How to avoid Influencer Crushes/Break out of this Loop?

[kjehe3]

This is going to sound really stupid and pathetic but i'm just going to be super vulnerable and hope no one laughs.

I've been in a constant loop of having crushes on different influencers on both instagram and tiktok. What usually happens is i'll scroll through tiktok, come across a really hot guy and then crush over him for a month or two. I know crushes are normal but I hate it. I get attached to a random stranger on the internet for a month, they don't even know I exist and I get a pit of anxiety when I find out they have a gf. Then I find someone else who's insanely attractive and i'm not as bothered about the previous person I had a crush on. It's like an endless cycle of falling for a guy who i'll never meet, never have a chance with and doesn't even know I exist.

The reason I'm making a thread for this is because I recently came across this super attractive guy on tiktok 3 days ago. I have a huge crush on him. Probably one of the worst i've ever had. He keeps going live and i've been in them from start to end. It's become a problem because I waste so much time. When i'm not in them I get this anxiety like i'm missing out on something but when I am in them I still get anxiety because I know I'll never have a chance. Majority of the comments are thirsty gays and women and it bothers me. Which it shouldn't because I don't even know the man. It's sad af and I want these feelings to go. When i've previously had these crushes it's been on people with 100k+ followers. This person only gets 30-100 people in his live so it gives me a chance to talk to him in the comments. Which I don't think helps. The dude is straight and is a literal 10/10, so even if he was curious i'd never get a chance because he'd have a queue waiting for him. This messes with my mind even more. It's like i'm battling my own thoughts about how he'd have sex with other men before me which upsets tf out of me. I'm sure in a month or two i'll start to move on again but I just want to get out of this cycle. I hate having these constant thoughts about men when I know nothing will happen. It's a constant mind fuck riddled with jealousy and anxiety. It isn't healthy.

I've never been in a relationship and i'm still a virgin. I think because I lack experience it's messing with my brain. Instead of forming actual relationships/hook-ups i'm forming an unhealthy crush on ppl I don't know. I'm thinking I may need to seek therapy because if i'm getting so attached to someone I "met" 3 days ago; imagine when I get in a relationship. I just know i'm going to be the super jealous type and find it impossible to trust my partner. Also, I'm sure in the future if I get a crush on a straight friend i'm going to find it extremely difficult. I think the best thing to do would be uninstall tiktok but I really enjoy the content side of it. I also like knowing what's happening in terms of trends/news/pop culture and such. I think this has all stemmed from a complex issue I faced when I was younger. I'm not sure what to do or how to stop forming these "mini" one-sided month long relationships. Does anyone else get this? How can I get out of this loop? Do I need to go to therapy lol

I know how pathetic this makes me look lol, I'm just so sick of these thoughts

 

[6798491]

This is going to sound really stupid and pathetic but i'm just going to be super vulnerable and hope no one laughs.

I've been in a constant loop of having crushes on different influencers on both instagram and tiktok. What usually happens is i'll scroll through tiktok, come across a really hot guy and then crush over him for a month or two. I know crushes are normal but I hate it. I get attached to a random stranger on the internet for a month, they don't even know I exist and I get a pit of anxiety when I find out they have a gf. Then I find someone else who's insanely attractive and i'm not as bothered about the previous person I had a crush on. It's like an endless cycle of falling for a guy who i'll never meet, never have a chance with and doesn't even know I exist.

The reason I'm making a thread for this is because I recently came across this super attractive guy on tiktok 3 days ago. I have a huge crush on him. Probably one of the worst i've ever had. He keeps going live and i've been in them from start to end. It's become a problem because I waste so much time. When i'm not in them I get this anxiety like i'm missing out on something but when I am in them I still get anxiety because I know I'll never have a chance. Majority of the comments are thirsty gays and women and it bothers me. Which it shouldn't because I don't even know the man. It's sad af and I want these feelings to go. When i've previously had these crushes it's been on people with 100k+ followers. This person only gets 30-100 people in his live so it gives me a chance to talk to him in the comments. Which I don't think helps. The dude is straight and is a literal 10/10, so even if he was curious i'd never get a chance because he'd have a queue waiting for him. This messes with my mind even more. It's like i'm battling my own thoughts about how he'd have sex with other men before me which upsets tf out of me. I'm sure in a month or two i'll start to move on again but I just want to get out of this cycle. I hate having these constant thoughts about men when I know nothing will happen. It's a constant mind fuck riddled with jealousy and anxiety. It isn't healthy.

I've never been in a relationship and i'm still a virgin. I think because I lack experience it's messing with my brain. Instead of forming actual relationships/hook-ups i'm forming an unhealthy crush on ppl I don't know. I'm thinking I may need to seek therapy because if i'm getting so attached to someone I "met" 3 days ago; imagine when I get in a relationship. I just know i'm going to be the super jealous type and find it impossible to trust my partner. Also, I'm sure in the future if I get a crush on a straight friend i'm going to find it extremely difficult. I think the best thing to do would be uninstall tiktok but I really enjoy the content side of it. I also like knowing what's happening in terms of trends/news/pop culture and such. I think this has all stemmed from a complex issue I faced when I was younger. I'm not sure what to do or how to stop forming these "mini" one-sided month long relationships. Does anyone else get this? How can I get out of this loop? Do I need to go to therapy lol

I know how pathetic this makes me look lol, I'm just so sick of these thoughts

I'm the same way, and I'm 26 right now.
How old are you?

 

[halcyondays]

How? Turn off your phone & computer and go meet people out in the real world not viral people in the viral world. School, work, athletics, parties, friends, friends of friends, festivals, concerts, shops, malls, neighborhoods, sports, social clubs(not bars) and even bars, taverns & clubs. Volunteer activities? Why not.

I'm an ancient 60+ Boomer. Phones plugged into the wall. No one had answering machines. Ring-no-answer meant try again later, lol. No computers. No net. Video games meant going to an arcade. We went out and DID things--socializing with people all over the place over all kinds of recreational fun.

Your generation's addiction is the smartphone. My generation's was television. For my parents' generation it was radio. The answer has always the same: turn the damn thing off and get out of the house!

It's a simple choice between being passively entertained alone in a fake viral world or engaging with real people in the real world socially.

 

[6798491]

How? Turn off your phone & computer and go meet people out in the real world not viral people in the viral world. School, work, athletics, parties, friends, friends of friends, festivals, concerts, shops, malls, neighborhoods, sports, social clubs(not bars) and even bars, taverns & clubs. Volunteer activities? Why not.

I'm an ancient 60+ Boomer. Phones plugged into the wall. No one had answering machines. Ring-no-answer meant try again later, lol. No computers. No net. Video games meant going to an arcade. We went out and DID things--socializing with people all over the place over all kinds of recreational fun.

Your generation's addiction is the smartphone. My generation's was television. For my parents' generation it was radio. The answer has always the same: turn the damn thing off and get out of the house!

It's a simple choice between being passively entertained alone in a fake viral world or engaging with real people in the real world socially.

Yes - I 100% feel the same way.
My mom was born in '63, my dad in '55 and my grandma in '32 - they all said to me that young people are too isolated in today's time.
But many people say I behave exactly like my grandma - I'm all about face to face interaction and "don't use your cell phone at the dinner table".
It drives me crazy if I find out children don't know how to wash dishes or set the table before and after their families eat.
I guess that's the old soul in me, jumping out.
I grew up binge watching I Love Lucy before social media, when it used to air on TVLand in reruns for 2 hours every weekend - those were my favorite times of the week.

My first celebrity crush was Ricky Martin (in 2001), and my second was Desi Arnaz (in 2005) - I mean, both of them are sexy and always will be.
I didn't - and still don't - care that they're both Latin and I'm black.
Sex appeal is sex appeal, and race has no say in that!

By the way, I was born in '96 (the last year of the milennial generation), and I'll be 27 in August.

 

[kjehe3]

I'm the same way, and I'm 26 right now.
How old are you?

I'm 22 yrs old :/

 

[kjehe3]

How? Turn off your phone & computer and go meet people out in the real world not viral people in the viral world. School, work, athletics, parties, friends, friends of friends, festivals, concerts, shops, malls, neighborhoods, sports, social clubs(not bars) and even bars, taverns & clubs. Volunteer activities? Why not.

I'm an ancient 60+ Boomer. Phones plugged into the wall. No one had answering machines. Ring-no-answer meant try again later, lol. No computers. No net. Video games meant going to an arcade. We went out and DID things--socializing with people all over the place over all kinds of recreational fun.

Your generation's addiction is the smartphone. My generation's was television. For my parents' generation it was radio. The answer has always the same: turn the damn thing off and get out of the house!

It's a simple choice between being passively entertained alone in a fake viral world or engaging with real people in the real world socially.

I really want to but I find it difficult to socialise. I isolated myself for so long that I find it difficult to carry a conversation. I try to make plans with the 2-3 friends that I have but they're usually working. Also, I think this is more than just the phone. I think when I inevitably start to put myself out there; the same situation will happen but in the real world (It has previously which I think is what started it off). i'll form a crush and get attached but the difference being; finding it difficult to suppress my feelings around them. But yeah, I agree, my generation's addiction to technology creates all sorts of problems. Maybe if I hadn't of been addicted to video games in my younger years I'd be in a completely different situation.

 

[Almost40]

My relation to social media , is pure crap.... and i am very happy about it. I never liked this e-reality we live in. I gave or some tries and was so nervous with this world... I have a personal email and business contact apps that are necessary and that's it. The only social media account i keep is just on this sinful site, wich i find more relaxing than any other apps ..., I had a gaydar account and very happily deleted it... another local dating app made me very nervous, i deleted that one too. i don't know what toktox, tweets or kiks are and I don't care. Delete everything and get on with your life. Meet the people u want, IN person. Its my suggestion and nothing more, u know how to deal with your habits. Peace

 

[halcyondays]

I really want to but I find it difficult to socialise.

I get that but the way to get better at something is by doing it. I can't give you any better advice than that except don't be afraid.

If you're like me you'll have real life crushes as easily as you have virtual ones. The difference is you'll have at least a chance of getting into a relationship with someone real instead of zero chance with someone virtual.

 

[kjehe3]

Feel free to ignore I kind of got carried away and spoke about my whole life story.

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try my best. I don't want to be that pessimistic guy who constantly talks about his issues as opposed to trying to improve himself. I'm making improvements but i'm sort of looking for a short term plan. The challenge i'm having is that I got into video games at an early age, sort of like a coping mechanism for loneliness. I became addicted because I made fake friends which I later learned didn't give a fuck about me. When I wasn't on the games i'd get fomo; knowing they'd be playing without me. This happened until I was about 20. By that time I was obese. Now i'm 22, i've missed the 18-21, partying, socialising, "college days" because I was terrified of going out while I was large. This resulted in me making 0 friends the 3 yrs I was there. After graduating I made the decision to take a year out to focus on losing weight, which I have. However, I now have a skinny fat physique.

I really want to start doing what other people my age are doing, going to festivals, parties, holidays with my friends before I get too old (I know 21 is drinking age in US but here in UK it's 18 so i'm essentially 4 yrs behind). I'm still in a position where I am uncomfortable in my body. So, the long term plan is to socialise more and do those things but I know I won't be able to do those things while I still look the way I do. It will take me probably 3-12months to lower my body fat and build muscle to fill in any loose skin I got from being so heavy. By that time i'll probably be 23 (I'm expected to start growing up now).

Also, by no means am I saying larger people can't have fun and socialise but i'm really unfortunate as my face holds a lot of fat. It's been difficult to socialise because I look weird and then because i'm insecure my confidence doesn't carry my appearance. So yeah, basically to conclude this ramble I plan to socialise more and do things but it's going to take a few months. In the meantime I wanted to know how I could breakout of this loop of crushing over people i'll never meet as it's more of a short term issue, hopefully. I don't know if this makes any sense and I basically told you my whole life story without you asking lmao. I'm just in a really weird spot where I feel like i've already wasted my life and I can't "restart". Although i'm trying to improve, it takes time which is the main thing i'm stressing over. I feel like I don't have long left of my youth, people around me are having babies and getting married at 22... I haven't even been drunk or had any of my first experiences and i'm already told by family I don't act my age. Just really wish I could turn time back sometimes and stop myself from getting into gaming.

I apologise for burdening anyone reading this with my negativity. I started responding and then kind of got carried away and didn't stop typing haha. Feels good to get the thoughts out of my head though.

 

[halcyondays]

I feel like I don't have long left of my youth,

Take it from a Boomer in his 60's: you have plenty of youth left!

I feel like i've already wasted my life and I can't "restart"

Nothing is ever wasted because you are always learning who you are now by where you've been in the past. You're always becoming and always will be. There's no final finished product all wrapped up complete and perfect tied up with a ribbon and decorated with a bow on top.

Sounds to me like you've already made a good start. Keep up the good work.

 

[deleted19151801]

my generation's addiction to technology creates all sorts of problems. Maybe if I hadn't of been addicted to video games in my younger years I'd be in a completely different situation.

Yes. And the biggest problem that has been created is stunted/poor communication skills. It started with my generation (millennials) but it's gotten significantly worse with Gen Z (yours). In school, all of your peers had smartphones. When I was in school, none of my peers had cell phones.

We had MySpace and AOL or Yahoo Chat. And even that was limited because we couldn't be on it all day since it would tie up the phone line (dial-up internet). Parents were more proactive with getting their kids off of the internet because it was an inconvenience for them (causing them to miss important phone calls).

Now, parents today use the internet and smart devices as literal babysitters to get kids out of their hair, and the result is a whole generation of young people who struggle with forming real, human connections and interpersonal relationships.

You're not weird or pathetic. It's your generation, and to some extent mine, as well. The vast majority of us are like this. We text. We don't call. We don't meet up in person (too much work). We're isolated in our virtual worlds because we grew up in a digitized age. The solution is to uninstall these apps or even put timers on them to prevent them from working to discipline yourself and force you to "go outside and touch some grass."

 

[deleted19151801]

Oh, and btw, the individuals you're crushing on are also addicted in their own way. They're addicted to fake internet points and attention from complete strangers. They're not forming real relationships either and so rely on individuals they will never interact with in person to validate their existence. A lot of them, regardless of how beautiful they are, are struggling with severe emotional problems, self-esteem issues, and yes, even loneliness.

Look at it this way, people with healthy, genuine, offline relationships don't have time to spend on the internet doing lives with strangers because they're too busy interacting in the real world. You are feeding their need for connection, also. It's all sad.

 

[steveto]

Hmm, when I find out that someone is an "influencer" aka social media addict, I lose all respect for them and it kills my emotional interest in them! I'm turned off by how dependent they are on other people's attention and how their entire lives revolve around seeking it.

Anyways, you're definitely overthinking the "wasting your youth" thing. You're 22, for god's sake, you're barely an adult. You've got many years ahead to make far greater mistakes than whatever you think you've done right now. Join a gay running group, or a gym, you might not make friends but you'll at least be talking to real people now and then, and that's how you start getting better.

Jerk off to these hot internet dudes if you want to, but have more self-respect than to get emotionally attached to them. They're telling you right in their label that their goal is to influence you, stop letting such transparent and vapid tricks succeed.

 

[deleted19841121]

This is going to sound really stupid and pathetic but i'm just going to be super vulnerable and hope no one laughs.

I've been in a constant loop of having crushes on different influencers on both instagram and tiktok. What usually happens is i'll scroll through tiktok, come across a really hot guy and then crush over him for a month or two. I know crushes are normal but I hate it. I get attached to a random stranger on the internet for a month, they don't even know I exist and I get a pit of anxiety when I find out they have a gf. Then I find someone else who's insanely attractive and i'm not as bothered about the previous person I had a crush on. It's like an endless cycle of falling for a guy who i'll never meet, never have a chance with and doesn't even know I exist.

The reason I'm making a thread for this is because I recently came across this super attractive guy on tiktok 3 days ago. I have a huge crush on him. Probably one of the worst i've ever had. He keeps going live and i've been in them from start to end. It's become a problem because I waste so much time. When i'm not in them I get this anxiety like i'm missing out on something but when I am in them I still get anxiety because I know I'll never have a chance. Majority of the comments are thirsty gays and women and it bothers me. Which it shouldn't because I don't even know the man. It's sad af and I want these feelings to go. When i've previously had these crushes it's been on people with 100k+ followers. This person only gets 30-100 people in his live so it gives me a chance to talk to him in the comments. Which I don't think helps. The dude is straight and is a literal 10/10, so even if he was curious i'd never get a chance because he'd have a queue waiting for him. This messes with my mind even more. It's like i'm battling my own thoughts about how he'd have sex with other men before me which upsets tf out of me. I'm sure in a month or two i'll start to move on again but I just want to get out of this cycle. I hate having these constant thoughts about men when I know nothing will happen. It's a constant mind fuck riddled with jealousy and anxiety. It isn't healthy.

I've never been in a relationship and i'm still a virgin. I think because I lack experience it's messing with my brain. Instead of forming actual relationships/hook-ups i'm forming an unhealthy crush on ppl I don't know. I'm thinking I may need to seek therapy because if i'm getting so attached to someone I "met" 3 days ago; imagine when I get in a relationship. I just know i'm going to be the super jealous type and find it impossible to trust my partner. Also, I'm sure in the future if I get a crush on a straight friend i'm going to find it extremely difficult. I think the best thing to do would be uninstall tiktok but I really enjoy the content side of it. I also like knowing what's happening in terms of trends/news/pop culture and such. I think this has all stemmed from a complex issue I faced when I was younger. I'm not sure what to do or how to stop forming these "mini" one-sided month long relationships. Does anyone else get this? How can I get out of this loop? Do I need to go to therapy lol

I know how pathetic this makes me look lol, I'm just so sick of these thoughts

It's certainly not an uncommon circumstance, especially after the covid 12-18 months when everyone was really stuck inside especially. Honestly therapy isn't a bad thing to look into especially if you have concerns in how that tendency would affect a real world relationship as well as how just the status quo affects your own current happiness.

My advice near term is probably not as easy as it sounds in a message, but if you can't just compartmentalize the tiktok views to the stuff that doesn't trigger the cycle, deleting tiktok would at least remove the current temptation to start a new cycle. You just have to be sure not to replace it with some new source for the exact same behavior loop. It's sort of like a porn addiction but not with overt pornography as the subject matter but the addiction is sort of the same.

Really though it's probably just the manifestation of some underlying stuff a therapist could possibly help you work through. You recognize it as a negative in your life though and that's a massive first step already achieved.

 

[deleted19841121]

and don't feel that your youth is wasted. The only way life gets wasted if we miss out on the present and eventually the future because we are so caught up on our past. Life is lived in only one direction and that's forward.

 

[deleted11166651]

This is a common problem caused by social media and the internet. No one had this problem 20 years ago. You have to put down your phone and get back to the real world.

Someone mentioned volunteering earlier... and that's a very good idea. At first it may seem like work and something you don't want to do, but you'll meet so many people who will change your perspective on life and you'll feel much better about yourself being able to help others. Other people will also respect you more and feel better around you when you have a positive attitude.

You may even meet a nice person while volunteering or on your way home. You'll meet the best people volunteering at a soup kitchen or a hospital. Being active in your community will also help you to stay in shape and keep a healthy body.

Similar interests, goals, and values. These are the 3 things you need to look for in a good partner. You may think the guys on social media share these things with you because that's what they post... but you don't see the stuff they don't post, so these "people" are not actually real. Because you only get to see their best side, you develop a crush on them so fast.

It takes more time to develop crushes on real people, but you can actually tell when they like you back, so it's worth it.

 

[deleted11166651]

I think you only need therapy if you don't have friends to talk with about these things. Therapy only works if you're open to trying the good advice of someone with more experience than yourself.

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

 

[kjehe3]

Someone mentioned volunteering earlier... and that's a very good idea. At first it may seem like work and something you don't want to do, but you'll meet so many people who will change your perspective on life and you'll feel much better about yourself being able to help others. Other people will also respect you more and feel better around you when you have a positive attitude.

You may even meet a nice person while volunteering or on your way home. You'll meet the best people volunteering at a soup kitchen or a hospital. Being active in your community will also help you to stay in shape and keep a healthy body.

I think I will volunteer, I do need more stuff for my CV and it may be a good way to make friends. I've always wanted to try the solo travelling and staying in hostels and such. As i'm lowering my body fat % i'm starting to look better. Still not quite where I want to be but i'm working on it so hopefully I can experience these opportunities when i'm more comfortable in myself. Another thing I want to work on is my voice but I doubt I can really change it lmao. I have a really camp, robotic, monotone sounding voice. Which has also knocked my confidence because people say i'm boring. It's just really difficult to socialise when you don't have pretty privilege but then you also don't have the confidence or communication skills because you're told you sound boring. It's honestly all just a mess. I think maybe therapy maybe essential at this point lmao, it's difficult to find an appealing feature about myself.

 

[deleted19841121]

I think I will volunteer, I do need more stuff for my CV and it may be a good way to make friends. I've always wanted to try the solo travelling and staying in hostels and such. As i'm lowering my body fat % i'm starting to look better. Still not quite where I want to be but i'm working on it so hopefully I can experience these opportunities when i'm more comfortable in myself. Another thing I want to work on is my voice but I doubt I can really change it lmao. I have a really camp, robotic, monotone sounding voice. Which has also knocked my confidence because people say i'm boring. It's just really difficult to socialise when you don't have pretty privilege but then you also don't have the confidence or communication skills because you're told you sound boring. It's honestly all just a mess. I think maybe therapy maybe essential at this point lmao, it's difficult to find an appealing feature about myself.

Everyone has appealing traits, you just gotta discover yours. For me the one I discovered that was strong was being able to make people laugh. Humor brought me out of my shell a lot and it's an instant icebreaker when being around new people. Also just having positive energy around people you are around, especially if they are having a bad day or really dealing with life stuff. Positive energy is infectious and is an appealing trait to most people

 

[Troy71]

You will overcome and start living, not reacting