This seems to match my experience as I always get the hookup - with the hottest of the hottest guy on apps etc - but they will never want to know me beyond that - as their fantasy is fulfilled.
So they are attracted to you? They just dont want a relationship? And how should they know your character on a hookup app? I am not in one. But I think it is difficult.
A lot of people think that if people talk to them in a club or an app, this is because of their good character. They talk to them because of the first impression and the appearance They dont know their character if they havent talked with the person.
That is the first mistake that you think they choose you because you are a good person. They choose you because of your appearance.
They have a lot of people they can choose from, so you are not the priority. That is my guess. Because it is a hookup app.
I feel like nothing is 'wrong' with me but perhaps I just am not well-positioned to find someone who will accept me for who I am.
These apps are designed for shallow behaviour. That is why you usually find shallow people there. But the internet in general makes the people more shallow. So you have to change the society for that.
The more attractive you are on these apps, they more shallow you usually become. That is why women in youtubevideos and tiktokvideos usually overestimate their worth and look. Because they have a lot of people that write to them.
. I also stopped hooking up entirely, but didn't land a single date in 6+ months, so basically ended up just getting no action or date lol.
That seems to be normal in the US. Most gay people are single according to this post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGaybrosOver30/comments/1105twx
I feel like nothing is 'wrong' with me but perhaps I just am not well-positioned to find someone who will accept me for who I am. I love living in the US, and my career means I can find a high paying job in almost any state. I really want to experience a more intimate connection with someone
Congratulation, that you are enjoying the materialistic lifestyle and having more money than people from other countries.
But that also means you are systemically discriminating other nations according to wokeness and inclusion.
If you promote identity politics, you should realize that you are not discriminated overall. You discriminate more people than other people discriminate you.
That is why identity is so important so that you realize your privileges and internalized hate against other nations (also according to wokeness). They earn less because your institutions are discriminating other nations whose people earn less for the same job.
Wokeness does not blame one person for this. It blames everyone. Every American is responsible because it is systemic.
As you described, I am fit, am told I'm handsome looking, and therefore people are generally surprised I am single and never been in anything "more".
That is normal. People dont say to your face that you are not their type. But they usually like you as friend and cheer you up. But you are probably also attractive if your other posts are true.
I almost never get a black or asian guy match with me (I got Tinder Premium for example to see if it was me being biased) or in the rare case they do, I am not attracted to that particular guy (and this is not a general race statement, there are plenty of white and white-passing guys I'm not attracted to either).
What does it matter if you reject people because of their race or because you are not attracted to them?
Rejection is always the same.
If more people are attracted to you than others, you are privileged.
I'm left with the following questions:
a) Am I white-passing/where do I fit in the hierarchy/who should I realistically target? I could PM a pic if helpful.
b) Where do I find guys who are open to more?
c) How do I get actual feedback on what is putting guys off and/or progress things from a hookup to more?
If there is a market for relationship there is also probably an app, too. Grinder is probably only a sex app. I dont know, becaus I am not on this app.
If you are positive you have no hierachical system that is only in negative societies. You see everybody as your in-group. You dont distinguish between races or appearance.
That does not mean you dont see discrimination. That is also a false teaching. If you see everybody as one you see discrimination even better.
This racial hierarchy stuff is racist ideology. That is not antiracism like these people claim. You only think in racial identities if you are a racist.
Divide and conquer existed even in ancient Rome for a reason. It always works. Separate the people into different groups and then rule over them.
I do have hobbies outside of circuit parties etc but never really made connections (beyond platonic friends) through those.
Most people are straight, so that is pretty normal. So as long as there is nothing for gay specifically you are lost. But there is probably a market because some gays also want a relationship. So maybe there will be a solution for that in the future, too. I dont know any.
Often, gay men are attracted to men who are unavailable, but they themselves are not 'healthy' if that makes sense. I'm not dismissing the guys who wanted to date you, they could genuinely also have wanted a relationship and been healthy, but its just food for thought.
That is normal as far as I know. If you have a large pool to choose from, you become picky. They have a lot of sex and therefore think they are attractive. You probably also know the youtubevideo of women that think they are all 10s.
That is because women have more people to choose from (in tinder) and men have to make the first step. So they think they are more attractive then they are. That is the other way around for men. They think they are less attractive because they are rejected more often.
So just by the law of numbers, if say 20% are attractive in general, more white / white-passing people will come through. The reverse is true too. There are plenty of unattractive white guys I reject. So the color of someone itself doesn't qualify them for anything. I would say, I am actually rejected a lot more by black people (even on Tinder premium, I checked to see if I was missing guys by accident, and barely matched with a black person from their side) idk why.
So you choose people based on looks? That is probably also the reason why those people reject you.
Because they (attractive black people) have probably more people they can choose from, so they reject more and can be more picky.
That is how these apps are constructed.
I didn't think there was a hierarchy, I thought you either like someone or you don't. But given my results, I was wondering if there was a hierarchy, and if there was, where I fit, so I could maybe get different results. It wasn't about being superior/inferior, it was about finding a fit, which is what I am struggling with.
Yes the hierachy is that you are more attractive according to your posts and on top of the hierarchy.
If you have no bias against different groups, you dont think in hierarchies. You are attracted to everybody equally nomatter how they look like.
You have a different hierarchy. You also choose based on attractiveness but that is not different.
