Not all long relationships are good or healthy.You sound very young…perhaps you’ll experience real love one day. We just celebrated 20 years, good luck to you!
Does Real love in the gay community exist in 2024?
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chrisrobin
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If by the gay community you referring to the groups who gather in certain places, clubs, bars and baths then you miss the whole scene as there are many more who do not conform to these pastimes. These will always be searching, tapping apps, and more searching, but for every one of them there are maybe 4 others who don't resort to this and who have long steady relationships.
In truth, the gay community is a fiction dreamt up in order to lump us all together. As with the other side of the coin there is no hetrosexual community, just another handy label
In truth, the gay community is a fiction dreamt up in order to lump us all together. As with the other side of the coin there is no hetrosexual community, just another handy label
The medical term for this is "disease vector."
I would say monogamous love is rare, but possible. It took me a while to find someone that I could build a "traditional" looking life with. I actually hate dating and nothing sounds less appealing to me than balancing my own work life, personal life, family, etc. AND continuing to date more people? Absolutely not. And I don't like casual sex. Other gay men have made fun of me or called me prudish, or accused me of repressing myself to be acceptable to straight people. Like, nah, I'm just lazy and looking for emotional stability. My bad I guess. I'm in a relationship now and have been for over 5 years. We've moved together and gone through big life changes together and are still monogamous and still in love. It's possible! But relationships are really hard. People are messy and imperfect. I think a lot of people think any difficulty within a relationship means it's toxic, and also are scared of commitment. I think if you keep looking, you'll find your person, imperfections and all.
I don't know you from Adam. But I'm Happy for you. Congrats. You're so exactly right.
To add on people also don't like to compromise either. They want this exact perfect relationship they cooked up in their head or some exact perfect guy of their dreams.... and that is just not realistic.
Urien
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Yours is a good example of relationships being a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Bars and hook up culture are not specific to the LGBT community, they exist in the wider straight community as well.
There are a lot of strict social scripts to straight relationships. They all claim to be monogamous, but there's a lot of infidelity out there with them. Whereas as we don't have as many expectations. Hence you get more variety of types of relations depending on what suits the couple, open relationships suit some couples and monogamous relationships suit others. Neither is more valid or real than the other.
There are a lot of strict social scripts to straight relationships. They all claim to be monogamous, but there's a lot of infidelity out there with them. Whereas as we don't have as many expectations. Hence you get more variety of types of relations depending on what suits the couple, open relationships suit some couples and monogamous relationships suit others. Neither is more valid or real than the other.
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True enough, but data shows that one has longer-lasting, more stable relationships. One can question the data, and one can claim, "they are not necessarily happy relationships," and one can rightly say that longer-lasting relationships does not make a sexual orientation more valid, but one must concede the data shows that heterosexual relationships are longer-lasting and more stable.
Urien
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Of course they would be. They've had a headstart on the relationship thing and literally everything working in their favor from the beginning of time.
35-50 years ago they only representation we had in the real world was porn, which most likely fucked up our expectations of one another. If WE (as gay/bi men) want relationships the onus is on the lovers amongst us to steer the ship towards that. We don't have women gatekeeping sex and imposing domestication on our men from an early age.
We have to will it into existence through culture, traditions, and ritual. This takes a lot of time, and the hope that the current homosexual experiment (from a legal/social pov) is allowed to exist long enough to self-correct and beat out the stuff within it born from our struggle - the "generational trauma" so to speak.
It sounds like a tall order, but it starts with ourselves. Really believe it, choose it, and it will become real.
Disagree that the length of the relationships suggests stability, even considering additional pressures like social pressures and potentially kids, they still manage to have very high divorce rates, high infedilty rates and the ones who don't divorce often end up with a lifetime of mutual resentment. So I think gay relationships end up being a lot less hypocritical.
And frankly, your analysis smacks of internalised homophobia because you're trying to paint straight relationships as better.
Yes, any data supporting heterosexual relationships must be homophobia. No other explanation can exist! It's impossible to conceive that a male gay couple, with two male sex drives, would encounter a higher incidence of instability that causes such a relationship to be of shorter duration compared to the heterosexual counterpart. Nah, that can't possibly be so it can only be the fear of homosexuals! And you can call a less stable relationship "less hypocritical" but that only smacks of justification, providing no comfort for the victims of said lesser hypocrisy.
Did you simply ignore my statement, "...and one can rightly say that longer-lasting relationships does not make a sexual orientation more valid..." because of a knee-jerk reaction which ends in calling everyone "homophobic" as a go-to response to something that run counter to your accepted narrative?
Because it's bollocks.
I've seen way more cheating in their relationships than ours. I've seen both straight men and women try to emotionally manipulate partners by threatening to commit suicide. I've seen a number of cases of domestic violence in their relationships. I've seen them "stay together for the offspring" causing a hostile environment to grow up. When I ask friends if their parents are still together, I'm genuinely shocked if people say yes, but after you pry a little, you often find out that one spouse had an affair, and the other one dealt with it (or had an affair in return). I've seen them have vicious custody battles. I've seen them stay in shit relationships because they don't have exit strategies.
They constantly joke about how much they can't stand their partners. Extreme possessive jealousy is treated by them as if it's an endearing romantic quality. A ton of straight men have a very unhealthy habit of offloading all their emotional support and needs solely onto their partners. Heteropessism from both sides is pretty well known by this stage. They joke about how much easier their lives would be if they didn't date.
I genuinely do not think they have the answer, and no amount of you trying to pedestal their relationships is going to make me think the sun shines out their arseholes because I can clearly see it doesn't.
I think that statement was a mealy mouthed attempt to cover your arse.
It's not a go-to response when your words are dripping in it.
And if you're going to attempt to be pompous, you should at least learn how to conjugate a fucking verb correctly. It's "runs counter to your accepted narrative?"
You presume too much, but I think it's the anger and self-loathing that gets in your way.
Your personal, biased observations do not substitute for objectively collected and analyzed data. You may reject the conclusion, but in doing so, you mark yourself an anti-intellectual. The question is why? No one is attacking homosexual relationships. No one is saying people cannot have homosexual relationships. No one is saying homosexual relationships are inferior to heterosexual relationships. The contention, backed by data, is simply that heterosexual relationships tend to be longer-lasting and more stable than homosexual relationships. Somehow that sticks in your craw -- pardon the pun.
Settle down , settle down , I forgot this was my thread lmao . I didn’t read everything that y’all said but I skimmed over it , heterosexual relationships do seem to be made to appear as if they are more stable than homosexual ones but if you look closely , even closer to heterosexual relationships in the past before gays could even be open and out , the men were cheating on the women , they just hid it better . And some wives did cheating to, and some husbands would have kids with other women and leave them and wives would have kids and not tell the father it wasn’t his and raised them as family. So you’re both kinda right and wrong . And I already know you got a counter argument Frankie but I’m not gonna come off my opinion high horse with this one, men have been cheating on women since Adam met Eve .
No Frankie they are not really more stable , they just stay together for looks , women get cheated on by their husbands more than gay men cheat on their husbands . The reason why it looks like they are more stable is because they stay together ( a lot of times do to children) and they lie better. Gay men often have to rely on app to cheat and the community is smaller so it’s easier to get caught. So your statement is invalid and it makes you look bias and uneducated tbh which I know your not but also research the data . Bring the numbers to the table or don’t sit down .
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