Interracial Relationships

[Apolo1998]

I actually tend not to be as attracted to women from my own culture/ethnicity. Having said that, there have been plenty of women from own ethnicity that I have been attracted to. Its just not as strong as my prediliction for brunettes and blondes.

It's would be just as racist if a black person said something similar. Especially the way you worded it.

And while I do not agree with those black people that say it when it is said especially in places like the states it probably comes more from a place of staying protected by other black people rather than just not liking other ethnicities. For example the movie get out some people would say that would never have happened to his character if he was dating a black girl.

That said as a black person I feel everyone should be intermingled with other ethnicities and luckily I live in Canada where here in the GTA(Toronto for you non Canadians) it is very diverse among young people, id say 90% of my friends are dating someone from a different ethnic background and this is ranging people between the ages of 19-30. Older people things may be slightly different but for young people such as yourself you'd rarely find someone that thinks the way you do here.

i just find it funny that the media keeps telling people that they SHOULD date people of other races when interracial relationships do not tend to last, i understand that i have an unpopular opinion, but is the way i think.

 

[4388301]

i just find it funny that the media keeps telling people that they SHOULD date people of other races when interracial relationships do not tend to last, i understand that i have an unpopular opinion, but is the way i think.

Maybe the ppl you know just have a tendency to suck at long term relationships? Where ya getting the info that "interracial relationships do not tend to last"? Tons of same ethnic background relationships fail, tons of interracial relationships fail sure, that's because a lot of folk seem to not be up front or honest with their partners among myriad other issues.

Mine and tons of other peoples have lasted a pretty long fuckin' time. Mine is closer to a decade than not and I am only in my 30s, so..........

 

[Hatt_101]

i just find it funny that the media keeps telling people that they SHOULD date people of other races when interracial relationships do not tend to last, i understand that i have an unpopular opinion, but is the way i think.

I haven't seen any media say you "should" But saying you shouldn't is definitely wrong. if don't want to fine nothing is gonna change your mind but saying others should stick to their own is definitely racist.

 

[Hatt_101]

And if mix relationships didn't work then a whole bunch of mixed people wouldn't exist and still have both parents a bunch of my friends are mixed and their parents are still together. Where on earth did you hear that they don't last because that is simply not true

 

[EquusAZ]

I understand why race seems to be a very sensitive topic for you, but i find very ridiculous to be called racist for what i said. I´ve heard plenty of black people saying the same thing and i haven´t seen this kind of energy towards them

Being called a racist hurts. Just because you find it ridiculous to be called racist for what you've said doesn't mean it isn't true, and saying "I've heard plenty of black people say the same thing" is just...wow. Just because someone else does something doesn't mean its OK for you to do it. This isn't about what other people said, its about what you said.

Saying people 'should stick to their own' is close minded in the very least interpretation, and at worst, well, lets just say it begins with the term racist. Ever hear tell of a pseudoscience called Eugenics?

Eugenics: the study of how to arrange reproduction within a human population to increase the occurrence of heritable characteristics regarded as desirable. Developed largely by Francis Galton as a method of improving the human race, it fell into disfavor only after the perversion of its doctrines by the Nazis.

The argument that people need to stick to their own race is a form of racism that lead to the idea of racial superiority. People like Hitler, Henry Ford, and a lot of other unsavory people throughout history were proponents of this idea.

Now....to broach the topics of dating outside of your own race...

Dating outside of ones own race can be hard. I never said it was easy. Yeah, love is not the only thing you need in a relationship. You need to be friends. You need to talk, and be able to listen to someone else talk, and understand. When you add in the fact that someone isn't the same race there are a whole set of challenges you have to face. So yeah - you don't need ONLY love, but I will amend my statement to say that communication is the key to a good relationship, second to friendship.

The book "Beyond Loving: Intimate Racework in Lesbian, Gay and Straight Interracial Relationships" is a wonderful book to read through to educate yourself on the challenges inherent in an interracial relationship.

But race as a qualifier? Remember you don't have to be a white supremacist or wave a nazi flag or the stars-and-bars to be racist. There is such a thing as 'casual racism' and 'microaggressions' that stem from racism. Crossing the street to walk on the other side because someone looks scary, calling the cops on someone because 'they look out of place,' or saying things like 'you don't sound black,' and not wanting to have a relationship with someone because of their skin tone?

Think of this....lets say you found the most compatible person ever. Wonderful personality, wonderful sense of humor, the sex is perfect, you always get that feeling when you know they're coming over, all of it. But - they're black. You're saying you'd turn them down because you'd rather 'stick to your own?'

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

It's just annoying to hear someone dismiss their racism. Saying the things that have been said in this thread, yeah... It's racist. It just is.

My parents have been together and happy for over 30 years. My mom is white. My dad is brown. They have so much in common, and they compliment one another in their differences. They learned from one another, and grew together as people over time.

This thread is just ramblings of a person who never knew they were racist. Hopefully now you know, and you can learn from it.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

i understand that i have an unpopular opinion, but is the way i think.

You think like a racist.

 

[Danielle Cockworship]

I love interracial sex - it’s sooo intriguing and different (in a good way) watching two people brought together by nothing but passion and love for each other....I’ve dated multiple times outside of my own race, and found, more often than not, that other racist family members are sometimes very difficult to deal with ... racism is real - but there is an “ism” for everything in life, if you look closely .... I’ve seen brown people call each other very bad names, as if they were that much different. Deep down we all bleed red...

 

[Mule]

i understand that i have an unpopular opinion, but is the way i think.

Whether or not you think you are a racist – based on what you've written in this thread – you are a racist. There may be some language issues here, but the way you have expressed your beliefs so far reveals an individual with deeply-held prejudices based on nothing but others' ethnicity.

Prejudice = pre-judging: You have made sweeping generalizations about other people and the relationships between them. That steps way outside the idea of your own preferences of the way people look or act. There's nothing wrong with me saying that I prefer partners who get horny over my barbecue skills, but saying that everyone else needs to get riled up over the outdoor cooking of their "own kind" and reject all other people is not okay. Worse, it is toxic to amp that up to say that mixed ethnicity relationships have a tendency not to succeed. Where is your evidence for that? And if there really is unbiased evidence, you still have to ask why? There are many social pressures on mixed relationships that might affect their success rate because of people like you.

Self-fulfilling fucking prophecy. Racism is disgusting, illogical posturing by people who don't think. Be better.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Whether or not you think you are a racist – based on what you've written in this thread – you are a racist. There may be some language issues here, but the way you have expressed your beliefs so far reveals an individual with deeply-held prejudices based on nothing but others' ethnicity.

Therein lies the rub...what really could be the move here? Because as much as I think open and honest education of history and socioeconomics can dispel a lot of the racism that exists today, For some, like OP it appears, i think a twinge of xenophobia or unwillingness to compromise/educate/learn is going to maintain what at least appears like a less malevolent strain of racism that no amount of candor will get rid of...
I guess my hope is that OP and others that seem to hold this position do two things that I think will contribute more to a common good:
1st, be upfront and honest about your racism..I get the word itself comes off as divisive, but it is just a simple explanation of where your thought process lies which you have every right to hold...but people in general have every right to measure their interactions with you on that basis as well. So understand it's a matter of self selection; much like homophobic or sexist attitudes, your unwillingness to be upfront about them is indicative of some moral compass in play and an attempt to game the social system to ones advantage.
2nd, remove these opinions from your political or social actions. You don't want to date across race, fine, but dont hinder other people's efforts to make it less of a taboo thing, passively or actively. Look at how you vote and whom you vote for, are your biases in sync with their social agendas , or do you simply not care if other's social worth is compromised as long as you benefit somehow?

 

[Sagittarius84]

Also I think what I may be hearing in the "people should stay with their own" rhetoric is simply "It's easier to stay with your own", revealing either an inability or unwillingness to shoulder the very real responsibilities that come in a modern interracial encounter or relationship. Almost inherent to any ethnic or racial differences within a region is a social hierarchy that exists to place one above the other in some social or cultural way. Even if raised in an identical setting with a similar outlook on life, one is statistically going to perceived and treated as lesser than the other, and to navigate that from either side in a mutually healthy way is a sizable task, and often an inequitable burden.

 

[London74]

i´m latino and the other day was talking with a friend and i told him that i wouldn´t date anybody that isn´t a mixed race latino. he was little bit shooked because he said that the way i said it sounded a little bit racist, but i know i´m not. What do you guys think? my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own. Thoughts?

Sounds pretty damn racist to me!

 

[EquusAZ]

and to navigate that from either side in a mutually healthy way is a sizable task, and often an inequitable burden.

I have to say your post is very well written but this is the part that hit me. I also stated that being in an interracial relationship isn't easy, but you laid it our in a definitive way more eloquently. That being said, the statement I quoted, if part of an internal monologue someone is having about whether or not to date someone, i.e. they find it an inequitable burden, based on race, should be a BIG red flag. It would be nice to think that the person would go "woah...a burden, I think dating someone based on race would be a burden? Wow...maybe I'm racist."

You'd think that's what would happen...but no. Instead, their own insecurities and a sense of "maybe I'm right," leads them to the internet to try to find confirmation of their own thinking, and they post here.

And here we are four pages later.

Then, instead of listening to what is being told to him, i.e. you're racist and didn't know it, they find the statements 'wrong' and 'silly' and offensive that they could be racist.

That's fragility.

Everyone here who is offended about this topic, or that they are being called to task about their racism and think it's 'unfair,' I'd like you to know that you all need to buck up and face some hard truths about the world we live in, and the world you live in as well.

Ask yourself, why does this hurt, or feel uncomfortable. Is talking about this making me uncomfortable because it hits too close to home about how I feel about myself and others and I don't want to come off as racist?

If that's the case, then maybe you are.

That's fine, identify the issue, commit to changing and learn from the experience.

 

[XAngel97]

mmmm, i think that i would be a little bit uncomfortable with somebody who doesn´t speak spanish. does that make sense?

There are afro latinos who speak spanish

 

[Faunus]

I’m going to weigh in. I’m glad that the conversation is being had in the thread and isn’t devolved into a complete flame war. Interracial dating (or as I prefer to call it- heteroethnic dating- wrap your heads around it) is going to force people to take a hard look at how racist, or anti-racist, they are or aren’t. So allow me to jump right in- to make nice what’s nasty- you have to acknowledge what’s nasty; easier said than done, even easier to dismiss the notion or ignore that’s it’s a reality that we can conquer.

Everyone, including the OP, should pay close attention to what EquusAZ says- he has not only a distinct viewpoint, but makes excellent points regarding the topics brought up, especially those who are sincerely interested in doing the work of self-assessment to combat inherent bias, conscious, unconscious, aversive- there are many types.

The truth of the matter is that those opinions expressed, by some here in the thread and by the OP are uninformed- semantics notwithstanding. That is largely in part a result of the biases he has accrued while growing up in a particular habitus.

In sociology, habitus comprises socially ingrained habits, skills and dispositions. It is the way that individuals perceive the social world around them and react to it. These dispositions are usually shared by people with similar backgrounds (such as social class, religion, nationality, ethnicity, education and profession).

The habitus is acquired through imitation (mimesis) and is the reality in which individuals are socialized, which includes their individual experience and opportunities. Thus, the habitus represents the way group culture and personal history shape the body and the mind; as a result, it shapes present social actions of an individual.

When one grows up in a culture where there is racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic bias ( and it exists in all cultures)- one simply does not see it as discriminatory if it’s not addressed as such, or projected at them specifically. This is important to remember when actively engaging in the work of anti-(insert name of bias or discriminatory practice here) self-assessment.


The media, in its various forms and how it influences figuratively every aspect of culture plays a huge role. The internet is proof of that; I just had a conversation with an “ally” who didn’t realize that the very tool he thinks can help people combat racism and other discriminatory behaviors and practices has only been in existence for less than 50 years.

A quick note about semantics. Let’s stop saying “race” It’s an obsolete form of pseudoscientific classification that has biases built into it. We are all members of one species. We have evolved into different ethnicities, with their own cultures and customs- some new, some old, some borrowed, some reinterpreted- we are our our biosphere- an anthropogenic biome.

People who claim ancestral origins to an ethnic ecosystem have an obligation to look at the damage wrought by past generations of aforementioned ethnic ecosystem and willingly engage in the work of destroying those attitudes and behaviors that demonize and disenfranchise members of disparate ethnic ecosystems- but were (and still are)- unwilling and/or unable to bring themselves to take the first step. To make nice what’s nasty- you have to acknowledge what’s nasty. People simply have not been listening.

To put it bluntly- white people, as well non-black ethnic people of color, didn’t need google to start the conversation and course of action to actively try to purge themselves of these ingrained patterns of behavior that we are seeing here in the USA, and around the world.

 

[Faunus]

@EquusAZ makes several valid points. I should know- he’s a hell of an husband, and an ally anyone and everyone would be lucky to have in their corner.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I have to say your post is very well written but this is the part that hit me. I also stated that being in an interracial relationship isn't easy, but you laid it our in a definitive way more eloquently. That being said, the statement I quoted, if part of an internal monologue someone is having about whether or not to date someone, i.e. they find it an inequitable burden, based on race, should be a BIG red flag. It would be nice to think that the person would go "woah...a burden, I think dating someone based on race would be a burden? Wow...maybe I'm racist."

You'd think that's what would happen...but no. Instead, their own insecurities and a sense of "maybe I'm right," leads them to the internet to try to find confirmation of their own thinking, and they post here.

And here we are four pages later.

Then, instead of listening to what is being told to him, i.e. you're racist and didn't know it, they find the statements 'wrong' and 'silly' and offensive that they could be racist.

That's fragility.

Everyone here who is offended about this topic, or that they are being called to task about their racism and think it's 'unfair,' I'd like you to know that you all need to buck up and face some hard truths about the world we live in, and the world you live in as well.

Ask yourself, why does this hurt, or feel uncomfortable. Is talking about this making me uncomfortable because it hits too close to home about how I feel about myself and others and I don't want to come off as racist?

If that's the case, then maybe you are.

That's fine, identify the issue, commit to changing and learn from the experience.

Here's what I think happens and why I think people are unable to have that inner dialogue that allows their minds to be open to releasing or at least exploring the origins of their biases;
It s what I alluded to earlier in that in some cases an unwillingness to date interacially can serve as a protective measure when we speak about minorities or disenfranchised populations.
The best example I can reference would be black(specifically African American) women..in that many are quick to point out black hetero women's statistical lack of interest in anyone but black men serves a significant role in their ability to form the long lasting and loving relationships they want. Not to say there isnt a conversation there, but it completely ignores a lot of other social and cultural things that work against black women in the dating marketplace. Because frankly there's not a lot of "blackness" that I would have to squelch in order to attract a non black woman's attentions and affections, but I suspect many black women would have to hide or alter aspects of their blackness to attract anywhere near the same genuine(non fetishized) attention from non black men and thats even before you get into the european standards of beauty that are working against them further. So from all that, it can actually be a preventative measure to insist on only black men; to ensure a higher percentage of genuine interest, and to not take on an additional burden of having to teach an unknowing individual when so many burdens are already affixed.
Thats a pretty fair template for any minority to make that decision, so what about the status quo, in most cases, white folk?
Honestly, I think the same thought process is going on; a perception of loss of identity, possible loss of self, except the reality doesn't match. Its not nor ever has been a zero sum game. So what seems like an inequitable situation, a "If they cant do it why can't I" if you will, should be a recognition thats ones history and culture has already been taught and assimilated in to the social fabric, and that adding more to it can only strengthen it, while other's is actually in a precarious situation and some times needs to be preserved as is until it too can be accepted into the social fabric at large.

 

[Apolo1998]

There are afro latinos who speak spanish

not many in south america, most are mulatos not black

 

[Sagittarius84]

not many in south america, most are mulatos not black

Correct me if im wrong, the vernacular may differ here in the US...i was under the impression mulatto referred to a degree of african descent within the Americas..which would be encompassed by the black moniker

 

[Hatt_101]

Yes it is literally a person that is mixed with white and black, so yes they are black.

Also Most mixed people would never refer to themselves as that. its a derogatory term like calling someone a "half-breed". English might not be your first language but you seem to be typing pretty well in it so it something that you should know for future reference