I really don't know how to answer this. I wanted to be flippant and post something sarcastic.
But this is really a serious matter. It's a control issue because of his perceived incapacity, and it's a symptom of something a lot more serious and sinister.
You obviously don't really love your wife, or you'd want the best for her. Actually, what you're wanting is the best for you. And it's wrong, so completely wrong if she's not OK with any of it. And from what you've written she's not OK with anything about it.
You're going to hurt her. It's only a matter of time before you put her in a situation that's going to be harmful to her.
If you face reality then you need to leave her, or allow her to leave you. Then you can fuck whomever you want, and she can live with a normal person if she wishes, because you, sir, are not.