Marriage - Still Relevant?

[Sagittarius84]

Was I not just provided with a definitive “marriage is not sexist, despite some people (I have a name) trying to suggest it is.”

I have simply advised that it can be and still is in lots of places and situations.

But what you are referring to is a bastardization, a corruption of a concept that predates the heteronormative patriarchal context that you are referring to. The notion to pair up exclusively, whether for child bearing and rearing purposes, resource consolidation or as a function of behavioral compatibility predates its purported value in social hierarchy.

 

[cherryboom66]

But what you are referring to is a bastardization, a corruption of a concept that predates the heteronormative patriarchal context that you are referring to. The notion to pair up exclusively, whether for child bearing and rearing purposes, resource consolidation or as a function of behavioral compatibility predates its purported value in social hierarchy.

I’ve got a cold. Stop saying random words to sound intelligent. Marriage wasn’t about pairing up exclusively, it was about making children.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I’ve got a cold. Stop saying random words to sound intelligent. Marriage wasn’t about pairing up exclusively, it was about making children.

Then why is it still the predominant and preferred construct of sexuality pairings outside of heterosexuality? Are gays and lesbians simply wire crossed and pairing up with people they would bear children with if they were the opposite gender?

 

[cherryboom66]

Then why is it still the predominant and preferred construct of sexuality pairings outside of heterosexuality? Are gays and lesbians simply wire crossed and pairing up with people they would bear children with if they were the opposite gender?

You’re doing it again. Are you trying to say: “Why do bi, gay and pan pairings want a monogamous marriage if they won’t be procreating?”

 

[Sagittarius84]

You’re doing it again. Are you trying to say: “Why do bi, gay and pan pairings want a monogamous marriage if they won’t be procreating?”

Doing what? I'm not using any vernacular differently than I would in everyday writing or conversation. I tend to give the benefit of the doubt I dont need to dumb down and simplify shit for people as that would be patronizing and asking for clarification isnt as taboo or difficult as you seem to make it out to be.
But sure if you'd like to "Cliff's Notes" me to ensure we're on the same page, I have no problem confirming or denying your accuracy.

 

[cherryboom66]

Doing what? I'm not using any vernacular differently than I would in everyday writing or conversation. I tend to give the benefit of the doubt I dont need to dumb down and simplify shit for people as that would be patronizing and asking for clarification isnt as taboo or difficult as you seem to make it out to be.
But sure if you'd like to "Cliff's Notes" me to ensure we're on the same page, I have no problem confirming or denying your accuracy.

When we were having a civilised conversation.

“Shes not alone..just about every woman friend, associate, family member, acquaintance she came across had something crappy to say about me and my unwillingness to simply capitulate and propose after yr 2-3 of our relationship. Men who dont subscribe to at least some of the sexist trappings of relationships and marriage get a bad rap from women on a collective basis...comments about "leading on" and "unwillingness to commit" are tossed about freely and well received”

Bad punctuation, abbreviations, simply having a nice conversation. You really don’t see the difference?

Interesting.

 

[Sagittarius84]

When we were having a civilised conversation.

“Shes not alone..just about every woman friend, associate, family member, acquaintance she came across had something crappy to say about me and my unwillingness to simply capitulate and propose after yr 2-3 of our relationship. Men who dont subscribe to at least some of the sexist trappings of relationships and marriage get a bad rap from women on a collective basis...comments about "leading on" and "unwillingness to commit" are tossed about freely and well received”

Bad punctuation, abbreviations, simply having a nice conversation. You really don’t see the difference?

Interesting.

bad punctuation is present in just about all of my posts...i abbreviated "yr"......
I get it, Im wordy, been that way ever since my nerdy ass was reading dictionaries, thesauruses, encyclopedias and winning spelling bees, and for better or worse it doesn't exactly hurt to be a black man in America with a command of the English language...
I make an effort to only correct the most egregious errors in spelling and grammar other people post to me, so I don't see what's so hard about asking for a bit of clarification if you don't necessarily understand what point Im getting at.

 

[cherryboom66]

bad punctuation is present in just about all of my posts...i abbreviated "yr"......
I get it, Im wordy, been that way ever since my nerdy ass was reading dictionaries, thesauruses, encyclopedias and winning spelling bees, and for better or worse it doesn't exactly hurt to be a black man in America with a command of the English language...
I make an effort to only correct the most egregious errors in spelling and grammar other people post to me, so I don't see what's so hard about asking for a bit of clarification if you don't necessarily understand what point Im getting at.

Haha I’ve been doing that! And it only made you spew more words... x

 

[Sagittarius84]

Haha I’ve been doing that! And it only made you spew more words... x

No you said stop saying words to sound intelligent...you're confusing clarification with a low key insult of one's writing style...
And I believe I have confirmed your summary of the post in question so I'd appreciate it if we got back to that

 

[cherryboom66]

No you said stop saying words to sound intelligent...you're confusing clarification with a low key insult of one's writing style...
And I believe I have confirmed your summary of the post in question so I'd appreciate it if we got back to that

It is only your writing style once you have mounted that very high horse. You were making very conversational sense before. And side note - I would never try and insult someone I actually find interesting and strange.

And you didn’t confirm anything! You were too busy patronising me whilst also saying you wouldn’t patronise in the same breath. Clarification, please

 

[Sagittarius84]

It is only your writing style once you have mounted that very high horse. You were making very conversational sense before. And side note - I would never try and insult someone I actually find interesting and strange.

And you didn’t confirm anything! You were too busy patronising me whilst also saying you wouldn’t patronise in the same breath. Clarification, please

There is no high horse...and regardless of what you think you're perceiving, no real difference in my writing style save for whatever words are necesaary to make the specific point I need to...I could've opted to name every pairing possible and risk forgetting one, or simply refer to one pairing construct as the other..apparently with you, that's a wrong course of action Ill take into future consideration in our future dealings...
So yes what is your opinion on the prevalance of exclusive pairing in non child bearing couples?

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Today, marriage means something to me.
I was faithful in my marriage. As was he.
Dating requires seeing the divorce filing stamp. I won’t see married or partnered men.

I’m seeing someone. We could easily be compatible at the level of marriage. He was suddenly left by two fiancées and his wife.
He doesn’t get a sense of emotional security and partnership easily, now.
My concerns are spending habits and gambling. I have insecurity around my efforts getting frittered away.
So, we are crawling toward what could be.

if we marry, some traditions from his Xtian faith and some from my Jewish faith will need to be present.
Likely, I will propose. With a ring.
There is no requirement of a ring in my faith. It’s a stand in for “object of some value”, which was originally a coin in Temple times.

Likely, we will make a challenge of a $500-$700 wedding and small celebration. I’m probably going to have to barter to hit that budget. I think the symbolism of new clothing is needed, and folks need to be fed. Pot luck would still require us to have a couple main dishes.
Public vows matter.
After that, there’s a house to be kept, two self employed people to keep it up.
With aging closer than we care to admit, he’s already a senior citizen by definition, there are contingency plans to make.

 

[cherryboom66]

There is no high horse...and regardless of what you think you're perceiving, no real difference in my writing style save for whatever words are necesaary to make the specific point I need to...I could've opted to name every pairing possible and risk forgetting one, or simply refer to one pairing construct as the other..apparently with you, that's a wrong course of action Ill take into future consideration in our future dealings...
So yes what is your opinion on the prevalance of exclusive pairing in non child bearing couples?

I think it’s marvellous. As I said in my first post - I would love to meet my lobster. (Friends reference)

 

[Sagittarius84]

I think it’s marvellous. As I said in my first post - I would love to meet my lobster. (Friends reference)

So then what makes the construct an inherently sexist one for the hetero and a marvelous one for everyone else?

 

[cherryboom66]

So then what makes the construct an inherently sexist one for the hetero and a marvelous one for everyone else?

You said exclusive pairing. The notion of marriage is inherently sexist, however as people have said - it depends on the person and what they want and also how they view things. Some women might want to be given away, it’s tradition. Some might want a big engagement and to bear the ring of the man. Some couples may both decide to have rings. As long as both are happy, who am I to judge.

 

[Sagittarius84]

You said exclusive pairing. The notion of marriage is inherently sexist, however as people have said - it depends on the person and what they want and also how they view things. Some women might want to be given away, it’s tradition. Some might want a big engagement and to bear the ring of the man. Some couples may both decide to have rings. As long as both are happy, who am I to judge.

But you're reducing marriage to sexist concepts picked up along the way..the giving away, the rings, the dowries, all of these concepts were added upon a base notion of two within a group personally and socially pledging themselves to one another..not even precluding sexual activity with others, but making one another the highest priority in all other categories inherent to a stable and fulfilling relationship. I imagine why that's why common law marriage is such a thing; it's basically the base form of marriage, cohabitation+efforts towards mutual welfare.

 

[cherryboom66]

But you're reducing marriage to sexist concepts picked up along the way..the giving away, the rings, the dowries, all of these concepts were added upon a base notion of two within a group personally and socially pledging themselves to one another..not even precluding sexual activity with others, but making one another the highest priority in all other categories inherent to a stable and fulfilling relationship. I imagine why that's why common law marriage is such a thing; it's basically the base form of marriage, cohabitation+efforts towards mutual welfare.

Marriage started to create social structure and ensure procreation. It was a binding contract where the woman was a womb slave. The man could give her away if she could not produce and get a new one. The man could do whatever he pleases whilst the woman stayed at home doing everything. It’s started sexist. That’s just how it is. Now we have rights and can create our own journey.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

In my personal relationship it's irrelevant.

Both me and my guy can't find any reason to have anything to do with marriage. We almost did this year for insurance reasons, but ended up not needing to.

We just don't need to. Don't want to. One of my blog entries here is actually about how we don't see any reason to "tie the knot" when the knot has been tied without a ceremony for a long, Long fucking time anyway.

 

[MissThing]

It took 15 years and him almost dying a year ago to get me to marry my husband. I don't care fot the concept in general, but it became a matter of legal protection for us. I kept my name, nobody gave me away, and I am still Ms., not Mrs. I wore a black leather minidress, 7 inch stilettos, and my spiked choker and it was as nontraditional as it could be.

 

[cherryboom66]

It took 15 years and him almost dying a year ago to get me to marry my husband. I don't care fot the concept in general, but it became a matter of legal protection for us. I kept my name, nobody gave me away, and I am still Ms., not Mrs. I wore a black leather minidress, 7 inch stilettos, and my spiked choker and it was as nontraditional as it could be.

Your outfit sounds amazing!