Sexual activity as a kink

[nhguy78]

For those of us on the asexual spectrum who can sometimes desire sex, do you find that you have to be in a sex headspace to do so? In terms of kink, I can't call it Dom(me) space or sub space but related to it. Or, maybe more accurately the asexual person controlling the activity might be the Dom(me) and the asexual person not controlling the activity may be considered the sub?

I know this topic is weird and from being on Fetlife, I know asexual kinksters exist. So, I thought I'd bring the topic here to get your input.

 

[nhguy78]

As a follow-up, I've been wanting to try different things that i don't normally want.

If the definition of fetish is the requirement of a particular thing in order to want sex then my fetish is sensuality and maybe intelligence and understanding. Fucked up i suppose.

 

[siddenu]

Hmm, I'm not sure if i can call this a fetish as it never crossed my mind like that before but in some way i think I may have a praise fetish?

I don't desire to be apart of sexual activities usually but in some of rare occasions that I do, it came about from being praised by someone which I guess instantly flips a "sex" switch in my brain. I don't know how to explain it but "being praised" equates to "desire and perhaps willingness to have sex" 8/10 times even if the person doesn't fit what I'll consider my usual criteria for attraction (emotional connection, "manliness").

In addition to that, just like you is sensuality and intelligence. Smart, intellectual conversations are very hot and I need to participate in those more.

Being aego usually keeps it at desire though.

 

[nhguy78]

Hmm, I'm not sure if i can call this a fetish as it never crossed my mind like that before but in some way i think I may have a praise fetish?

I don't desire to be apart of sexual activities usually but in some of rare occasions that I do, it came about from being praised by someone which I guess instantly flips a "sex" switch in my brain. I don't know how to explain it but "being praised" equates to "desire and perhaps willingness to have sex" 8/10 times even if the person doesn't fit what I'll consider my usual criteria for attraction (emotional connection, "manliness").

In addition to that, just like you is sensuality and intelligence. Smart, intellectual conversations are very hot and I need to participate in those more.

Being aego usually keeps it at desire though.

Hey, thanks for replying!

Does the praise include encouragement or does it kinda melt you a little to a point where you wanna be close?

 

[siddenu]

Hey, thanks for replying!

Does the praise include encouragement or does it kinda melt you a little to a point where you wanna be close?

A bit of both to be honest, depending on what is said and who's saying it. A simple "good boy" can make me melt into a puddle with me with warmth while at the same time also giving me the courage to partake in (sexual) acts I won't find myself contemplating otherwise.

Though I do prefer the latter more especially when it comes to bodily contact that is not sexual, it is nice when I can do sexual things with others without the usual thoughts like "this doesn't interest me" since I'm more focused on satisfying the other person and being praised in return for doing a good job.

 

[nhguy78]

A bit of both to be honest, depending on what is said and who's saying it. A simple "good boy" can make me melt into a puddle with me with warmth while at the same time also giving me the courage to partake in (sexual) acts I won't find myself contemplating otherwise.

Though I do prefer the latter more especially when it comes to bodily contact that is not sexual, it is nice when I can do sexual things with others without the usual thoughts like "this doesn't interest me" since I'm more focused on satisfying the other person and being praised in return for doing a good job.

Sounds like fun.

i do like being wooed and seduced and providing if t means that my pleasure is not forgotten.

 

[aexikz]

Very VERY late to this, but I'd still like to reply...

I'm also aego, so though I'm 7/10 thinking sexually in some capacity, it's me going through with it IRL (or considering going through with it) that flips the switch to "off".

Splitting hairs for a sec, for me, a "sex headspace" is just my standard form of mental edging - watching porn, posting random pics (not mine) to social media, playing porny/sexual games in VR. Basically, "aesthetically sexual".

I tend to not get into the other 'actionable" sex headspace very often because Allos won't understand where I'm coming from, and I either don't get what I want out of the experience, or I randomly disassociate mid-sex, or I go way overboard and slip into unhealthy behavior in trying to be Allo for 48 hours.

Ironically, I think I probably would be more sexual in an aego/ace spectrum situation since I might feel more at ease, and others might be more open to the exploratory and out-of-body wavelength I'm on.