Struggling to come out

[justaboredguy]

Soo, I’m pretty 99% sure I like men there’s about 1% of me which has doubts because I find women attractive and but the thought of going home or having a conversation with a women kinda terrifies me, I have a supportive family who would be nothing but kind if I did come out but I’m really struggling with the thought of being out I don’t want people to change around me, I don’t want to be seen as the “gay” best friend or the “gay” uncle. I’m not a masculine man I don’t like sports, I don’t really find cars all that interesting but I’m not into the stereotypical gay stuff either I don’t want to wear make up and walk around in girl clothes. Like if I came out the only change that would happen is I’d be able to meet people but the thought of the change is terrifying for me but it’s getting to the point where I’m getting older and I keep imagining myself dying alone cause I’m afraid of making that leap.

 

[sheerq]

Go on a date with a man - it’s the only way to find out.

 

[hale989]

How old are you?

Most gay guys don’t wear make up and walk around in girl clothes.

Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. There is no one way to be gay. You will find gay guys that are interested in all the same things that interests you. Coming out is freedom from being stereotypical.

 

[justaboredguy]

How old are you?

Most gay guys don’t wear make up and walk around in girl clothes.

Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. There is no one way to be gay. You will find gay guys that are interested in all the same things that interests you. Coming out is freedom from being stereotypical.

28. And where I’m from they’re a lot of very stereotypical gay guys, false nails, make up, fake eyelashes and girl clothes. I wasn’t being mean cause I know everyone ain’t like that what I meant was I’d just be how I am now, I wouldn’t change the only thing that would change is people knowing I liked men

 

[cedarizzo]

28. And where I’m from they’re a lot of very stereotypical gay guys, false nails, make up, fake eyelashes and girl clothes. I wasn’t being mean cause I know everyone ain’t like that what I meant was I’d just be how I am now, I wouldn’t change the only thing that would change is people knowing I liked men

You only see the stereotypical gay men with fake nails, make up, fake eyelashes and girl clothes because that stands out. Believe me, there are plenty of gay men who don't do any of that stuff around you. You just don't see it because they don't stand out from the rest of the crowd.

I've never worn fake nails, fake eyelashes, makeup or girls clothes in my life. My current boyfriend is an auto mechanic that used to race stock cars. The boyfriends I had before him were a janitor, grocery store manager and a school teacher. My friends have been a emergency room nurse, vice president of a fortune 500 company, fire fighter, bookkeeper, computer programmer and business owners. None of them wore fake nails, fake eyelashes, makeup or girls clothes.

There are plenty of regular guys who just happen to be gay all around you, they just don't appear to be the stereotypical gay man.

 

[SilentMajority]

Don't let yourself be fooled. Many gay men do not present as feminine. Some do, but I think most do not. It's a fallacy to think that gay men are all fem, most are happy to be guys who like guys. Just because you like dick doesn't make you a fem. It makes you gay... And gay is a full spectrum of people.

 

[Brodie888]

The only thing all gay men have in common is that they are sexually attracted to other men.

Apart from that, there is every combination of gay men who have no stereotypical traits to those having every stereotypical trait.

I was a jock, I love sports, I have no stereotypical gay mannerisms. My only tell would be the fact that I have great taste in clothes and my place looks like it could have been in a feature article in a magazine. Two things very few straight men possess.

 

[michael_3165]

Yyou'll likely find it a disappointment when you come out. Most people just shrug.

 

[justaboredguy]

Yyou'll likely find it a disappointment when you come out. Most people just shrug.

That’s what I want, I don’t want a big song and dance

 

[trigman40]

Just be yourself. As stated before, most people will be happy you decided to be yourself.

 

[uwsmike]

You only see the stereotypical gay men with fake nails, make up, fake eyelashes and girl clothes because that stands out.

Bingo. They are the visible ones, the ones who are also most usually part of "the gay community" and who center their lives around gay clubs, gay bars, gay social events and are only friends with other gay people.

Many--not most, but many--think that their way of being gay is the only authentic way of being gay and they will accuse you of not "really being gay" because you don't stan Beyoncé or similar.

Ignore them.

 

[theplayerking]

Soo, I’m pretty 99% sure I like men there’s about 1% of me which has doubts because I find women attractive and but the thought of going home or having a conversation with a women kinda terrifies me, I have a supportive family who would be nothing but kind if I did come out but I’m really struggling with the thought of being out I don’t want people to change around me, I don’t want to be seen as the “gay” best friend or the “gay” uncle. I’m not a masculine man I don’t like sports, I don’t really find cars all that interesting but I’m not into the stereotypical gay stuff either I don’t want to wear make up and walk around in girl clothes. Like if I came out the only change that would happen is I’d be able to meet people but the thought of the change is terrifying for me but it’s getting to the point where I’m getting older and I keep imagining myself dying alone cause I’m afraid of making that leap.

Most people you know probably suspect, or assume, already and just want you to be happy.

 

[justaboredguy]

Most people you know probably suspect, or assume, already and just want you to be happy.

You are right, I told my sister and she said “cool, as long as you’re happy.” Which I knew would happen, I told her I didn’t want to tell anyone else just yet and she told me to wait until I’m comfortable with myself before telling everyone which was great advice as I’m not 100% comfortable with it myself.

 

[SilentMajority]

Cheers to your sister for the perfect response.

You are right, I told my sister and she said “cool, as long as you’re happy.” Which I knew would happen, I told her I didn’t want to tell anyone else just yet and she told me to wait until I’m comfortable with myself before telling everyone which was great advice as I’m not 100% comfortable with it myself.

 

[bravesoldier]

You're kind of in my situation. I've not come out but I know some know I'm gay and play. I don't think it is known mainstream where I live, but I don't know for sure who all may know. But when you play, word does get around even if in gay circles and eventually knowledge leaks out. It is a given.

Anyway, don't come out. Let it evolve. If you're active and playing it will evolve. A lot of gay people have just let it evolve, never officially coming out.

 

[justaboredguy]

You're kind of in my situation. I've not come out but I know some know I'm gay and play. I don't think it is known mainstream where I live, but I don't know for sure who all may know. But when you play, word does get around even if in gay circles and eventually knowledge leaks out. It is a given.

Anyway, don't come out. Let it evolve. If you're active and playing it will evolve. A lot of gay people have just let it evolve, never officially coming out.

I don’t play anymore, it didn’t do much for me I’ve always wanted a deep connection with someone so I basically said it’s now or never, my age is also a factor, I’m almost 29 and I know in the gay world I’m ancient, I’ve never had talking stages or a real relationship and a lot of people are afraid of turning 30 cause it causes a lot of them to realise life is going fast and its too short to be afraid, so I told my sister very quickly almost too quick I feel like I rushed myself out but it’s all been fine.

 

[playklax01]

Bingo. They are the visible ones, the ones who are also most usually part of "the gay community" and who center their lives around gay clubs, gay bars, gay social events and are only friends with other gay people.

Many--not most, but many--think that their way of being gay is the only authentic way of being gay and they will accuse you of not "really being gay" because you don't stan Beyoncé or similar.

Ignore them.

True. Ignore them. Be yourself. Not every gay is the same. Some you would never suspect because they drive a rig, or are a lumberjack, or some other straight kind of thing.

The age thing I can understand, I'm there too. Older than you... I was with someone since I was 23, boyfriends/married/now divorced. I'm 50 now. I have no idea where to start again. Everything I knew from 23 no longer applies.

 

[678wsb]

Have you ever done anything with a man or woman? Why do women terrify you?

 

[RazorUniverse]

Soo, I’m pretty 99% sure I like men there’s about 1% of me which has doubts because I find women attractive and but the thought of going home or having a conversation with a women kinda terrifies me, I have a supportive family who would be nothing but kind if I did come out but I’m really struggling with the thought of being out I don’t want people to change around me, I don’t want to be seen as the “gay” best friend or the “gay” uncle. I’m not a masculine man I don’t like sports, I don’t really find cars all that interesting but I’m not into the stereotypical gay stuff either I don’t want to wear make up and walk around in girl clothes. Like if I came out the only change that would happen is I’d be able to meet people but the thought of the change is terrifying for me but it’s getting to the point where I’m getting older and I keep imagining myself dying alone cause I’m afraid of making that leap.

The most magical thing you can give your nieces and nephews is to be the cool gay uncle. Guncle is a badge I've worn proud and loud my entire life. You get to teach them how to live their authentic lives whatever that means to them. And you give them a shoulder to lean on from someone who's older but not their parents. It's a gift for them and for you.

 

[justaboredguy]

The most magical thing you can give your nieces and nephews is to be the cool gay uncle. Guncle is a badge I've worn proud and loud my entire life. You get to teach them how to live their authentic lives whatever that means to them. And you give them a shoulder to lean on from someone who's older but not their parents. It's a gift for them and for you.

But that's what I don't want, I don't just want to be reduced to a label. I Know a lot of people wear said label loud and proud and maybe I will one day, but rn I don't want to be seen as the 'gay' anything.