Marriage - Still Relevant?

[MissThing]

Thank you! It was great, and other than my hair being windblown, it was perfect. It was a nonevent officiated by our D&D dungeon master in his backyard on our gaming night right before throwing dice. We did it on the fly!

 

[Sagittarius84]

Marriage started to create social structure and ensure procreation. It was a binding contract where the woman was a womb slave. The man could give her away if she could not produce and get a new one. The man could do whatever he pleases whilst the woman stayed at home doing everything. It’s started sexist. That’s just how it is. Now we have rights and can create our own journey.

That is indeed how it has been expressed, that is not what it is. The only real tenets of marriage as defaulted towards in the common law situation are cohabitation and social recognition. Marriage only exists as a default sexist institution in the same way many would percieve the modern expression of masculinity to be toxic; not inherent but definitely more prevalent than it ever should be

 

[cherryboom66]

Thank you! It was great, and other than my hair being windblown, it was perfect. It was a nonevent officiated by our D&D dungeon master in his backyard on our gaming night right before throwing dice. We did it on the fly!

Haha that is so cool. Doing it in your home, doing it for the two of you, doing it your way. Love it

 

[Sagittarius84]

It took 15 years and him almost dying a year ago to get me to marry my husband. I don't care fot the concept in general, but it became a matter of legal protection for us. I kept my name, nobody gave me away, and I am still Ms., not Mrs. I wore a black leather minidress, 7 inch stilettos, and my spiked choker and it was as nontraditional as it could be.

Took my wife 7 yrs to convince me and even then it was more a function for medical emergencies and maintaining custody of the children should something happen to my wife. No name change except on social media, there was no giving away, only official witnesses, and I had laughed so hard yrs earlier when she questioned If marriage was on the table, would I try to ask her father for her hand, she almost dumped me as a result...
i came into the idea of marriage with none of the chauvinist baggage my now wife had...part of the reason it took me 7 yrs to warm up to the idea..lol

 

[cherryboom66]

That is indeed how it has been expressed, that is not what it is. The only real tenets of marriage as defaulted towards in the common law situation are cohabitation and social recognition. Marriage only exists as a default sexist institution in the same way many would percieve the modern expression of masculinity to be toxic; not inherent but definitely more prevalent than it ever should be

Tell that to India, Pakistan, Israel, China, Japan, it’s 2019 and there’s still arranged marriages. Not the basis of love and it’s really sad. Side note: Israel? Did not know that.

It is 2019 and women are still told to love, honour and obey. And everything else we already know. But as these amazing women have pointed out, we control what we do here and we can do what the fuck we want. It is sexist, but that doesn’t mean that *your* experience will be. It’s what you make of it.

 

[Bull9in]

here are two components of a marriage rite: legal, and spiritual. The legal element of marriage, and its federal protections, is not impossible to realize through carefully constructed legal documents, but it is easier and automatic through the secular marriage process.

More important, perhaps, is the spiritual element of marriage. To stand within your community, and clearly profess your love and commitment to another person, and to celebrate that union, is a powerful, and archetypal ceremony. Love is intention and focus and care and commitment. When someone loves another, they take special notice of them, and focus their intention on them, they care for them, and committed to do so. To formalize that intention can be a transformative event. To do so with the supportive energy and intention of your "tribe" can be, for lack of a better term, sacred. And I do not in any way mean that in a religious sense - religion has done nothing but co-opt, and in some instances, pervert [sexism] what has been experienced for eons. Handfasting, jumping the broom, you name it. Civilizations have had marriage rites long before, (and in concert with formalized religions) for centuries. It is what you want to make of it. Religion need have no place in it. It didn't for my husband and me.

And a note about monogamy. No one will be able to successfully argue one way or the other whether monogamy is a good thing or not, as some people have decided for themselves that it is not possible nor desirable. So be it. For myself and my husband, we made a vow to each other many years ago, one which we would never break, to remain monogamous with each other; and this was long before we had the legal right to get married. Focusing our physical erotic energy only on each other is important to us. Our erotic energy is not scattered. Practically, we can unconditionally enjoy natural, unprotected sex without worry. It is freeing and further cements our love and commitment to each other.

Prior to my relationship with him, I played with many, many guys. And while I thoroughly enjoyed that period of my life, I am happy to have moved on to a different period of my life. I have found a deeper, more fulfilling element of sex that I didn't know I was missing until I experienced it. For me, it would be antithetical to have sex with others at this point, and lose the deeper dimension I have found.

Yes. Marriage can be relevant, if it is relevant to you.

 

[MissThing]

Now since our first anniversary will be Super Bowl Sunday, it would be great if my team were there (though not likely so far!). Yes, I insisted that it be our way, no big spectacle, no white, no crowds. I didn't even tell my family until 2 weeks later because they'd have wanted the speactacle.

 

[cherryboom66]

Now since our first anniversary will be Super Bowl Sunday, it would be great if my team were there (though not likely so far!). Yes, I insisted that it be our way, no big spectacle, no white, no crowds. I didn't even tell my family until 2 weeks later because they'd have wanted the speactacle.

You did it without your family?! Haha that’s rock and roll. We’re they pissed?

 

[cherryboom66]

here are two components of a marriage rite: legal, and spiritual. The legal element of marriage, and its federal protections, is not impossible to realize through carefully constructed legal documents, but it is easier and automatic through the secular marriage process.

More important, perhaps, is the spiritual element of marriage. To stand within your community, and clearly profess your love and commitment to another person, and to celebrate that union, is a powerful, and archetypal ceremony. Love is intention and focus and care and commitment. When someone loves another, they take special notice of them, and focus their intention on them, they care for them, and committed to do so. To formalize that intention can be a transformative event. To do so with the supportive energy and intention of your "tribe" can be, for lack of a better term, sacred. And I do not in any way mean that in a religious sense - religion has done nothing but co-opt, and in some instances, pervert [sexism] what has been experienced for eons. Handfasting, jumping the broom, you name it. Civilizations have had marriage rites long before, (and in concert with formalized religions) for centuries. It is what you want to make of it. Religion need have no place in it. It didn't for my husband and me.

And a note about monogamy. No one will be able to successfully argue one way or the other whether monogamy is a good thing or not, as some people have decided for themselves that it is not possible nor desirable. So be it. For myself and my husband, we made a vow to each other many years ago, one which we would never break, to remain monogamous with each other; and this was long before we had the legal right to get married. Focusing our physical erotic energy only on each other is important to us. Our erotic energy is not scattered. Practically, we can unconditionally enjoy natural, unprotected sex without worry. It is freeing and further cements our love and commitment to each other.

Prior to my relationship with him, I played with many, many guys. And while I thoroughly enjoyed that period of my life, I am happy to have moved on to a different period of my life. I have found a deeper, more fulfilling element of sex that I didn't know I was missing until I experienced it. For me, it would be antithetical to have sex with others at this point, and lose the deeper dimension I have found.

Yes. Marriage can be relevant, if it is relevant to you.

That was a really beautiful post, it warmed my cold heart.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Tell that to India, Pakistan, Israel, China, Japan, it’s 2019 and there’s still arranged marriages. Not the basis of love and it’s really sad. Side note: Israel? Did not know that.

It is 2019 and women are still told to love, honour and obey. And everything else we already know. But as these amazing women have pointed out, we control what we do here and we can do what the fuck we want. It is sexist, but that doesn’t mean that *your* experience will be. It’s what you make of it.

Ok so I'm Team Anti Arranged Marriage, this isnt a concept im arguing with you about. Arranged marriage is the perversion not the default state

 

[cherryboom66]

Ok so I'm Team Anti Arranged Marriage, this isnt a concept im arguing with you about. Arranged marriage is the perversion not the default state

Well, now it is. That’s how marriage always was. That’s how it started. Luckily times changed and people got to choose. I’ve really forgotten what we are debating now! Haha... so many lovely stories, even yours.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Does marriage matter?

Does penis size matter?

It does for those to whom it matters.

 

[cherryboom66]

Does marriage matter?

Does penis size matter?

It does for those to whom it matters.

Fuck.... now that’s some deep shit.

 

[MissThing]

You did it without your family?! Haha that’s rock and roll. We’re they pissed?

Mom was, but I simply pointed out that she enjoyed her own her way and had my two brothers' weddings as well. It was MY wedding and she had hers already. She got over it.

 

[cherryboom66]

Mom was, but I simply pointed out that she enjoyed her own her way and had my two brothers' weddings as well. It was MY wedding and she had hers already. She got over it.

Haha I can imagine doing that. “It’s my special day! Let me have ONE DAY!.... and hey, you can throw me a party and get drunk now.”

 

[Sagittarius84]

Well, now it is. That’s how marriage always was. That’s how it started. Luckily times changed and people got to choose. I’ve really forgotten what we are debating now! Haha... so many lovely stories, even yours.

i think what we're debating is how marriage started as it applies to marriage being inherently sexist or not, and I still assert that even in these nations you refer to people were pairing up in a socially recognized fashion long before leadership entities starting using it to their own ends...
We're always going to pair up in a committed fashion and as social creatures make said pairing known to those that know us, making marriage a thing...what's sexist or not is what additional obligations or consequences are added on as prerequisites.

 

[cherryboom66]

i think what we're debating is how marriage started as it applies to marriage being inherently sexist or not, and I still assert that even in these nations you refer to people were pairing up in a socially recognized fashion long before leadership entities starting using it to their own ends...
We're always going to pair up in a committed fashion and as social creatures make said pairing known to those that know us, making marriage a thing...what's sexist or not is what additional obligations or consequences are added on as prerequisites.

I kinda think we agree then, don’t we?

 

[Sagittarius84]

I kinda think we agree then, don’t we?

I don't know, do you believe marriage isn't inherently sexist but it's execution often is?

 

[cherryboom66]

I don't know, do you believe marriage isn't inherently sexist but it's execution often is?

Ahhhhhhhh.... sneaky, sneaky question. I like it. I believe the opposite. Marriage is inherently sexist but the execution often isn’t. As stated in this Merry thread, some women have kept their names. They haven’t been given away. Some will do the proposing. Some will offer the first ring. That is the execution and it’s amazing that we can now do this.

 

[LaFemme]

I think marriage is still relevant to a lot of people - legally, spiritually, emotionally. Whether or not it ends in divorce seems to be irrelevant. People negotiate their own marital rules of fidelity, financial responsibility, division of labour, etc. While some go the traditional route, some completely reinvent the whole concept.

For me, marriage is not important. I cannot possibly see a future in which I’d want to see myself married. It’s just never been a dream of mine.