Tell or not tell a good friend I am bi?

[deleted17938181]

I have a straight friend for more than 30 years. He is married, children, etc. He knows I am little gay, because he knows my life.
He is always caring, kind and a good friend.
He is a little homophobic but not with me because I don't share with him anything about my sexual life and I am very masculine.

The question is, do I tell him I am bi or not?

I am maybe projecting because I have felt attracted to him but as he is homophobic I think I would loose his friendship.

He never has made any approach or removed cloth in front of me.

What do you think, am I projecting right?

 

[whydamnheshot]

If you worry you will loose someone's friendship because might be treated not as you deserve to be treated, then you will have to loose that friend. I can just say: tell him, and if his answer is not great and if he starts to treat you poorly, then you know you don't need that friend.

 

[deleted17938181]

If you worry you will loose someone's friendship because might be treated not as you deserve to be treated, then you will have to loose that friend. I can just say: tell him, and if his answer is not great and if he starts to treat you poorly, then you know you don't need that friend.

You're right. If he knows my truth and doesn't want me as a friend anymore, he wasn't my friend. Thank you for your opinion!

 

[17398591]

I have a straight friend for more than 30 years. He is married, children, etc. He knows I am little gay, because he knows my life.
He is always caring, kind and a good friend.
He is a little homophobic but not with me because I don't share with him anything about my sexual life and I am very masculine.

The question is, do I tell him I am bi or not?

I am maybe projecting because I have felt attracted to him but as he is homophobic I think I would loose his friendship.

He never has made any approach or removed cloth in front of me.

What do you think, am I projecting right?

Fugetabouit

 

[curtdude]

Dude are you willing to risk 30 year friendship to tell hi yur bi. tree is that chance it will not go well and will end your relationship. what is the benifit of telling him yourgay? what do you think you will get out of telling him.I think it is a bad move .

 

[whydamnheshot]

and what? he lives the rest of his life in the closet? not easy, but isn't the solution to not tell

 

[deleted17938181]

Dude are you willing to risk 30 year friendship to tell hi yur bi. tree is that chance it will not go well and will end your relationship. what is the benifit of telling him yourgay? what do you think you will get out of telling him.I think it is a bad move

Dude are you willing to risk 30 year friendship to tell hi yur bi. tree is that chance it will not go well and will end your relationship. what is the benifit of telling him yourgay? what do you think you will get out of telling him.I think it is a bad move .

That's the eternal fight of my inner side. But my friendship is important as this person is. I also see your point: sometimes it's not easy to come out with the people you love. Is it really worth it? Sometimes people you care is more important that come out.

 

[deleted17938181]

and what? he lives the rest of his life in the closet? not easy, but isn't the solution to not tell

You have an important point too. I am in my 50's starting this decade to maturity and I've been acting my whole life. It's terribly difficult to find the balance point.
I think at some point once I'm ready and able to accept the consequences, I will come out.
Being Christian and in my case being catholic is not easy to get out and living in harmony both sides of my interior.
God loves me no matter what! ( don't throw me tomatoes because I am a catholic bi or gay guy

 

[beginner63]

I have only told one friend that I am bi. He is younger and gay. He is a good listener and helped me a lot

 

[deleted17938181]

I have only told one friend that I am bi. He is younger and gay. He is a good listener and helped me a lot

Good to hear that! Thank you for sharing!

 

[halcyondays]

Wait. He already knows you're a little gay because he knows your life?

Just how much of your sex life have you shared with him?

Sounds to me like he already knows you're bi.

 

[deleted17938181]

Wait. He already knows you're a little gay because he knows your life?

Just how much of your sex life have you shared with him?

Sounds to me like he already knows you're bi.

A long time ago shared that I had identity issues regarding sexual orientation, but never talked about it later. In the mean time, I had romantic relationships with women.

Yes! You're right he probably has jumped to that conclusion

 

[curtdude]

and what? he lives the rest of his life in the closet? not easy, but isn't the solution to not tell

not saying to stay in the closing but what is the benifit of telling him? what is he expecting from him if he tells? sounds like he is living his life being bi.he knows his buddies feelings about gays. His buddy has a family and a wife and chosen his life path so I ask what is the benifit of telling him

 

[deleted17938181]

not saying to stay in the closing but what is the benifit of telling him? what is he expecting from him if he tells? sounds like he is living his life being bi.he knows his buddies feelings about gays. His buddy has a family and a wife and chosen his life path so I ask what is the benifit of telling him

No benefit to tell. You're right. I am living like an ordinary straight man with an attraction to men and women. I think most men than women.

 

[deleted16524361]

You're right. If he knows my truth and doesn't want me as a friend anymore, he wasn't my friend. Thank you for your opinion!

He has been your friend for 30 years. He does not need to know what you find sexual. You do not need to share everything since your not married to him.

 

[deleted16524361]

A long time ago shared that I had identity issues regarding sexual orientation, but never talked about it later. In the mean time, I had romantic relationships with women.

Yes! You're right he probably has jumped to that conclusion

Its like asking if you would want your boss to tell you or a employee telling a boss when they have worked together a long time. Be happy with the relationship you have. Everyone does not share everything with you because its none of your business or it will not add or benefit your life.

 

[deleted17938181]

He has been your friend for 30 years. He does not need to know what you find sexual. You do not need to share everything since your not married to him.

That's correct! He is not my wife :
Don't have to share everything.

 

[deleted17938181]

Its like asking if you would want your boss to tell you or a employee telling a boss when they have worked together a long time. Be happy with the relationship you have. Everyone does not share everything with you because its none of your business or it will not add or benefit your life.

Your both answers gave me so much light.
Thanks for taking the time to respond!
In the very end this a matter of acceptance with this person or others, but not all people is willing to understand. There's no benefit to tell and surely will break the relationship!

 

[deleted16524361]

Your both answers gave me so much light.
Thanks for taking the time to respond!
In the very end this a matter of acceptance with this person or others, but not all people is willing to understand. There's no benefit to tell and surely will break the relationship!

I appreciate you responding well to me being upfront

 

[deleted17938181]

I appreciate you responding well to me being upfront

I appreciate sincere and upfront answers. Thanks!