I'm Only Interested in Straight Men, Help

[ariesgeorge]

2.50 minute.

That's only one example.

 

[pingpong9]

That's only one example.

Yeah, so?

 

[Alex57]

It’s not that gay men are shallow and that we just want sex. If someone finds you attractive you’ll always be someone they want to have sex with.

Some straight men think all gay men want is sex so be careful.

I once had a straight guy I didn’t find attractive think I wanted sex… It was so shocking to me when he asked me if I liked him

Gay men don’t find every man attractive!

Right! I’m gay and I am not attracted to most men. Most men turn me off and I find nothing appealing about them especially when they open their mouths and start talking rubbish. I don’t know how women even sleep with many straight men, they gross me out with how they behave and the things that comes out of their mouth.

 

[Jack_Bauer_]

Thank you for mentioning this. To simply point out the real and present differences in Gay and Straight men causes some people to go absolutely batshit insane. I’ve often tried to point out the biological differences between Gay men & lesbian women versus heterosexuals only to be shunned or ignored. The reasons so many gay men find themselves hopelessly drawn towards specific qualities found in straight men are the same reasons hetero women find these same guys attractive. Both groups [Gay men & Str8 women] share similar sized brains along with the amygdala. It’s how nature designed it. Cruel for gay men yes, but it’s the cards we were dealt. The sooner we address the root causes for our attractions the sooner we can have honest conversations without people getting triggered.



Sorry but what Bojamgles78 said was a fact. It might’ve been expressed in a not so eloquent way but it’s the unvarnished truth. Gay men ARE different from Str8 men. Our speech, mannerisms, fight or flight responses, interests, desires etc. Why must this be perceived as a negative when it’s the truth? I understand we now live in a world where there’s a push to eliminate differences among men, women, gays and str8s but it’s a flawed social engineering utopian dream that is destined to fail.

Thanks for pointing that out - I made the same experience; when I say something like you said in your post, my gay acquaintances tend to be offenfed. Though I always carefully avoid to judge.
I mean, I live in a big German city, and the gay scene here is full of queers, non-binary, gender-non-conforming people and "regular" gays, and I support all of them. A lot of us have been going through hard shit when growing up, and we all deserve to be treated well and with respect.
But at the same time, I am not sexually attracted to these "mannerisms" and the energy that comes with it. They are totally different from my straight friends that I meet in everyday life, like at work or in the gym. These kind of men I always felt attracted to, from my early teenage years when I discovered that I was gay. For me personally, this means, unfortunately, that I have a hard time bonding and feeling really attracted by another gay man, creating a big feeling of loneliness over the years. But it is, what it is.

 

[Meisme]

I'm 38 and even if I'm attracted in men, the only m'en I've been attracted in so far have always been or supposed to be straight. That's how it works for me, and I accept it. I have a few gay friends, but all my closest friends are straight.
A very low percentage of men that I feel attracted in would be in to make something sexual with me, the bi or curious ones, but they exist anyway and I'm happy when life puts someone like that in my way.
That's not more complicated than that.
Just be yourself, enjoy life. Good things come when you're good to others.

 

[Jack_Bauer_]

I'm 38 and even if I'm attracted in men, the only m'en I've been attracted in so far have always been or supposed to be straight. That's how it works for me, and I accept it. I have a few gay friends, but all my closest friends are straight.
A very low percentage of men that I feel attracted in would be in to make something sexual with me, the bi or curious ones, but they exist anyway and I'm happy when life puts someone like that in my way.
That's not more complicated than that.
Just be yourself, enjoy life. Good things come when you're good to others.

I appreciate your pragmatic way of accepting the reality. I have made similar experiences. Once in a blue moon, when a man comes along that is interested in me and that I feel attracted to, it's mostly the bi or curious ones, and like you, I take what I can get. But... I am mid-forties now, and though I am thankful for those rare occasions when I get something intimate for a night or two, I can't help but feeling more and more lonely over the years. Because I crave real intimacy, real love that lasts longer and that is more than something that is purely sexual. It's hard to accept that no one is ever there when I come home, that the only one who says to me "Welcome home, Jack" is my smart home device. Many guys of my age group have settled down, may it be with a man or a woman, while I still crave for bonding with someone.

Recently, I saw a reddit post in which someone asked: "How accurate is your gaydar?", and the most upvoted answer was: "My gaydar goes like this: If I find a man truly hot and attractive, then he turns out as 100% straight." Pretty much sums up my life. But how to cope with that? How to cope with that you will never have real physical intimacy, longer lasting body contact with a man you love and feel attracted to? Someone wrote in this thread that he discoverd Buddhism to find inner peace. Sounds like worth a try. Did anybody of you find other solutions?

 

[ariesgeorge]

Thanks for pointing that out - I made the same experience; when I say something like you said in your post, my gay acquaintances tend to be offenfed. Though I always carefully avoid to judge.
I mean, I live in a big German city, and the gay scene here is full of queers, non-binary, gender-non-conforming people and "regular" gays, and I support all of them. A lot of us have been going through hard shit when growing up, and we all deserve to be treated well and with respect.
But at the same time, I am not sexually attracted to these "mannerisms" and the energy that comes with it. They are totally different from my straight friends that I meet in everyday life, like at work or in the gym. These kind of men I always felt attracted to, from my early teenage years when I discovered that I was gay. For me personally, this means, unfortunately, that I have a hard time bonding and feeling really attracted by another gay man, creating a big feeling of loneliness over the years. But it is, what it is.

Have you ever posted pics of yourself on here?

 

[ariesgeorge]

I appreciate your pragmatic way of accepting the reality. I have made similar experiences. Once in a blue moon, when a man comes along that is interested in me and that I feel attracted to, it's mostly the bi or curious ones, and like you, I take what I can get. But... I am mid-forties now, and though I am thankful for those rare occasions when I get something intimate for a night or two, I can't help but feeling more and more lonely over the years. Because I crave real intimacy, real love that lasts longer and that is more than something that is purely sexual. It's hard to accept that no one is ever there when I come home, that the only one who says to me "Welcome home, Jack" is my smart home device. Many guys of my age group have settled down, may it be with a man or a woman, while I still crave for bonding with someone.

Recently, I saw a reddit post in which someone asked: "How accurate is your gaydar?", and the most upvoted answer was: "My gaydar goes like this: If I find a man truly hot and attractive, then he turns out as 100% straight." Pretty much sums up my life. But how to cope with that? How to cope with that you will never have real physical intimacy, longer lasting body contact with a man you love and feel attracted to? Someone wrote in this thread that he discoverd Buddhism to find inner peace. Sounds like worth a try. Did anybody of you find other solutions?

I wouldn't give up hope. The interesting thing about the gay and straight thing is that apparently this happens frequently to trans people before transitioning. I guess there could be something similar in gay men who value 'masculinity'.

 

[Boaxy]

I'm 38 and even if I'm attracted in men, the only m'en I've been attracted in so far have always been or supposed to be straight. That's how it works for me, and I accept it. I have a few gay friends, but all my closest friends are straight.
A very low percentage of men that I feel attracted in would be in to make something sexual with me, the bi or curious ones, but they exist anyway and I'm happy when life puts someone like that in my way.
That's not more complicated than that.
Just be yourself, enjoy life. Good things come when you're good to others.

And how fucking dare you not give out your secret, or how you do it. Inquiring minds want to know.

 

[Lilyoftheghetto]

I'm 38 and even if I'm attracted in men, the only m'en I've been attracted in so far have always been or supposed to be straight. That's how it works for me, and I accept it. I have a few gay friends, but all my closest friends are straight.
A very low percentage of men that I feel attracted in would be in to make something sexual with me, the bi or curious ones, but they exist anyway and I'm happy when life puts someone like that in my way.
That's not more complicated than that.
Just be yourself, enjoy life. Good things come when you're good to others.

When I first started dating/having sex I did not have a type. I was not seeking anyone specific. However, 95% of the men I was attracting indentified as straight or bisexual. It has always been that way. Not something I originally started out seeking but as time passed, they were the only ones I felted attracted to and for some reason I always felt more comfortable around straight men although there is nothing even remotely heterosexual about me. I have always felt like an outsider in the gay community. I even joined a local gay mens group where we gathered once a week to discuss various topics and I just didnt fit in. But if I am in a group of straight men, as long as they are not talking about sports , I dont feel as awkward. I have not been able to maintain a gay male friendship for longer than 15 minutes. Weird but it makes me sad because I have tried and made efforts over the years to no avail.

 

[Jake1973]

When I first started dating/having sex I did not have a type. I was not seeking anyone specific. However, 95% of the men I was attracting indentified as straight or bisexual. It has always been that way. Not something I originally started out seeking but as time passed, they were the only ones I felted attracted to and for some reason I always felt more comfortable around straight men although there is nothing even remotely heterosexual about me. I have always felt like an outsider in the gay community. I even joined a local gay mens group where we gathered once a week to discuss various topics and I just didnt fit in. But if I am in a group of straight men, as long as they are not talking about sports , I dont feel as awkward. I have not been able to maintain a gay male friendship for longer than 15 minutes. Weird but it makes me sad because I have tried and made efforts over the years to no avail.

It's funny, I have had a few guys like this (one a married friend with kids!) express interest in me. My issue was that I was not really interested in hookups or being someone's dirty little secret and these were not guys who were going to be public about being in a relationship with a guy. Took a long time to find somebody I could live with.

 

[Meisme]

And how fucking dare you not give out your secret, or how you do it. Inquiring minds want to know.

Mh, I don't know if there's a secret, but I have to admit that I've met a lot a lot more success once I've started to actively practice sport. It's been years since and now, I've gain self confidence and I know that I'm physically attractive. It somehow must give me a certain energy and that could be the reason why I've met more people who've been attracted in me, I guess.
But if I had to give you a complete answer : have an active social life, be self confident enough to attract people, be good to them in general... And have luck, 'cause it's certainly a part of it too.

 

[Jack_Bauer_]

It's funny, I have had a few guys like this (one a married friend with kids!) express interest in me. My issue was that I was not really interested in hookups or being someone's dirty little secret and these were not guys who were going to be public about being in a relationship with a guy. Took a long time to find somebody I could live with.

How did you find that special gay someone to live with in the end?

And I am curious to know how those guys, even the one married with kids, expressed interest in you. From my experience, even if they are interested, they are too shy or have too much to lose if they express it openly. For example, there are some guys in my gym who I suspect that to be a bit curious, to say the least. But they would never act on it because we are surrounded by our peer groups there and they don't want anybody to find out their "dirty little secret".

 

[Jake1973]

That guy in particular we were friendly already, introduced by mutuals. He--I later realized--had been dropping hints for a while, blowing up my phone, a lot of compliments, etc. He engineered that we were alone at his place one weekend with whiskey, and finally made his move. We messed around for the better part of a year but I finally put a lid on it. It was too weird being around our mutuals especially his family. We are still friendLY but we don't hang out solo much anymore. He also acts like it never happened.

As for my SO We were also introduced by mutuals in a non-gay setting.