How to avoid Influencer Crushes/Break out of this Loop?

[deleted19841121]

You will overcome and start living, not reacting

yeah and it's common to look at ourselves and be pissed we don't understand ourselves completely, but discovery is a life long process. I didn't know a fuck about who I was when I was in my 20's. Self discovery happens on its own timescale

 

[deleted11166651]

Don't be so hard on yourself. What people are attracted to is subjective, so what some people may think is a boring voice, may actually sound very sexy to someone else.

Volunteering is great for your CV, but it's also good to practice talking with strangers because it will make you a more confident conversationalist.

 

[ydkm27811]

This is going to sound really stupid and pathetic but i'm just going to be super vulnerable and hope no one laughs.

I've been in a constant loop of having crushes on different influencers on both instagram and tiktok. What usually happens is i'll scroll through tiktok, come across a really hot guy and then crush over him for a month or two. I know crushes are normal but I hate it. I get attached to a random stranger on the internet for a month, they don't even know I exist and I get a pit of anxiety when I find out they have a gf. Then I find someone else who's insanely attractive and i'm not as bothered about the previous person I had a crush on. It's like an endless cycle of falling for a guy who i'll never meet, never have a chance with and doesn't even know I exist.

The reason I'm making a thread for this is because I recently came across this super attractive guy on tiktok 3 days ago. I have a huge crush on him. Probably one of the worst i've ever had. He keeps going live and i've been in them from start to end. It's become a problem because I waste so much time. When i'm not in them I get this anxiety like i'm missing out on something but when I am in them I still get anxiety because I know I'll never have a chance. Majority of the comments are thirsty gays and women and it bothers me. Which it shouldn't because I don't even know the man. It's sad af and I want these feelings to go. When i've previously had these crushes it's been on people with 100k+ followers. This person only gets 30-100 people in his live so it gives me a chance to talk to him in the comments. Which I don't think helps. The dude is straight and is a literal 10/10, so even if he was curious i'd never get a chance because he'd have a queue waiting for him. This messes with my mind even more. It's like i'm battling my own thoughts about how he'd have sex with other men before me which upsets tf out of me. I'm sure in a month or two i'll start to move on again but I just want to get out of this cycle. I hate having these constant thoughts about men when I know nothing will happen. It's a constant mind fuck riddled with jealousy and anxiety. It isn't healthy.

I've never been in a relationship and i'm still a virgin. I think because I lack experience it's messing with my brain. Instead of forming actual relationships/hook-ups i'm forming an unhealthy crush on ppl I don't know. I'm thinking I may need to seek therapy because if i'm getting so attached to someone I "met" 3 days ago; imagine when I get in a relationship. I just know i'm going to be the super jealous type and find it impossible to trust my partner. Also, I'm sure in the future if I get a crush on a straight friend i'm going to find it extremely difficult. I think the best thing to do would be uninstall tiktok but I really enjoy the content side of it. I also like knowing what's happening in terms of trends/news/pop culture and such. I think this has all stemmed from a complex issue I faced when I was younger. I'm not sure what to do or how to stop forming these "mini" one-sided month long relationships. Does anyone else get this? How can I get out of this loop? Do I need to go to therapy lol

I know how pathetic this makes me look lol, I'm just so sick of these thoughts

ive never felt so relieved finding out someone else has the exact same struggle as me,i completely understand the attatchment i have bpd and my favourite person is literally someone i cant see in person i met him on tiktok he used to be big but over the past 3 years he has died down and he recently started dating this new girl and i feel destroyed inside out,ive never told anyone im close with this so its just been eating me up for 3 years now. ur not alone atleast.

 

[Merophe]

This is going to sound really stupid and pathetic but i'm just going to be super vulnerable and hope no one laughs.

I've been in a constant loop of having crushes on different influencers on both instagram and tiktok. What usually happens is i'll scroll through tiktok, come across a really hot guy and then crush over him for a month or two. I know crushes are normal but I hate it. I get attached to a random stranger on the internet for a month, they don't even know I exist and I get a pit of anxiety when I find out they have a gf. Then I find someone else who's insanely attractive and i'm not as bothered about the previous person I had a crush on. It's like an endless cycle of falling for a guy who i'll never meet, never have a chance with and doesn't even know I exist.

The reason I'm making a thread for this is because I recently came across this super attractive guy on tiktok 3 days ago. I have a huge crush on him. Probably one of the worst i've ever had. He keeps going live and i've been in them from start to end. It's become a problem because I waste so much time. When i'm not in them I get this anxiety like i'm missing out on something but when I am in them I still get anxiety because I know I'll never have a chance. Majority of the comments are thirsty gays and women and it bothers me. Which it shouldn't because I don't even know the man. It's sad af and I want these feelings to go. When i've previously had these crushes it's been on people with 100k+ followers. This person only gets 30-100 people in his live so it gives me a chance to talk to him in the comments. Which I don't think helps. The dude is straight and is a literal 10/10, so even if he was curious i'd never get a chance because he'd have a queue waiting for him. This messes with my mind even more. It's like i'm battling my own thoughts about how he'd have sex with other men before me which upsets tf out of me. I'm sure in a month or two i'll start to move on again but I just want to get out of this cycle. I hate having these constant thoughts about men when I know nothing will happen. It's a constant mind fuck riddled with jealousy and anxiety. It isn't healthy.

I've never been in a relationship and i'm still a virgin. I think because I lack experience it's messing with my brain. Instead of forming actual relationships/hook-ups i'm forming an unhealthy crush on ppl I don't know. I'm thinking I may need to seek therapy because if i'm getting so attached to someone I "met" 3 days ago; imagine when I get in a relationship. I just know i'm going to be the super jealous type and find it impossible to trust my partner. Also, I'm sure in the future if I get a crush on a straight friend i'm going to find it extremely difficult. I think the best thing to do would be uninstall tiktok but I really enjoy the content side of it. I also like knowing what's happening in terms of trends/news/pop culture and such. I think this has all stemmed from a complex issue I faced when I was younger. I'm not sure what to do or how to stop forming these "mini" one-sided month long relationships. Does anyone else get this? How can I get out of this loop? Do I need to go to therapy lol

I know how pathetic this makes me look lol, I'm just so sick of these thoughts

Oh honey, I totally understand you cuz i also have the same issues like you.
This seems like addicted to drugs, lol I think you should apply this same approach to yours. Do you want just a temporary spike of happiness that lasts for hours and then goes down for a couple days or weeks? or do you want long-term happiness?
I also love my tiktok and the contents on my feed, and I can't delete the app like many people suggested here; hence, my method which I've been using since the dawn of IG is to scroll down. You know it and typed it yourself that you hate this, so when you come across some hot guys on social media just keep scrolling past them honey. Ignore them and remember the awful feeling after you're done with it.

The only media that I allow myself to enjoy hot men is here at LPSG which also messes up my sexual life since I would always dream of hot men. Hence, I barely have sex, but it's not much a big deal to me and much better than having crush on hot internet influencers

But trust me honey, you're still young and have plenty of your youthful life waiting for you. I'm almost 28, never been in any relationship before, and I've gone on dates like twice in my life. Barely have sex, and my first time happened when I was 22. WFH since finished my degree, not many friends, and it's hard to make new friends here. And I just figured out what I want in life, the reality and possible dreams that I could achieve, not the impossible goals like marrying a celeb or becoming a supermodel (my younger self is grasping now lol) Take your time and enjoy it, and I hope you find your happiness, the real one that not come with suffering

 

[RyanMars]

I think therapy would help. Can you afford it or get it thru your national health plan?

I think its good you are already self aware and making an effort to change. You've come so far already with loosing weight and having goals. Dont compare yourself to others. We are all on our own journeys.

Also change for yourself, and not to attract some man.

 

[kjehe3]

I think therapy would help. Can you afford it or get it thru your national health plan?

I think its good you are already self aware and making an effort to change. You've come so far already with loosing weight and having goals. Dont compare yourself to others. We are all on our own journeys.

Also change for yourself, and not to attract some man.

I'm not sure, i'm in the UK so idk if it's free... I looked into better help but it's pretty expensive.

 

[Travelerguy]

Yes. And the biggest problem that has been created is stunted/poor communication skills. It started with my generation (millennials) but it's gotten significantly worse with Gen Z (yours). In school, all of your peers had smartphones. When I was in school, none of my peers had cell phones.

We had MySpace and AOL or Yahoo Chat. And even that was limited because we couldn't be on it all day since it would tie up the phone line (dial-up internet). Parents were more proactive with getting their kids off of the internet because it was an inconvenience for them (causing them to miss important phone calls).

Now, parents today use the internet and smart devices as literal babysitters to get kids out of their hair, and the result is a whole generation of young people who struggle with forming real, human connections and interpersonal relationships.

You're not weird or pathetic. It's your generation, and to some extent mine, as well. The vast majority of us are like this. We text. We don't call. We don't meet up in person (too much work). We're isolated in our virtual worlds because we grew up in a digitized age. The solution is to uninstall these apps or even put timers on them to prevent them from working to discipline yourself and force you to "go outside and touch some grass."

Geez, that is insane, that must have been crazy living in the 1700's....LMAO..no I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I actually begin school around 2001. So Myspace, AOL and YahooChat was very much so alive. And even then folks would fall inlust with folks in the chatrooms..lol. That also was around the time when MMS(picture) messaging was super expensive (like $0.25 per message), mobile data was insanely high and catfishing started to become a big thing.

 

[deleted19151801]

That also was around the time when MMS(picture) messaging was super expensive (like $0.25 per message),

Now I know why I wasn't able to send pics until I got my own cellphone plan. I guess my mom refused to pay the extra fee to allow me the privilege. This entire time, I just assumed MMS wasn't an option until about 2008, lol.

 

[Travelerguy]

Now I know why I wasn't able to send pics until I got my own cellphone plan. I guess my mom refused to pay the extra fee to allow me the privilege. This entire time, I just assumed MMS wasn't an option until about 2008, lol.

Omg, it was absolutely insane. I will never forget one day coming home after work from my part-time job while in school, checked the mailbox, Cingular Wireless has sent me a bill for $385 dollars, they sent the bill in a one-inch thick cardboard packet. I cried...LITERALLY

 

[coasterfreak]

Hey b

This is going to sound really stupid and pathetic but i'm just going to be super vulnerable and hope no one laughs.

I've been in a constant loop of having crushes on different influencers on both instagram and tiktok. What usually happens is i'll scroll through tiktok, come across a really hot guy and then crush over him for a month or two. I know crushes are normal but I hate it. I get attached to a random stranger on the internet for a month, they don't even know I exist and I get a pit of anxiety when I find out they have a gf. Then I find someone else who's insanely attractive and i'm not as bothered about the previous person I had a crush on. It's like an endless cycle of falling for a guy who i'll never meet, never have a chance with and doesn't even know I exist.

The reason I'm making a thread for this is because I recently came across this super attractive guy on tiktok 3 days ago. I have a huge crush on him. Probably one of the worst i've ever had. He keeps going live and i've been in them from start to end. It's become a problem because I waste so much time. When i'm not in them I get this anxiety like i'm missing out on something but when I am in them I still get anxiety because I know I'll never have a chance. Majority of the comments are thirsty gays and women and it bothers me. Which it shouldn't because I don't even know the man. It's sad af and I want these feelings to go. When i've previously had these crushes it's been on people with 100k+ followers. This person only gets 30-100 people in his live so it gives me a chance to talk to him in the comments. Which I don't think helps. The dude is straight and is a literal 10/10, so even if he was curious i'd never get a chance because he'd have a queue waiting for him. This messes with my mind even more. It's like i'm battling my own thoughts about how he'd have sex with other men before me which upsets tf out of me. I'm sure in a month or two i'll start to move on again but I just want to get out of this cycle. I hate having these constant thoughts about men when I know nothing will happen. It's a constant mind fuck riddled with jealousy and anxiety. It isn't healthy.

I've never been in a relationship and i'm still a virgin. I think because I lack experience it's messing with my brain. Instead of forming actual relationships/hook-ups i'm forming an unhealthy crush on ppl I don't know. I'm thinking I may need to seek therapy because if i'm getting so attached to someone I "met" 3 days ago; imagine when I get in a relationship. I just know i'm going to be the super jealous type and find it impossible to trust my partner. Also, I'm sure in the future if I get a crush on a straight friend i'm going to find it extremely difficult. I think the best thing to do would be uninstall tiktok but I really enjoy the content side of it. I also like knowing what's happening in terms of trends/news/pop culture and such. I think this has all stemmed from a complex issue I faced when I was younger. I'm not sure what to do or how to stop forming these "mini" one-sided month long relationships. Does anyone else get this? How can I get out of this loop? Do I need to go to therapy lol

I know how pathetic this makes me look lol, I'm just so sick of these thoughts

Hey Buddy!

I’ve totally been there (and still kinda am). What you’re experiencing is called limerance. It’s involuntary state of intense desire for someone that cannot reciprocate the desire. People with limerance usually had a childhood where they had to become very good imaging love where it didn’t exist (perhaps from a parent or guardian).

Here’s a few ways to solve it:
-Talk Therapy
- Medication: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are often prescribed to treat depression and anxiety, and they can be effective in controlling obsessive-compulsive thoughts and behaviors.
- lifestyle changes: breathing exercises, meditation, proper diet and exercise, good sleep
- self-care: journaling, hobbies, etc.

You can learn more about it here: Limerence OCD: What Is It, Signs And Treatment Options

 

[deleted11166651]

Geez, that is insane, that must have been crazy living in the 1700's....LMAO..no I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I actually begin school around 2001. So Myspace, AOL and YahooChat was very much so alive. And even then folks would fall inlust with folks in the chatrooms..lol. That also was around the time when MMS(picture) messaging was super expensive (like $0.25 per message), mobile data was insanely high and catfishing started to become a big thing.

I also find that many more young people need to wear glasses because they look at screens for too many hours each day.

 

[dana2]

This is going to sound really stupid and pathetic but i'm just going to be super vulnerable and hope no one laughs.
How can I get out of this loop? Do I need to go to therapy lol

I know how pathetic this makes me look lol, I'm just so sick of these thoughts

Here are my thoughts on this:

1) allow yourself an erotic space in your mind where you fantasize and beat off to these crushes. Don't feel guilty about it.

2) I came of age in the time before the internet and social media. One observation I have made with my own experiences is that the internet, social media and the phenomenon of sexting can artificially inflate how erotic things are. I don't do sexting for this reason anymore. I would have these super-charged hot back and forths with people and then we would meet up and the sex would end up being boring. Realize you are artificially inflating how "hot" these crushes are. If you actually met up with them for sex I guarantee the sex would not live up to the expectations built up in your mind. I had sex with a super hot porn model once. He was hotter in person even than in pictures. But the sex was kind of boring. It was very nice, but not outrageously hot. I also met up with a guy who I was sure was not my type and did not think was at all hot. As we talked over dinner I sort of started feeling intrigued by his rugged looks and decided to give him a chance. We had sex and it was out-of-this-world hot. Really just unbelievably HOT sex where we were tightly entwined naked making out kissing rimming sucking. We developed a FWB type situation (I am in an open relationship so that limited how close we could get) that lasted a few years. Moral of the story is that looks are an important component of our erotic space but they are not the only component and they are a superficial component. They guys you crush on are just guys. If you had sex with them it probably would not be as hot as what you build up in your mind. Allow yourself to fantasize and admire these guys but keep things in perspective. And learn to appreciate the sexiness of imperfection. There are guys out there who don't look as perfect as these guys but sometimes non-perfection is erotically interesting. Get out there are find some real dick to suck.

 

[Sterbenobia]

Just read your story and could relate a lot. Went through the same shit and all the yati yata.

Only difference is that my last crush somehow noticed me and liked me and before I knew it we started dating?

Been a year so far and well, happiest year of my miserable life tbfh.

Now back to you, I've read through some of the answers and I think if you must stay on social media then just block every hottie you crush on, you don't know them anyway so shouldn't matter if they're blocked.

Did that at some point myself and it helped quiet a bit. Or you can get busy with other shit as some of the answers suggested.

Hope it's all working out for you buddy.

 

[coklvr83]

This is going to sound really stupid and pathetic but i'm just going to be super vulnerable and hope no one laughs.

I've been in a constant loop of having crushes on different influencers on both instagram and tiktok. What usually happens is i'll scroll through tiktok, come across a really hot guy and then crush over him for a month or two. I know crushes are normal but I hate it. I get attached to a random stranger on the internet for a month, they don't even know I exist and I get a pit of anxiety when I find out they have a gf. Then I find someone else who's insanely attractive and i'm not as bothered about the previous person I had a crush on. It's like an endless cycle of falling for a guy who i'll never meet, never have a chance with and doesn't even know I exist.

The reason I'm making a thread for this is because I recently came across this super attractive guy on tiktok 3 days ago. I have a huge crush on him. Probably one of the worst i've ever had. He keeps going live and i've been in them from start to end. It's become a problem because I waste so much time. When i'm not in them I get this anxiety like i'm missing out on something but when I am in them I still get anxiety because I know I'll never have a chance. Majority of the comments are thirsty gays and women and it bothers me. Which it shouldn't because I don't even know the man. It's sad af and I want these feelings to go. When i've previously had these crushes it's been on people with 100k+ followers. This person only gets 30-100 people in his live so it gives me a chance to talk to him in the comments. Which I don't think helps. The dude is straight and is a literal 10/10, so even if he was curious i'd never get a chance because he'd have a queue waiting for him. This messes with my mind even more. It's like i'm battling my own thoughts about how he'd have sex with other men before me which upsets tf out of me. I'm sure in a month or two i'll start to move on again but I just want to get out of this cycle. I hate having these constant thoughts about men when I know nothing will happen. It's a constant mind fuck riddled with jealousy and anxiety. It isn't healthy.

I've never been in a relationship and i'm still a virgin. I think because I lack experience it's messing with my brain. Instead of forming actual relationships/hook-ups i'm forming an unhealthy crush on ppl I don't know. I'm thinking I may need to seek therapy because if i'm getting so attached to someone I "met" 3 days ago; imagine when I get in a relationship. I just know i'm going to be the super jealous type and find it impossible to trust my partner. Also, I'm sure in the future if I get a crush on a straight friend i'm going to find it extremely difficult. I think the best thing to do would be uninstall tiktok but I really enjoy the content side of it. I also like knowing what's happening in terms of trends/news/pop culture and such. I think this has all stemmed from a complex issue I faced when I was younger. I'm not sure what to do or how to stop forming these "mini" one-sided month long relationships. Does anyone else get this? How can I get out of this loop? Do I need to go to therapy lol

I know how pathetic this makes me look lol, I'm just so sick of these thoughts

get off tiktok, and try having sex??

 

[RyanMars]

Here are my thoughts on this:

1) allow yourself an erotic space in your mind where you fantasize and beat off to these crushes. Don't feel guilty about it.

2) I came of age in the time before the internet and social media. One observation I have made with my own experiences is that the internet, social media and the phenomenon of sexting can artificially inflate how erotic things are. I don't do sexting for this reason anymore. I would have these super-charged hot back and forths with people and then we would meet up and the sex would end up being boring. Realize you are artificially inflating how "hot" these crushes are. If you actually met up with them for sex I guarantee the sex would not live up to the expectations built up in your mind. I had sex with a super hot porn model once. He was hotter in person even than in pictures. But the sex was kind of boring. It was very nice, but not outrageously hot. I also met up with a guy who I was sure was not my type and did not think was at all hot. As we talked over dinner I sort of started feeling intrigued by his rugged looks and decided to give him a chance. We had sex and it was out-of-this-world hot. Really just unbelievably HOT sex where we were tightly entwined naked making out kissing rimming sucking. We developed a FWB type situation (I am in an open relationship so that limited how close we could get) that lasted a few years. Moral of the story is that looks are an important component of our erotic space but they are not the only component and they are a superficial component. They guys you crush on are just guys. If you had sex with them it probably would not be as hot as what you build up in your mind. Allow yourself to fantasize and admire these guys but keep things in perspective. And learn to appreciate the sexiness of imperfection. There are guys out there who don't look as perfect as these guys but sometimes non-perfection is erotically interesting. Get out there are find some real dick to suck.

so many gay guys are missing out on hot sex bc of how they stick their types and dont just experiment, give guys chances and just see... i think grindr has ruined this too with their meat market social engineering of gay interactions. everyone now has a laundry list of what they want and forget humans are actually complex and sexy in diverse ways

 

[dana2]

so many gay guys are missing out on hot sex bc of how they stick their types and dont just experiment, give guys chances and just see... i think grindr has ruined this too with their meat market social engineering of gay interactions. everyone now has a laundry list of what they want and forget humans are actually complex and sexy in diverse ways

For me personally some of the hottest sex I have had has been with guys I did not think were hot or checked off my laundry list. Sex with guys who would be at the level of the eye candy posted here have tended to not be as hot.

 

[RyanMars]

For me personally some of the hottest sex I have had has been with guys I did not think were hot or checked off my laundry list. Sex with guys who would be at the level of the eye candy posted here have tended to not be as hot.

yeah thats the thing, sex is really more than looks, its chemistry and vibes, and a connection

I know many gays obsessed with hot guys here, but they have non idea if actual sex with them would be hot. Many hot guys are not good at sex.

good for you though

 

[kjehe3]

I think my 'online' standards are high... Like the people I find attractive on social media are usually the typical fitness influencer with abs, etc. But, when i'm walking around in the real world my standards are definetly a lot lower. My issue isn't that i'm a virgin because of my high standards but more because I'm scared to get intimate with someone lol. Getting naked and having sex with a complete stranger is scary af to me idk, I can barely order off the menu at a restaurant so being in a super vulnerable position is unsettling.

 

[SexWithTrump]

When it becomes internalized that everyone out there wipes their ass the same way (usually), that everyone has sharted at least once, that everybody picks their nose from time to time, an awareness of sameness happens. Even the sexiest, hottest, most attractive among us has a bit of grossness about them.

 

[dana2]

Getting naked and having sex with a complete stranger is scary af to me idk,

Get to know someone a bit and then get naked and explore each other bodies. I don't enjoy sex with "complete strangers"