand, might help you feel more comfortable, easing your pain and allowing you to feel more in control during penetration. With the right tools and preparation, you can work towards a more comfortable experience that will let you engage more frequently without dread.

Additionally, Brodie888 mentioned the effects of frequent porn or masturbation, as it can sometimes desensitize you or make “real-time” intimacy seem less exciting. If you find that you’re switching through scenes frequently, this might be creating a disconnect in real-life encounters. Experimenting with less stimulation in your solo sessions could help reset your sexual response, potentially helping you stay more present during sex with your boyfriend.

Finally, strengthening your relationship outside the bedroom can positively affect intimacy in the bedroom. Spending quality time together doing activities you both enjoy can deepen your bond. Small, consistent gestures such as holding hands, leaving notes, or giving compliments might convey your affection in a way that resonates with your boyfriend, making him feel wanted.

Remember, patience and open communication on both sides are crucial. Stephenmass and I agree: approaching things slowly and without judgment or pressure can eventually help you both feel more at ease. You both care about each other so working together in a compassionate way can lead to a stronger, more satisfying connection.

 

[coklvr83]

The reason why you have no libido is you keep masturbating.

this right here.

this is you making your body un-horny.

 

[needsmust]

This may sound sort of odd, but what if you two role played being virgins who are just starting to fool around with guys?

It sounds like you went from zero to 1000 in terms of sex and you have anxiety from it...so go back to the beginning and start over.
Example: go to bed like you are college bros who are crashing at the same place that night. Lie there thinking about whether he is gay or not and about how much you want to touch him. It may seem awkward but really try to get into that head space. He should be doing the same thing. Sneak your hand over and touch him and then just flow from there. You can find about 10,000 short stories about feeling up your buddy during a sleep over. Buy a couple "first time" gay short story compilations if you need inspiration. I really recommend dropping video or pic porn for a while, unless the pic is him, and try doing written porn for a while. It's super hot and it gives you the mental, thought side of the experience.
You don't have to do the roll play thing every time, but be deliberate about doing it regularly and move through all the basic to advanced stages together, like each is the first time. Try as best as you can during those time to forget that he has more experience and just imagine that you and he are both noobs.
The point of all of this is to build trust and intimacy between you that is slow paced and non-intimidating. It also should help alleviate the performance anxiety. In that role-playing session you aren't expected to know how to do anything so you can't do it wrong. The game should provide the sexual excitement so you can just enjoy it all.

Also, if you have access to it, try a little therapy focused on sexual or being gay shame. If you can't do therapy try a few self help books on the subject. Shame is insidious and it might be buried in there somewhere.

Finally, I'll reiterate what others have said...if you bleed from bottoming then go to the doc. I've had anal fissures and they take forever to heal so you could just be perpetuating them.

 

[Beanie]

I’ll be honest I only read half so I’m going to comment on what I’ve read. Firstly, it’s shouldn’t be *this* hard 5 months in man, you’re putting way too much pressure on it. Sex is fun! It’s the only reason guys do it together because it’s fun! It feels good.

If you were going for a massage, would you worry about it? Are you laying right? What if you say or do something stupid? You don’t have massages so unsure what to do… etc. Hopefully that’s not you and you just say fuck it, I’ve paid for this and I’m going to relax and enjoy! That’s what sex needs to become for you two. Gay sex doesn’t always have to be about penetration!! Some of the hottest sex I’ve had has been non penetrative.

He’s definitely on to something about the exploring his body! Have you tried mutual massage, him reacting to your touch and you can get a little cheeky with it or just keep it above towel. The goal is to find those places that he loves that will drive him wild. I can only speak for myself but half the things I know my BF likes have been discovered in a non-sexual setting. Me saying something, doing something, playful nibble on the ear, your breath on his neck, soft kisses on his shoulder etc.

I know this is easy for me to say and for you to read rather than doing it but what do you have to lose?! Honestly you think your fella is going to laugh at you because you’re inexperienced? No one apart the two of you are ever going to know. When you want to learn a new skill, who do you go to? Someone experienced! Just treat him as your sexy teacher

 

[RiddleSkittle]

Honestly, reading all that made me sad and not because of anything you did. It just sounds like you’re not compatible. There’s nothing wrong with you. Not all relationships have the same sexual dynamics or sexual frequency. I think you should ask yourself if you could continue doing what naturally works for you and keep your partner. Would you prefer that to changing yourself and keeping your partner?