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Hello everyone was hoping to get some input from non biased folks. I appreciate everyone’s input!
I’ll try and make this short but can add more details later if needed. I’m 29 family doesn’t know im gay, i met a guy 6 years younger on grindr in 2018. We started dating December 2018 and got engaged in December 2020. At that point i still hadn’t come out to my family but i had for my friends I wanted him to meet. everyone was super supportive about it. I was caught off guard by his proposal, i was under the impression i was going to be the one to propose after thats what my fiancé (we’ll just call him X) had said and once i had told my family etc essentially when i felt ready.
In late January I discovered he had been messaging other guys on grindr on an old cellphone. I confronted him immediately about it and he said it was a stupid mistake, never actually met anyone etc so I believed him and we continued on with the agreement that we’d talk about sex and things like that. I must say that we had a shake up in april 2020 as he had found an old nude from someone on my instagram messages and he had confronted me about it but I completely flipped the switch and stopped any contact with people i had talk to in that way in the past.
Flash forward to yesterday April 2021, i had a feeling something was off, my gut/heart told me so (as bad as it is) i had access to his laptop which had his phone messages synced up and indeed i found what i feared.. 2 conversations with explicit and suggestive messages. One of them from early February which is about a week after we started talking again after i found his grindr messages and one from last weekend. This last one had conversations like “want head, yeah, heading over, here etc” whats interesting is that there was no “where do you live text” which makes me wonder if they had met before.
Not only that but i also discovered he made out with a straight co-worker on a night out (this was during the time in February when I wasn’t speaking to him but we technically were still together) although from the messages i can tell it didn’t happen again but X recently told him he wants to kiss him again.
Few more details: we dont live together but very close by, he just moved into a new apartment last month, and he’s applying to the airforce not in just yet but very close to it. Which is a whole other conversation.
so now i ask, what should i do? We’re taking a trip next week and i was thinking of just ending it after we got back. I have photo evidence of the messages. I love him so much and he says the same about me but this hurts a lot. I know im not perfect either and maybe we dont “do it” as much as he’d like but we had agreed to talk about that and instead he looks for that elsewhere.
Also, i know everything is happening mainly on snapchat which of course I don’t have access to but i can only imagine..
At this point im ready to end both my engagement and my relationship. I’m tired of the disrespect and being laughed at behind my back. It sad cause we get along great, his family is nice, but I can’t keep dealing with this. Also if he does leave to the airforce what else can I expect from what im seeing now. I’m not ready to leave with him and we’re not seeing eye to eye on that either.
Thank you everyone!
I’ll try and make this short but can add more details later if needed. I’m 29 family doesn’t know im gay, i met a guy 6 years younger on grindr in 2018. We started dating December 2018 and got engaged in December 2020. At that point i still hadn’t come out to my family but i had for my friends I wanted him to meet. everyone was super supportive about it. I was caught off guard by his proposal, i was under the impression i was going to be the one to propose after thats what my fiancé (we’ll just call him X) had said and once i had told my family etc essentially when i felt ready.
In late January I discovered he had been messaging other guys on grindr on an old cellphone. I confronted him immediately about it and he said it was a stupid mistake, never actually met anyone etc so I believed him and we continued on with the agreement that we’d talk about sex and things like that. I must say that we had a shake up in april 2020 as he had found an old nude from someone on my instagram messages and he had confronted me about it but I completely flipped the switch and stopped any contact with people i had talk to in that way in the past.
Flash forward to yesterday April 2021, i had a feeling something was off, my gut/heart told me so (as bad as it is) i had access to his laptop which had his phone messages synced up and indeed i found what i feared.. 2 conversations with explicit and suggestive messages. One of them from early February which is about a week after we started talking again after i found his grindr messages and one from last weekend. This last one had conversations like “want head, yeah, heading over, here etc” whats interesting is that there was no “where do you live text” which makes me wonder if they had met before.
Not only that but i also discovered he made out with a straight co-worker on a night out (this was during the time in February when I wasn’t speaking to him but we technically were still together) although from the messages i can tell it didn’t happen again but X recently told him he wants to kiss him again.
Few more details: we dont live together but very close by, he just moved into a new apartment last month, and he’s applying to the airforce not in just yet but very close to it. Which is a whole other conversation.
so now i ask, what should i do? We’re taking a trip next week and i was thinking of just ending it after we got back. I have photo evidence of the messages. I love him so much and he says the same about me but this hurts a lot. I know im not perfect either and maybe we dont “do it” as much as he’d like but we had agreed to talk about that and instead he looks for that elsewhere.
Also, i know everything is happening mainly on snapchat which of course I don’t have access to but i can only imagine..
At this point im ready to end both my engagement and my relationship. I’m tired of the disrespect and being laughed at behind my back. It sad cause we get along great, his family is nice, but I can’t keep dealing with this. Also if he does leave to the airforce what else can I expect from what im seeing now. I’m not ready to leave with him and we’re not seeing eye to eye on that either.
Thank you everyone!