Who am I kidding? I'm gay and I need to stop pretending I'm not

[gonadsandstrife]

I agree. I have similar issues. I am attracted to women primarily, but sometimes like this evening, I wish I could overcome barriers and just lick some hot sweaty balls. I enjoy seeing other men happy, and I'd like to discover how these things could turn out.

No, this isn't it. I couldn't get off to my friends. In fact, I couldn't even see them fully in a sexual light. But I can get off to women in porn just fine.

As for the internalized homophobia part, I agree, halfway. I think my disinterest in having or even visualizing an emotional connection with a man stems 50% from internalized homophobia/societal conditioning but the other 50% is that I legitimately favor and crave and prefer a romantic relationship with a woman.

 

[FrankieGuile]

For most of college I had a huge crush/limerence on a close female friend of mine, like a really massive crush. She made it clear that she didn't feel the same way about me, so we were always just friends and never did so much as kiss. However, my crush on her lingered. The thing is, in all that time I was borderline in love with her, I would go home and jerk off to gay porn or to pictures of hot dudes. In all that time I think I jerked off to her a grand total of 2 times. I was fully in love with her and wanted to be with her, but it dawns on me now that I rarely thought about her sexually. Now, well, I'm long over that particular crush and we lost touch (and she's married now). Then I had a crush on another girl at my old job that led nowhere (she made it clear she saw me as a friend). But same thing. And this other girl was really gorgeous and kind of horny, like she was always talking about sex, but even though she was so beautiful I could look at her for hours, I never really thought of her in sexual terms.

Recently, I've gotten a bit of a slight obsession with an IG model. I can spend hours looking at her pics and I actually do think of her sexually, like a lot. The problem is, I get horny looking at her pics and start to jerk off but the boner doesn't happen. So then I switch to pics of hot dudes or gay porn and boom, instant boner and I cum in under 5 minutes. Same thing happens when I see a hot girl at the gym or with hot female celebs or insta thots, etc. They're what get me horny enough to want to masturbate in the first place but jerking off to men is the only way I can reliably get myself off.

I think there are only 2 explanations:

1) I developed some kind of performance anxiety even when jerking off to women and some kind of Pavlovian response that tells my brain I can only get hard and cum when jerking off to men.

2) Or, and Occam's Razor tells us this is the simplest and most logical explanation, I'm straight up gay. Bisexual romantic, sure, in that I'm only romantically into women, but if I can only get hard with men, then that means I'm sexually, full-on gay.

Forgot to add: No, I've never had even the smallest crush on a man, I rarely find men irl (or in porn, or in general, really!) attractive, only a handful of them, and I have zero interest in dating or being in a romantic relationship with a man.

Or, like Schrodinger’s cat (to further torture psychological concepts), you won't know until you find out.

 

[Brodie888]

Bisexual with a larger gay side would be my guess.

As to why you would favour women to be emotionally attached to, only you can know what's going on inside your head.

 

[bigboaster]

Hetero romantic bisexual with maybe some type of complex.

I remember your past posts and was surprised to see you try to label yourself now as "gay". Respectfully I think that's absurd. You are some flavor or bisexual. A weird flavor but certainly one nonetheless.

I don't mean weird here in a pejorative sense btw. So please don't be offended. I'm pretty weird too. Nothing wrong with weird.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Hetero romantic bisexual with maybe some type of complex.

I remember your past posts and was surprised to see you try to label yourself now as "gay". Respectfully I think that's absurd. You are some flavor or bisexual. A weird flavor but certainly one nonetheless.

I don't mean weird here in a pejorative sense btw. So please don't be offended. I'm pretty weird too. Nothing wrong with weird.

"Heter romantic bisexual with maybe some type of complex!" And all I've read here at LSPG is that most LPSG'ers recoil at using labels as if one would spontaneously combust trying to define or describe another person, much less oneself, by using common vernacular we all understand. But congrats on that label -- it was a beaut!

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Hetero romantic bisexual with maybe some type of complex.

I remember your past posts and was surprised to see you try to label yourself now as "gay". Respectfully I think that's absurd. You are some flavor or bisexual. A weird flavor but certainly one nonetheless.

I don't mean weird here in a pejorative sense btw. So please don't be offended. I'm pretty weird too. Nothing wrong with weird.

I mean, I don't know, man. Romantically, yes, that part definitely leans hetero and I don't see it changing anytime soon. But sexually is where all the confusion lies. Like, yesterday a guy at the gym who's always there wore a tank top for the first time and oh my god, I was trying so hard not to look at his arms!

But then I would see a tweet like this and be like, "Yeah, maybe I'm not bi either" because c'mon.

 

[bigboaster]

I mean, I don't know, man. Romantically, yes, that part definitely leans hetero and I don't see it changing anytime soon. But sexually is where all the confusion lies. Like, yesterday a guy at the gym who's always there wore a tank top for the first time and oh my god, I was trying so hard not to look at his arms!

But then I would see a tweet like this and be like, "Yeah, maybe I'm not bi either" because c'mon.

View attachment 146739741

Okay that got a good chuckle out of me. Yeah I am bi but I am not experiencing any panic whatsoever here. Taylor does look very bangable here (and in general lately compared to years ago)... Kelce though. No comment.

I think my recommendation now is the same I said before, you do need to get physically down and dirty with someone to really help cement your leanings. If I recall, you said you actually haven't performed physically with either sex yet right?

 

[deleted27291221]

For most of college I had a huge crush/limerence on a close female friend of mine, like a really massive crush. She made it clear that she didn't feel the same way about me, so we were always just friends and never did so much as kiss. However, my crush on her lingered. The thing is, in all that time I was borderline in love with her, I would go home and jerk off to gay porn or to pictures of hot dudes. In all that time I think I jerked off to her a grand total of 2 times. I was fully in love with her and wanted to be with her, but it dawns on me now that I rarely thought about her sexually. Now, well, I'm long over that particular crush and we lost touch (and she's married now). Then I had a crush on another girl at my old job that led nowhere (she made it clear she saw me as a friend). But same thing. And this other girl was really gorgeous and kind of horny, like she was always talking about sex, but even though she was so beautiful I could look at her for hours, I never really thought of her in sexual terms.

Recently, I've gotten a bit of a slight obsession with an IG model. I can spend hours looking at her pics and I actually do think of her sexually, like a lot. The problem is, I get horny looking at her pics and start to jerk off but the boner doesn't happen. So then I switch to pics of hot dudes or gay porn and boom, instant boner and I cum in under 5 minutes. Same thing happens when I see a hot girl at the gym or with hot female celebs or insta thots, etc. They're what get me horny enough to want to masturbate in the first place but jerking off to men is the only way I can reliably get myself off.

I think there are only 2 explanations:

1) I developed some kind of performance anxiety even when jerking off to women and some kind of Pavlovian response that tells my brain I can only get hard and cum when jerking off to men.

2) Or, and Occam's Razor tells us this is the simplest and most logical explanation, I'm straight up gay. Bisexual romantic, sure, in that I'm only romantically into women, but if I can only get hard with men, then that means I'm sexually, full-on gay.

Forgot to add: No, I've never had even the smallest crush on a man, I rarely find men irl (or in porn, or in general, really!) attractive, only a handful of them, and I have zero interest in dating or being in a romantic relationship with a man.

I was number two for most of my life until I turned 30. Now mostly I'm just into men. I haven't been really interested in a woman in 5 years. There was one at the beginning of the year, but I couldn't not want to be with men more. No one can tell you what you are. You need to just keep experimenting and find out what you really like. I was a lot like you before, though.

 

[FrankieGuile]

I'll be 100% honest. This isn't hate. I think online porn has completely mind fucked some guys.

Stay away from porn for an extended period of time and your sexual orientation will likely become much more clear to you.

Honest questions: why would you think anyone would interpret your opinion as "hate" such that you have to go out of your way to qualify it by saying, "This isn't hate?" When did the free expression of an opinion to which others might object become "hate?" Why do you think it would be? Do you think by qualifying your opinion as "not hate" that others will more readily accept or agree with your opinion?

 

[BifuriousJoel]

I also think you need to examine why you are so emotionally attached to these girls despite little to no sexual desire for them. Becoming emotionally invested in someone because you're hungry for acceptance, connection, companionship, and love is not the same as romantic or erotic attraction. I've had love for female friends before, but I never wanted to fuck them or be in a romantic relationship. Feeling like kindred spirits with someone is not the same thing as romantic and sexual desire.

For example, lot of people with Borderline Personality Disorder will often conflate emotional attachment for romantic love and even sexual desire, but they're really just depressed, isolated, and needy emotionally. Many only realize they've been doing this after they get therapy.

That's a good point. I mean, I AM clinically depressed, isolated and needy emotionally. And yes, with those girls who were my friends that could be true. But in other instances there's no denying that there's a very clear sexual AND romantic component to my attraction to women.

 

[FrankieGuile]

I've been attacked for saying anything that goes against conventional wisdom within the LGBT community far too many times to not caveat and anticipate attacks in advance. It's a reflex.

I understand. Your experience is evidence of an intolerance for independent thought endemic among groups who define themselves as victimized, yet superior, to others. My advice is to never withhold an honest thought and never apologize for it. Otherwise, you cede your agency and allow others to take control, which is exactly what they want from you.

 

[Almagest88]

Have you had sex with a man yet? Thinking about it and having it as a fantasy is one thing, but naked with your cock down some guy's throat is a good place to find your truth.

Love you.

 

[Beekeeper13]

I have always been confused on it also. I fell in love with someone married had kids. It did not work out, feel in love with my best friend, never had. Chance to explore it as he was straight. Threw me off thought I was gay, but kept meeting women I was interested in. I have to know the person first. I have a hard time with porn if no story. It made me realize I am Pansexual it’s not if you’re a man or woman it’s the person you are inside that turns me on. Your sexual organs play no part in my choice. I am currently single and taken myself off the market for a while. Diving deeper into who I truly am.

 

[FrankieGuile]

I have always been confused on it also. I fell in love with someone married had kids. It did not work out, feel in love with my best friend, never had. Chance to explore it as he was straight. Threw me off thought I was gay, but kept meeting women I was interested in. I have to know the person first. I have a hard time with porn if no story. It made me realize I am Pansexual it’s not if you’re a man or woman it’s the person you are inside that turns me on. Your sexual organs play no part in my choice. I am currently single and taken myself off the market for a while. Diving deeper into who I truly am.

So, as a pansexual, you engage in sex with both men and women. Isn't that what we call homosexual or bisexual or is there some virtue signaling here that I'm missing?

 

[Beekeeper13]

So, as a pansexual, you engage in sex with both men and women. Isn't that what we call homosexual or bisexual or is there some virtue signaling here that I'm missing?

So, as a pansexual, you engage in sex with both men and women. Isn't that what we call homosexual or bisexual or is there some virtue signaling here that I'm missing?

Sorry got off topic into my own shit. Pansexual means the gender does not play a roll in my choice. Not gay straight or bi but I need to know someone before, never been attracted to someone based on looks.
Sorry everyone.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Sorry got off topic into my own shit. Pansexual means the gender does not play a roll in my choice. Not gay straight or bi but I need to know someone before, never been attracted to someone based on looks.
Sorry everyone.

Okay, but it sounds like virtue signaling to me. Gender does not play a role for bisexuals either, because, by definition, bisexuals have sex with men and women alike. Similarly, plenty of people, straight, gay or bi, would assert that their attraction to a person is not "based on looks." (I say you don't know what you're missing, but that's just my crude, unvirtuous-self talking). In any event, you get the point -- I don't see any distinction; or rather, it is a distinction without a difference.

 

[PanicMotion1984]

What kind of women are you into? Post some pics or give some examples of people we know.

 

[Beekeeper13]

Okay, but it sounds like virtue signaling to me. Gender does not play a role for bisexuals either, because, by definition, bisexuals have sex with men and women alike. Similarly, plenty of people, straight, gay or bi, would assert that their attraction to a person is not "based on looks." (I say you don't know what you're missing, but that's just my crude, unvirtuous-self talking). In any event, you get the point -- I don't see any distinction; or rather, it is a distinction without a difference.

The difference is you walk into a bar a hit on someone based on how they look, I assume. I walk in and NO ONE LOOKS BETTER THAN anyone else. I have engage in conversation, get to know them that’s when my attraction starts or not. Not with a look, but with the person they are. Looks play no factor in my decision. They can all be dressed as Chewbacca, they all are the same level till I get to know them. Hope this helps. I can’t provide a photo of a woman or man that caught my eye, NO ONE EVER HAS.

 

[FrankieGuile]

The difference is you walk into a bar a hit on someone based on how they look, I assume. I walk in and NO ONE LOOKS BETTER THAN anyone else. I have engage in conversation, get to know them that’s when my attraction starts. Not with a look, but with the person they are.

Well, then, that convinces me. It IS virtue signaling! How do you know what attracts me when I walk into your proverbial bar? (By the way, I never "hit" on someone). Why do you assume other people do not get to know a person before attraction begins? Most women would say that is exactly their approach to men, and many have said, they were not attracted to a man physically but became attracted -- indeed, had fallen in love -- only after getting to know him. It is a crock and a pretense to believe a great number of people -- straight, gay, or bi -- must be attracted first to a person's looks and do not suspend their attraction until getting to know the person's character.

 

[Beekeeper13]

Well, then, that convinces me. It IS virtue signaling! How do you know what attracts me when I walk into your proverbial bar? (By the way, I never "hit" on someone). Why do you assume other people do not get to know a person before attraction begins? Most women would say that is exactly their approach to men, and many have said, they were not attracted to a man physically but became attracted -- indeed, had fallen in love -- only after getting to know him. It is a crock and a pretense to believe a great number of people -- straight, gay, or bi -- must be attracted first to a person's looks and do not suspend their attraction until getting to know the person's character.

That is why I said assume, did not want to answer for you. Just an example of what happens. I was just trying to explain unlike most, who have the luxury of being attracted even a little bit by someone’s looks. It has never played a role in my choice. Most will admit some sort of attraction, a persons eyes, skin color, hair color, body. For me as I have explained have never been a factor. I can’t lie to someone and say you have the most beautiful eyes, lips, butt, when in fact I have no idea. Physical appearance does not play a role in my attraction EVER.
You can believe that or not, I really don’t care .
My chemistry makes the choice for me. Not me, I wish I could look at someone with lust and wanting, but I NEVER HAVE.
Even after falling in love with my wife, I have no idea if she was attractive.