Do Bisexual men actually settle down with men?

[alpha_centauri]

Bi men are the ones seeking out gay men. They are the closeted men on gay hookup apps

Says who? You? I don't like the apps or use them but I have gay friends who love them and use them for hook ups, but that's their choice.

No sensible person is going to walk in a lion's den knowing they will be eaten. Most gay men will take the self-preservation root and choose another gay man. Compatibility is important for a sustainable relationship. Someone who will “probably” end up in a relationship with the opposite sex is a risk.

My advice is to encourage your fellow bi men to stop perpetuating these negative stereotypes about bi men. That's the only way trust will be built between gay and bisexual men. They can start by working on their internalized homophobia.

A lot of gay men have lots of internalised homophobia, especially those that hate queens, femme guys, etc. Hint hint. I have no attraction to femme guys, queens, hyper effeminate guys, or drag queens, besides very close friendships. I don't hate them and this is how they just are and who they are. Most gay men are not like this but some are and I am fine with it.

 

[jthomasmpls]

Who made you the moral police? People have sex. The gay guys who hate femme guys are the biggest queens ever. You do realise, I hope that until very recently in the Western world most gay men were deeply closeted and many married women and had affairs with men on the side. In many parts of the world this is extremely common still.

Alpha, this comment is not directed towards but rather supporting your comment "until very recently in the Western world most gay men ( and I would add bisexual men) were deeply closeted". In many areas outside major metropolitan cities many gay and bisexual men are still deeply closeted. Remember the first legal gay marriage in the United States was in 2004, President Obama didn't openly support gay marriage until 2012.

I am a believed of live and let live. If someone has wronged me I have the choice to continue to include them in my life or exclude them from my live but I don't have the right to demand anyone behave in the manner I deem acceptable.

 

[alpha_centauri]

You only see what you want to see. I have never defended or condone gay men doing bad things.

Gay men don’t need to have sex with women to figure out that they’re gay. This is a ridiculous take. I would call out any gay man who deceive women or lead them on to create a false persona. No gay man alive in 2024 living in the progressive world is justified in living a closeted fake life to please society. Gay have rights in most progressive countries. We don’t live in Africa or the Middle East. And even many gay men in these countries aren’t deceiving women.

It depends upon the person's age, cultural factors, etc. I have known gay men in Germany who were or are deeply closeted, the older ones married women, had children, and had affairs with men. The younger ones from Gen X are not super out or only tell family and friends they are gay. One was a teacher in a very moderate sized German city and his students and their parents, and his school and administrators did not like how he is gay and were very homophobic.

A lot of gay men in various African, Asian, Middle Eastern, and even some Latin American and South American countries, and Carribean countries do stay closeted, marry women, etc. If they come out they risk being killed, imprisoned, executed, etc.

 

[alpha_centauri]

None of us that your called “ilks” are judging gay men who dated the opposite sex at a young age and confirmed they have no sexual and romantic attraction for women. What we are saying is that if you have any degree of sexual and romantic attraction to the opposite sex, you aren’t gay. We don’t want bisexuals identifying as gay. It’s harmful to gay men because as a bisexual stated “it’s a wet dream for conversion therapist”. If you’re gay and can’t see the harm, I don’t know what else to tell you.

We want bisexuals to accept and own their identity and be clear with their intentions. Stop the deception, that’s what pissing off both homosexuals and heterosexuals. Do you think gay men like to hear that we’re just good for sex but not romantic relationships? This is the majority consensus from bi-men in general and reinforced by this thread. Again, if bisexual men want to change the stereotypes, the power is in their hands.

Also, bisexual should stop getting offended by the term “gold star”. Why are some of them so butthurt by the term? I’m a proud gold star gay man and that doesn’t diminish bisexuals or a gay man who once tried vagina maybe out of peer pressure or living in a homophobic society and didn’t like it. What I will not do is coddle gay men who knowingly deceive women.

Have some empathy or sympathy? I used to feel the same way you did about deeply closeted gay and bi men, then I met people from other cultures and learned that it is their choice and it would be best for them to be out, but they have their reasons to not be out. I once knew a Korean man who is gay but he is in major denial that he is gay or homosexual, he doesn't want to be gay and married a woman for a decade as it was expected of him, he isn't bi. They never had sex and he has no sexual attraction to women. I knew another man who has high functioning Autism, he is gay doesn't want to be and married a woman as his parents wanted him to and due to the Autism he has trouble making choices, they don't have sex and foster children. I am no longer friends with either of these people.

Would you feel that way about gay men in various North and Sub Saharan African countries, the Levant or Middle East, the Carribean, Latin America, or various regions of Asia or even all of Russia and ex Soviet countries who marry women since if they come out or are open about being gay or anything but heterosexual it means they run the real risk of being killed, imprisoned, etc.?

 

[alpha_centauri]

Straight leaning bi men honestly need to stop pursuing men they only care about the cock not the whole man. Most have porn addiction. I say get a dildo or wife peg them and leave men alone

What about gay men who are like this? I have gay friends who are bottoms and they only want to get fucked and only do anal sex as a bottom, to the point that they hate oral sex and simply do not do it at all.

I also have met gay men who are anal sex tops and they only want to fuck, fist, or rim men, or if the other guy doesn't want to do anal sex they will let him suck their cock but don't suck him or any man at all. I also have met gay men like this who hate oral sex and don't do it and they only fuck or fist men's asses and hook up with as many men as they can meet on websites, apps, or before that in bars.

 

[alpha_centauri]

Again the gay man who likes cock would potentially still date a man. Dick loving bisexuals don't like men if you go through bi threads many have expressed this. Bi men who are in homosexual relationships are rare

You are going by a low # of men on a website. Also people change, I used to correspond with a bi man on here who was at the time "only into cock" and he eventually partnered with another bi man and they are still together.

I have known gay men who only want sex with men and they do not want to date, partner with men, or marry men and they love anonymous sex with as many men as possible. It's just how they are.

 

[Jjsurp99]

You are going by a low # of men on a website. Also people change, I used to correspond with a bi man on here who was at the time "only into cock" and he eventually partnered with another bi man and they are still together.

I have known gay men who only want sex with men and they do not want to date, partner with men, or marry men and they love anonymous sex with as many men as possible. It's just how they are.

Again bi guys in homosexual relationships are rare most are in hetero and that gay guy still potentially love that guy

 

[Urien]

“it’s a wet dream for conversion therapist

You are more concerned with this and the optics of what we are saying than the facts on the ground.

If you have a problem like that you deal with its source, religion, ignorance, idiots etc. because very soon mainstream society will discover that sexuality is not fixed like activists claim, it is malleable in certain conditions, and very stubborn in many others. We are all born SEXUAL with varying propensities towards different things.

To only see sexuality as black and white out of fear of the religious zealots is a disservice to mankind and science. The solution is to get declaw religion and allow the truth to be free. Build a society on it instead of thousands of years of lies.

Furthermore, the argument for gay rights is a liberal one. If it's a gene I have it, if it's a choice I made it. It's not "it's not my fault, I was born this way", it's "my life, my choices, my rules". That is true freedom.

Pushing "Born This Way" as the only explanation for human sexuality is not only unscientific, it is also bullshit.

Everyone is so concerned with stupid labels. It's getting out of hand. We need to take it back basics.

I am personally more interested in finding out where the limits are and where the source is. No matter what the answer is, I'll embrace it. Even if it is something I don't agree with.

 

[alpha_centauri]

Again bi guys in homosexual relationships are rare most are in hetero and that gay guy still potentially love that guy

Bi men in relationships or partnerships with gay men, or even other bi men are not rare, the badly kept secret is that many bi men self identify as and come out as gay first, and live out lives as "gay" men before realising and coming out as bi.

 

[alpha_centauri]

You are more concerned with this and the optics of what we are saying than the facts on the ground.

If you have a problem like that you deal with its source, religion, ignorance, idiots etc. because very soon mainstream society will discover that sexuality is not fixed like activists claim, it is malleable in certain conditions, and very stubborn in many others. We are all born SEXUAL with varying propensities towards different things.

To only see sexuality as black and white out of fear of the religious zealots is a disservice to mankind and science. The solution is to get declaw religion and allow the truth to be free. Build a society on it instead of thousands of years of lies.

Furthermore, the argument for gay rights is a liberal one. If it's a gene I have it, if it's a choice I made it. It's not "it's not my fault, I was born this way", it's "my life, my choices, my rules". That is true freedom.

Pushing "Born This Way" as the only explanation for human sexuality is not only unscientific, it is also bullshit.

Everyone is so concerned with stupid labels. It's getting out of hand. We need to take it back basics.

I am personally more interested in finding out where the limits are and where the source is. No matter what the answer is, I'll embrace it. Even if it is something I don't agree with.

I think most or 99% of people are "born this way" about their sexuality. I don't know if it is actually genetic or hereditary, or not?

 

[markgaveda]

Would you feel that way about gay men in various North and Sub Saharan African countries, the Levant or Middle East, the Carribean, Latin America, or various regions of Asia or even all of Russia and ex Soviet countries who marry women since if they come out or are open about being gay or anything but heterosexual it means they run the real risk of being killed, imprisoned, etc.?

Real

We're fairly privileged in the US/broader Western society as a whole, I don't think that a lot of Americans really grasp how severe of an issue it is to have to suppress your identity on that large of a scale

It's unfathomable for a lot of people, genuinely

 

[alpha_centauri]

Real

We're fairly privileged in the US/broader Western society as a whole, I don't think that a lot of Americans really grasp how severe of an issue it is to have to suppress your identity on that large of a scale

It's unfathomable for a lot of people, genuinely

True. I wrote about closeted gay ex friends in another reply in this thread. The one is Korean and he married a woman because it was expected of him and for U.S. citizenship, all of his Korean relatives also did citizenship marriages of convenience.

The other ex friend is Autistic, has Aspbergers and has trouble making decisions for himself, despite having leftist or progressive parents they are extremely homophobic and expected him to marry a woman and have children, he fostered them just for money and his "wife" controls their entire relationship and marriage and they are super co-dependant to the point that they work together and live together and this would drive anyone else nuts.

 

[Jjsurp99]

Bi men in relationships or partnerships with gay men, or even other bi men are not rare, the badly kept secret is that many bi men self identify as and come out as gay first, and live out lives as "gay" men before realising and coming out as bi.

Bro it's literally statistically rare for bi men to be in gay relationships most bi men are in hetero relationships. Hell you can go around LPSG and see this.

 

[Jjsurp99]

Real

We're fairly privileged in the US/broader Western society as a whole, I don't think that a lot of Americans really grasp how severe of an issue it is to have to suppress your identity on that large of a scale

It's unfathomable for a lot of people, genuinely

So then why do bi men surpress your own sexuality then

 

[alpha_centauri]

Bro it's literally statistically rare for bi men to be in gay relationships most bi men are in hetero relationships. Hell you can go around LPSG and see this.

Yet again, this is a tiny niche website. In real life it is much different and much more common.

I am not surprised at all that the gay guys claiming "Gay and bi men in relationships and bi/bi men in relationships don't exist or are super rare..." are barely Millennials, or are from Gen Z. You all use Twitter or X and a website like here as though they are real life, when they are not.

How many of you are actually involved in or go to local bisexual social and discussion groups, or get involved with your local bi "community" and I don't mean online only?

 

[Urien]

I think most or 99% of people are "born this way" about their sexuality. I don't know if it is actually genetic or hereditary, or not?

Absolute nonsense. In cultures where homosexual behavior is embraced or celebrated, the numbers of people engaging in such behavior dramatically increases. This is especially true in cultures that predate the Abrahamic religions - the first to demonize us.

Look at some states in United States, or even the English Speaking countries that all magically had a massive spike in "LGBT" folk in the last 10-15 years alone, almost double in numbers. This not how genetics work.

Sure, there might a genetic predisposition somewhere inside, but it's not simple. Reality and history demonstrate that it can't be. The only reason people think it's 100% "born this way" is because that's what it "feels" like.

 

[sylarrr007]

How many of you are actually involved in or go to local bisexual social and discussion groups, or get involved with your local bi "community" and I don't mean online only?

There's a thing called stats but from the looks of it, it's obviously not your friend and you will deny it even if the stats are looking at you directly in the face and most bisexuals realizes they are bi after years of identifying as straight, the other way round does happen too but it's rare compared to the former that's vast even @bigboaster said most bi men operate in the hetero world in the "gay celebrities in the closet" thread, I'm shocked he's out here liking the opposite of his statement

 

[Jjsurp99]

Yet again, this is a tiny niche website. In real life it is much different and much more common.

I am not surprised at all that the gay guys claiming "Gay and bi men in relationships and bi/bi men in relationships don't exist or are super rare..." are barely Millennials, or are from Gen Z. You all use Twitter or X and a website like here as though they are real life, when they are not.

How many of you are actually involved in or go to local bisexual social and discussion groups, or get involved with your local bi "community" and I don't mean online only?

Bi men who dating men regardless if he bi or gay is still homosexual relationship. Don't be upset blame bi guys not dating men

 

[MatteoZat]

My husband is bisexual. We’ve been married for 11 years, have kids, the whole heteronormative life I suppose. I guess I was able to provide that kinda life despite being gay myself. My husband had girlfriends & boyfriends before me & does say he assumed he’d settle down with a woman as he really wanted a family. But we fell in madly in love, had the exact same vision for our future & that was that. I do ask him if he ever feels he misses that side of himself but he says no. He still finds women attractive in the same way I can appreciate another man but that I was always it for him. We are disgustingly happy TBF. We consider ourselves to be in a gay relationship, despite him not being..

We have a few bisexual friends between us, bit of mix in terms of who they settled with. A couple are in MM long term relationships. And another couple are in a MF relationship. I can’t say I’ve ever much thought about bisexual people settling one way far more, I’ve got a range of experience both ways!

 

[markgaveda]

True. I wrote about closeted gay ex friends in another reply in this thread. The one is Korean and he married a woman because it was expected of him and for U.S. citizenship, all of his Korean relatives also did citizenship marriages of convenience.

Yeah, I saw that

I don't blame him for doing what he did, the US makes it a PITA to legalize, even with legal status and all

I'm probably leaving next year after close to eight years here because I just can't be bothered anymore, but we'll see how it goes

I might end up staying in Brooklyn for the foreseeable future, or Manhattan

The other ex friend is Autistic, has Aspbergers and has trouble making decisions for himself, despite having leftist or progressive parents they are extremely homophobic and expected him to marry a woman and have children, he fostered them just for money and his "wife" controls their entire relationship and marriage and they are super co-dependant to the point that they work together and live together and this would drive anyone else nuts.

Oh

Sounds like they need to work on that