Do Bisexual men actually settle down with men?

[Urien]

You're right. I don't love myself, but I don't think that's the main driver. I've never felt anything but lust for men. Never once have I thought "I'd marry him," which I think all the time with women. Women and men are built differently physically and mentally. I've never connected emotionally to men like I have women.

You still didn't answer my main question though. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm only curious about how you and maybe others see the situation.

Have you ever tried to connect emotionally with a man?

 

[JJJason27]

You still didn't answer my main question though. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm only curious about how you and maybe others see the situation.

Have you ever tried to connect emotionally with a man?

You're not asking me but I'm in the exact same boat as a the original commentator, and the best way I can explain it is that, to me, men and women are just not the same romantically or emotionally. Or rather, the kind of emotional connection I yearn for with a woman is not one that a man can give me. The action itself may be the same in theory - holding hands, kissing, spooning, laying on a blanket at the beach at night looking at the stars, insert any corny romantic shit here - but it's worlds apart if it's with a man or a woman. Sex is actually more similar, whether it is with a man or a woman, at the end of the day is just sex. But everything else, the emotional intimacy that constitutes an actual relationship, that's not interchangeable.

 

[therebrand]

You're not asking me but I'm in the exact same boat as a the original commentator, and the best way I can explain it is that, to me, men and women are just not the same romantically or emotionally. Or rather, the kind of emotional connection I yearn for with a woman is not one that a man can give me. The action itself may be the same in theory - holding hands, kissing, spooning, laying on a blanket at the beach at night looking at the stars, insert any corny romantic shit here - but it's worlds apart if it's with a man or a woman. Sex is actually more similar, whether it is with a man or a woman, at the end of the day is just sex. But everything else, the emotional intimacy that constitutes an actual relationship, that's not interchangeable.

I'm starting to feel the same way.
I dated 5 women and the rest of my exes are men (I've dated too many men to count).
I don't know if women have the same emotional support as men, but there is one woman I'm attracted to.
If she's not attracted to me, I'm dating men the rest of my life.
I've searched for men who can give me emotional support and.... All I got were cheaters and abu$ers who left me with trust issues and emotional scars.
But I also was r@ped by a woman I had a crush on - so women aren't always these dainty, perfect angels that the men of this thread make them out to be.
Abusive women exist as well.
I just wanted to share my experience, so everyone could understand why I felt the way I did.

 

[Urien]

You're not asking me but I'm in the exact same boat as a the original commentator, and the best way I can explain it is that, to me, men and women are just not the same romantically or emotionally. Or rather, the kind of emotional connection I yearn for with a woman is not one that a man can give me. The action itself may be the same in theory - holding hands, kissing, spooning, laying on a blanket at the beach at night looking at the stars, insert any corny romantic shit here - but it's worlds apart if it's with a man or a woman. Sex is actually more similar, whether it is with a man or a woman, at the end of the day is just sex. But everything else, the emotional intimacy that constitutes an actual relationship, that's not interchangeable.

Thanks for the response, but I know they are different to you. What is the difference? What is it you yearn for in women that you think men cannot provide? Or what is it about men that makes you think "not relationship-happily ever after-material"?

Spare no details.

 

[alexeddl]

I mean, I'm bi and only interested in men for sex but I'm very upfront about it. Regardless of how good the sex is, I would never string along a guy who's interested in a relationship, firstly because I'm not an asshole, and secondly because I don't know if I could even fake it. Romance, emotional intimacy, whatever you wanna call it, doesn't come easily for me with men as it does with women.

I’m very much the same. I hook up with men but only date women long term. I tell my male partners (even the ones I hook up with for long periods) that my preference is to pursue a LTR with a woman because I do not ever want to string them along into thinking our interactions are anything more than casual.

 

[JJJason27]

Thanks for the response, but I know they are different to you. What is the difference? What is it you yearn for in women that you think men cannot provide? Or what is it about men that makes you think "not relationship-happily ever after-material"?

Spare no details.

Honestly, I'm not quite sure how to answer that. I can say that it's not a conscious decision, I didn't just wake up one day and declared that men would never meet my emotional needs. It'd make things so much easier, in many ways, if I could have a loving, romantic, emotional relationship with a man, but I just don't want to. I just don't feel it the way I do with women.

I know you're looking for a "why" but to me it feels a bit like asking why someone's sexually attracted to men or women in that the answer is just "because." Sure, sexually the answer could be "well, I don't know why I like that, but I know my dick likes it because it gets hard," but not to be corny, but isn't that the same when it comes to the heart? The dick wants what it wants, but so does the heart, and when they're not in sync, then you get people like me.

Now, I'm not entirely naive. Of course there must be a social conditioning component to all of this. We've all been conditioned since birth to see straight relationships as the norm. We've been fed straight romance in tv shows and movies since we were old enough to walk, in everything from Disney princess movies to fucking Star Wars and Marvel.

The thing is, I think there are people that simply say "I'm not romantically into men" without even being open to the idea. They reject it in principle, right out of the gate. I'm not like that, or at least I've tried not to be. I've tried towill something to happen, I've spooned with men in the post-sex afterglow, slept with men holding me tightly with my head on their chest, woke up to them in the morning and thought, "This could be my life, this could be it. This guy is handsome, smart, funny. This could be my life, with him. We'd go grocery shopping together, take long walks at the beach, hold hands at the movies, stay up all night talking, travel and see the world, all that shit." But then the spark just isn't there, no matter how hard I will it to be. I want to do and have all those things...with a woman.

 

[alexeddl]

Similar to @JJJason27, I’ve never felt anything but lust for men. I love male bodies and the raw, almost primal sex that I have with men. But when I think about my life in the longer term, I envision it with a woman.

There is something complementary and dynamic about MF relationships that I have not found in my M/M relationships.

Additionally, I ideally want to raise my own biological children which although maybe selfish, is an evolutionary urge I just have. And I’d want to rear my children with the dynamic characteristics that I think you get from having a mother and father.

 

[blazehourning]

I'm married to a man and I am bi/pansexual. Not all bi men use their sexuality to have men just on the side.

 

[plow]

You need two people agreeing on that in order to settle down or even date. So, even without any preconception as to gender preferences, from the point of view of a bi guy, the sheer number of datable women and of datable men would result in a bias toward women. Even if there was no preferences involved, even if all pairings were random, bi men would, just by mere statistics, overwhelmingly end up with heterosexual females rather than with homosexual males. Simply because homosexual males are so incredibly rare compared to heterosexual females.

 

[Urien]

Simply because homosexual males are so incredibly rare compared to heterosexual females.

Yeah that one bites. Sometimes it feels like finding a needle in a haystack (gaystack?) unless you live in a major city. Even then you have to sift through a sea of "NSA" to find someone looking for the same, AND THEN again establish if you two are compatible.

It's why I've had such good luck with bisexual men (sexually speaking), they are bountiful in my experience thus far. In my 20s, they would reveal themselves to me faster than gay men. But they could never fill the hole that mattered then.

I am joyed to learn about the gentlemen here that said they are in LTRs with bi men. Maybe the tides are shifting and more men can see themselves with other men romantically these days.

There is something complementary and dynamic about MF relationships that I have not found in my M/M relationships.

I totally understand this.

I recall reading an excerpt from Oscar Wilde in which he described homosexual relationships as innately narcissistic (you sometimes see this expressed in couples that look identical like siblings). IIRC he said that this is why so many gay romantic relationships struggle or even fail.

If a romantic partner brings out the best in you, then perhaps many MM relationships fail is because the males are mirrors of one another. A lot of people just don't like themselves in this circumstance (due to social conditioning).

When I had sex with women I noticed that there was a difference with men in that they brought out the masculine side of me, the same thing happens when I sleep with most gay men. However with bi guys, I feel much more comfortable tapping into my feminine side.

Perhaps this idea also applies to romantic relationships. We want the partner that brings out the side of us we want to express (in the context of romance).

I do think it's a lot of social conditioning. Probably nothing a half a dozen of acid trips can't recalibrate.

 

[therebrand]

A little sidebar from the topic - I broke up with my bi ex recently, due to him cheating on me with multiple women.

My bi ex:
I do still have this thought of, "He's (quickly) moved on, but what if he's the only person who actually was loyal to you? Oh, wait, if he was loyal to you, he'd still keep in touch with you (Remember when he made you think you both would stay friends, only now he's not talking to you at all? Doesn't that show how little he cared about you? Isn't that narcissistic discard brutal?). And there is the time he bragged about cheating on you in those stupid TikTok dances...... But why don't any men want you as their masculine boyfriend? You need a gay man who loves you instead of a bi man who flaunts the women he can screw while dating you. Focus on gay men."

New Guy #1 (other bi guy):
By the way - I tried to move onto this other bi guy (a friend of mine); we friendzoned each other. New guy has internalized homophobia (and smokes and drinks, which I don't like), he's also moody and inconsistent (his attraction to me changes every single day; first he seduces me, the next day he friendzones me - pick a side, honestly). One day, he fantasizes about me sexually. Then, he just friendzones me the next day. Every day is different with him. And he prefers talking to me online & long-distance (another red flag for me; I'm nobody's online fling - I'm worth more than that).

New Guy #2 (gay guy):
And I am in love with this second guy - a gay guy who's an old friend of 7 years, who I confessed to being in love with, before being ghosted for 2 months until recently - I was going to move to Vegas to live with him (he wants to see where our relationship could go, but he wants me to move to Vegas before that happens).
We used to message each other on Twitter; now, he hasn't been active on Twitter since we spoke, and he only uses Discord - I made a new Discord account to talk to a few other people - guy #2 included - and guy #2 told me he doesn't message anyone on Discord. So I have no way to message him and build a potential relationship (and stupid me, I lost his phone number last year after he gave it to me - so I have to take responsibility for that - I looked for it for weeks, and wasn't able to find it) and I also would've looked stupid if I moved to Vegas because it would've been impossible to talk to him there, too.

I just feel so defeated, dating wise.
But I know one thing - I will never date another bi man ever again. Gay men are the only men who can give me the loyalty and love I deserve. I made so many sacrifices for my bi ex, because he's an Andrew Tate wannabe (Mr. "Alpha Male", I run the household, I need control - but everyone knows there's no such thing as an alpha male, that study was debunked long ago).
The one good thing that came from me dating my ex, is I moved out my mom's house 8 months ago (we'd been dating for 7 months and he refused to visit me in New Jersey, so I decided to move to California for him - that obviously, is not happening anymore!).

Literally, everything else in our relationship centered around him wanting me to do everything he said.
Typical masculinity bullshit - so I want to feel masculine in a relationship, and I want to date feminine guys now; because both of us were masc, it felt like us fighting for dominance and that became real, to the point of emotional abuse and me suffering in silence. So I left recently (after 1 year of dating and him cheating more than 4 times) and - it sounds wild - but I wonder if I actually made the right decision.
Because why am I not able to quickly move on, the way he did?
I know he's attractive, 5'11", Mr. Jock, and I'm 5'3, and not the poster on everyone's wall like my ex is.
So.... I don't even like hookups, but I just needed a way to distract myself from thinking about my breakup - so I went on a hookup site and found a guy - and this guy ghosted me after 2 days of talking & me expressing interest. And he lives an hour away.
And as someone with a history of people betraying me & abandoning me, I hate being ghosted; I wish I could be like my ex and immediately just be promiscuous. But.... I'm not. I don't have abs, I don't have 88 men lined up, I also fled an abusive situation while dating my ex (which I never told him about) - and I just want love and affection that men have never given me.

The question though, is would it be better for me to date a woman?
My homophobic/transphobic cousin once asked me a very good question:
"How do you think women will react when they find out you used to date guys?"
And I said nothing.
Because whenever I say to any woman I have a crush on her, women immediately get angry at me. If we're friends, our friendship is over. If we're strangers, they just stop speaking to me. If we're anything else, that ends. It never ends well when I tell a woman my feelings for her, which is why I only date men. And it doesn't help that the first thing women ask me (even when I say hello) is, "Are you gay?" It's.... frustrating. I've literally dated 5 women, and the rest are men.
There is a woman I'm in love with, but she's across the country, so I'd still have to move for her, but it might not happen (she's famous, I'm not).

So I'm basically just going to schedule some hookups to get over my ex (for the first time in my life, I'm actually hooking up, and it's so out of character for me, since I'm only into LTRs - the only time I hooked up in the past was for 3 or 4 blowjobs and the 1 guy I lost my virginity to, a few years ago).

 

[averagewhiteboy6]

I'm not convinced.
From personal experience, every bi man I was with ended up using me and then ran when a woman came along.
So I stopped dating bisexual men - until meeting my current boyfriend (who's bi).
I'm pansexual, myself.

But I still have certain feelings about bi men - I don't know if it's the truth or just a generalization.
So, tell me - Am I wrong to think that it's extremely rare for bi men to settle down with men?
Or is it wrong to think bi men date men and rarely settle down with women?
Because I've been played so much by bi men in the past (all except one, were hookups several years ago), that all I want is a gay, trans or pan guy at this point.
Hell, even DL/questioning men will be fine.
As long as I don't end up played and heartbroken again, anything else will do.

But please remember to focus on the discussion of bisexual men settling down with men, and how prevalent (or non-prevalent) it is in today's generation.

Option 2: If that subject is too boring, we can discuss how prevalent DL and bi porn stars are, and how many of them start out "straight" and end up dating or settling down with men, later in life.
I find that fascinating, too.

All I can speak of is my own thoughts because I’m honestly not that well connected with the community. I’m 52 and I just had my first real experience with a man about a year ago, even though I’d had lifelong urges… whether for better or worse I was able to resist until last summer when I finally caved and found a nice BBC online and I’m gonna write about that in detail in the erotic stories forum very soon but anyway …

Although I can certainly recognize a handsome face or a fit body, I rarely find a man attractive in the same way I find women attractive. So as I said I’ve always had these “weird” curiosities and fascinations with cocks and balls. Dicks would be equal as far as a focal point to titties and pussy when I would watch porn (especially if the woman was having real orgasms) and I also loved blowjob scenes and cum shots… especially those big thick ropey ones….
And I’ve always had a curiosity for what it feels like to have a pussy and for what a woman physically feels during sex and what a woman’s orgasm feels like. Obviously as a man I’m never going to truly understand what physical sensations a woman feels HOWEVER I can be penetrated by a penis and therefore I can find out how it feels to be wrapped up into a ball and pinned down and fucked silly like I saw happening to all the women in porn …. When I do that it’s the one of the best feelings… it’s just as powerful as and there are similarities to - and yet it’s very different from- fucking a woman silly and making her cum Over and over one over…. I don’t want to use the word “emotional “ but there is definitely intense pleasure in the brain as well as the body when I surrender to a top… I love the physical sensations of sex with men but I have absolutely ZERO need or desire for EMOTIONAL intimacy with a man. ALSO when I meet someone new I make it very clear that I’m not looking for a bf or any sort of emotional connection or commitment and that I’m only interested in hooking up even if it becomes a regular booty call…

I’m willing to assume that most bi men feel a similar way - meaning they’re emotionally straight and primarily physically attracted to women with a secondary strictly physical interest in men rather than being emotionally gay with a primary physical interest in men and a secondary strictly physical interest in women.
Keeping this in mind, and I’m not saying it would be impossible but believe the odds are against it and I would be surprised if one found a bisexual man willing to settle down and make a life with a man.
Again, I’m new to all of this and because I only do occasional random online hookups I’m not really connected with the community so it’s not like I’ve ever even discussed anything like this with anyone before so I could be way off but if I had to give it a good guess that’s my answer….

 

[averagewhiteboy6]

Could please elaborate on what it is about men that makes you think "I can't build a home, family, life with this person because they are a man"?

Have you pondered the question that the reason you cannot romantically love other men is because you may not love yourself - a man?

No. Not at all. I mean I’m not saying I’m invincible and have never struggled self esteem or self love… I think those are normal struggles for most people at some time in life or another. I’m pretty good with myself, even with all of my faults, flaws and shortcomings past and present because i realized that everyone I love in any relationship, capacity or context, I also do despite their faults, flaws and shortcomings so if I can love others through all of that I can certainly love myself through all of that. I very simply do not feel romantic emotional intimacy with men. I just have fun with cock and I make it clear up front that that’s the only thing I want so if a dude is looking for a bf he’s better off to keep it moving unless he’s cool with being fuck buddies until he finds what he’s looking for elsewhere….

 

[englad]

You need two people agreeing on that in order to settle down or even date. So, even without any preconception as to gender preferences, from the point of view of a bi guy, the sheer number of datable women and of datable men would result in a bias toward women. Even if there was no preferences involved, even if all pairings were random, bi men would, just by mere statistics, overwhelmingly end up with heterosexual females rather than with homosexual males. Simply because homosexual males are so incredibly rare compared to heterosexual females.

Completely agree on the numbers game with a caveat. I'm gay, but if I woke up as bi tomorrow, the group I would be most likely to swear off dating would be straight women. I would almost certainly stick to bi women, gay/bi men and trans people. The reason for this is I know too much about straight women's attitudes on this topic.

Another thing, can you please not use the phrase "homosexual males"? It is not a value neutral phrase. It sounds really medicalising and pathologising (and there is a long history of that), "gay men" is way less loaded. The only time I see "homosexual" is when I glance at the screen at a sexual health check up.

 

[Urien]

Another thing, can you please not use the phrase "homosexual males"? It is not a value neutral phrase. It sounds really medicalising and pathologising (and there is a long history of that), "gay men" is way less loaded. The only time I see "homosexual" is when I glance at the screen at a sexual health check up.

Are you for real? This is a serious discussion and you are having a problem with someone using a perfectly normal word. Wear a helmet if it bothers you but don't ask people to censor themselves to cater to your whims.

 

[englad]

Are you for real? This is a serious discussion and you are having a problem with someone using a perfectly normal word. Wear a helmet if it bothers you but don't ask people to censor themselves to cater to your whims.

It isn't a perfectly normal word, and you are not a gay man, so it's none of your business how gay men should feel about that word. It's icky. Language matters. I don't know why you're so triggered by me bringing up that it's loaded.

 

[Urien]

It isn't a perfectly normal word, and you are not a gay man, so it's none of your business how gay men should feel about that word. It's icky.

LMAO.

If you're referring to the "pansexual" under my name, it's a joke. Cuz I that's what I feel about all this nonsense.

I'm a weapons-grade homosexual, with true liberal values, really thick skin, and a taste for reality. I don't try to censor those I disagree with.

So yeah, it is a perfectly normal word here in the real world. Stop telling people what to do.

 

[englad]

LMAO.

If you're referring to the "pansexual" under my name, it's a joke. Cuz I that's what I feel about all this nonsense.

I'm a weapons-grade homosexual, with true liberal values, really thick skin, and a taste for reality. I don't try to censor those I disagree with.

So yeah, it is a perfectly normal word here in the real world. Stop telling people what to do.

I don't find it offensive, just a bit rank. And frankly, I can't stand people who claim telling people to be aware of phrases being loaded is "censoring". It's just politely asking someone to not be a twat to other people.

True liberal values = tory tosser in my book.

 

[tritevideos]

Well, not sure about the opinion of others, but im bi and I want to end with a man. My boyfriend is aware of my sexuality, he is gay, and everything is ok.

same

 

[StrenghtenMe]

There are no surveys that would focus on men but amount of bisexuals who date opposite gender is around 84-88% while 9-12% are in same sex relationship (one study included people who are not relationship). I remember another survey about sexual preferences where 40% prefer opposite gender sexually and 43% are equally attracted to both genders.

My personal hypothesis is that majority of bisexual men are heteromantic so by definition they only date women and big amount is biromantic but decide to choose women for obvious reasons.
And this minority that is homoromantic or biromantic and chose man is gay leaning in terms of sex most of the time anyway.

Studies above were only done on openely bisexual men/women; if we are about to include closeted bisexuals or those who id as str8 even tho they are not 100% str8 those numbers will only increase as obviously 100% of those men will date women only.