Is there a gay dating hierarchy? Where do I fit?

[exposits22]

I get comments like 'you wont be single for long' or 'you will be taken within a month' (I don't ask, they just tell me this) so something isn't adding up at all.

So why don't you go on and explore with these people you've already engaged in conversation with?

Often, gay men are attracted to men who are unavailable, but they themselves are not 'healthy' if that makes sense. I'm not dismissing the guys who wanted to date you, they could genuinely also have wanted a relationship and been healthy, but its just food for thought. My friends have been in a similar scenario, and when they 'gave a shot' to one of these guys

I think this might be the gist. You seem prejudiced towards seeing a hierarchy in people in where some are in an upper level and should preferrably date among them, while others are in lower levels. The language you use ("not healthy", "give a shot") shows that you assume you're kind of in an upper level where lower guys want to approach you for your status.
I don't see the guys who want to date me as superior, equal or inferior to me, so I don't assume their attraction as healthy or unhealthy beforehand. Sure many times people are attracted in a bad way but in general you can tell very easily when that's the case.
I also acknowledge that it's important to be with someone who's in a similar level intelectually, culturally, etc.; so that you can understand each other and communicate fluently. But you'll be surprised at how often the people you initially judged inferior turn out to be so smart/classy/whatever makes you admire them. You can be with someone ugly and boring but that you admire and see as an equal. Equality is more in the way you behave with each other rather than a fixed social category.

If anything, I think you understood my first post wrong. I actually meant the opposite: be less "perfect" so that guys won't see you as unavailable. So you don't attract the ones who want your status but your personality.

 

[swimmerguydfw]

I fundamentally disagree with the "stop looking" idea. 80%+ of gays I know were actively looking for dates etc and then found their partner. No one falls into your lap tbh, this is a myth. Sure, they may not have "chased" that "particular" person, but they were open to more, which is the state I'm in. When I'm reflecting on my own experiences I am curious why more hasn't happened for me.

I lived in London, and found it quite a racist city in general.

Well, I must be in your 20%...because I found my Life Partner when I was definitely NOT looking. In fact, I had decided that I didn't want anything to do with being "gay", or with the gay community in general. Like you are experiencing now, my dating life was going nowhere. I had had a string of bad/disappointing mini-relationships, and an over-abundance of hook-ups that were truly one-nighters. And looking back, perhaps that was because I was so actively LOOKING for a partner all that time (about five years). In fact, I wouldn't even go home with a guy until I thought that he might be partner material (my bad, there). I wanted more than just sex.

However, when I finally got disenchanted enough---and finally dissociated the "looking for a partner" from my social life, and then just went out with friends to have fun---I met a guy who I actually fell in love with. And oddly enough, he wasn't at that point actively looking, either---he'd just come off of a long-term relationship that went sour. And, it didn't happen overnight...but in our early conversations we realized that we had a lot in common (interests, lifestyle, GOALS)...as well as a lot of interests that we didn't share yet but were open to learning about. Additionally, we had the same sense of humor...which made a big difference in getting over the rough spots as we moved forward.

I'm not going to issue gross generalizations regarding answers to your dilemma, since I don't know you. And, yes, there is a probably a skin-color hierarchy in America---mostly depending on what city or what part of this country you choose to live in. But then, maybe like I was, you are just trying too hard and expecting too much. Maybe that intensity is showing through...and is scaring people away. As one of the posters above mentioned regarding himself, I would not have been classified as "a catch". I'm above-average in every way---looks, build, "equipment", intelligence, career---but hardly stellar. I come across mostly as a Nice Guy...and perhaps in the gay community there is some truth to the old saying that "nice guys finish last". Whatever. But, I was (and still am) goal-oriented. And, maybe that's the issue for you as well. Lighten up a bit...and see what happens.

 

[lostinspace94]

So why don't you go on and explore with these people you've already engaged in conversation with?

I think this might be the gist. You seem prejudiced towards seeing a hierarchy in people in where some are in an upper level and should preferrably date among them, while others are in lower levels. The language you use ("not healthy", "give a shot") shows that you assume you're kind of in an upper level where lower guys want to approach you for your status.
I don't see the guys who want to date me as superior, equal or inferior to me, so I don't assume their attraction as healthy or unhealthy beforehand. Sure many times people are attracted in a bad way but in general you can tell very easily when that's the case.
I also acknowledge that it's important to be with someone who's in a similar level intelectually, culturally, etc.; so that you can understand each other and communicate fluently. But you'll be surprised at how often the people you initially judged inferior turn out to be so smart/classy/whatever makes you admire them. You can be with someone ugly and boring but that you admire and see as an equal. Equality is more in the way you behave with each other rather than a fixed social category.

If anything, I think you understood my first post wrong. I actually meant the opposite: be less "perfect" so that guys won't see you as unavailable. So you don't attract the ones who want your status but your personality.

Because those guys are not available for 'more' e.g. they are plantonic friends, we met for a hookup and they went back to their town/country, are in a relationship etc.

I didn't think there was a hierarchy, I thought you either like someone or you don't. But given my results, I was wondering if there was a hierarchy, and if there was, where I fit, so I could maybe get different results. It wasn't about being superior/inferior, it was about finding a fit, which is what I am struggling with.

I agree that being connected means you need to be connected on other levels too e.g. intellectually, I just don't get the exposure I need in order to find someone who is 'matching me' (and vice versa) and therefore I'm trying to understand how to find my guy in all of this, whoever this may be.

I don't think I'm perfect by any means. But if someone spends time with me, I will show my personality, which comes back to dating, which is what doesn't seem to be picking up for me and I don't know why.

 

[lostinspace94]

Well, I must be in your 20%...because I found my Life Partner when I was definitely NOT looking. In fact, I had decided that I didn't want anything to do with being "gay", or with the gay community in general. Like you are experiencing now, my dating life was going nowhere. I had had a string of bad/disappointing mini-relationships, and an over-abundance of hook-ups that were truly one-nighters. And looking back, perhaps that was because I was so actively LOOKING for a partner all that time (about five years). In fact, I wouldn't even go home with a guy until I thought that he might be partner material (my bad, there). I wanted more than just sex.

However, when I finally got disenchanted enough---and finally dissociated the "looking for a partner" from my social life, and then just went out with friends to have fun---I met a guy who I actually fell in love with. And oddly enough, he wasn't at that point actively looking, either---he'd just come off of a long-term relationship that went sour. And, it didn't happen overnight...but in our early conversations we realized that we had a lot in common (interests, lifestyle, GOALS)...and a lot of interests that we didn't share yet but were open to learning about. Additionally, we had the same sense of humor...which made a big difference in getting over the rough spots as we moved forward.

I'm not going to issue gross generalizations regarding answers to your dilemma, since I don't know you. And, yes, there is a probably a skin-color hierarchy in America---mostly depending on what city or what part of this country you choose to live in. But then, maybe like I was, you are just trying too hard and expecting too much. Maybe that intensity is showing through...and is scaring people away. As one of the posters above mentioned regarding himself, I would not have been classified as "a catch". I'm above-average in every way---looks, build, "equipment", intelligence, career---but hardly stellar. I come across mostly as a Nice Guy...and perhaps in the gay community there is some truth to the old saying that "nice guys finish last". Whatever. But, I was (and still am) goal-oriented. And, maybe that's the issue for you as well. Lighten up a bit...and see what happens.

I think you may have misunderstood my comment. My point was everyone I know who has found someone was still actively dating, hooking up, making friends etc - living life so to speak - not completely closed off to a partner. The specific person they end up with, is of course, more random.

In my case, if dates barely happen, repeat hookups are not happening, nothing is happening (not even a mini-relationship), then I am left wondering what is going on and a partner definitely seems out of reach. I've never been "actively looking for a partner" (perhaps my post is phrased in that way) but its more reflecting back at the 10 years I've been out and about and wondering how nothing has gone any further for me in any capacity.

I've hooked up with plenty of guys I would not consider partner material, but just for fun. I've been to parties etc and enjoyed my time, again, not 'filtering heavily' for 'who will put a ring on my finger'. Anyway, 1 meeting is just too soon to even think about that or determine that. My frustration comes from a lack of *anyone* knowing my further in order for me to figure out things in common / what I truly like etc.

 

[swimmerguydfw]

Well, I guess then that I'm the oddball...because I was NOT then "actively" doing anything to even encourage anything more eventful. Nor was my now-husband. We both had friends; we both went out with them and had a good, relaxed time without the pressure of a hook-up. If anything was going to happen for either of us, it was going to be organic and not forced. As a result, for me at least, I usually went home by myself. I stopped expecting anything to happen---other than being happy with my life and with being by myself. It was when the intensity of dating and "finding someone" went away that I was able to relax and just enjoy others for who they were...not what they might represent. I stopped looking at guys under a microscope...and just took the usually short interplay for what it was worth at the time. Nothing more, nothing less.

To be honest, my husband and I had some differences that...past the sex...would have been a disqualifier had I looked at them more closely in the way that I had previously. But even given that, we were both willing to work with those differences because we found other things far outweighed those supposed drawbacks.

So, my only comment would be that maybe YOU aren't communicating enough to even let another guy get to the point of knowing you better...and then working with you to see where a possible relationship might go. Again, I don't know you...but maybe you are just coming across as too intense (for whatever reason), or as already expecting too much from the other guy. Or, maybe at this point in your life, too self-absorbed by your history. And hence, they pick up on that and drop away quickly.

 

[lostinspace94]

Well, I guess then that I'm the oddball...because I was NOT then "actively" doing anything to even encourage anything more eventful. Nor was my now-husband. We both had friends; we both went out with them and had a good, relaxed time without the pressure of a hook-up. If anything was going to happen for either of us, it was going to be organic and not forced. As a result, for me at least, I usually went home by myself. I stopped expecting anything to happen---other than being happy with my life and with being by myself. It was when the intensity of dating and "finding someone" went away that I was able to relax and just enjoy others for who they were...not what they might represent. I stopped looking at guys under a microscope...and just took the usually short interplay for what it was worth at the time. Nothing more, nothing less.

To be honest, my husband and I had some differences that...past the sex...would have been a disqualifier had I looked at them more closely in the way that I had previously. But even given that, we were both willing to work with those differences because we found other things far outweighed those supposed drawbacks.

So, my only comment would be that maybe YOU aren't communicating enough to even let another guy get to the point of knowing you better...and then working with you to see where a possible relationship might go. Again, I don't know you...but maybe you are just coming across as too intense (for whatever reason), or as already expecting too much from the other guy. Or, maybe at this point in your life, too self-absorbed by your history. And hence, they pick up on that and drop away quickly.

Lets assume this is true. Its not like there is a switch in my brain I can just 'turn off'. It is easy to say 'live your life' but you are constantly reminded its just another hookup, no one still wants you etc and it hurts.

 

[exposits22]

Lets assume this is true. Its not like there is a switch in my brain I can just 'turn off'. It is easy to say 'live your life' but you are constantly reminded its just another hookup, no one still wants you etc and it hurts.

DM me if you want. You can show me your tinder conversations, etc. and I can give you feedback. I love helping people out so feel free to ask.

 

[deleted26602421]

The only dating advice I can give is to look for a person that matches you. I don't really believe in this "league bullshit" since there are many couples with a conventionally attractive partner and one who is less but there's no use in dating someone who doesn't fit your lifestyle, beliefs, etc. So it might be sensible to find out who you are and then find someone who matches (sounds cheesy I know but there's some truth in it) and ditch all this "hierarchy thing", that's really only good if you want to find out how many guys on Grindr want to bang you but not for a relationship.

 

[lostinspace94]

The only dating advice I can give is to look for a person that matches you. I don't really believe in this "league bullshit" since there are many couples with a conventionally attractive partner and one who is less but there's no use in dating someone who doesn't fit your lifestyle, beliefs, etc. So it might be sensible to find out who you are and then find someone who matches (sounds cheesy I know but there's some truth in it) and ditch all this "hierarchy thing", that's really only good if you want to find out how many guys on Grindr want to bang you but not for a relationship.

Right but this is the problem. I am not getting "dating" matches, only "hookup" matches, hence my "data" is incomplete.

 

[deleted26602421]

Right but this is the problem. I am not getting "dating" matches, only "hookup" matches, hence my "data" is incomplete.

Well, if you're scoring hookups, your looks or your race is not the problem. Finding a relationship as a gay man is difficult regardless of your ethnicity, it's difficult for whites, blacks, asians etc. I am white, 24 and live in a country with super progressive LGBT rights but it's difficult here too to find a relationship.

If you're looking for real dates, I'd advise you to use apps like Hinge or OkCupid. Tinder can be OK too but it really depends since it's such a popular app. Apps like Grindr or Romeo are more designed for hook-ups, so it's rather unlikely you'll find real dates there.

 

[lostinspace94]

Well, if you're scoring hookups, your looks or your race is not the problem. Finding a relationship as a gay man is difficult regardless of your ethnicity, it's difficult for whites, blacks, asians etc. I am white, 24 and live in a country with super progressive LGBT rights but it's difficult here too to find a relationship.

If you're looking for real dates, I'd advise you to use apps like Hinge or OkCupid. Tinder can be OK too but it really depends since it's such a popular app. Apps like Grindr or Romeo are more designed for hook-ups, so it's rather unlikely you'll find real dates there.

Sure but plenty of gay men I know have had relationships etc. Also, I am using Hinge etc, same issues.

 

[deleted26602421]

I'd love to have a relationship too but finding that special person is quite difficult so it's better not to put yourself under too much pressure and enjoy your single life - after all, you can have sex with anyone you want and relationships can be super stressful too so there are definitely perks of being single. Sexual freedom is a thing a lot of men want, regardless if they're in a relationship or not.

It's better to stay single than be with the wrong person and a lot of people are in unhappy relationships or marriages, so it's better not to compare yourself to others and enjoy life.

I know society sort of pressures one to be in a relationship and have a family etc but who the fuck cares what other people say, it's your life and it's not like us gays have to conform to any heteronormative standards anyway.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Your fixation on race, hierarchy, status, and comparison to others might be interfering with your eligibility as a long-term, romantic partner. Because you're from the UK, I'll add that Americans generally appreciate, and find attractive, a person who establishes his own individuality, leverages and overcomes his own circumstances, and determines his own destiny, all the while ignoring the encumbrances imposed by other people's perceptions.

 

[swimmerguydfw]

Lets assume this is true. Its not like there is a switch in my brain I can just 'turn off'. It is easy to say 'live your life' but you are constantly reminded its just another hookup, no one still wants you etc and it hurts.

Actually, there is. You need to stop expecting too much from yourself, and from others, and from dating apps. It can be done...but you need the motivation to do it. Maybe you just haven't hit that rock-bottom place that will give you that motivation yet. Once you are satisfied with yourself and your situation---and can live with it---things start to change in so many aspects of your life, including your love life.

The fact that you are depending on circuit parties and dating apps (and "data") to do most of your work sort of tells me that the people you are meeting are in the same boat as you are. And, are probably struggling as well by expecting to find the answer there. As another poster mentioned, if you're scoring hook-ups, it's not the data that is incorrect. Instead, the people you are meeting may have the right "data"...but not the right personality for what you are looking for. And, maybe you're looking for too much too soon. I'm not decrying dating apps...I know a couple of guys (not many, though) who are in strong relationships that met that way. But, most did not---the met at the gym; at work; via friends; at political activist meetings; in a night class on Shakespeare (of all things); at a concert; doing local theatre. And with almost all of them, they each would never have met via a dating app because their "data" would not have matched up.

But then, maybe that's part of your issue as well...you're concentrating on strictly "gay" venues, thinking the chances are better there. Most of the guys that I've noted above who are in long-term relationships did not meet via strictly gay situations...they met where different sorts of types all converge. Right there, that takes a lot of pressure off of the "need to score". The conversation is less about sex, and more about each other. And the few who did meet at a bar or club, immediately took the relationship out of that realm.

Love isn't a science...it's a feeling of being needed, and of needing a particular someone else with you through days of your life. It's not setting up a "standard" by having the most data matches...it's letting it all take it's own course. Obviously, sex is different from love. You can have both...in their own separate realms. And then, when the feeling is right on both sides, the two realms intersect.

Generally speaking, though, it's not just gay men who have this issue. Straight people have the same problems, as many of my straight single friends will attest to. Maybe it's just the structure of society today where the default mechanism for meeting is an app...which takes the emotional element out of it entirely.

 

[lostinspace94]

Actually, there is. You need to stop expecting too much from yourself, and from others, and from dating apps. It can be done...but you need the motivation to do it. Maybe you just haven't hit that rock-bottom place that will give you that motivation yet. Once you are satisfied with yourself and your situation---and can live with it---things start to change in so many aspects of your life, including your love life.

The fact that you are depending on circuit parties and dating apps (and "data") to do most of your work sort of tells me that the people you are meeting are in the same boat as you are. And, are probably struggling as well by expecting to find the answer there. As another poster mentioned, if you're scoring hook-ups, it's not the data that is incorrect. Instead, the people you are meeting may have the right "data"...but not the right personality for what you are looking for. And, maybe you're looking for too much too soon. I'm not decrying dating apps...I know a couple of guys (not many, though) who are in strong relationships that met that way. But, most did not---the met at the gym; at work; via friends; at political activist meetings; in a night class on Shakespeare (of all things); at a concert; doing local theatre. And with almost all of them, they each would never have met via a dating app because their "data" would not have matched up.

But then, maybe that's part of your issue as well...you're concentrating on strictly "gay" venues, thinking the chances are better there. Most of the guys that I've noted above who are in long-term relationships did not meet via strictly gay situations...they met where different sorts of types all converge. Right there, that takes a lot of pressure off of the "need to score". The conversation is less about sex, and more about each other. And the few who did meet at a bar or club, immediately took the relationship out of that realm.

Love isn't a science...it's a feeling of being needed, and of needing a particular someone else with you through days of your life. It's not setting up a "standard" by having the most data matches...it's letting it all take it's own course. Obviously, sex is different from love. You can have both...in their own separate realms. And then, when the feeling is right on both sides, the two realms intersect.

Generally speaking, though, it's not just gay men who have this issue. Straight people have the same problems, as many of my straight single friends will attest to. Maybe it's just the structure of society today where the default mechanism for meeting is an app...which takes the emotional element out of it entirely.

Agreed. I just want this feeling with someone. I do hobbies etc just never come across someone I felt this for. And just tried to put myself into as many different environments as possible, or ones with a 'higher chance of success' i.e. somewhere where there are more gay men, but still stuck. Hence on here trying to figure out what is happening.

 

[Graham123]

Hi lost in space 94, I don’t agree with this hiarchy bullshit at all no one person is better than any other. Different folk come from different backgrounds I agree with, we used to have a class system in uk lower, middle and upper class and then the super rich but they are all just human no better than anybody else maybe a little richer or more fortunate than me but not better than me. There is also a saying opposite’s attract so don’t necessarily rely on what a dating app tells you is your match as it’s not often right but a guideline I believe.

Forget about dating and try to settle down and enjoy life, you are in a good job, respected I presume well thought off and from what you have said fit healthy and not a bad looker so don’t worry. You are still young you have plenty of time to meet with a guy of your dreams and date it’s not like you are a woman and the clock it ticking before the menopause kicks in and you need to meet a guy you want a family with and can’t get a husband father type figure to live your life with or give you children.

Does it matter if the guy is white black Asian or from Mars its who you love that matters not what they are and that will come when you least expect it and hit you like a train. Relax have a hook up if it’s a bit of sex you need to relieve the tension then go about your life. I think habitual hook ups are not what you need, some guys do need a lot of sex or think they can’t go with out it, but you can and a wank often sorts things out sometimes to relieve the frustration you may feel. Guys that have many different hooks up are not always content and they are also searching for something because if you can get the water from one well why bother looking for it at another well.

If you go about your normal hard working life doing no harm to others and being considerate of others needs enjoy life as it presents itself with the hand you have been dealt it will fall into place and before you know it when you are settled and not expecting anything it may well happen out of a situation something you don’t expect, could be a works do, an outing to a theme park, a construction job, someone who serves you a coffee, where you meet a guy and he asks you out for a beer because of who you are not the fact that you have advertised that you have a 10” dick on some dating app. ( I don’t know the size of your dick just saying) you probably do score well on dating apps because maybe thats what those guys are looking for a fit guy who they fantasise about a one off not a husband. Someone to get a shag with.

I never had sex with my Mrs until we were married so it wasn’t the sex thing that brought us together it was attraction of her personality not her Fanny! We are still married after 44 yrs this year and I proposed to her six weeks after first dating, we waited a good twelve months or so before we married so it wasn’t a rush job to get her laid. Ok I could have and liked to have had a better sex life with her she is not the most adventurous in the bedroom dept but we have had a great and loving close knit family that I wouldn’t swap for all the tea in china.

You seem to me a good honest and respectable intelligent person and got a lot to offer a guy and there is someone out there for you, you’re Mr right, don’t fret you will meet him when you least expect it and in the meantime stop looking get on with your life and enjoying it and others will no doubt be if it from you in more ways than one.

Take care and I wish you all the best for you and your future ahead.

So why many of you may be asking why am I on this site, because I didn’t realise or was in denial that I am bisexual and I my world of growing up that was a “No No” so I am embracing this now like a lot of married guys who since realise they like cock as well. Sadly it’s not something I can share with my family but that my burden to deal with.

Once again take care lost in space 94 don’t worry you will find your space ship orbiting out their and before you know it you will be docking together to make your own space station.

 

[Graham123]

Hi lost in space 94, I don’t agree with this hiarchy bullshit at all no one person is better than any other. Different folk come from different backgrounds I agree with, we used to have a class system in uk lower, middle and upper class and then the super rich but they are all just human no better than anybody else maybe a little richer or more fortunate than me but not better than me. There is also a saying opposite’s attract so don’t necessarily rely on what a dating app tells you is your match as it’s not often right but a guideline I believe.

Forget about dating and try to settle down and enjoy life, you are in a good job, respected I presume well thought off and from what you have said fit healthy and not a bad looker so don’t worry. You are still young you have plenty of time to meet with a guy of your dreams and date it’s not like you are a woman and the clock it ticking before the menopause kicks in and you need to meet a guy you want a family with and can’t get a husband father type figure to live your life with or give you children.

Does it matter if the guy is white black Asian or from Mars its who you love that matters not what they are and that will come when you least expect it and hit you like a train. Relax have a hook up if it’s a bit of sex you need to relieve the tension then go about your life. I think habitual hook ups are not what you need, some guys do need a lot of sex or think they can’t go with out it, but you can and a wank often sorts things out sometimes to relieve the frustration you may feel. Guys that have many different hooks up are not always content and they are also searching for something because if you can get the water from one well why bother looking for it at another well.

If you go about your normal hard working life doing no harm to others and being considerate of others needs enjoy life as it presents itself with the hand you have been dealt it will fall into place and before you know it when you are settled and not expecting anything it may well happen out of a situation something you don’t expect, could be a works do, an outing to a theme park, a construction job, someone who serves you a coffee, where you meet a guy and he asks you out for a beer because of who you are not the fact that you have advertised that you have a 10” dick on some dating app. ( I don’t know the size of your dick just saying) you probably do score well on dating apps because maybe thats what those guys are looking for a fit guy who they fantasise about a one off not a husband. Someone to get a shag with.

I never had sex with my Mrs until we were married so it wasn’t the sex thing that brought us together it was attraction of her personality not her Fanny! We are still married after 44 yrs this year and I proposed to her six weeks after first dating, we waited a good twelve months or so before we married so it wasn’t a rush job to get her laid. Ok I could have and liked to have had a better sex life with her she is not the most adventurous in the bedroom dept but we have had a great and loving close knit family that I wouldn’t swap for all the tea in china.

You seem to me a good honest and respectable intelligent person and got a lot to offer a guy and there is someone out there for you, you’re Mr right, don’t fret you will meet him when you least expect it and in the meantime stop looking get on with your life and enjoying it and others will no doubt be if it from you in more ways than one.

Take care and I wish you all the best for you and your future ahead.

So why many of you may be asking why am I on this site, because I didn’t realise or was in denial that I am bisexual and I my world of growing up that was a “No No” so I am embracing this now like a lot of married guys who since realise they like cock as well. Sadly it’s not something I can share with my family but that my burden to deal with.

Once again take care lost in space 94 don’t worry you will find your space ship orbiting out their and before you know it you will be docking together to make your own space station.

P.s. guys I don’t habitually go around fucking guys because I no longer have sex with the Mrs, just two or three times a year if I am lucky, I still have to deal with the guilt issues it causes, but that’s another subject!

 

[geordie-bloke]

Mate, my thoughts and feelings are quite strong on this sopic so for what it’s worth:

1. OK so somebody else alluded to this and it doesn’t take a therapist to work out that you have huge hang-ups about your race. I’ve done exceedingly well, given where I started from (single parent, council estate, north east) yet I still have hangups about my socioeconomic origins and my accent so I get SOME of that … it would be remiss of me to say that I understand the racial aspect but any insecurity will hold you back and being proud of who you are is very attractive.

2. The muscle lifestyle (wtf even is that unless you use expensive hormones instead of iceland chicken), circuit parties, 10/10 guys, app hook-ups, gonzo gonzalez or whatever TF his name is (relationship advice from a porn person? Love me some porn buc … c’moooon man … c’mooooon! This, Sir, is not the language of wine and roses and it is a language with a finite shelf-life. Possibility is everywhere - I favour the gym and it’s a very affordable but very gay one. It sounds like you’re stuck in the wrong circles too much to see much else. I just hope and pray you’re not one of the ones who dresses like a Gen-Z.

3. By way of example, I stood on the dance floor of a nightclub I pretty much lived at on a NYE and looked around and listened to the music and myself and suddenly realised it was no longer “me”. Single or not (I was and I was scared that I’d never find anyone if I wasn’t “out” constantly), it just wasn’t making me happy anymore. I’d had some great experience aside of sex or romance and I shall always cherish them but it just was not me. So strong was my realisation that I said it aloud to my mate (around the stroke of midnight cuz I do like me some melodrama in life) who was astonished; I had been a clubaholic up until then. Under three months later I’d met the guy I’d be with for 20+ years at a friend’s party. To say I fell in love for the first time ever (I thought I had bt I clearly hadn’t) would be an understatement. It’s weird but somewhere deep down I’d made a decision that would send ripples across my life as my career advanced rapidly too. I was in my early twenties.

I have a thing about eyes … they tell you so much … and maybe, given what you say you want vs where you’re looking for it, and who you are vs who you portray … just maybe, your eyes aren’t telling the story that you want them to?

My fourpenneth. No hate; only love coming from me, always. Again, I’m loathe to criticise your thoughts about race as I grew up near Newcastle FFS, we only had two non-whites in a school of 600+ but mixed race is at the very top of my list - especially dark skinned, green-eyed latinos to be specific, regardless of “size” (always about the eyes) but I digress. I reckon this chart thing is bollocks, except maybe for total twats who you wouldn’t want anyway!

Try something a bit different? Good luck. x

 

[Graham123]

Mate, my thoughts and feelings are quite strong on this sopic so for what it’s worth:

1. OK so somebody else alluded to this and it doesn’t take a therapist to work out that you have huge hang-ups about your race. I’ve done exceedingly well, given where I started from (single parent, council estate, north east) yet I still have hangups about my socioeconomic origins and my accent so I get SOME of that … it would be remiss of me to say that I understand the racial aspect but any insecurity will hold you back and being proud of who you are is very attractive.

2. The muscle lifestyle (wtf even is that unless you use expensive hormones instead of iceland chicken), circuit parties, 10/10 guys, app hook-ups, gonzo gonzalez or whatever TF his name is (relationship advice from a porn person? Love me some porn buc … c’moooon man … c’mooooon! This, Sir, is not the language of wine and roses and it is a language with a finite shelf-life. Possibility is everywhere - I favour the gym and it’s a very affordable but very gay one. It sounds like you’re stuck in the wrong circles too much to see much else. I just hope and pray you’re not one of the ones who dresses like a Gen-Z.

3. By way of example, I stood on the dance floor of a nightclub I pretty much lived at on a NYE and looked around and listened to the music and myself and suddenly realised it was no longer “me”. Single or not (I was and I was scared that I’d never find anyone if I wasn’t “out” constantly), it just wasn’t making me happy anymore. I’d had some great experience aside of sex or romance and I shall always cherish them but it just was not me. So strong was my realisation that I said it aloud to my mate (around the stroke of midnight cuz I do like me some melodrama in life) who was astonished; I had been a clubaholic up until then. Under three months later I’d met the guy I’d be with for 20+ years at a friend’s party. To say I fell in love for the first time ever (I thought I had bt I clearly hadn’t) would be an understatement. It’s weird but somewhere deep down I’d made a decision that would send ripples across my life as my career advanced rapidly too. I was in my early twenties.

I have a thing about eyes … they tell you so much … and maybe, given what you say you want vs where you’re looking for it, and who you are vs who you portray … just maybe, your eyes aren’t telling the story that you want them to?

My fourpenneth. No hate; only love coming from me, always. Again, I’m loathe to criticise your thoughts about race as I grew up near Newcastle FFS, we only had two non-whites in a school of 600+ but mixed race is at the very top of my list - especially dark skinned, green-eyed latinos to be specific, regardless of “size” (always about the eyes) but I digress. I reckon this chart thing is bollocks, except maybe for total twats who you wouldn’t want anyway!

Try something a bit different? Good luck. x

georgie-bloke not to digress from the subject but you have lovely blue eyes!

 

[geordie-bloke]

georgie-bloke not to digress from the subject but you have lovely blue eyes!

Aaaaaw ta man that made my day! Rest of me face is fugly or would show it!

Oh and it’s georDie . And ur from Norfolk????