Marriage - Still Relevant?
- Thread starter Fotographer001
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Oh, it snaked and weaved into a few different places. It was quite the mouthful!
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Oh, I was the one that asked my partner. I've also sometimes been the one that has asked people out on dates. I'm not a passive, sit around and wait kinda person.
For me, I have always wanted to be married to my husband. We have been together for 29 years and finally were able to marry when it became the law of the land 4 years ago. We had many years ago taken steps to ensure that each one of us would be 'taken care of' in the event of one of our deaths. Our house loan listed us as tenants in common, my husband had me placed on all of his bank accounts as POD (payable on death). I was beneficiary to all of his insurance, pensions, 401's etc. I did all of the same things for him. We had talked about civil unions but even that fell short of what we wanted for one another.
Couples in civil unions don’t have Social Security entitlement benefits through their partners, individuals in a civil union with federal employees don’t have access to federal employee benefits, and civil union partners of foreign nationals can’t submit family based immigration petitions.
So I truly believe in marriage for those that have met the right man/woman and when that happens you just know it. Part of the love you feel for that other person is wanting them to be safe and secure if somethings happens to you.
Quick story. The day gay marriage became legal I was driving home from the airport. When I got home I was in the process of making dinner for us and my back was to my husband who was sitting at the table talking about the wonderful decision. He said something along the lines of "we should probably think about getting the paperwork and thinking about a date".
Me, still with my back to him just said "I'm not going to do anything like that until you ask me properly, you know down on one knee". Now I was kidding but when I turned around he was already on one knee and he took my hand and asked me to marry him. Such a sweat guy. Yes I believe marriage is still relevant.
Couples in civil unions don’t have Social Security entitlement benefits through their partners, individuals in a civil union with federal employees don’t have access to federal employee benefits, and civil union partners of foreign nationals can’t submit family based immigration petitions.
So I truly believe in marriage for those that have met the right man/woman and when that happens you just know it. Part of the love you feel for that other person is wanting them to be safe and secure if somethings happens to you.
Quick story. The day gay marriage became legal I was driving home from the airport. When I got home I was in the process of making dinner for us and my back was to my husband who was sitting at the table talking about the wonderful decision. He said something along the lines of "we should probably think about getting the paperwork and thinking about a date".
Me, still with my back to him just said "I'm not going to do anything like that until you ask me properly, you know down on one knee". Now I was kidding but when I turned around he was already on one knee and he took my hand and asked me to marry him. Such a sweat guy. Yes I believe marriage is still relevant.
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Omg that is such an amazing story. My god I’m jealous! Haha xx
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My Like of this post is insufficient. I LOVE this! Congratulations to you and your Hubby on 29 years together. Here's to many many more wonderful years of marriage!
Thank you for your kind words. It has been a wonderful, loving and passionate 29. We met in 1990 when we were both in our late twenties so we are literally growing old together.
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You are most welcome. I love to hear about other long-term gay relationships who've been together for decades!
When we got together in 1978, we never thought we'd see Gay Marriage legalized in our lifetimes. We have never been so glad to have been so wrong.
Like you, we'd done all the legal stuff we could to protect ourselves. But, Hubby's had his share of life-threatening medical issues, and our Attorney advised us to marry. Since we'd been paying her a goodly sum for her astute legal advice, we followed it!
This rings true to my experience.
I'm 68 and met my husband in the 1980's when AIDS was killing most of our gay friends; we were a refuge for one another and still are. He has had several major health crises so that we will never be physically intimate again. I am more his care-giver now than any other role, and he has given me permission to have my fun elsewhere. I will never leave him because of our love borne out of a history of shared tragedies AND victories. But I would also not be so well balanced as a husband/care-giver if I were not getting some emotional and physical intimacy somewhere else.
halcyondays
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Religion existed long before the Bronze Age.
I love being married to my hubby. We have a great live together and he is my best friend. We just decided a while ago that I could have sexual partners outside of our marriage. So in that regard we are not traditional, but in every other way we are.
OlderGuy
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This is a wonderful thread. I love intelligent and respectful discussion!
I’ve always thought monogamy was a choice, not an instinct, in the human species. Soooo many people in monogamous relationships engage engage in non-monogamous behaviors even when the consequences are severe emotionally, physically, psychologically, or financially. Those who stay monogamous choose to be in spite of any drive or temptation to stray in whatever form should present itself.
Monogamy and marriage are not the same thing. There are many types of marriages and many are not built around monogamy for whatever reason(s). But many are. Similarly, there are many types of monogamous relationships that have nothing to do with marriage.
The key is to what’s right for you and your partner. Dishonesty usually spells trouble.
I’ve always thought monogamy was a choice, not an instinct, in the human species. Soooo many people in monogamous relationships engage engage in non-monogamous behaviors even when the consequences are severe emotionally, physically, psychologically, or financially. Those who stay monogamous choose to be in spite of any drive or temptation to stray in whatever form should present itself.
Monogamy and marriage are not the same thing. There are many types of marriages and many are not built around monogamy for whatever reason(s). But many are. Similarly, there are many types of monogamous relationships that have nothing to do with marriage.
The key is to what’s right for you and your partner. Dishonesty usually spells trouble.
halcyondays
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Something that's relevant because everyone is socially indoctrinated (brainwashed) to accept/believe/want/do it is irrelevant to me if it doesn't stand up to criticism given overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
spaj8987
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This is an interesting question. If i understand the meaning of the word relevant correctly it just asks if it's still important to people. And yeah marriage will always be that. I would imagine both fidget spinners and heart monitors will also always be important to people. In some way shape or form or another.
Is it a valid social construct? I mean it has to be doesn't it. And with more and more people cheating, more people existing, humanity finding different ways to date...i'm thinking that makes it doubly as valid. Within context. I mean it's not in any way shape or form going to matter or does to those it doesn't matter to. Though i would imagine that more and more people will place meaning it for a lot of reason.
Namely the lgbtq community. Since they've been barred from it for thousands of years. So to them it marks the advancement of the human race. The changing rules surrounding it could also mark that with women in general. Since new gender roles within marriage are being adopted. Last names, who gets on one knee and all that. I would imagine even when it comes to taxes it'll become more important. Seeing as how more and more tax breaks (or at least i think..never married so i wouldn't really know) would need to be placed on married people or people thinking to get married to offset many of the mistakes government has made.
I'm also thinking that with so many people respecting traditional (that's right...that words doesn't mean what you might think it means) unions less and less (non-marriage but still exclusively together relationships). That marriage will continue to be and maybe be seen as even more secure emotionally. Especially with sexism that makes marriages bad to begin with very slowly being noticed.
The only thing i can think of that might make marriage less valid is there being less and less religious people. And that people who do marry out of religion will start to, if they haven't already, see less and less suitors. Same goes with the financial stability of whatever country we're talking about. Getting married is expensive. That much i do know. So the less money people have. The less likely they are to get married.
So i don't know. I think the validity of it will pretty much stay where is mostly has been or move up a bit but not with the people who've traditionally championed it. I'm thinking there will be a surge in validity regarding it with the lgbtq community, more independent women and the middle class. And with heterosexual people, religious people, rich an poor people it'll drop mostly like a rock.
Is it a valid social construct? I mean it has to be doesn't it. And with more and more people cheating, more people existing, humanity finding different ways to date...i'm thinking that makes it doubly as valid. Within context. I mean it's not in any way shape or form going to matter or does to those it doesn't matter to. Though i would imagine that more and more people will place meaning it for a lot of reason.
Namely the lgbtq community. Since they've been barred from it for thousands of years. So to them it marks the advancement of the human race. The changing rules surrounding it could also mark that with women in general. Since new gender roles within marriage are being adopted. Last names, who gets on one knee and all that. I would imagine even when it comes to taxes it'll become more important. Seeing as how more and more tax breaks (or at least i think..never married so i wouldn't really know) would need to be placed on married people or people thinking to get married to offset many of the mistakes government has made.
I'm also thinking that with so many people respecting traditional (that's right...that words doesn't mean what you might think it means) unions less and less (non-marriage but still exclusively together relationships). That marriage will continue to be and maybe be seen as even more secure emotionally. Especially with sexism that makes marriages bad to begin with very slowly being noticed.
The only thing i can think of that might make marriage less valid is there being less and less religious people. And that people who do marry out of religion will start to, if they haven't already, see less and less suitors. Same goes with the financial stability of whatever country we're talking about. Getting married is expensive. That much i do know. So the less money people have. The less likely they are to get married.
So i don't know. I think the validity of it will pretty much stay where is mostly has been or move up a bit but not with the people who've traditionally championed it. I'm thinking there will be a surge in validity regarding it with the lgbtq community, more independent women and the middle class. And with heterosexual people, religious people, rich an poor people it'll drop mostly like a rock.
BreezSteez
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Yes, marriage is definitely still relevant. As mammals, people are social beings. We thrive on nurturing and physical connection to other humans. Trust gives off good, positive brain chemicals. Loving relationships are healthy, and marriage is the utmost of those aside from parent-child. Now, do we practice this love within this union in healthy ways? many times no, but that does not negate the importance of the institution.
Not to mention, it takes a village to build not only children and community but wealth and resources as well. It seems like part of the reason that many nations struggle with their governments is the lack of unity among the people. Principles based on strong families, like those within a marriage, cement the concept of unity into a person's moral compass. Religions cover a lot of this but religion is not really needed in order to understand this or practice it. Intention, with integrity, can guide people through murky waters of interpersonal connection.
That being said, I have no spouse, never have, and doubt I ever will! welp
Not to mention, it takes a village to build not only children and community but wealth and resources as well. It seems like part of the reason that many nations struggle with their governments is the lack of unity among the people. Principles based on strong families, like those within a marriage, cement the concept of unity into a person's moral compass. Religions cover a lot of this but religion is not really needed in order to understand this or practice it. Intention, with integrity, can guide people through murky waters of interpersonal connection.
That being said, I have no spouse, never have, and doubt I ever will! welp
The origins of marriage.
From antiquity religion played no part in marriages. Same sex marriages, polygamy and polygyny predated Christianity. When the Catholic Church became a powerful force in Europe, circa the 8th Century AD, that was when it called marriage a sacrament and required a priest to perform the service in order to have the marriage legally recognized. As for Britain and its colonies a non-religious option has been available from 1837 - where couples get married by a Registrar at a Registry Office. Marriage is a human right and non-religious for those who choose that option.
Making it civil.
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