Why Many Straight Men Here Are So Obsessed With Deciding Who Is Straight And Who Isn't ?

[spaj8987]

Sure you have the right. I never claimed otherwise. I just said it's none of your business. Comparing political corruption to infidelity is a bit of a stretch. One affects you, the other doesn't.

Have you never dated a person who you clicked with, had a good time with and who didn't really want to go forward with anything because of men in their past? Have you never had feelings for someone who generally gave up on dating in general because the people they've dated or had sex with in the past treated them like crap? Cheating on them so much that they can no longer define what a good person is because they've had it happen to them so much and so many different people think cheating is normal and not that bad that they too start to think it's normal and not that bad?

Have you ever known someone to be married to someone else only to find out they have an entirely different family no one knew about. And that's why their funds were low and they didn't really pay all that much attention to their kids? Them having to go through custody battles and what not that brings a certain amount of shame to both families just because that person wanted to get their dick wet (either by way of vagina or ass)?

Divorce. Kids having to get therapy. And then there's how it effects their job performance. Their ethics. Shouldn't a priest cheating on their wife be important to others? What about a politician who picks up sex workers while their husband is at home thinking they're being faithful?

Do these things not effect more than just the person cheating? Are all men islands?

No, i have a right to an opinion. And i have the right to express said opinion. Just like you have the right to try to tell me i don't have that right and shouldn't express those opinions about others. The only way i could even begin to agree with you on me not having a right to express my opinion if it could or would lead to people getting hurt or killed. Which is also terroritory you don't want to get into seeing as how your opinion either accidentally or intentionally protects those who put others in harm's way with their actions.

Normally, what goes on between two consenting adults is none of my or other people's business. Until though those two consenting adults drag other people into their mess. At which point not only is it anyone's business it's everyones.

Don't you think it's ironic that you're trying to tell me that something i'm doing is wrong and that i shouldn't be doing it while at the exact same time telling me that i have no business commenting on what other people do? Lets look at the outcomes of both. If people were to listen to me there would be much less cheating going on. Less people getting hurt. Less people negatively effected. Less disease since people who cheat are notorious for not doing it properly. And in general more honesty in the world in general. If they were to listen to you about cheating not being anyone's business so much that they could never comment on it in any way shape or form. Then there would be more cheating. More hurt people. More psychological issues in relationships in general. More spreading of diseases. More divorces. More unhappiness. More broken homes. And so on.

Is that really what you'd like to be advocating for?

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I know so many married people that are unhappy. A married friend from college said he is lucky if he gets sex once a month. All his wife does is shop and doesn't pay him any attention. That's not a healthy marriage but the 100%'s seem to think that's the way life should be.

I don't consider myself a "100%er", (and I assume you're implying 100% straight) but among all the guys I know and have known who are, none would have ever suggested that an unhealthy marriage is the way life should be. I don't think that's how life should be, and I can't imagine anyone thinking this. Can you perhaps show examples of this belief from these forums?

 

[Sagittarius84]

[

think that most straight men fear having their masculinity questioned. Because in their eyes, being percieved as bi or gay is equated to being feminine. Maybe I'm wrong?

A little off; its more like, "In our reality, being percieved as bi or gay, or somehow equated to feminine makes women not attracted to us. The consequences are real, not some perception of insecurity.

 

[GoingOnABoeing]

I don't consider myself a "100%er", (and I assume you're implying 100% straight) but among all the guys I know and have known who are, none would have ever suggested that an unhealthy marriage is the way life should be. I don't think that's how life should be, and I can't imagine anyone thinking this. Can you perhaps show examples of this belief from these forums?

People do things all the time because they feel that's what society expects of them. For example, couples without kids are constantly questioned why they don't have any or when are they going to start a family. I'm 30 and regularly get asked when I'm going to settle down and get married. They don't understand when I tell probably never. They think there is something wrong with you.

There are so many examples of people staying in abusive (physical or mental) or toxic relationships. The think they have an obligation to fix their marriage no matter how hopeless it is. For much of society, divorce is seen as failure.

 

[Philly swords]

They should get rid of the percentage thing. I don’t give a shit what you identify as but please don’t say you’re 90% straight but every picture is a dick in your mouth and you’re offering blowjobs to anyone who says hi. Get real

 

[Gj816]

[

A little off; its more like, "In our reality, being percieved as bi or gay, or somehow equated to feminine makes women not attracted to us. The consequences are real, not some perception of insecurity.

I disagree. Men are either secure and confident in their sexuality or they aren't. Most are insecure about their dick, their love making skills.

 

[Hatt_101]

They should get rid of the percentage thing. I don’t give a shit what you identify as but please don’t say you’re 90% straight but every picture is a dick in your mouth and you’re offering blowjobs to anyone who says hi. Get real

Can't really say it much better than this.

On an aside a site like fetlife that doesn't have percentages goes more of what i think would work since they use terms people can identify with.

 

[Hatt_101]

Couldn't do it in one post for some reason but here it is.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I disagree. Men are either secure and confident in their sexuality or they aren't. Most are insecure about their dick, their love making skills.

You're arguing a different point, womens attraction may anecdotally be based in self security and confidence, yet insecurity and lack of self confidence have yet to bred out of existence. Forums like these are full of women with partners insecure about their dicks and lovemaking skills; seems it served as little deterrence for the women in the first place.

All confidence and whatnot aside, men are unique in that our percieved sexuality, in conjunction with real or purported sexual history specifically turns off women on average whenever it detracts from the classic example of heterosexual masculinity...and that by in large women are not subject to same scrutiny and selectivity. If the vast majority of cis hetero women stopped caring or even started emnracing possible bi or homosexual tendencies of the men they were attracted to, this thread would be a moot point, and I think youd find the vast majority of straight men no longer rooted in homo/biphobia, transphobia and the like.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

People do things all the time because they feel that's what society expects of them. For example, couples without kids are constantly questioned why they don't have any or when are they going to start a family. I'm 30 and regularly get asked when I'm going to settle down and get married. They don't understand when I tell probably never. They think there is something wrong with you.

There are so many examples of people staying in abusive (physical or mental) or toxic relationships. The think they have an obligation to fix their marriage no matter how hopeless it is. For much of society, divorce is seen as failure.

I asked you for examples from the forum so I could see what you're referring to. This post describes a different stance than what you wrote earlier. You wrote: "That's not a healthy marriage but the 100%'s seem to think that's the way life should be." I have never seen anyone express the opinion that an unhealthy marriage is the way things should be. Pinning this on one group (100%ers) is unfair to them, but I don't see anyone from any orientation holding up such dogma. Saying, "this is how it should be" is so far beyond, "think they have an obligation to fix their marriage".

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Can't really say it much better than this.

On an aside a site like fetlife that doesn't have percentages goes more of what i think would work since they use terms people can identify with.

But what's the point of having terms if people use them any way they see fit? If I arbitrarily decide that "sneaker" is what everyone else calls "hamburger", then get pissed when people look at me funny at the fast food counter, who's a little fucked up?

 

[JayPR]

So basically what you're asking here is why do straight men express their opinions on what is and isn't straight? Cause if so why not? I can understand if they were harassing those other men. Maybe even threatening them or something to that effect but aren't we all just expressing our opinions here? Could be wrong since lots of people use just expressing their opinions as an excuse to be bigots but with this i don't yet see the harm in it. Depending on how it's done that is.

Also, i don't think you can use women as an example with this. Woman on woman has for very long periods of time been seen as hot to guys. And we guys so far have had an unequal slant towards us just about everywhere. With woman on woman only being an issue with religious people and POS guys who only think attractive woman on woman is attractive.

So it's not that it's acceptable. It's kind of like cultural appropriation. Most men don't care not because they don't care but because it hasn't had the same things tied to it like gay/bi men do and have had tied to them. It's acceptable only because most guys either do get something out of it or think they will/do. So don't think it fits your example.

Plus, lesbians/bisexual women aren't nearly as known for being creepy, underhanded and downright rapey as certain kinds of gay and bi guys. No offense to the gay and bi guys out there who aren't but there are a lot and i mean a lot who are. Pretty sure there are more suck buddies out there than there are lick friends. Which right off the bat is disgusting. Not because of the sexual act but because it's always behind someone else's back.

I think there are creepy men in both groups, straight and gay. Why do you think there are so many women calling out men for sexual harassment? Men, in general, can be very creepy sometimes. It has nothing to do with being gay or straight.

 

[spaj8987]

I think there are creepy men in both groups, straight and gay. Why do you think there are so many women calling out men for sexual harassment? Men, in general, can be very creepy sometimes. It has nothing to do with being gay or straight.

There are creepy men in all groups. Straight, bi and gay. And i agree it is men in general. Our disagreement comes in when you think i said about as much without context. The name of the thread you created is (
Why Many Straight Men Here Are So Obsessed With Deciding Who Is Straight And Who Isn't ?).

The title of your thread isn't (Why many straight men here are so obsessed with deciding who is a bike riding and who isn't.

The context you created surrounded gay and bisexual men saying they're straight. Which means my reply will of course be contextualized about gay and bisexual men who say they're straight. So then implying that i personally think it's only gay and bisexual men are creepy is dishonest and generally not a good look for you.

To me and anyone with working brain cells it sounds like you're mimicking this person's comment. (This is very strange. I've never associated gay or bi men with rape.) And are trying to paint me as some sort of homophobe. Which is pretty ironic since a look back your title tells another story.

Obsession. (a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling)

Now, why exactly would you define straight men giving their opinions about gay and bi men saying they're straight when they aren't be definition as being obsessed? Do you really think straight men sit around waiting for gay and bisexual men to hit on them, make threads about sucking straight dick, make passive aggressive threads about how straight men shouldn't be expressing their opinions just to come in and speak their peace?

How often do straight men who aren't homophobic even talk about gay and bisexual men in general? Now, how much do gay and bisexual men talk about straight men?

Or is it that you asked a question and straight men answered? Which isn't at all obsession but for some reason you've personally labeled ALL straight men who do answer as being obsessed? While at the same time being the second person to try to imply that just because i have an opinion that differs from yours that i'm some sort of homophobe or lean towards thinking gay and bisexual men are somehow more creepy than straight ones.

As a heads up. I said lesbian and bi women aren't nearly as known for being creepy as gay and bisexual men are. I didn't even add in straight men because that wasn't really the context of your own thread now was it.

And yes it does have something to do with them being gay and bisexual. That's still not nearly as acceptable as being lesbian or bi with women. So most men who feel that way or who were born that way can't usually express themselves freely. Which of course will lead to certain kinds of behaviors because there's less guidance there. Less options. And a whole host of emotions. It might not be a considerable amount more but straight men (while being creepier in general) don't have as many issues to wrestle with.

So yes, it does have a bit to do with it.

 

[Mike hung]

Didn't really realise it's a thing, I'm straight, end of

 

[JayPR]

There are creepy men in all groups. Straight, bi and gay. And i agree it is men in general. Our disagreement comes in when you think i said about as much without context. The name of the thread you created is (
Why Many Straight Men Here Are So Obsessed With Deciding Who Is Straight And Who Isn't ?).

The title of your thread isn't (Why many straight men here are so obsessed with deciding who is a bike riding and who isn't.

The context you created surrounded gay and bisexual men saying they're straight. Which means my reply will of course be contextualized about gay and bisexual men who say they're straight. So then implying that i personally think it's only gay and bisexual men are creepy is dishonest and generally not a good look for you.

To me and anyone with working brain cells it sounds like you're mimicking this person's comment. (This is very strange. I've never associated gay or bi men with rape.) And are trying to paint me as some sort of homophobe. Which is pretty ironic since a look back your title tells another story.

Obsession. (a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling)

Now, why exactly would you define straight men giving their opinions about gay and bi men saying they're straight when they aren't be definition as being obsessed? Do you really think straight men sit around waiting for gay and bisexual men to hit on them, make threads about sucking straight dick, make passive aggressive threads about how straight men shouldn't be expressing their opinions just to come in and speak their peace?

How often do straight men who aren't homophobic even talk about gay and bisexual men in general? Now, how much do gay and bisexual men talk about straight men?

Or is it that you asked a question and straight men answered? Which isn't at all obsession but for some reason you've personally labeled ALL straight men who do answer as being obsessed? While at the same time being the second person to try to imply that just because i have an opinion that differs from yours that i'm some sort of homophobe or lean towards thinking gay and bisexual men are somehow more creepy than straight ones.

As a heads up. I said lesbian and bi women aren't nearly as known for being creepy as gay and bisexual men are. I didn't even add in straight men because that wasn't really the context of your own thread now was it.

And yes it does have something to do with them being gay and bisexual. That's still not nearly as acceptable as being lesbian or bi with women. So most men who feel that way or who were born that way can't usually express themselves freely. Which of course will lead to certain kinds of behaviors because there's less guidance there. Less options. And a whole host of emotions. It might not be a considerable amount more but straight men (while being creepier in general) don't have as many issues to wrestle with.

So yes, it does have a bit to do with it.

Ok, we're cool

 

[Hatt_101]

But what's the point of having terms if people use them any way they see fit? If I arbitrarily decide that "sneaker" is what everyone else calls "hamburger", then get pissed when people look at me funny at the fast food counter, who's a little fucked up?

You would think they'd use the terms properly. It's not really that hard, feel like it's only here that people have that problem

 

[Gj816]

You're arguing a different point, womens attraction may anecdotally be based in self security and confidence, yet insecurity and lack of self confidence have yet to bred out of existence. Forums like these are full of women with partners insecure about their dicks and lovemaking skills; seems it served as little deterrence for the women in the first place.

All confidence and whatnot aside, men are unique in that our percieved sexuality, in conjunction with real or purported sexual history specifically turns off women on average whenever it detracts from the classic example of heterosexual masculinity...and that by in large women are not subject to same scrutiny and selectivity. If the vast majority of cis hetero women stopped caring or even started emnracing possible bi or homosexual tendencies of the men they were attracted to, this thread would be a moot point, and I think youd find the vast majority of straight men no longer rooted in homo/biphobia, transphobia and the like.

I'll agree with you in that. However, aside from this site I don't discuss my sexual past with other women. I don't want to know about who they've fucked. It's none of my business. Only thing I concentrate on is satisfying and building a good relationship with them. What happened with me or them is in the past. That's where it belongs.

 

[deuxsux]

Why do people pose questions when they aren't actually asking anything, but are preaching their opinions?

If your hypotheticals matched what usually happens here, then the straight guy isn't referring to an experiment or two, but has demonstrated a continuing bisexual behavior, seeking men and women for an extended period, but only acknowledging the heterosexual relationships. Questioning this isn't remotely "black and white"....it's asking why the person can't see shades of gray.

Because it must be repeated ad-nauseam here, I will: occasionally experimenting to understand oneself doesn't constitute a different orientation. People can change, or become aware. But pervasive feelings and/or behavior do indicate orientation. If not, then what does? "Just because I said so" might work for parenting, but not for identifying oneself. There's a fear of admitting to bisexuality, but in an anonymous and sex-positive place like this site, there shouldn't be such fear. Perhaps if the world was a more accepting place, these men would embrace who they are instead of hiding it.

Preach

 

[cofrader]

Why do they think they have the right to decide who's really straight and who doesn't? And if they have an opinion, why they feel entitled to share it in such a preaching way?

We have to keep playing hard to get in order to get those post about the activities that we secretly love but only do between straight guys in secret.

Please go to ask woman to check your ideas, I love popcorn time.

No one can answer for many men so I answer for myself.
I couldn’t care less which sexual orientation another men has but if you see another person asking for a stake on a vegan bar I would point him a stake house.
You describe the stripper guy post, I checked with him what I understood since something didn’t add up and he was interested on becoming one. Since he was translating from a non Latin root language I think you can be lost on the translation. I understood sexual arousal and perhaps was only excitement.

 

[mako shark]

I see the percentages as preference only. I remember hearing someone say (a long time ago) that if you ever have sucked even one dick then you are gay. Not sure if I'm on board with that but I do enjoy showing off my large package to everyone and that is why I have a 1%.