Where do you stand with open relationships or cheating?
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BottomAtl
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What does everyone think about the long term monogamous relationships that go from sexy and hot to boring and monotonous? I'm always horny but my 7 year partner is a once a week guy. Saturday morning, period. Quick fuck then jump into the shower. It's just the way he is and he thinks everything is cheating. If I go to get a massage, it's cheating. If I go to a gay men's yoga, it's cheating. And both of these things are things I used to do regularly. Yes, some massages ended happily and yoga was a nude class that I really enjoyed since I've been a nudist my entire life. He came with me once and didn't like it. He came with me to a gay nudist group get together and didn't like it. We went to a bathhouse once for shits and giggles - didn't like it. Not adventurous AT ALL! And I don't even think therapy will help.
If it was me, I'd start easing out of that. You don't sound very happy with it.
BottomAtl
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I'm happy with my partner. I really am. Life is good. We get along in every other aspect of our lives but the sex life (for me) is frustrating to say the least.
Ok, I didn't quite get that. The only things you originally mentioned sounded negative.
BottomAtl
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Sorry if it came out as negative. The sex life, like I said, is frustrating because my libido and his aren't close to the same level. When I was single I went out for random hook ups or just jack sessions or just go enjoy a massage. Even if the massage didn't end happily it got me so hard I'd jack off when the masseur left the room.
Maybe I should ask him if he'd consider therapy together to figure out what's going on. Maybe he's just satisfied with everything and thinks I am too. I don't think he's "fallen out of love" because he's always hugging me from behind (like when I'm standing at the kitchen sink or shaving) etc and sometimes that does turn into more as he sometimes gets horny at the strangest times. I'm washing dishes and loading the dishwasher and he's hard. Weird!
That does sound better. You may be on the right track about the therapy but never having tried that I can't really say. Best of luck to you whatever you decide.Sorry if it came out as negative. The sex life, like I said, is frustrating because my libido and his aren't close to the same level. When I was single I went out for random hook ups or just jack sessions or just go enjoy a massage. Even if the massage didn't end happily it got me so hard I'd jack off when the masseur left the room.
Maybe I should ask him if he'd consider therapy together to figure out what's going on. Maybe he's just satisfied with everything and thinks I am too. I don't think he's "fallen out of love" because he's always hugging me from behind (like when I'm standing at the kitchen sink or shaving) etc and sometimes that does turn into more as he sometimes gets horny at the strangest times. I'm washing dishes and loading the dishwasher and he's hard. Weird!
I definitely recommend therapy, especially in circumstances like this because the therapist can really help you facilitate talking about these things. Sometimes people's libido changes but other times you just get stuck in a rut and that can be tough to work through without someone offering to help. Good luck!Sorry if it came out as negative. The sex life, like I said, is frustrating because my libido and his aren't close to the same level. When I was single I went out for random hook ups or just jack sessions or just go enjoy a massage. Even if the massage didn't end happily it got me so hard I'd jack off when the masseur left the room.
Maybe I should ask him if he'd consider therapy together to figure out what's going on. Maybe he's just satisfied with everything and thinks I am too. I don't think he's "fallen out of love" because he's always hugging me from behind (like when I'm standing at the kitchen sink or shaving) etc and sometimes that does turn into more as he sometimes gets horny at the strangest times. I'm washing dishes and loading the dishwasher and he's hard. Weird!
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- Aety,
I'm not into open relationships if there are emotions involved. If my wife told me she really wanted to fuck someone else, I'd let her as long as I could watch. I'm not interested in cheating on her myself fortunately. But if she wanted me to fuck someone while she watches or participates, I'd be open to that
To be honest I'd rather watch her getting fucked than have sex with someone else.
To be honest I'd rather watch her getting fucked than have sex with someone else.
Relationships take many different forms and it's not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. My husband and I have an open relationship for several reasons and while it took a lot of work to get there, having it relieved a lot of tension in the relationship we didn't really know was there. If he wants to run out for a quick fuck, I don't mind. If he wants to spend a few hours at the bathhouse on a Saturday afternoon when I'm working, I don't mind. If I want to go out and blow someone when I get home from work, he doesn't mind. We've agreed that as long as there is no emotional involvement then whatever is fine. I know where he sleeps at night.
That doesn't work for everyone. I had a friend and his boyfriend considered masturbation to be cheating. The boyfriend thought that anyone or anything that caused an erection or orgasm other than himself was cheating. To me, that's extreme and controlling. I've been playing with my own dick long before any boyfriend came along, and I'm going to keep doing it until I can't any longer.
You decide what works for you then figure out how that fits in with a partner or potential partner. It might not, or it might be amazing for you both.
That doesn't work for everyone. I had a friend and his boyfriend considered masturbation to be cheating. The boyfriend thought that anyone or anything that caused an erection or orgasm other than himself was cheating. To me, that's extreme and controlling. I've been playing with my own dick long before any boyfriend came along, and I'm going to keep doing it until I can't any longer.
You decide what works for you then figure out how that fits in with a partner or potential partner. It might not, or it might be amazing for you both.
Stephenmass
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Monogamy to me is very important. At the same time, I recognize for others it is not. It's really up to the parties involved really. He mocks you because your views are different than his own? You could just as easily mock him for his viewpoints, but you are mature enough to know those are his viewpoints. At least he showed his hand and was up front about it. For that I give him credit. What I don't give him credit for, AT ALL, is mocking you for your own viewpoints. I bet the more he does that, the more a bit of resentment (rightful resentment btw) builds because you trusted him enough to share your views. Being mocked and ridiculed is not part of any relationship, I'd kick him to the curb!
I can understand that. My partner & I did that and it was fun. Because we both "participated" there was no jealousy and being gay, the other person usually wanted me to participate anyway but I was fine either way. Some people really get off on being watched.
Open relationships can be a way for some ppl to act out their darkest desires without subjecting a mate to them. We subconsciously know if our mate will truly enjoy, participate or embrace every fetish, based on their personalities.
Let's say a man get off seeing two women engaging in homoerotic behavior but his main chick refuse to go down on other women. In a open relationship, he could invite in another woman who is bisexual.
And it doesn't necessarily mean he love the side chicks more if he values other qualities besides sex. Now of course some could argue, he is selfish for placing his own desires above her boundaries. Or you could acknowledge his willingness to be open and honest instead of sneaking around.
Let's say a man get off seeing two women engaging in homoerotic behavior but his main chick refuse to go down on other women. In a open relationship, he could invite in another woman who is bisexual.
And it doesn't necessarily mean he love the side chicks more if he values other qualities besides sex. Now of course some could argue, he is selfish for placing his own desires above her boundaries. Or you could acknowledge his willingness to be open and honest instead of sneaking around.
I don’t see how someone can love someone and still want to sleep with other people.. that’s not love
I have a fetish for married men that suck my cock and like having their butt stuffed... I don't applaud infidelity and open relationships, but all of those married men do.... what's wrong with that... if they can handle it, that's fine with me.
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I thought the same also but my perspective has slowly changed once I finally came to the conclusion having sex with someone doesn't mean you love them or will develop feelings for them.
Evenflow618
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My wife and I love each other to bits and have a stronger and closer relationship than most of our friends that are monogamous. We both have sex with other people and my wife has a regular sexual partner. Love and relationships are not one size fits all and sex and love are not the same thing
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I have no issue with whatever arrangements a couple makes about their relationship, whether to be exclusively monogamous or have an open relationship.
As long as both parties know what type of relationship they have as a couple.
I was in two open relationships prior to meeting my husband.
Problem was I didn't know that I was in open relationships. Because we had professed monogamy when we decided to cohabitate.
And once I found out that both exes were conducting themselves counter to our explicit agreement, to the curb they both went. Cheating is a dealbreaker for me.
Communication, in any relationship, is invaluable.
And if it's decided to open your relationship, make sure you communicate clearly expectations and dealbreakers.
And then party on...
As long as both parties know what type of relationship they have as a couple.
I was in two open relationships prior to meeting my husband.
Problem was I didn't know that I was in open relationships. Because we had professed monogamy when we decided to cohabitate.
And once I found out that both exes were conducting themselves counter to our explicit agreement, to the curb they both went. Cheating is a dealbreaker for me.
Communication, in any relationship, is invaluable.
And if it's decided to open your relationship, make sure you communicate clearly expectations and dealbreakers.
And then party on...
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