Do I tell someone they dated how horrible of a human being they are?

[sizequeenNY]

I may have stumbled on the worst human after hitler. Stupid me in making poor choices about who I date, went out with this person twice. Do I tell him in a polite way that he is a deplorable mess-

- he asked how my health was because his xw has cerebral palsey and he "wants someone who won't stop him from doing things" (I guess as opposed to finding positive ways to overcome obstacles)

- he told me that when people move on, they should trade up and I am up for him

- he has halitosis

- when we were talking, he did not really care about anything I had to say beyond superficial things

- he works in education but his messages are inarticulate; here is an example- you put yourself so well (in context to the previous text, it was about what I wore)

- he constantly objectifies me with a maximum seven minute lag time between comments

- he initiates loud personal conversations in public like a packed subway car

- during conversation at dinner, I made a comment about something that he did not believe so he took out his phone and went on wiki. Wiki verified I was right but he proceeded to argue semantics while continuing to use his phone to search for points to support his argument. The insignifant topic- macaroni and cheese

- there was a private party in the next room, he called the waiter over and asked details about the party

- he messaged me twice in the morning but I was not able to answer so in the evening, he asked me twice, in two different ways if I was sleeping at 11:am

- there are other times he asks me things to see if my answer changes and it disturbed me to the point I asked if he has trust issues

- what seemed like just being eccentric the first meeting now seems like signs of ED

And this list could be a lot longer but I did not want to be repetive

You can ask my irl friends from here, I am a sweet girl. If someone is rude or weird in public, I stay polite. I have class. I am not vindictive and want to hurt people. This guy just seems like he doesn't know any of the things he did was off. I feel like it could help him but then again he could snap. I am not going to see him again but I am not sure what to say- tell him in a gentle way that it is not for me or not say anything about it

 

[sizequeenNY]

PS if only I was as good at picking dating prospects as I am meeting chill fuck buddies

 

[Penis Aficionado]

On first read I somehow missed your final paragraph, and I was about to say that he's one of those people who has been going about things the wrong way for so long, confronting him on it will only entrench him in his ways.

But, maybe you're right and he just doesn't know. But I lived in New York for a decade (are you in the City?) and he sounds like one of those outwardly cocky, upwardly mobile, husting NYC guys who acts that way to cover up a big thorny tangle of insecurities. Is that him?

 

[sizequeenNY]

Upwardly mobile and cocky. I wanted the date to be Dutch to see if he would act different from the first and I was right. As you may have noticed in NY, when some men take a woman to dinner, they sometimes treat her like a concubine. By removing that element, it becomes an even playing field some men can't handle. One thing I promised myself, I wouldn't go on a date somewhere beyond my means to cover the whole check in case I want to just pay and get the fuck out of there(no Per Se for me but there are many cool reasonable places)

Note- when someone is a gentleman and is polite, I totally appreciate it and thank them. Even if a guy tries to act like a dick I still am polite and thank them

 

[554279]

He is not worth the additional investment of time based on your description.

I would consider it a good experience in the regard that you may have picked up indicators you can use later in determining if a future beau is a walking asshole or not.

Look on the bright side, you learned what a dick he was before you invested any emotions or let him dip his hands in the cookie jar.

 

[socalfreak]

The guy sounds like a total douchebag .....
Rude, inconsiderate , completely uninterested in learning about you..

Run, don't walk, from this idiot .
Find somebody worth your attention and deserving of your respect.

As far as telling him what you think....... why??
He's not going to change or apologize. So don't waste anymore time or effort on this ass- clown .

 

[554279]

ass- clown .

Is it Assclown or ass-clown? I often wondered about the hyphen.

 

[tbrguy]

I wouldn't bother if I were you; from what you've said he'd only argue and try to show you how mistaken you are...

 

[VerpaIngens]

- he told me that when people move on, they should trade up and I am up for him
Honestly, I would like to hear that on a date. But as a rule you should never speak of an ex that soon. Good or bad.

- during conversation at dinner, I made a comment about something that he did not believe so he took out his phone and went on wiki. Wiki verified I was right but he proceeded to argue semantics while continuing to use his phone to search for points to support his argument. The insignifant topic- macaroni and cheese
I do this with (male) friends, not with girls I date. What a dumbass. Rule #1 never tell a girl she is wrong. ;-) The worst thing is that he couldn't admit he was wrong.

- there are other times he asks me things to see if my answer changes and it disturbed me to the point I asked if he has trust issues
I think it is normal to test the person you date at the beginning. I'm sure you tested him too at some point... If you date someone new, prepare to be judged as you judge them. Also prepare to be tested.

Now in general he sounds like an ass, but you are definitely overreacting. Why compare him to Hitler? He might be annoying, but does that make him a bad person?
Ok, objectifying women is not good. But how bad is that? Is he violent? Is he a cheater? Does he steal, rape and murder? I would have really liked to hear his story about those dates. Seriously, I get that you are upset about all of this, but I haven't read anything shocking.

Just be direct when dumping him, don't do this "I don't have time right now, I'm very busy atm" thing. Really just say "I don't want to see you anymore" If he asks why, say why. But I see no point in telling him if he doesn't ask. He wouldn't be interested.

 

[xtremehung]

Stop wasting your time thinking about him.

Ignore him and move on, I'm pretty sure that's what he would do if he did not have interest in you.

on a side note: I feel sorry for anyone he is "educating".

 

[sizequeenNY]

I compared him to hitler based on things he said about his xw with cerebral palsey, much worse than what I mentioned but prefer not to repeat. Also trading up from someone disabled? That is cruel and fucked

I'm divorced, got married too young but my ex h and I are cool. I ended it politely and we worked on issues to grow as individuals. We sometimes go for pho or dumplings so to hear someone speak so terribly about their ex, it makes me wonder

The date was last night so it was fresh in my mind. I am not attracted to his personality so I am less attracted to him. Just going to avoid him unless he gets crazy then I will send a note

Thanks!!

 

[sizequeenNY]

Oh on testing people- it isn't my way, I give people the benefit of the doubt and if they mess up after a shot, I am over it

 

[185248]

So, what were his good points? Since you posted about him in some detail and had a second date.

 

[sizequeenNY]

So, what were his good points? Since you posted about him in some detail and had a second date.

He was a lot more polite on the first date. He seemed smart and confident. Some of the issues mentioned came up in the first date but I wanted to give him a fair chance

 

[Penis Aficionado]

I just read an article about dating in NYC, which said that it basically no longer exists. Apparently when a guy is interested in a girl now, he will just text her while he's hanging out with his friends and invite her to join them. According to the article, guys hardly ever ask a girl to go to dinner at a predetermined time several days away, just by themselves.

Is that true? Is that what "dating" in the city is like now?

 

[326807]

you seem to deserve MUCH better

 

[sizequeenNY]

I just read an article about dating in NYC, which said that it basically no longer exists. Apparently when a guy is interested in a girl now, he will just text her while he's hanging out with his friends and invite her to join them. According to the article, guys hardly ever ask a girl to go to dinner at a predetermined time several days away, just by themselves.

Is that true? Is that what "dating" in the city is like now?

That sounds like a booty call

I go on dates, sometimes doing something in the city or dinner. I also hang out do something low key before or after sex. It probably depends on the mutual interest level, intention, and how easily the guy thinks he can get you into bed. Personally, I don't enjoy dinner with someone I don't know well and dinner is not an invitation to sex. If someone asks me out to dinner, I suggest something else like a bar or izakaya. When someone insists on dinner, that they really want to show me a place, the guy is usually early forties

 

[sizequeenNY]

you seem to deserve MUCH better

Aww thank you. I would say you should visit NY and hang out but your profile says New England. The odds of you being a Patriots fan is too great and frankly, I'd rather not lose NY cred, unless of course you actually are ten inches haha

 

[Penis Aficionado]

Honestly I never liked the "dinner date" thing either -- it seems so ritualized and formal. But I do think a man ought to express interest in someone by taking her somewhere that's a little bit special or out of the ordinary, not just someplace he hangs out with his friends every other day.

What's izakaya? (I've been in Texas for years now and I'm out of the loop).

That sounds like a booty call

I go on dates, sometimes doing something in the city or dinner. I also hang out do something low key before or after sex. It probably depends on the mutual interest level, intention, and how easily the guy thinks he can get you into bed. Personally, I don't enjoy dinner with someone I don't know well and dinner is not an invitation to sex. If someone asks me out to dinner, I suggest something else like a bar or izakaya. When someone insists on dinner, that they really want to show me a place, the guy is usually early forties

 

[sizequeenNY]

When I say hang out, I mean do something together like going somewhere fun

An izakaya is a Japanese bar and food joint that serves small plates. Way less uncomfortable than dinner at a regular restaurant