I Meet Insecure Guys That Think I'm A Nympho And Has Social Media Ended Monogamy?

[4103221]

I have a high sex drive, love sex and am a very sexual person but this is only obvious with the right person. I think i choose and attract insecure guys even the bigger ones iv'e had. Must be going wrong somewhere haha

And it may be me but it seems the whole world is casual and when people are in relationships virtual temptations are too much to resist. Maybe I just need to go to a few more dating events haha. Doesn't get me down as much but you get asked why your beautiful and single haha

Are men really terrified of an ambitious woman surely not?

 

[1345864]

I personally am not frightened of an ambitious woman, and I think probably most men are not either. Indeed, many guys (myself included) find that a woman who knows exactly what she wants is a positive and a turn on.

You do have those who are frightened of taking things to a deeper level and tend to flee when things are going in a more serious direction.

 

[halcyondays]

Are men really terrified of an ambitious woman surely not?

Not if she's the right person.

 

[marriedasian]

you're going to have to define "ambitious"... no matter what you are, if you are attracting a certain type of guys then it means that you're doing something that is attracting those men only. i would say to self-evaluate and see what you truly want and focus on how to attract those type of men that you want... now if you're choosing those type of insecure guys then it's on you.

if you're just doing your own thing out in the wild and only getting insecure guys then it just means that secure guys do not see you as a prime target and are targeting other women.

this is no pun towards you as a person nor as a woman. it's just the facts that you're painting to us here.

 

[MrsWildHack]

I've been having the same problem I meet nice guys who are good looking and everything but they freak out when it comes down to the act. I've had a lot of frustrating experiences lately. I wonder if it's the sex drive thing too.

Another thing that happens waaaaaaay too often is, when it's a guy I met online, we get everything set up and the closer we get to our agreed meeting time, the more cagey or distant they get until they just up stop talking to me.

 

[1345864]

@MrsWildHack Conjecture on my part, so bear with me: I think it's possible that some guys, when being introduced to a sexy and beautiful woman might be intimidated and fearful they won't measure up, either on a date or in bed. I've heard a lot of women say that they've had guys flake out on them at the 11th hour.

I tend to assume automatically that I won't be good enough, so I get cold feet myself at the thought of a date.

 

[spaj8987]

This is a massively complicated one. Or at least i think it is. I think men in general (not all of course) are much more insecure now than we've ever been. One of the main things that causes people to be insecure in themselves is change. And there has been an insane amount of change happening for hundreds of years now. From issues of race, gender, sexuality, roles, finance, government, philosophy, psychology, technology and so on.

What was thought to be the case years or even months ago seems to a lot of men to change on a dime. Even more so when it comes to women's rights. At this point i'm going to admit that i know...not think...that the stereotype of women being more overly emotional than men has always and i mean always been a lie. Men have fought wars over egos (current events), murdered people just from being rejected sexually and literally tried to cheat women out of personhood in religion for as long as anyone reading this can remember.

All of that doesn't just go away when a dude is born. All of those things influence us in our daily lives. With a lot of men getting upset over women even beginning to have their own sections of places.

And then there's the expression of sexuality. Or the expression of the desire for sex from women. I would imagine most guys are still hung up on and still think they need the rules of masculinity to define who they are. And when that doesn't work out even a little they have no idea what to do.

So terrified of ambitious women? Yeah, sadly i think that is the case. Mostly because if women are ambitious...where does that leave men? Now of course if we were looking at that from a logical standpoint. Men in those relationships could also be ambitious. We aren't talking logic here though. Not in general.

Most men are raised to see women in very specific lights. When that's challenged in any way those kinds of men's worlds just crumble. Something as simple and as logic as respect could send their worlds crashing into a black hole. And that's because ideals based off of masculinity are often massively illogical and contradictory.

Add in tech along with there being more people in existence equaling more choices and those issues get much worse. Insecurity sky rockets because with more choices and the easier with which those choices can be made the easier it is for people to reject others. People in general become kids in a candy store tripping off acid with a permanent sugar rush.

It might not be that you're choosing or attracting insecure guys. It might just be the numbers game at work here. Where there are just that many more insecure guys out there with many more choices, less logic, more emotion and less influence towards becoming better people in the future. With the fear of change driving most of their actions.

Just some thoughts though.

 

[SoaringSpirit]

Choccy I say this from hard earned experience, I have ALWAYS had a very high sex drive & most of my life with the wrong people. How I felt about myself, my self esteem etc is what brought them into my life. As lessons.
Hear me out. I'm an extremely intelligent & highly confident sexy woman. But many times its what our subconscious beliefs ARE, that bring into our life that which resonates with that belief.
Of course there are men & women that just are too insecure in themselves to feel confident, worthy & appreciative of a strong person in their lives. Those are definitely not the ones you want in your life. When I left my ex & really embraced being on my own & loving myself no matter what....and making a consious desicion to NEVER accept LESS than I deserved, well guess what happened ? A short time later I met the LOVE of my life. Neither of us were " looking".
My advice is to genuinely enjoy yourself & be YOU. Stop " looking"......you might be very pleasantly surprised by who finds you.
I wouldn't accept someone that finds you're" too much" of anything" the right person will love you and stand beside you proudly.
We ladies with high sex drives Rock !!!

 

[1345864]

Choccy I say this from hard earned experience, I have ALWAYS had a very high sex drive & most of my life with the wrong people. How I felt about myself, my self esteem etc is what brought them into my life. As lessons.
Hear me out. I'm an extremely intelligent & highly confident sexy woman. But many times its what our subconscious beliefs ARE, that bring into our life that which resonates with that belief.
Of course there are men & women that just are too insecure in themselves to feel confident, worthy & appreciative of a strong person in their lives. Those are definitely not the ones you want in your life. When I left my ex & really embraced being on my own & loving myself no matter what....and making a consious desicion to NEVER accept LESS than I deserved, well guess what happened ? A short time later I met the LOVE of my life. Neither of us were " looking".
My advice is to genuinely enjoy yourself & be YOU. Stop " looking"......you might be very pleasantly surprised by who finds you.
I wouldn't accept someone that finds you're" too much" of anything" the right person will love you and stand beside you proudly.
We ladies with high sex drives Rock !!!

That rings quite true, especially the part about it happening when you stop looking. After I gave up all hope of finding someone, I met my wife who someone set me up with!

@spaj8987 Too right about the old, careworn stereotype about women being overly emotional. I would venture to say men in general are far more emotional than women. When you couple that with men being expected to repress their emotions, it gets even worse.

 

[SoaringSpirit]

That rings quite true, especially the part about it happening when you stop looking. After I gave up all hope of finding someone, I met my wife who someone set me up with!

@spaj8987 Too right about the old, careworn stereotype about women being overly emotional. I would venture to say men in general are far more emotional than women. When you couple that with men being expected to repress their emotions, it gets even worse.

I'm so lucky to be with someone that expresses himself in every way, yes men are quite emotional....but again many repress it. Societies fault but things are changing.

 

[4103221]

I personally am not frightened of an ambitious woman, and I think probably most men are not either. Indeed, many guys (myself included) find that a woman who knows exactly what she wants is a positive and a turn on. You do have those who are frightened of taking things to a deeper level and tend to flee when things are going in a more serious direction.

Yeah I have been told especially with slightly younger guys that they love a woman that knows what she wants, just sometimes feel this dents certain mens masculinity and role in society. Hopefully someone will come into my life one day that can embrace and support that and not feel threatened, its definately not all guys but most iv'e met. Only had a few runners funny that they usually initiate a relationship, guess there are unwritten stages you get to close it feels too real.

 

[4103221]

Not if she's the right person.

I hope thats the case haha

 

[4103221]

@marriedasian New you're going to have to define "ambitious"... no matter what you are, if you are attracting a certain type of guys then it means that you're doing something that is attracting those men only. i would say to self-evaluate and see what you truly want and focus on how to attract those type of men that you want... now if you're choosing those type of insecure guys then it's on you. if you're just doing your own thing out in the wild and only getting insecure guys then it just means that secure guys do not see you as a prime target and are targeting other women. this is no pun towards you as a person nor as a woman. it's just the facts that you're painting to us here. Guess anything thats different and you venture out is classed as ambitious. Guess iv'e studied alot but I have been supported. I like to travel and expand my horizons not afraid of life. So maybe someone who is along for the journey. But just feels that my independence may cause issues but its not usually voiced. I am quite happy in my self so have tried to evaluate why I end up with these men, might be my profession that draws them near. I dont choose them like that I only find out when i'm too deeply involved. Guess secure guys dont see me as a target or i'm not in the right places they are. Most probably doesnt help that i met my lasylt two exes online but thats the norm but may be something in that. Another ex i met in a club years ago very secure but other issues haha

 

[4103221]

I've been having the same problem I meet nice guys who are good looking and everything but they freak out when it comes down to the act. I've had a lot of frustrating experiences lately. I wonder if it's the sex drive thing too. Another thing that happens waaaaaaay too often is, when it's a guy I met online, we get everything set up and the closer we get to our agreed meeting time, the more cagey or distant they get until they just up stop talking to me.

Sorry to hear that I had a guy freak out when I went to kiss him on a date last year didnt get that far, didnt read it wrong but he told me he was old fashioned I suspect he was gay told me a few stories about his pursuers. Are they freaking out im bed or days before your due to meet? With my ex my needs made me feel like there was something wrong with me, I was in love and attracted but had tp control myself and he made me sit away from him at times haha. It hurt at the time but could understand that sexually we matched but he had a loss in his family when we met so other things on his mind. I have been able to cool it with him since. Good old ghosting, i think men do that as they have doubts, find another option, get scared, dont know what to say etc. Had to read alot around this when I was first ghosted didnt get it and it hurts. Dont always think the problem is meeting online but then there are other options so it nay distract them to something better sadly. Went to two amazing dating events last year didnt meet anyone but was a different way of doing things and was fun. They guys were most probably all online anyway

 

[4103221]

@spaj89876 Really thoughtful answer s!! I think it is very complicated one but agree with the reasons you feel that men are more insecure now. Your right there has been massive change bit sad to note but 30-40 years ago the length of skirts were longer I remember my mums very well and there was and now has been a massive shift in traditional roles. Not trying to bash anyone but men are not needed for diy I taught myself some things or call someone to do it and women are not just in domestic roles in and out of the workplace. Adding to more earning potential, financial freedom and opportunities there is no need to get a husband and settle down when you can travel and change career. Let alone the political and economic shift and more independence as a woman, I would actually resepect a man as hard as it would be for them to say this dents their masculinity. I understand it but the catch 22 is be needy and vulenerable them your seen as clingy and if you dont then your seen as too free spirtied etc hard to find a balance. Being independent its hard for me to ask men or anyone for things the reliance then being let down or rejected hurts. Very true race, sexual ity, politics, women's rights could go on all day but people analyse on a micro level. Oh no I have had my fair share of overly emotional men they very much exist getting that balance right is hard too. I dont want a submissive man thats boring but men want that now. You dont want an angry man or too overly emotional but striking the balance is impossible. The last guy seemed to go awol people hide their feelings behind technonolgy and pornl and other vices then become disvonnected with reality. Communication and honesty is key and these are two downfalls of todays society. Yeah men have had very masculine dominant roles over the years, your right " With a lot of men getting upset over women even beginning to have their own sections of places" totally agree!! And then there's the expression of sexuality. Or the expression of the desire for sex from women. I would imagine most guys are still hung up on and still think they need the rules of masculinity to define who they are. And when that doesn't work out even a little they have no idea what to do" Totally getting mixed messages from being overly sexual I do feel men are threatned by that. Some men wabt women to initiate sex some dont. Roles are blurred there is no tradition and no rules and this does dent masculinity.. So terrified of ambitious women? Yeah, sadly i think that is the case. Mostly because if women are ambitious...where does that leave men? Now of course if we were looking at that from a logical standpoint. Men in those relationships could also be ambitious. We aren't talking logic here though. Not in general. Yes absolutely this but think men ive been with have been afraid to say. Most men are raised to see women in very specific lights. When that's challenged in any way those kinds of men's worlds just crumble. Something as simple and as logic as respect could send their worlds crashing into a black hole. And that's because ideals based off of masculinity are often massively illogical and contradictory. Amazing always interesting to have such different insight if they would talk and admit this I cpuld tweak not change me and my perspective. Add in tech along with there being more people in existence equaling more choices and those issues get much worse. Insecurity sky rockets because with more choices and the easier with which those choices can be made the easier it is for people to reject others. People in general become kids in a candy store tripping off acid with a permanent sugar rush. Hit the nail on the head this is exactly how i feel why commit when you can go online and upgrade or have no strings sex. It might not be that you're choosing or attracting insecure guys. It might just be the numbers game at work here. Where there are just that many more insecure guys out there with many more choices, less logic, more emotion and less influence towards becoming better people in the future. With the fear of change driving most of their actions. These answers are are amazing and very logical and well thought out. I wish men would speak up i know it must be hard to but its hard for me to know what to do sometimes. Cant be too free and confident or he will think i will leave but I cant change me. I can understand how you feel and adapt. Thanks so much for writing such a detailed answer

 

[4103221]

Sorry using my phone and spacing my answers but still one big paragraph. Will reply to the rest when I can

 

[4103221]

Choccy I say this from hard earned experience, I have ALWAYS had a very high sex drive & most of my life with the wrong people. How I felt about myself, my self esteem etc is what brought them into my life. As lessons. Hear me out. I'm an extremely intelligent & highly confident sexy woman. But many times its what our subconscious beliefs ARE, that bring into our life that which resonates with that belief. Of course there are men & women that just are too insecure in themselves to feel confident, worthy & appreciative of a strong person in their lives. Those are definitely not the ones you want in your life. When I left my ex & really embraced being on my own & loving myself no matter what....and making a consious desicion to NEVER accept LESS than I deserved, well guess what happened ? A short time later I met the LOVE of my life. Neither of us were " looking". My advice is to genuinely enjoy yourself & be YOU. Stop " looking"......you might be very pleasantly surprised by who finds you. I wouldn't accept someone that finds you're" too much" of anything" the right person will love you and stand beside you proudly. We ladies with high sex drives Rock !!!

Your absolutely right I see where your coming from. But sadly have my blinkers on my friends say this guy checked you out and I just give up already. Yes good relationships that have turned bad have made me more wary, getting your heart broken etc. But I am not one to have to be in a relationship, or actively looking or need someone. Been on my own for years before and very happy on my own. But I am clearly consciously choosing the same type of man, have had complete opposite man dated for years but his issues were more complex. I know my worth and what I deserve and sometimes when im not looking someone does come along. Just going to keep living life if i meet someone great if I dont then nevermind. I know im pretty much fantastic haha

 

[halcyondays]

But I am not one to have to be in a relationship, or actively looking or need someone.

Does this mean marriage or an exclusive relationship is not one of your ambitions?

 

[4103221]

I dont see relationships or marriage as ambition no, something I would like but not planned the music at my wedding. I mean some people need to be in a relationship all the time I am secure and happy being alone but don't want to be alone forever. To me ambition is very different

 

[MrsWildHack]

Sorry to hear that I had a guy freak out when I went to kiss him on a date last year didnt get that far, didnt read it wrong but he told me he was old fashioned I suspect he was gay told me a few stories about his pursuers. Are they freaking out im bed or days before your due to meet? With my ex my needs made me feel like there was something wrong with me, I was in love and attracted but had tp control myself and he made me sit away from him at times haha. It hurt at the time but could understand that sexually we matched but he had a loss in his family when we met so other things on his mind. I have been able to cool it with him since. Good old ghosting, i think men do that as they have doubts, find another option, get scared, dont know what to say etc. Had to read alot around this when I was first ghosted didnt get it and it hurts. Dont always think the problem is meeting online but then there are other options so it nay distract them to something better sadly. Went to two amazing dating events last year didnt meet anyone but was a different way of doing things and was fun. They guys were most probably all online anyway

Lol yeah, the ghosting thing is getting really old. Somebody from here was about to meet me and I asked if I could see his face before we met. Like, you know, know what the guy looks like? I mean my face is in every picture I post and I know the guy had been tugging the old bell-rope to my pictures from day one, didn't think asking for a face would be so scandalous. He started calling me shady, freaked out, ignored me for a while, asked last minute if we were still on, then ghosted. That's the ONLY case where there was some context to the ghosting. Sometimes a guy meets me and we have a crazy night, then he messages me for two/three days about how good it was, begs for more pictures and then drops off the face of the Earth. Sometimes it happens before we can even meet. I know it's unusual to meet a girl that's clear about wanting sex, but to be actually afraid of that is freaking sad. I do agree with some of the above thoughts that it's a masculinity thing. They gotta be in control or whatever. I dunno. It helps that I'm married. The real social irony is that my hubby is a big, chubby goofball artist/intellectual type. The Honda fat feel who wears hockey jerseys with video game logos on it. THAT'S the one guy I've been with so far who has been confident, straight forward, kind and understanding. Not scared of my sex drive one bit, but perfectly willing to make me feel better when a guy ghosts me. All these lean muscular dudes on here with big honkin dicks have paled in comparison to my chubby hubby when it comes to confidence and "big dick energy."