Why do older men become bi-curious

[jdoe86]

I wouldn't be surprised. That's probably why your testosterone levels were so high at a later age.
You have a LOT to be grateful for!

At least I didn't get "man boobs" haha

 

[bi_todd]

Sexual orientation is not a choice. Well unless a guy chooses to suppress the feeling and live as a straight man.

I get what you are saying - no argument about suppressing.

In my life as a bi man, I have noticed that my behavior and attractions depend on which beast I am feeding.

For the first few decades I fed the heterosexual beast. I pursued women and watched straight porn. I had deep and satisfying emotional and physical relationships with women, and that was all I needed or wanted for the most part (although I never completely forgot about the other)

For the the last 12 years or so, I have been feeding the homosexual beast. I’ve chased cock and watched gay porn almost exclusively. Not surprisingly, it has displaced my heterosexual attractions for the most part. I’ve felt strong physical and emotional attractions to men, but with only limited successs on the relationship side of things.

I’m convinced that if I started feeding the hetero beast more, I could swing things back in the other direction again.

I’m speaking for myself only - your mileage may vary.

 

[WilliamG]

Funny about that chart, I am 55 and I got my testosterone tested maybe a year ago and they said it is equal to someone in their 30's. I'd have to look to see if they gave me any numbers, but does that mean my testosterone was "off the charts" when I was in my 20's to 30's?

I started injections about 8 years ago. In that time, my sexuality has changed from raging hetero to a very open curious guy. I think the testosterone has just allowed me to be confident in my sexuality. Had some performance issues young (cum too fast). Now I feel I have really good control of my sexual needs and wants. I appreciate the female and male body. I have to stereotypes there anymore.

 

[knewtome]

I had a few experiences when I was young and really enjoyed sucking. I didn't have the feeling or admiration for cocks when I was in high school or college. It was all about chasing women then. After I was married for a few years the feeling changed about men... more specifically "cocks". I had started thinking about playing with them it again. I was totally taken care of by my wife at the time and completely enjoyed everything she had to offer. However, the thought of sucking a cock really turned me on again. This is when "chat rooms" first stared too. That made it easy. And now its easier than ever to find a great cock to suck.

 

[stephen1169]

I have a plausible theory. Older men grew up in a different era. Perhaps a time when there was more experimentation between boys during puberty and teenage years. We just did it without any thought of it being gay, etc. We moved on and a later established our sexuality as straight or gay and as myself as Bi. Subsequent decades and social media brought all the issues of homosexuality to the forefront and only later some acceptance. I have often wondered how many boys today have same sex experiences in puberty or teenage years without any real determination of their sexuality? It seems that young people today establish and acknowledge their sexuality at a much earlier age than men in older generations. Does sexual activity between boys happen anymore? Every guy I knew had a jackoff buddy, some more than that. The potential Queer in the group wasn't the only one sucking dick. Was it a rural vs urban thing? Has anyone ever seen a seen a survey of early same sex experimentation by generation? Maybe having same sex experimentation in puberty caused me to have continued desires for such interaction and I have less judgement about it. Guess I was always Bi from the beginning.

same with me I had all my gay experiences when I was young and never thought about it being gay it was just sex and it just felt good and we would do it anytime we felt like it. at a early age I had sex with about 10 guys and never thought anything bad about it. married now for 47 years and lately have had sex with a couple we have known for almost 20 years nothing before but now we share about twice a year he is bi and so is she great because I now can enjoy gay sex more and do things I did earlier in life and enjoy them more.

 

[Mr Ed in Mass]

I just got sick of repressing who I really was ,I decided to live a more honest life with myself and having a bi wife makes it easier, we can talk openly about everything .

 

[Trevor]

I have a plausible theory. Older men grew up in a different era. Perhaps a time when there was more experimentation between boys during puberty and teenage years. We just did it without any thought of it being gay, etc. We moved on and a later established our sexuality as straight or gay and as myself as Bi. Subsequent decades and social media brought all the issues of homosexuality to the forefront and only later some acceptance. I have often wondered how many boys today have same sex experiences in puberty or teenage years without any real determination of their sexuality? It seems that young people today establish and acknowledge their sexuality at a much earlier age than men in older generations. Does sexual activity between boys happen anymore? Every guy I knew had a jackoff buddy, some more than that. The potential Queer in the group wasn't the only one sucking dick. Was it a rural vs urban thing? Has anyone ever seen a seen a survey of early same sex experimentation by generation? Maybe having same sex experimentation in puberty caused me to have continued desires for such interaction and I have less judgement about it. Guess I was always Bi from the beginning.

Every guy you knew had a jackoff buddy? Seriously? When and where did you grow up? I am sure some guys in my rural high school probably had a jackoff buddy back in the 90s but NOBODY else knew about it. Sure, we were all jacking off but this was Moral Majority country and we were ashamed of it and would't admit to jacking off much less doing it with another guy.

I remember when I was a senior in high school this dude in my shop class took a bathroom break in this little bathroom off of the side of the shop. He forgot to lock the door and another dude walked in and caught him beating his meat and everyone had a field day with him. His nickname immediately became "Master Bates" and of course by the end of the day EVERYONE in our whole fucking high school knew he had gotten caught "slammin the salami" in the bathroom.

He was a skinny geeky kid that everyone made fun of mainly because even though we were all 18 he looked much younger and I strongly suspect that he was gay. He was so fuckin embarrassed and after they started teasing him about it he started crying which made them taunt him even more. I felt so sorry for the guy and wanted to take up for him and say "leave him the fuck alone you assholes!". I didn't because I knew if I did I would immediately become the new target of their taunts and being somewhat bookish myself and they would probably say stuff like: "Oooooo so you and Master Bates are butt buddies huh?" "Do you suck his dick too?" "Have you two little faggots got the AIDS yet?"

Anyway, "Master Bates" rode my school bus, and towards the end of the route it was usually just me and him in the back and a handful of girls and some younger middle school kids who all sat up front. So that afternoon when nobody was around to hear me I privately told him "hey man I jack it too bro, its nothing to be ashamed of buddy, don't worry about those guys giving you shit, they are all doing it too so tell em to go fuck themselves."

 

[find83]

Death

 

[WayneG3]

For me it was just a desire to experience some sexual variety. It's not easy to find new female partners when you're married. Especially NSA partners..However guys are easy to connect with because we're all always horny! I tried to find casual female partners on Craigslist but all I could find were prostitutes pretending to be looking for NSA sex. Then I moved to the M4M section and found all kinds of possible partners. (Man I miss CL personals!)

 

[Bifurquer]

After reading the 3 pages of comments, I feel much better as I can see that I am not the only one pursuing the path of meeting sexually other guys. Quite a relief !

I've never sexually experienced with a man even during my teannage. I hope to find the right guy !

 

[Pumpme]

I have known I am bi as long as I can remember but as I am getting older I find the desires keep getting stronger. I tend to think that part of it is boredom of hetro sex, that and we have stared at our own cock all our lives, maybe we want to get to know another mans cock in a way we have never been able to with our own.

 

[mrbigdoc]

I didn't start with men until my early sixties. I still get enough sex from my wife but I've always had a fascination with cocks besides my own. When I was young I wouldn't dare fool around with men for fear of becoming homosexual. By the time I reached my 60's I was confident enough with my sexuality that I could explore other options. I joined Silverdaddies and posted a picture of my cock and balls. No face shots. LOL. I was amazed at the response. So I chose a man who lived within driving distance. We met for coffee, talked about a lot of things. After a couple of meetings I felt comfortable enough to go back to his house. His wife was working. He had retired. I sucked his cock, he sucked mine. I was inexperienced and probably didn't do a good job. He was very experienced. I have never been serviced the way he serviced me. I thought I'd feel guilty but I didn't. I don't feel guilty to this day. My only regret is that I didn't start earlier.

Much the same with me except I did experiment as a teen. The hormones were raging as a teen and it just seemed like something i needed. I do enjoy women very much and I married and to this day my wife and I have a great sex life together. I did not enjoy men as I would have liked throughout our married but the interest was very much there. I have to say my interest is just to enjoy another mans cock. Not into any other activities other than oral and JO exchanges. My wife knew of my activities with guys as a teen. I told her on one of our nights of great sex. She had no issues with it and supported it to some degree as she thought it was strictly in my past. As I got older I noticed that my urges to explore kept growing stronger. I too am on Silverdaddies and I met a guy there and we did hook up at a local event. We had a great time together and looked forward to other meetings. Since then I have a constant need to look and enjoy cock. My wife has caught me looking at some very good online pictures of some beautiful cock. She just says, Do you ever get enough? She knows I don't because of our sex life but I continue to look and enjoy my time with male friends and wouldn't trade my wife for anything. She is not aware that I meet men for oral pleasures but I think to some degree she likes the idea. She teases me in the heat of sex about the fact that I like cock. It's all good with me and will continue my enjoyment of cock.

 

[Oldtimer6]

I think we always kind of have been but had no real reason to act on it, now that my wife has quit on our sex life I see it as a easier alternative.

 

[littleguy2]

Much the same with me except I did experiment as a teen. The hormones were raging as a teen and it just seemed like something i needed. I do enjoy women very much and I married and to this day my wife and I have a great sex life together. I did not enjoy men as I would have liked throughout our married but the interest was very much there. I have to say my interest is just to enjoy another mans cock. Not into any other activities other than oral and JO exchanges. My wife knew of my activities with guys as a teen. I told her on one of our nights of great sex. She had no issues with it and supported it to some degree as she thought it was strictly in my past. As I got older I noticed that my urges to explore kept growing stronger. I too am on Silverdaddies and I met a guy there and we did hook up at a local event. We had a great time together and looked forward to other meetings. Since then I have a constant need to look and enjoy cock. My wife has caught me looking at some very good online pictures of some beautiful cock. She just says, Do you ever get enough? She knows I don't because of our sex life but I continue to look and enjoy my time with male friends and wouldn't trade my wife for anything. She is not aware that I meet men for oral pleasures but I think to some degree she likes the idea. She teases me in the heat of sex about the fact that I like cock. It's all good with me and will continue my enjoyment of cock.

Have only done mutual JO and some oral and no desire to do more as I rather have sex with my wife. I don’t think my wife would be as accepting as yours but would be great if I could enjoy guys without thinking I am hurting her

 

[Oldtimer6]

Much the same with me except I did experiment as a teen. The hormones were raging as a teen and it just seemed like something i needed. I do enjoy women very much and I married and to this day my wife and I have a great sex life together. I did not enjoy men as I would have liked throughout our married but the interest was very much there. I have to say my interest is just to enjoy another mans cock. Not into any other activities other than oral and JO exchanges. My wife knew of my activities with guys as a teen. I told her on one of our nights of great sex. She had no issues with it and supported it to some degree as she thought it was strictly in my past. As I got older I noticed that my urges to explore kept growing stronger. I too am on Silverdaddies and I met a guy there and we did hook up at a local event. We had a great time together and looked forward to other meetings. Since then I have a constant need to look and enjoy cock. My wife has caught me looking at some very good online pictures of some beautiful cock. She just says, Do you ever get enough? She knows I don't because of our sex life but I continue to look and enjoy my time with male friends and wouldn't trade my wife for anything. She is not aware that I meet men for oral pleasures but I think to some degree she likes the idea. She teases me in the heat of sex about the fact that I like cock. It's all good with me and will continue my enjoyment of cock.

Interesting that she teases you about cock in the heat of the moment, maybe she is just using her imagination as a arousal tool or maybe she wants to see you with a guy.

 

[Tight_End_SC]

She knows I don't because of our sex life but I continue to look and enjoy my time with male friends and wouldn't trade my wife for anything. She is not aware that I meet men for oral pleasures but I think to some degree she likes the idea. She teases me in the heat of sex about the fact that I like cock. It's all good with me and will continue my enjoyment of cock.

So it's more just about getting off with dudes? That has been my observation with older married guys. It's a release and if your buddy is friendly and you develop a friend with benefits type of situation all the better. I like your approach to this and also am glad you are comfortable with your M to M experience as a predominantly straight man.

 

[Acratopotes]

I think I agree with most of what has been said so far.

In his book "The Bisexual Option" Fritz Klein argues that sexual orientation can change over time. This seems to be at odds with the "born this way" argument. Can they both be right? What I suspect is happenning is selective expression and repression, i.e. someone born with the capacity for attraction to both sexes does have an element of choice over which one he acts on at any given time.

So go back to childhood and we learn that mummies and daddies love each other, get married and have children like us and we start to project ourselves into that future. Then we discover we have at least some level of attraction to both sexes. Finally we get some level of negativity about same sex attraction. Exactly how much depends on when and where you are at the time those feelings become aparent. So that probably means choosing the straight path, i.e. acting on your attraction to women and repressing the attraction to men, at least for the time being. That choice may even be unconcious.

Then, after a good few years, she is not as interested in sex as she was at the start, especially if she has reached the menopause, and our minds start to wander. Apart from the repressed male attraction something else comes into play, summed up by this joke:

What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
A U-haul (for moving in).
What does a gay man bring on a second date?
What second date!

If a woman fancies you she will want a romantic relationship. Sex will hopefully be part of that but she is unlikely to be satisfied with being friends who occasionally have sex. If you start an affair with another woman she will eventually want you to leave your wife so one or other of them will be disappointed and there will be a whole load of stress.

Men, on the other hand, seem much happier to meet for occasional sex whether in the context of a friendship or otherwise. You can meet another man for some fun and just leave it as that. It's simply sharing the male need for release.

 

[In the Woods]

A lot of other bisexual guys here similar in age to me (40's) have already made these points, so I'll just say my experiences were similar:

- 1980's US society was very unaccepting of gay sexuality
- Being gay was seen as a negative/insult; people were killed over it, families disowned kids & tossed them out of homes
- If you were even a fraction of a percent less than 100% straight, you were labeled "gay"
- Bisexuality was seen as "being confused" and "not real"
- Sex Ed in the 80's was (at least in my region) FEAR based. Have sex once, bam, she's pregnant and you both have every STD. And those gays? Well, when they have sex they might as well be playing Russian roulette.

Yet, ever since puberty I knew I was attracted to both sexes. I had an internal 'gay panic' moment, probably weekly, throughout junior high, high school, and even early college (I stayed local and lived with my parents). I'd find a guy attractive, then have an argument with myself about it. I can think of 3 half-hearted attempts I made in y teens and 20's at reaching out to another guy, and either they were completely straight or as repressed as I was. Each guy chose to laugh it off as some silly horseplay.

By my 30's I'd pushed down my bisexuality for so long it became habit. I still found guys attractive, but the idea of acting on it was out of the picture.

Then, when I hit my mid 40's something just sort of unwound itself in me. Was it age? Was it seeing society in general being more accepting of a spectrum of sexuality? Was it 30 years of repression finally hitting a breaking point? I don't know. All of them? Some of them?

I think being open about one's sexuality is far healthier than the repression I lived with. And I know there are places in the US and around the world that are still as bad. But at least some progress has been made.

 

[18wheeler]

Sexual boredom

or just more open minded

 

[kcdave]

Well stated.
Time to live and enjoy life. Closeted guy going through a divorce. Time to explore what has been locked up since 7th grade.

A lot of other bisexual guys here similar in age to me (40's) have already made these points, so I'll just say my experiences were similar:

- 1980's US society was very unaccepting of gay sexuality
- Being gay was seen as a negative/insult; people were killed over it, families disowned kids & tossed them out of homes
- If you were even a fraction of a percent less than 100% straight, you were labeled "gay"
- Bisexuality was seen as "being confused" and "not real"
- Sex Ed in the 80's was (at least in my region) FEAR based. Have sex once, bam, she's pregnant and you both have every STD. And those gays? Well, when they have sex they might as well be playing Russian roulette.

Yet, ever since puberty I knew I was attracted to both sexes. I had an internal 'gay panic' moment, probably weekly, throughout junior high, high school, and even early college (I stayed local and lived with my parents). I'd find a guy attractive, then have an argument with myself about it. I can think of 3 half-hearted attempts I made in y teens and 20's at reaching out to another guy, and either they were completely straight or as repressed as I was. Each guy chose to laugh it off as some silly horseplay.

By my 30's I'd pushed down my bisexuality for so long it became habit. I still found guys attractive, but the idea of acting on it was out of the picture.

Then, when I hit my mid 40's something just sort of unwound itself in me. Was it age? Was it seeing society in general being more accepting of a spectrum of sexuality? Was it 30 years of repression finally hitting a breaking point? I don't know. All of them? Some of them?

I think being open about one's sexuality is far healthier than the repression I lived with. And I know there are places in the US and around the world that are still as bad. But at least some progress has been made.