Hey
@tito21, thanks for your advice.
You kinda missed my point a little. I wasn’t saying that I’m looking for a relationship. No, not at the moment. I’m looking for friends. Just platonic friends, who I can have deep meaningful conversations with. Not friends with benefits. That’s my focus.
I wanted to make friends with straight people, too. I just don’t know where to start, tbh. I don’t like going to clubs or bars. First, it drains out my “social battery” very quickly. Second, i find it Hard to hold a (meaningful) conversation when it’s to loud and you have to shout.
I wanted to make friends with people at work, but they’re not nice. The more I get to know them, the more I start to dislike them. They don’t know that I’m gay though. I’m glad they never did, because they made a slightly homophobic joke once or twice. When I corrected them, they were saying that I was being too politically correct. So, I just go there to work and do not make friends.
I’m okay with not being in a relationship. Yeah, I had been in to us relationships with narcissists (both overt and covert) and that ate me up. So, relationships aren’t my goal at the moment.
I’d rather be on this site and jerk off to hot guys’ pics and videos without having to interact with them than be in a relationship with horrible guys.
But how can you live without any friend? What a boring life would you have?
Human beings are social animals, even if you’re a total introvert, you still need at least a friend to socialize with. I have NONE. Can you imagine that?
There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. You need to distinguish these two terms.
There are plenty of single people who are perfectly content and happy being alone. Being the dinosaur that I am, I have accept the fact that my chance of finding a husband at this point is slim to none, and I’m ok with that. I don’t have any friend either. I have accept the reality for what it is and I’m at peace with that. I don’t feel lonely, whenever I need social interactions, I just head out to museums, window shoppings and people watching at a nice cafe. Just saying a simple hello, thankyou, have a good day to people is all I need. I ‘date’ myself and treat myself well. I try to travel overseas once a year and buy myself a well made pair of shoes (Tricker’s) every few months. I make myself happy, I don’t ever rely or depend on other people to make me happy. Most people don’t love themselves, let alone having the capacity to love someone else.
You can spend your time analysing every little thing all you want. No one really cares beside you wasting your precious time and energy dwelling on things that don’t matter and have no control over. People don’t owe you anything, so don’t expect someone to response or interact with you just because you say hello or reach out your hand for a handshake. Unhappiness and disappointment arise when an expectation isn’t being met. No expectation = no disappointment.
Finding a partner or a friend isn’t going to cure your loneliness. You may push that feeling aside because that space in your mind is being filled by ‘someone’. That feeling will come back when that ‘someone’ is no longer in your life. Like i have mentioned before. Most relationships end! Sooner or later, you’ll find yourself single again. And it gets harder to find a partner as you grow older. Like i have mentioned, most men prefer to chase after younger men when they hit a certain age bracket. Those superficial gay men will be on the receiving end of the rejection sooner or later.
Even if you were to meet your perfect dream guy and grow old together. Sooner or later, one of you is going to leave this earth first. In addition, with ageing comes a whole host of health issues: Dementia, Parkinson and Alzheimer, which can affect anyone in the older population. 1 in 10 people will be affected by one of these cognitive illnesses later in life, where they won’t remember/recognise you or themselves anymore. What’s to say that you or your partner won’t hit with one these terminal illnesses later in life? Eventually, we’ll all be alone one way or another, some might even lose themselves and sanity by their 50s/60s. This is why it’s best to make peace with yourself and enjoy your own company while you still can - and still know who you are as a person.
It doesn’t matter if you have a certain rare personality type that likes to analyse every little details. If that isn’t making you happy, you need to move on and focus on things that really matters in your life - Why you are feeling lonely and needs validation? I advise seeking a good therapist to help you resolve whatever underlining issues that may be causing you to feel this way. Talking to a therapist is a great social interaction that not even a partner or close friends could provide. They offer no judgement and will guide you to a better mental health.
Currently, you’re spending too much of your time dwelling on superficial and insignificant matters that don’t improve your life - by posting chat messages and dating profiles of men that didn’t reply to you. I understand this is the internet, but these men specifically put themselves on a dating app hoping to attract someone in their local area, and not for a begrudged stranger to take snapshot of their profiles and posting them on another platform without them knowing.
We don’t know what these men are thinking or what their real intentions are on those apps. We can only make assumptions on why they didn’t response to you. It may possibly be racism, or they may not be looking for friends, or for whatever reasons, we don’t know and we don’t care. And you shouldn’t be caring about it either. Ignore it and move on. Dwelling on it isn’t going to make you happy. Life is too short! Don’t waste your time/youth on strangers that don’t care about you. I understand that your ego and pride may be hurt due to the rejections. It’s ok to acknowledge it, accept it for what it is. Move on and don’t let it interfere with your life.
You have done your part in reaching out to these men for friendships. It isn’t your fault they aren’t replying to you. It’s their problems to deal with. If they aren’t open-minded to interact with an Asian or have the decency to response to you. It speaks more about their character than you. Again, they don’t owe you anything. So don’t expect anything from anyone. It is the way that it is. Move on! There are plenty of other men out there.
