Have you ever freaked out before having sex with someone new?

[Attila the Hung]

Has any woman on this site ever had a sudden change of heart about sleeping with someone new just as you two were about to get nekkid and have sex? Because about a month ago I was on second date with a woman who had contacted me on pof, and the first date went very weel and we got along swimmingly, then two weeks later we met again this time closer to my place as I live in the suburbs and her in the city.

I went to pick her up and we stopped at a pool bar in my area that is the place to go hang out come the weekend, and we had a few drinks and talked and we were really getting along great, I was making her laugh and she was smiling, reached over to touch my shoulder now and then and gave me other signals that she was seemingly interested in me physically.

So, I eventually asked her is she wanted to go back to my place and watch a movie and smoke a joint together which she told me she enjoys partaking in on weekends as I do. So off we went and I figured hey lets watch something funny so I suggested a Russell Peters stand up routine of his that is hilarious and so we started watching that together.

Then things got weird, first she asked me out of the blue if I had ever messed around with a guy before, and I was stunned by the question as no one has ever asked me that before, anyway I told her no but that I have been propositioned several times including having been offered money on several occasions too, all of which I declined.

Then she asked me well why would a man offer you money for sex? I was trying to play it cool beforehand but at this point I figured might as well give her a hint about what I have to work with below the belt and I told her well just like women`s breasts come in all shapes and sizes, men come in different sizes as well and gave her a wolfish smile and waited for her reaction.

She smiled and said so you are a big then? And I said well how about you find out for yourself and at that point I asked her to sit on me so she could feel for herself, and seemingly the moment she sat on top of me and I laid my hands on her she asked me to stop and said she was having a panic attack of sorts, which was a load of bs but I said sure no problem.

Anyway I lit up a cig and offered her one as well, told her not to worry about it and lets just kick back and watch tv, and then a few minutes later she goes to the bathroom and when she comes out she says I think I should go hom now, and at this point I am like "wtf?!" how come?

She says she is having a badtrip from the weed we smoked and that she wants to go home, so I try talking to her to find out what is going on here. So I try to cheer her up and make her smile, try to reassure her but it was all for naught as she completely shut down on me mentally and physically, and finally after about 15 minutes I realised there is absolutely nothing I can say or do to turn things around and at that point I throw in the towel and drove her home.

Now my question to the ladies on this here forum is, have you ever done something similar and if so what made you suddenly have a change of heart about sleeping with a man who you had otherwise just spent a very fun-filled evening with? Because honestly I have never felt so rejected or embarassed in my entire life and this has completely ruined my mojo since then, I mean for two people to get along so well outside the bedroom only to have things end in such a spectacularly fucked up fashion just boggles my mind.

Any answers or contributions to this thread would be greatly appreciated, I shall check in a bit later to see if anyone has chimed in.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Eh. I haven't, not like that. I've had anxiety attacks from weed, though...

 

[MickeyLee]

you need better weed, my friend.
:wink:

panic disorder sucks the butt.
anything could trigger it.
and the come down is the ultra-suck, not a time you wanna around anyone.
she was probably more embarrassed than you were by the whole affair.

have ya talked to her since?

 

[Daisy]

hhmmm....
it could be any number of reasons. She could actually have some sort of deep down anxiety about sex. I doubt that she was scared off by your penis (which is amazing as you know I'm a huge fan of yours :tongue: )

My philosophy about dating, the older I get, is that it's either comfortable and it's right..or it's not. If things get weird maybe you're dodging a bullet. I would of course try to talk to her and see if she can explain what happened but if she doesn't, consider it just not the right person.

You're way to hot to feel rejected my friend. I still believe your ship will come in ...:smile:

 

[LaFemme]

I think that it was all about her, and not about you at all. I think (don't know, just guessing) that you've had a rough go in the last few months. You need to get your mojo up and running, and all that stuff. This feels bad - but trust me, this was about her and not you.

Panic attacks happen. Bad reactions to weed happen. Women change their minds for a myriad of reasons. There are a boatload of women here who would kill to get you alone! :naughty: you are golden, my friend. And a good guy, too.

PS, Russell Peters is hilarious!

 

[Gisella]

yes I did change my mind few times many years ago..I just felt uncomfortable vibes.. I was not drinking or drugging..sober I came and cold turkey I left..lol

2nd date? too fast to soon imo..she was not ready.

 

[Attila the Hung]

you need better weed, my friend.
:wink:

panic disorder sucks the butt.
anything could trigger it.
and the come down is the ultra-suck, not a time you wanna around anyone.
she was probably more embarrassed than you were by the whole affair.

have ya talked to her since?

The thing is ML, I had some rather good quality grass actually and I have a hard time believing the bit about her having a badtrip/panic attack from the weed we smoked.

Reason being is that if you are an experienced toker as she claimed to be and as I am, its never the weed itself that makes you badtrip but rather the situation you find yourself in that can potentially make a pleasant high turn unpleasant in a hurry.

And since you ask no I haven`t talked to her since. I must admit that I was not in a very pleasant mood or frame of mind on the drive back into the city, and since I told her I didn`t see any reason why we should see each other again after that night shortly before leaving there is not going to be a third times the charm scenario here.

Before leaving and me saying the above she did say she would make it up to me next time, but by that time I was not in no mood to want to see her again, like I said I felt like an idiot and was upset at that point so I was not in a very understanding mood. Besides, I told her how am I supposed to see you again and act like this incredibly awkward incident never happened?

to be continued on my other replies...

 

[babl]

Maybe things moved too quickly for her and she felt uncomfortable. She was in the home of someone she had only met once before. She may have not felt in control of the situation. and smoking probably didn't help either.

 

[Attila the Hung]

hhmmm....
it could be any number of reasons. She could actually have some sort of deep down anxiety about sex. I doubt that she was scared off by your penis (which is amazing as you know I'm a huge fan of yours :tongue: )

My philosophy about dating, the older I get, is that it's either comfortable and it's right..or it's not. If things get weird maybe you're dodging a bullet. I would of course try to talk to her and see if she can explain what happened but if she doesn't, consider it just not the right person.

You're way to hot to feel rejected my friend. I still believe your ship will come in ...:smile:

Hello Daisy,

Thank you for the kind words doll, always appreciate a compliment from a lady like yourself And my philosophy about dating is the same as yours really, either it feel right or it doesn`t, and everything outside the bedroom felt right with this girl but for some reason it just didn`t click inside the bedroom, and the fact that everything seemingly went downhill the moment my hands felt the touch of her soft skin was a double ouch.

A person is at their most vulnerable when you are about to be intimate with someone for the first time, and to experience that kind of rejection so quickly especially from someone who unless I am waaaaaayyyyyyyyyy off about the signals I was picking up on seemed to be quite attracted to me and flirting with me really and I mean really confused the hell out of me.

that was the first ouch to my ego, but even then I swallowed my pride and thought okay play it cool reassure her its fine and we can just kick back and have some laughs, no pressure whatsoever to do anything from my end and I genuinely just wanted to her to feel comfortable and relax.

But like I said in my previous post after coming back from the bathroom she said she wanted to go home, and even though I tried to talk to her, cheer her up make her comfortable she just was not responding at all and once I realized there was nothing I could do to change things I got upset to be honest.

Not only did I get physically rejected, but now I was being shut out be her psychologically as well? That was ouch #2 to my ego and at that point I was mindfucked, which is not the kind of fucking I had envisioned for that evening to say the least. Never gonna know what happened either in this case so this one will always remain an unsolved mistery, such a shame too as I actually enjoyed her company and speaking to her.

Anyway, c`est la vie frustrant que ca peut l`etre.

 

[Attila the Hung]

I think that it was all about her, and not about you at all. I think (don't know, just guessing) that you've had a rough go in the last few months. You need to get your mojo up and running, and all that stuff. This feels bad - but trust me, this was about her and not you.

Panic attacks happen. Bad reactions to weed happen. Women change their minds for a myriad of reasons. There are a boatload of women here who would kill to get you alone! :naughty: you are golden, my friend. And a good guy, too.

PS, Russell Peters is hilarious!

Well its been more than a few months at this point sad to say, looking at over a year at this point and with no favourable outlook on the horizon either. You know what made this all the worse for me was the fact that I had resigned myself to the fact that I should just forget about finding someone and focus on myself, so for several months I just focused on my studies and work and a few hobbies and didn`t get involved with women at all.

Then this one comes along contacting me on a site I seldom had any luck on beforehand and we hit it off as soon as we meet, kept in touch over the phone a few times during the two weeks in-between our next rendez-vous which was even more fun than last time, and with her smiling half the night and us flirting with each other here and there I made the mistake of letting my guard down and thought to mysel well tonight might well be my lucky night.

And then with her asking me that sex oriented question in a oddely suggestive way which I still find rather strange, the question I mean. But nevermind that I thought for sure at this point with me hinting about me being well endowed that we were gonna get it on and have sex which of course did not happen.

Goes to show that being plus sized really and I mean really doesn`t mean absolutely anything or in any way guarantees a man will get laid, so for all the whiny little pricks on this site instead of moping around feeling sorry for yourselves realize that your dicks ain`t the problem, you are!

I have a big dick so I have been told, and as my story clearly shows it did not help me get laid, at all, so come to realize size ain`t the end all be all because in the grand scheme of things it really means fuck all.... sorry for going off on a tangent but I just had to get that off my chest.

 

[Attila the Hung]

yes I did change my mind few times many years ago..I just felt uncomfortable vibes.. I was not drinking or drugging..sober I came and cold turkey I left..lol

2nd date? too fast to soon imo..she was not ready.

Gisella,

Well in this case there was no uncomfortable vibes at all until the "incident" I shall call it happened, and if the second date was too soon for her then why flirt with me suggestively during the course of the night? agree to come back to my place at almost midnight to watch tv knowing she was over half an hours drive from home?

And then us sitting side by side on my bed with her leg over mine not far away from my somewhat engorged trousersnake at that point and then her asking me that sexually oriented question albeit a rather strange one, well unless I am a complete shit for brains when it comes to reading signals it didn`t seem to me that she was averse to doing the horizontal boogie with me.

But hey you`re probably right, too much too soon and she couldn`t handle the situation she had created or the wacky tabacky we had smoked apparently which I still don`t quite believe, but I digress...

 

[MickeyLee]

urm... i know the ladies in this thread love you.. but... ya know, ya are kinda taking what you perceive as rejection to an irrational level.

ya are making heaps of assumptions.. and choosing not to contact her for clarification.

sorry ya didn't get ya dick wet..
sorry what might be a legitimate anxiety attack feels more like an attack on your self worth/image.
is not reason to turn whiny bitch over the whole thing.

 

[Attila the Hung]

Maybe things moved too quickly for her and she felt uncomfortable. She was in the home of someone she had only met once before. She may have not felt in control of the situation. and smoking probably didn't help either.

Well I think she realised I was no threat to her so I don`t think it was anything like that. Whatever it was that was going on in her head to I will never know, I did feel bad about some of the things I said afterwards and about my reaction.

She had asked me wether I wanted to see her again before getting out of my car after I dropped her off, and I told her honestly the way I am feeling right now no not really, but if she wanted to she could call me in a few days when things have settled down somewhat and we both had time to think things over, so she said okay and of course that never happened and thats that.

I tried calling a week later and got no answer, tried again the next day with no answer again so I did not bother calling again, silence speaks louder than words sometimes so I took the hint and moved on. I did write one final message to her on pof asking her what exactly went wrong and telling her that even though things ended the way they did I liked her enough to be willing to give it another go but we had to talk first before crossing that bridge again.

Never got a reply however so no more to this story, only that this last experience has left me somewhat jaded and really not interested in meeting any women at all, someday that will probably change but until then I`ll just focus on life and channel my restlessness and energy on other things.

 

[Attila the Hung]

urm... i know the ladies in this thread love you.. but... ya know, ya are kinda taking what you perceive as rejection to an irrational level.

ya are making heaps of assumptions.. and choosing not to contact her for clarification.

sorry ya didn't get ya dick wet..
sorry what might be a legitimate anxiety attack feels more like an attack on your self worth/image.
is not reason to turn whiny bitch over the whole thing.

Classy reply

And clearly you did not read the part where I mentioned trying to reach out to her and apologizing for the way I reacted, hindsight allows one to view situations in a different light, and after a few days I quite realized I had made heaps of assumptions as you put it so I tried to get to the bottom of what happened by contacting her in the hopes we could move past that incident and see each other again.

Again, very classy reply ML, but don`t expect me to sink to your level by replying in kind.

Thanks for your input.

 

[MickeyLee]

yeah.. after you pouted your way through a trip home. after you told her that you didn't see any point in maintaining contact/ a next time to make up for it. eta catching up to your posts: you didn't call her for a week.

i can see how you respond to any thing less than consolation and praise.

have ya paused to think about what she'd tell her friends? about you? and how you acted?

if her panic attack was legit.. she's high, at the home of a stranger.. when she gets unnerved his reaction is trying to talk her out of leaving.. throws a bitch fit when she insists and basically drags her through the fucking mud emotionally because he feels rejected?

you acted like an ass and by such actions got no ass.
classy ain't always synonymous with truth.
i have a feeling ya will have no shortage of smoke and poor baby blown up your ass.
sometimes.. when you post shit on a public forum.. ya don't get what ya looking for.
:smile:

 

[Gisella]

Gisella,

Well in this case there was no uncomfortable vibes at all until the "incident" I shall call it happened, and if the second date was too soon for her then why flirt with me suggestively during the course of the night? agree to come back to my place at almost midnight to watch tv knowing she was over half an hours drive from home?

And then us sitting side by side on my bed with her leg over mine not far away from my somewhat engorged trousersnake at that point and then her asking me that sexually oriented question albeit a rather strange one, well unless I am a complete shit for brains when it comes to reading signals it didn`t seem to me that she was averse to doing the horizontal boogie with me.

But hey you`re probably right, too much too soon and she couldn`t handle the situation she had created or the wacky tabacky we had smoked apparently which I still don`t quite believe, but I digress...

The thing is simple: you are both strangers, unknown territory to each other, what to expect?..whatever NO vibes pops up coming from anyone involved must be respected as a no and be stopped.

I think you both create a situation and went along until she wanted to stop the "train"..people just have to be prepared for such situation, not easy to cool down, but has to...for this reason I take a while to get to know the person and than get intimate. I cannot put myself in such situations anyways.

How old is she? Is she going under much pressure in life? does she has anxiety issues? Ask her how's shes doing, what's going on and etc if you care of course, if not..not your problem, let it go.

 

[Attila the Hung]

yeah.. after you pouted your way through a trip home. after you told her that you didn't see any point in maintaining contact/ a next time to make up for it. eta catching up to your posts: you didn't call her for a week.

i can see how you respond to any thing less than consolation and praise.

have ya paused to think about what she'd tell her friends? about you? and how you acted?

if her panic attack was legit.. she's high, at the home of a stranger.. when she gets unnerved his reaction is trying to talk her out of leaving.. throws a bitch fit when she insists and basically drags her through the fucking mud emotionally because he feels rejected?

you acted like an ass and by such actions got no ass.
classy ain't always synonymous with truth.
i have a feeling ya will have no shortage of smoke and poor baby blown up your ass.
sometimes.. when you post shit on a public forum.. ya don't get what ya looking for.
:smile:

Well well look who is making assumptions about how things went down?

You know, I actually agree with you that I acted like an ass and admitted as much, but I was nowhere near as big of an ass as you are implying or acting like in my thread right now.

And hey I am open to critique, but there are ways of going about it and your hostile approach is not the one, but I guess we were raised differently you and I.

Stay classy.

 

[Attila the Hung]

The thing is simple: you are both strangers, unknown territory to each other, what to expect?..whatever NO vibes pops up coming from anyone involved must be respected as a no and be stopped.

I think you both create a situation and went along until she wanted to stop the "train"..people just have to be prepared for such situation, not easy to cool down, but has to...for this reason I take a while to get to know the person and than get intimate. I cannot put myself in such situations anyways.

How old is she? Is she going under much pressure in life? does she has anxiety issues? Ask her how's shes doing, what's going on and etc if you care of course, if not..not your problem, let it go.

I did respect her wish to stop immediately and I did not act like an inconsiderate jerk only looking to get his rocks off, that is not the kind of man that I am. As for how old she is 27 and she is a political sciences student in university, smart girl and a real pleasure to talk to.

But yes you are right I was caught completely off guard and unawares by her reaction and admitedly I could have handled it better even once it became clear there was no salvaging the evening, but hey you live and learn and I sure learned a lesson here.

Thank you for your input Gisella.

 

[MickeyLee]

*pets the blue-balled little knuckle head*

is funny, me, the hostile and ill-bred meanie, managed to get through every exchange commenting only your actions/behavior related to the night in question, the following days and ya re-accounting in this thread.

you, the wounded angel, managed to insult me as a person and attack my family unit.

maybe.. just maybe... you're not as nice as you think you are, Mr. Attila.
*shrug*

so.. yeah.. i am out of this thread.
enjoy tending your bruise garden.

 

[Enid]

She had asked me wether I wanted to see her again before getting out of my car after I dropped her off, and I told her honestly the way I am feeling right now no not really,

I don't understand. You said no you didn't really wanna see/hear from her again. That's it right? I wouldn't answer your calls either if you'd said that to me.

And yea I guess I have freaked out before having sex once or twice. It's been a long time since that happened. I was in my 20s. It was because i discovered the person had some undesirable characteristic and i didnt know how to get out of the situation. Ive definitely freaked out on weed before!