Interracial Relationships

[Apolo1998]

So you basically used them for sex and married in culture.

as he should lol

 

[XAngel97]

one of the people writting me told me that i should try getting fucked by a black dude, i don´t need that like i don´t need sympathy, thank you very much. And i´ll be deleting this thread soon because this is getting ridiculous

Ignore that person you don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want to. I want to clarify that me nor most people in this thread are not trying to tell you that.

 

[XAngel97]

as he should lol

On ignore you go.

 

[Hatt_101]

one of the people writting me told me that i should try getting fucked by a black dude, i don´t need that like i don´t need sympathy, thank you very much. And i´ll be deleting this thread soon because this is getting ridiculous

I pointed out English not being your first language because you clearly don't understand it very well. Who ever told you to have sex with someone was wrong if you don't wanna do something that's up to you. But you clearly want sympathy or you would not have said you were being harassed.

And what you just replied to xangel I think it's clear that you're racist.

If you as a gay guy can't understand discrimination then you're lost cause. I'm sure a gay man can explain it better than I could to you but it's not that hard to comprehend.

Glad that you admit you racist you could have just said that from the beginning

 

[Hatt_101]

And since you been here for two years should have taken the time to actually learn how to use a site because then you'd know you cannot delete a thread only mods can and they shouldn't delete it just so everyone can see how racist you are

 

[Apolo1998]

And since you been here for two years should have taken the time to actually learn how to use a site because then you'd know you cannot delete a thread only mods can and they shouldn't delete it just so everyone can see how racist you are

i didn´t know that because i only been using this site more often because of the pandemic, thanks for the kind words. I guess that comes from your black sensitivity.

 

[Apolo1998]

And since you been here for two years should have taken the time to actually learn how to use a site because then you'd know you cannot delete a thread only mods can and they shouldn't delete it just so everyone can see how racist you are

also also, i can just make another account lol

 

[Hatt_101]

also also, i can just make another account lol

Nothing stopping you but when you ask another dumbass question everyone will know it's you. So you may as well keep using this one. Why would you want to stop using it. And the pandemic has been going on for the past 4 months even if you only just recently started using it and only takes 2 minutes to realize you can't delete a thread once you've created it.

 

[XAngel97]

i didn´t know that because i only been using this site more often because of the pandemic, thanks for the kind words. I guess that comes from your black sensitivity.

This is what makes you racist, so yes you are racist. Not wanting to sleep with black people or white latinos doesnt make you racist, saying things like black sensitivity makes you racist

 

[MisterB]

also also, i can just make another account lol

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[PRT77]

i´m latino and the other day was talking with a friend and i told him that i wouldn´t date anybody that isn´t a mixed race latino. he was little bit shooked because he said that the way i said it sounded a little bit racist, but i know i´m not. What do you guys think? my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own. Thoughts?

I think it is very much depends on personality of the guy/girl with whom you are dating. Some times ago I was thinking like you, because it is easer and sometimes helps to avoid unplesant moments that I had before which made me thinking this way and which, I think, were caused by cultural differences. In that time I prefered to date only caucasian guys. I could have occasional fun with members of others ethnical groups but it was a big exception and to think about something more - NO THANK YOU!
But sometimes ago I met a black guy and everything has changed in one night. And I'm not talking about quality of sex and "go black never come back". I did "came back" very easely... It was just a click between us from the first moment we met. And since that night we are living together and it will be two years soon. He is one of the most loving, caring, understanding, trustworthy, balansed, and funny person i've ever met... if not the most one. He is like another universe which is so interesting "to explore". Ofcause we had problems and we are different in many ways, but there is something what connecting us and holding us together and we both "fighting" for it. And so far so good. So... I'm happy with a black guy! who could imagine that some time ago?! Deffinately not I...
So, I think, ofcouse sexyal preferences are playing a rol and it is your choice and I don't think it is a racism... but every personality is unique and to put everybody in one line just because they belong to one or another ethnical group is not a good desicion then you can miss somebody really special.

 

[4388301]

I’m going to weigh in. I’m glad that the conversation is being had in the thread and isn’t devolved into a complete flame war. Interracial dating (or as I prefer to call it- heteroethnic dating- wrap your heads around it) is going to force people to take a hard look at how racist, or anti-racist, they are or aren’t. So allow me to jump right in- to make nice what’s nasty- you have to acknowledge what’s nasty; easier said than done, even easier to dismiss the notion or ignore that’s it’s a reality that we can conquer.

Everyone, including the OP, should pay close attention to what EquusAZ says- he has not only a distinct viewpoint, but makes excellent points regarding the topics brought up, especially those who are sincerely interested in doing the work of self-assessment to combat inherent bias, conscious, unconscious, aversive- there are many types.

The truth of the matter is that those opinions expressed, by some here in the thread and by the OP are uninformed- semantics notwithstanding. That is largely in part a result of the biases he has accrued while growing up in a particular habitus.

In sociology, habitus comprises socially ingrained habits, skills and dispositions. It is the way that individuals perceive the social world around them and react to it. These dispositions are usually shared by people with similar backgrounds (such as social class, religion, nationality, ethnicity, education and profession).

The habitus is acquired through imitation (mimesis) and is the reality in which individuals are socialized, which includes their individual experience and opportunities. Thus, the habitus represents the way group culture and personal history shape the body and the mind; as a result, it shapes present social actions of an individual.

When one grows up in a culture where there is racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic bias ( and it exists in all cultures)- one simply does not see it as discriminatory if it’s not addressed as such, or projected at them specifically. This is important to remember when actively engaging in the work of anti-(insert name of bias or discriminatory practice here) self-assessment.


The media, in its various forms and how it influences figuratively every aspect of culture plays a huge role. The internet is proof of that; I just had a conversation with an “ally” who didn’t realize that the very tool he thinks can help people combat racism and other discriminatory behaviors and practices has only been in existence for less than 50 years.

A quick note about semantics. Let’s stop saying “race” It’s an obsolete form of pseudoscientific classification that has biases built into it. We are all members of one species. We have evolved into different ethnicities, with their own cultures and customs- some new, some old, some borrowed, some reinterpreted- we are our our biosphere- an anthropogenic biome.

People who claim ancestral origins to an ethnic ecosystem have an obligation to look at the damage wrought by past generations of aforementioned ethnic ecosystem and willingly engage in the work of destroying those attitudes and behaviors that demonize and disenfranchise members of disparate ethnic ecosystems- but were (and still are)- unwilling and/or unable to bring themselves to take the first step. To make nice what’s nasty- you have to acknowledge what’s nasty. People simply have not been listening.

To put it bluntly- white people, as well non-black ethnic people of color, didn’t need google to start the conversation and course of action to actively try to purge themselves of these ingrained patterns of behavior that we are seeing here in the USA, and around the world.

I stand by my prior post/input as a person o color and someone in a relationship where we're of different ethnic + cultural + many other thing backgrounds. Apparently even with that, I am part of that "Everyone, including the OP". I am a laundry list o things that a lot of people hate. I am extremely aware of all sorts of -ist behavior that happens. I work against it. Ya post acts like nobody in this thread except for one person has any self-awareness or introspection about themselves and the world. Condescending and gross. I realize ya only have a very small amount of information from anyone who has posted to work with, but the assumptions you made? Particularly calling out everyone except for Equus? Wow.

This particular bit is not at you (Faunus) in particular, but at some of the thoughts raised from what you said. Mmmmyeah not gonna just meander around to allow my cultural identity to get tossed by the wayside. Obviously we all are people. My ethnic background is important to me, so the incredibly naive "oh I do not see race/color/etc" is equally problematic, or even worse since it tends to come with an air of superiority and knowing better than the folks who go "I don't like x type of people".

 

[EquusAZ]

I stand by my prior post/input as a person o color and someone in a relationship where we're of different ethnic + cultural + many other thing backgrounds. Apparently even with that, I am part of that "Everyone, including the OP". I am a laundry list o things that a lot of people hate. I am extremely aware of all sorts of -ist behavior that happens. I work against it. Ya post acts like nobody in this thread except for one person has any self-awareness or introspection about themselves and the world. Condescending and gross. I realize ya only have a very small amount of information from anyone who has posted to work with, but the assumptions you made? Particularly calling out everyone except for Equus? Wow.

While you have a valid point where it sounds as if @Faunus is calling out everyone, its important to think of the bigger picture. Faunus was speaking more to people who 'aren't racist' but don't do anti-racist work. A LOT of people think they aren't racist, but in fact are and don't realize it. The people who support BLM but then cross the street quickly when a black man approaches on the sidewalk. People who pat their wallets to make certain its still there around black people. People who aren't aware that they do that. All those Amy Coopers out there. Also its important to remember that a lot of non-white non-black individuals think they don't have to work on racism because they themselves are not white. However, there has been a long history of abuse from people in non-white communities against black people that has been borrowed from white people.

Its these people he's speaking to. If you yourself work day and night to combat racism, and are aware of what you do and think, are aware of prejudices you were raised in and know you are working on race work on a daily basis, then he's not speaking to you.

The plain fact of the matter is that the OP made a statement not about whether or not he was into black people, or if being attracted to only his own race is racist, it was the comment he made about 'everyone should stick to their own.' What people do or think as far as attraction is one thing, but to state that relationship segregation is acceptable, well, that's racist. The OP also got upset when he was called out on it, which I find ironic. His friend, in real life, told him he was wrong. Then he came here and asked if he was wrong, and was told he was. He couldn't accept it. He got hurt. Classic fragility (regardless of his own race) and an indication of his inability to listen or learn.

 

[JonSomebody]

I have been in interracial relationships and they all have been long standing. I have no problem dating out of my race because I don't look at the color of the skin...I look at the heart and personality of that individual. The way I see it...an asshole is an asshole..race has nothing to do with. Personally..I have been in situations within the LGBTQ community where race played a major role with individual being comfortable dating me due to my ethnicity. I remember when I was a bartender ..I was the only person of color employed at this club and this one white guy had made it known to my co-workers that he was interested in me. Once introductions were initiated between us...we were getting to know each other pretty well and even went out on a few dates. However, I remember him bringing some of his close friends to the club one night to meet me...and that is when the sh*t hit the fan...it was revealed that his friends did not approve of him seeing me and made it known that he should stick to dating within his own race. Due to the pressure that he was receiving from his friends..he stopped seeing me.

On the other hand..while in an interracial relationship..I remember we were at a house party for one of my partner's friends and this one white guy in particular had issues with our relationship and blatantly approached my partner flirtatiously in front of me. Well..my partner immediately took action and let it be known that he did not appreciate him disrespecting me..his man!!!..He also went on to let his friends in attendance know that if they had a problem with our relationship ..then you have a problem with him and he did not want anything to do with them again. Every interracial relationship that I've had..my partners always made it known that I was with them and how proud they were to be with me.

I've never been comfortable displaying PDA with anyone whether I was dating them or in a relationship with them..however...it was those interracial partners that were very open with displaying PDA within our relationships and eventually from being in those relationships made me very comfortable with PDA after awhile.

I never understood why racial issues are so prevalent within the LGBTQ community because I've always looked at the community as a minority as well as being subjected and ridiculed by society as a whole..therefore...WTF????...as many struggles and hardships that most individuals within the community have or are still facing ...how can you discriminate against those within the community of a different race?? unfortunately... it is what it is..

 

[Korindie]

i´m latino and the other day was talking with a friend and i told him that i wouldn´t date anybody that isn´t a mixed race latino. he was little bit shooked because he said that the way i said it sounded a little bit racist, but i know i´m not. What do you guys think? my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own. Thoughts?

Racism is an extreme prejudice solely due to someone’s race and/or a belief that a specific race is superior or inferior. So unless you don’t date someone because you think your race is superior and they are inferior, it is not racist to be attracted to a specific type. Not dating someone Of the same sex because you aren’t attracted doesn’t make you homophobic. It would make you homophobic if you had a bias against them just because they were gay etc. I met a girl And her bf one time through friends. A couple friends told me it was so weird because her new bf looked exactly like her ex. Height, build, hair color facial features etc. They even showed me a pic. He really did look ALOT like her ex. He was a firefighter. They got married. I followed her on social media and eventually I started seeing pics of him in a police officer uniform. I just thought, oh, that’s weird, I thought he was a FF. I asked one of our mutual friends. She said “no! That’s not the same guy, she left her husband for him! I know, it’s creepy, he looks exactly like her last 2 ex’s!” So obviously this chick had a very specific type she was attracted to. They were all white, she was half white, half Filipino. Does this mean since she liked a specific set of traits she was a racist??? Of course not.

 

[EquusAZ]

Racism is an extreme prejudice solely due to someone’s race and/or a belief that a specific race is superior or inferior. So unless you don’t date someone because you think your race is superior and they are inferior, it is not racist to be attracted to a specific type. Not dating someone Of the same sex because you aren’t attracted doesn’t make you homophobic. It would make you homophobic if you had a bias against them just because they were gay etc. I met a girl And her bf one time through friends. A couple friends told me it was so weird because her new bf looked exactly like her ex. Height, build, hair color facial features etc. They even showed me a pic. He really did look ALOT like her ex. He was a firefighter. They got married. I followed her on social media and eventually I started seeing pics of him in a police officer uniform. I just thought, oh, that’s weird, I thought he was a FF. I asked one of our mutual friends. She said “no! That’s not the same guy, she left her husband for him! I know, it’s creepy, he looks exactly like her last 2 ex’s!” So obviously this chick had a very specific type she was attracted to. They were all white, she was half white, half Filipino. Does this mean since she liked a specific set of traits she was a racist??? Of course not.

A few points...

"Racism is an extreme prejudice solely due to someone’s race and/or a belief that a specific race is superior or inferior."

No. Racism is not "Extreme prejudice." You could argue that extreme prejudice only applies to people who do extreme things like blatantly not hire someone because of their skin color or race. When you apply an adverb to a verb, you change what that verb is.

Racism

"Racism is the belief that a particular race is superior or inferior to another, that a person’s social and moral traits are predetermined by his or her inborn biological characteristics."

People will add in adverbs in order to make something easier to define. Extreme prejudice is easy to spot right? Someone not selling someone something because 'they are Asian' is racist. That's easy. Makes the problem cut and dry.

Racism is not cut and dry. If it was, this thread would be a lot shorter. If someone is showing a preference for dating a certain race when presented with people of various racial backgrounds they are showing a racial preference. That's racist.

The case you give, a friend who dated two white people who look the same, have similar backgrounds, and were both white is kind of a red herring. It has nothing to do with the argument of race.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

because i think that is better to date somebody with whom you have many things in common, not only hobbies and music, but also traditions and culture and yes race plays a role in all of that.

See, I wholeheartedly disgree with this and I too think your original statement is racist.

I am latino too and I have dated outside my race. As a light skin latino, I have been usually attracted to darker skin latinos and later on I also dated many white american boys. I also dated other ethnic groups.

I think that variety is the spice of life and I actually enjoy being with someone who is different. Every day is an adventure. If you want to stick to your own kind thats find, enjoy your boring life, but dont impose your mores and norms on the rest of us. Thats when you cross the line into racism. Ugh

 

[Korindie]

A few points...

"Racism is an extreme prejudice solely due to someone’s race and/or a belief that a specific race is superior or inferior."

No. Racism is not "Extreme prejudice." You could argue that extreme prejudice only applies to people who do extreme things like blatantly not hire someone because of their skin color or race. When you apply an adverb to a verb, you change what that verb is.

Racism

"Racism is the belief that a particular race is superior or inferior to another, that a person’s social and moral traits are predetermined by his or her inborn biological characteristics."

People will add in adverbs in order to make something easier to define. Extreme prejudice is easy to spot right? Someone not selling someone something because 'they are Asian' is racist. That's easy. Makes the problem cut and dry.

Racism is not cut and dry. If it was, this thread would be a lot shorter. If someone is showing a preference for dating a certain race when presented with people of various racial backgrounds they are showing a racial preference. That's racist.

The case you give, a friend who dated two white people who look the same, have similar backgrounds, and were both white is kind of a red herring. It has nothing to do with the argument of race.

It was actually 3 guys but, it was an example of someone being attracted to specific things more than it is about race. It’s not racist to be attracted to have a preference. I have a friend who is white and has dated only asian men with the exception of one black guy briefly and one white guy back in high school (about 16-17 years ago). She said she just usually doesn’t find white men attractive. It doesn’t mean she is racist because she usually wouldn’t date a white guy. If you don’t agree on those points, there is no point in arguing, because we aren’t going to change each other’s minds. We’ll just have to agree to disagree.

Also, you are correct, racism doesn’t always have to be an extreme prejudice. I stand corrected. It can even be a subtle prejudice as well.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

Racism is an extreme prejudice solely due to someone’s race and/or a belief that a specific race is superior or inferior. So unless you don’t date someone because you think your race is superior and they are inferior, it is not racist to be attracted to a specific type. Not dating someone Of the same sex because you aren’t attracted doesn’t make you homophobic. It would make you homophobic if you had a bias against them just because they were gay etc. I met a girl And her bf one time through friends. A couple friends told me it was so weird because her new bf looked exactly like her ex. Height, build, hair color facial features etc. They even showed me a pic. He really did look ALOT like her ex. He was a firefighter. They got married. I followed her on social media and eventually I started seeing pics of him in a police officer uniform. I just thought, oh, that’s weird, I thought he was a FF. I asked one of our mutual friends. She said “no! That’s not the same guy, she left her husband for him! I know, it’s creepy, he looks exactly like her last 2 ex’s!” So obviously this chick had a very specific type she was attracted to. They were all white, she was half white, half Filipino. Does this mean since she liked a specific set of traits she was a racist??? Of course not.

These are all false equivalents.

Having a preference is not racist but discriminatory. When that preference is based on race and only race, yes it is racist.

Is really hard to tease out but in general if you do have a choice, say you are a white dude you like skinny short women and you are at a bar and the only single women at the bar is a short, skinny, black girl. If you ignore her just because she is black, you are making a decision exclusively driven by her race or skin color and not anything else. That is racist.

 

[EquusAZ]

I have been in interracial relationships and they all have been long standing. I have no problem dating out of my race because I don't look at the color of the skin...I look at the heart and personality of that individual. The way I see it...an asshole is an asshole..race has nothing to do with. Personally..I have been in situations within the LGBTQ community where race played a major role with individual being comfortable dating me due to my ethnicity. I remember when I was a bartender ..I was the only person of color employed at this club and this one white guy had made it known to my co-workers that he was interested in me. Once introductions were initiated between us...we were getting to know each other pretty well and even went out on a few dates. However, I remember him bringing some of his close friends to the club one night to meet me...and that is when the sh*t hit the fan...it was revealed that his friends did not approve of him seeing me and made it known that he should stick to dating within his own race. Due to the pressure that he was receiving from his friends..he stopped seeing me.

On the other hand..while in an interracial relationship..I remember we were at a house party for one of my partner's friends and this one white guy in particular had issues with our relationship and blatantly approached my partner flirtatiously in front of me. Well..my partner immediately took action and let it be known that he did not appreciate him disrespecting me..his man!!!..He also went on to let his friends in attendance know that if they had a problem with our relationship ..then you have a problem with him and he did not want anything to do with them again. Every interracial relationship that I've had..my partners always made it known that I was with them and how proud they were to be with me.

I've never been comfortable displaying PDA with anyone whether I was dating them or in a relationship with them..however...it was those interracial partners that were very open with displaying PDA within our relationships and eventually from being in those relationships made me very comfortable with PDA after awhile.

I never understood why racial issues are so prevalent within the LGBTQ community because I've always looked at the community as a minority as well as being subjected and ridiculed by society as a whole..therefore...WTF????...as many struggles and hardships that most individuals within the community have or are still facing ...how can you discriminate against those within the community of a different race?? unfortunately... it is what it is..

I

These are all false equivalents.

Having a preference is not racist but discriminatory. When that preference is based on race and only race, yes it is racist.

Is really hard to tease out but in general if you do have a choice, say you are a white dude you like skinny short women and you are at a bar and the only single women at the bar is a short, skinny, black girl. If you ignore her just because she is black, you are making a decision exclusively driven by her race or skin color and not anything else. That is racist.

Very well put.