Feel guilty about getting with married men?

[Tight_N_Juicy]

yea totally. This whole argument changed into "am I just as responsible/an asshole as the husband" to which I say no. He made the promise to his wife, not me.

But YOU KNOW ABOUT THE PROMISE AND SHIT ON IT ANYWAY.

You're a fucking disgusting person.

I hope your dick falls off.

 

[LaFemme]

Here’s the thing, I don’t lie, cheat, steal, kill, etc. It’s against my own moral code. I guess it’s a matter of degrees in each category though - I’ll kill a bug, have told a “white lie”. But in general, I really try to live an honest life, be kind to others. I value that. I value respect. I value being respected. I value honesty.

If those are things that you don’t value, then we have nothing in common. I don’t like you, you don’t like me. You don’t respect the women who are married to the men you are fucking. You endorse lying. You contribute to hurt. I can be unkind to you and still sleep at night. A man like you deserves no respect.

 

[328982]

What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity
A slightly different perspective from a woman who sought out casual affairs with married men - this is more about motivations and insights than the morality of it.

 

[zaynmlk1626]

i have never been with a married guy, i am surprised by your answers, how many married guys cheat their wives with gay men. i had a gay friend who told me he used to have sex with a married guy. that was the only married guy with a gay story i knew till reading this thread.

for a few months i have been following a really cute guy on instagram who i have never met in person until i realised by his posts he is married and has a kid. he is 28 like me so i was really surprised finding this out.
i have been liking almost all his posts we became friends on facebook but we had never talked. a few times i did comment on the instagram stories he'd post like ''who's that cute boy in your story'' and he would be like ''my son'' but nothing more than that. at some point i realised that even though he was following me he'd never like any of my public posts but he'd never miss any of my stories, he watches like 99,9% of the stories i post for over 10 months now.
i've been thinking it must be totally random or he might be interested in me in a way. actually yesterday, he posted a selfie on his story and i replied with the hearts emoji and he did reply quote '' calm down '' i was really surprised by his kissing emoji and i just replied ''i am very calm'' and this is when it ended. he did upload 2 stories with his wife and how much he loves her since yesterday but i did not react.

what i was thinking is that since he has been watching all my stories and replied with the kissing emoji that he might be interested in me in a way. i am thinking on going to the clothing store he works as a client just to see him in person once. i am really curious. by no means i intend to cause trouble in his family, but i am thinking that he might be a curious guy who is thinking about experimenting or he might just be flattered by the fact he knows a guy likes him, who knows? he might even want to try to experiment sexually but that doesn't mean he doesn't love and care for his wife and child or he'd leave them for a guy. i totally respect his wife and child and i love families but what if the guy always wanted to experiment and never had the chance till he got married? what if the married guy needs something sexual his wife can not give? i don't think i should feel bad about it cause if he does something it's his decision i won't be forcing him to do anything. on the other hand everything i am thinking might be totally wrong, maybe even the kiss emoji was a typing mistake or something. what i am going to do is try to see him in person very discreetly of course.

 

[deleted875903]

i have never been with a married guy, i am surprised by your answers, how many married guys cheat their wives with gay men. i had a gay friend who told me he used to have sex with a married guy. that was the only married guy with a gay story i knew till reading this thread.

for a few months i have been following a really cute guy on instagram who i have never met in person until i realised by his posts he is married and has a kid. he is 28 like me so i was really surprised finding this out.
i have been liking almost all his posts we became friends on facebook but we had never talked. a few times i did comment on the instagram stories he'd post like ''who's that cute boy in your story'' and he would be like ''my son'' but nothing more than that. at some point i realised that even though he was following me he'd never like any of my public posts but he'd never miss any of my stories, he watches like 99,9% of the stories i post for over 10 months now.
i've been thinking it must be totally random or he might be interested in me in a way. actually yesterday, he posted a selfie on his story and i replied with the hearts emoji and he did reply quote '' calm down '' i was really surprised by his kissing emoji and i just replied ''i am very calm'' and this is when it ended. he did upload 2 stories with his wife and how much he loves her since yesterday but i did not react.

what i was thinking is that since he has been watching all my stories and replied with the kissing emoji that he might be interested in me in a way. i am thinking on going to the clothing store he works as a client just to see him in person once. i am really curious. by no means i intend to cause trouble in his family, but i am thinking that he might be a curious guy who is thinking about experimenting or he might just be flattered by the fact he knows a guy likes him, who knows? he might even want to try to experiment sexually but that doesn't mean he doesn't love and care for his wife and child or he'd leave them for a guy. i totally respect his wife and child and i love families but what if the guy always wanted to experiment and never had the chance till he got married? what if the married guy needs something sexual his wife can not give? i don't think i should feel bad about it cause if he does something it's his decision i won't be forcing him to do anything. on the other hand everything i am thinking might be totally wrong, maybe even the kiss emoji was a typing mistake or something. what i am going to do is try to see him in person very discreetly of course.

Nothing ventured...

 

[thick_cock_306]

Here’s the thing, I don’t lie, cheat, steal, kill, etc. It’s against my own moral code. I guess it’s a matter of degrees in each category though - I’ll kill a bug, have told a “white lie”. But in general, I really try to live an honest life, be kind to others. I value that. I value respect. I value being respected. I value honesty.

If those are things that you don’t value, then we have nothing in common. I don’t like you, you don’t like me. You don’t respect the women who are married to the men you are fucking. You endorse lying. You contribute to hurt. I can be unkind to you and still sleep at night. A man like you deserves no respect.

You're right, I don't respect the women of the men I sleep with...mainly because I've never met them and don't know them at all. I don't need to respect complete strangers.
Also worth noting, the married men I get with are adults, they're the ones making the decision to cheat, I'm not the one cheating.

 

[LaFemme]

You're right, I don't respect the women of the men I sleep with...mainly because I've never met them and don't know them at all. I don't need to respect complete strangers.
Also worth noting, the married men I get with are adults, they're the ones making the decision to cheat, I'm not the one cheating.

Once you know they’re married, you are cheating. You’re involved. You’re abetting. Under some laws you could be sued.

 

[thick_cock_306]

Once you know they’re married, you are cheating. You’re involved. You’re abetting. Under some laws you could be sued.

What laws?
This is really simple (even for you): I can't cheat if I never made a promise to that person. For example, if I meet someone at the bar, go home with them, then the next day meet and hookup with someone else....am I cheating on the first person I met?

 

[LaFemme]

Not a lot a states, but a few still allow alienation of affection lawsuits.

States That Still Allow Alienation of Affection Lawsuits

But, as I said before, it’s my moral code. You have one, or you don’t. You apparently don’t. I value respect and you don’t. I even respect people I haven’t met yet. People lose my respect. I don’t piss on people first and then stop because they earn my respect.

What laws?
This is really simple (even for you): I can't cheat if I never made a promise to that person. For example, if I meet someone at the bar, go home with them, then the next day meet and hookup with someone else....am I cheating on the first person I met?

 

[MisterB]

Not a lot a states, but a few still allow alienation of affection lawsuits.

States That Still Allow Alienation of Affection Lawsuits

But, as I said before, it’s my moral code. You have one, or you don’t. You apparently don’t. I value respect and you don’t. I even respect people I haven’t met yet. People lose my respect. I don’t piss on people first and then stop because they earn my respect.

The mental gymnastics this guy has been demonstrating since he first posted has become funny to me. Albeit in a very sad, almost tragic way.

His continued efforts to justify his sleeping with married men is just lame now. He's trying to hard to rationalize his internal struggle. Especially with himself.

I think he does have a moral code. I think he is currently at odds with his moral code.. And is desperately trying to somehow overcome this hurdle. That's why he continues to double-down; even though his contentions come across half-baked. Because he knows what he is doing is wrong. He's majorly conflicted internally.

I can read between his typing. He's conflicted about his guilt. In a huge way. Because why else would he continue to repeat the same psycho-babble over and over? Unless he doesn't really believe it himself and thinks if he types it over and over it will become true.

What this guy needs to do some serious introspection. Ya know, be honest with himself. If he truly had/has no guilt, he would not have created this thread. It's that simple.

I do believe this gentleman doth protest too much!

 

[LaFemme]

The mental gymnastics this guy has been demonstrating since he first posted has become funny to me. Albeit in a very sad, almost tragic way.

His continued efforts to justify his sleeping with married men is just lame now. He's trying to hard to rationalize his internal struggle. Especially with himself.

I think he does have a moral code. I think he is currently at odds with his moral code.. And is desperately trying to somehow overcome this hurdle. That's why he continues to double-down; even though his contentions come across half-baked. Because he knows what he is doing is wrong. He's majorly conflicted internally.

I can read between his typing. He's conflicted about his guilt. In a huge way. Because why else would he continue to repeat the same psycho-babble over and over? Unless he doesn't really believe it himself and thinks if he types it over and over it will become true.

What this guy needs to do some serious introspection. Ya know, be honest with himself. If he truly had/has no guilt, he would not have created this thread. It's that simple.

I do believe this gentleman doth protest too much!

Well, he lives in Canada and we have no alienation of affection laws here. So he’s lucky there. He only has to worry about internal struggle.

Perhaps you’re right. I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt. Truly. I doubt he’d tell us if he really was struggling, though. There are truly selfish people - “I don’t know you,so I feel free to hurt you” kind of people. Then again, there are people who will get defensive if they feel attacked. Which one is he? I don’t know.

 

[chancesare]

I posted against sleeping with attached and married men. I am totally against it. However, perhaps some of this criticism should be saved for the 9087 other men on this board who discuss sleeping with married men. I am not sure why one guy is getting so much flack. Literally, look at other posts in these forums.

Part of my delay in coming out was my unwillingness to be identified with other gay men, who it often feels like lack the moral compass in their sexual lives. For many, many gay men, hooking up with the married dad or attached straight guy is the holy grail. At least, that's what a decade of reading Craigslist ads and app profiles has taught me.

I have come, however, to learn to withhold judgement on a lot of bi men who go behind their wife's/girlfriend's back. It can't be easy in this day and age to be bi, tempted by all the gay messages/sexual imagery, and not feel like it's a right to explore. More so, I do have a deep sympathy for guys with wives who refuse them sex or keep it to a bare minimum. It is, after all, a need, and many of these guys would never ever explore their bi sides if they could just get sex in their marriage. And I am speaking as a guy in a relationship where we are sexually mismatched but am choosing to be faithful and regularly turns down hook up opportunities. I don't agree with cheating, but I try not to judge in these circumstances.

I do wish that more gay men had a consistency in their morals. It seems like they have two sets of morals and values because sex gets its own set. "Be honest, be generous, be fair, be kind, be sweet, be tender-spirited . . . but when it comes to sex, fuck all that. I want a married guy."

 

[thick_cock_306]

Not a lot a states, but a few still allow alienation of affection lawsuits.

States That Still Allow Alienation of Affection Lawsuits

But, as I said before, it’s my moral code. You have one, or you don’t. You apparently don’t. I value respect and you don’t. I even respect people I haven’t met yet. People lose my respect. I don’t piss on people first and then stop because they earn my respect.

If you respect someone you've never met and know nothing about....then your respect is worthless. Respect is earned first.

 

[LaFemme]

If you respect someone you've never met and know nothing about....then your respect is worthless. Respect is earned first.

I’m not debating with you. We have different moral codes.

 

[deleted924715]

The mental gymnastics this guy has been demonstrating since he first posted has become funny to me. Albeit in a very sad, almost tragic way.

His continued efforts to justify his sleeping with married men is just lame now. He's trying to hard to rationalize his internal struggle. Especially with himself.

I think he does have a moral code. I think he is currently at odds with his moral code.. And is desperately trying to somehow overcome this hurdle. That's why he continues to double-down; even though his contentions come across half-baked. Because he knows what he is doing is wrong. He's majorly conflicted internally.

I can read between his typing. He's conflicted about his guilt. In a huge way. Because why else would he continue to repeat the same psycho-babble over and over? Unless he doesn't really believe it himself and thinks if he types it over and over it will become true.

What this guy needs to do some serious introspection. Ya know, be honest with himself. If he truly had/has no guilt, he would not have created this thread. It's that simple.

I do believe this gentleman doth protest too much!

You are always such a kind soul and a gentleman. So much less cynical than me. I got the impression that this was a humblebrag by the OP about the amount of "straight" married men he bags, because there are a few that would consider those men the holy grail and be impressed by his "prowess".

I don't believe he is genuinely conflicted (he said himeslf above he doesn't respect the partners of the men) and I think the direction the thread went in surprised him. JMO.

 

[MisterB]

You are always such a kind soul and a gentleman. So much less cynical than me. I got the impression that this was a humblebrag by the OP about the amount of "straight" married men he bags, because there are a few that would consider those men the holy grail and be impressed by his "prowess".

I don't believe he is genuinely conflicted (he said himeslf above he doesn't respect the partners of the men) and I think the direction the thread went in surprised him. JMO.

Indeed, I can see your point. And I agree with you. However, I also think he's quite conflicted. Whether or not he is ever able to admit it and come to terms with his own truth.

Something internal made him start a thread to tell his story and purposely tell us he felt some guilt. And I still believe he does. Otherwise he'd just have posted his bragging about sleeping with married men like so many other people do. But his thread title tells me he's struggling internally with his thoughts. He knows he's wrong. That's why he feels guilt. I'll give him credit for that much! Cuz I've known too many cheaters who have no morals or scruples at all. And I've witnessed the fallout he's worried could happen to him. And as several folks have tried to communicate to him, such fallout is rarely positive.

What led me to my conclusion was reading all his posts here. And how after getting feedback that seemed to genuinely surprise him, from women AND men, he started to get very defensive and began to dig himself a deeper hole. Because he seemed to flip from feeling guilt to no guilt just a little too quickly; a defense mechanism if you will.

Unfortunately, I know too many people who are unable to admit any type of shortcoming. Admit when they are wrong. That's why I think his OP was disingenuous. IMO, he was simply looking for validation. When that didn't happen, he started lashing out.

And it's why I now feel mostly sadness for him now. Because he's being eaten up inside by confusion: On one hand he loves the physicality of the male on male sex; on the other hand, once he "busts his nut", reality sets in. He's emotionally conflicted because he's written he knows he could potentially negatively impact many lives if he were found out. And that's the source of his internal conflict; the impact on the wife/family if his sexual escapades with their men were discovered.

And IMO, it can be especially hard for some male psyches when such criticism/advice comes from a woman. I say that because I noticed he seemed to zero in or and "converse" with mainly the women who challenged him. But then again, it's all speculation on my part. What I do know is that he's very conflicted. He's struggling.

I do work hard not to judge others; I'm not always successful. Like in this case. Try as I might, I can't help myself that I feel a certain level of contempt for him. But it's not for HIM, per se; it's for him and all the folks like him. All cheaters. Male or female. Because he is knowingly getting with a married person. I will not condone cheating. Regardless of which role one plays; the husband or the male lover on the side. It's wrong.

And he knows deep down it's wrong. But once again, one of my brethren is thinking with the head below his neck rather than the one above. And to be honest, he's just one of many...and that makes me ever sadder.

 

[thick_cock_306]

I’m not debating with you. We have different moral codes.

That and you seem unable to understand basic logic.

 

[deleted136887]

Fuck.
I have had a brandies and coke.
I read this.
It pisses me off.
Regardless of the fact that the married guy is cheating on his wife with another man(and thats a whole new level of betrayal.... No judgements on sexual preferance) the fact is there is a partner who is being cheated on.
Sneaking out to get his rocks off.... The very fact that is done away from her without her knowledge is terrible.
Thev guy is just too fucking weak to own up to his partner that he is getting a bit on the side.
You want to fuck men thats fine.
Dont lie to the woman in your life.
And the op.... Faking guilt.
Dont wanna break up the family.
If you dont want to break up families go fuck single men
Rant over.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

That and you seem unable to understand basic logic.

You're a fucking asshole AND a fucking moron.

You'd be LUCKY to be able to have the level of heart and intelligence LaFemme has. You're nothing like her, and by that I mean you are not close to being a respectable human being.

You wanna talk about respect being earned? Fucking hilarious, lying cheating piece of shit. You couldn't get respect if you fucking paid for it.

 

[Toby Heinrich]

If anyone's in the Chicago area, I wouldn't mind giving you something to feel guilty about (married guy here, looking for his first dude-on-dude experience)