Do Bisexual men actually settle down with men?

[jthomasmpls]

I have a question for you. If you happen to fall in love with a man in future which is rare (don't know if you are married currently), will you tell him you are more attracted to women especially looking at your attraction metric so that he knows if he wants to take the plunge? Remember, disclosing you are bisexual is different from telling him the gender you are more attracted to

As for the bolded, we keep hearing the same thing from bisexuals "we aren't all like that", why don't you guys ever call your fellow bi men out giving y'all a bad name? I call out gay men who are attracted to straight men all the time because they arm homophobes with the narrative that gay men wants to "convert" straight men but I've never seen a bisexual person call out their fellow bi person rather it's always the monosexual's fault for being biphobic making it seem like bi people have no fault

Before I answer your question let me ask these questions;

Are all gay men attracted to all men?
Are all lesbians attracted to all women?
Are all straight men attracted to all women?
Are all straight women attracted to all men?

The answer is no.

Do gay men end relationships because they find a more attractive man?
Do lesbians end relationships because they find a more attractive women?
Do straight men end relationships because they find a more physically attractive women?
Do straight women end relationships because they find a more attractive man?

Maybe immature people do, but most relationship end because of a compatibility issue.

There is no simple answer for attraction or relationship duration for bisexual men either; it's not a binary, it's not either or, more or less, it can change (the bi-cycle is real). Attraction is heavily influenced by the individual(s) and all relationship end until one doesn't. The end of all relationships is hard and painful for both people but usually never equally hard or equally painful for both people. Relationships are also not depositions or interrogations under a white hot spotlight. People are imperfect, regardless of the gender or sexuality.

I think Robin Ochs' definition of bisexuality is the most accurate, she says "I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree."

Your statement “why don't you guys ever call your fellow bi men out giving y'all a bad name?” Is a loaded statement. A loaded statement is a form of a statement or in some cases a questions, that contains a controversial assumption and or a presumption of guilt. Such statements or questions are sometimes rhetorical tools, the statements or question attempts to limit direct replies to be those that serve the questioner's agenda. The traditional example is the question "Have you stopped beating your wife?"

For the record,

I have never heard a bisexual say "we aren't all like that”.

“why don't you guys ever call your fellow bi men out giving y'all a bad name?” Another loaded statement. Speaking of bad names, nothing worse than a bitchy old queen.

Also for the record, I have never seen or heard you or any other gay man call out a gay man for bad behavior like gay men trying to convert straight men. Ironically that is one of the fastest growing genres in porn right now. I know, I know, porn it’s real and cue the dramatic music as gay men begin to twist themselves into pretzels while clutching their pearls claiming they are the true victims of that porn genre (sorry that was a little snarky but the mental image made me laugh).

Now to your question to me, which was loaded with assumptions, I am not sure why. Can you explain your assumptions about me? I am in a seven, almost 8 year relationship with a man and a woman. They have been married for 25 years. We have been a throuple for about a 1/3 of their marriage and this is my second longest relationship. We do all things couples do. Sometimes all three together, sometime he & me, sometime she and me, sometimes it's the two of them and we each have individual interests and activities that the others don't have that we pursue and enjoy solo or with other friend(s). It's a remarkably normal relationship. We love, care for and are attracted to each other uniquely, equally and differently, sometimes all on the same day. I couldn't say to either of my partners that I am more attracted to men or women. Attraction is unique and individual.

I hope that answers your questions and you have an enjoyable weekend!

 

[Jjsurp99]

Before I answer your question let me ask these questions;

Are all gay men attracted to all men?
Are all lesbians attracted to all women?
Are all straight men attracted to all women?
Are all straight women attracted to all men?

The answer is no.

Do gay men end relationships because they find a more attractive man?
Do lesbians end relationships because they find a more attractive women?
Do straight men end relationships because they find a more physically attractive women?
Do straight women end relationships because they find a more attractive man?

Maybe immature people do, but most relationship end because of a compatibility issue.

There is no simple answer for attraction or relationship duration for bisexual men either; it's not a binary, it's not either or, more or less, it can change (the bi-cycle is real). Attraction is heavily influenced by the individual(s) and all relationship end until one doesn't. The end of all relationships is hard and painful for both people but usually never equally hard or equally painful for both people. Relationships are also not depositions or interrogations under a white hot spotlight. People are imperfect, regardless of the gender or sexuality.

I think Robin Ochs' definition of bisexuality is the most accurate, she says "I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree."

Your statement “why don't you guys ever call your fellow bi men out giving y'all a bad name?” Is a loaded statement. A loaded statement is a form of a statement or in some cases a questions, that contains a controversial assumption and or a presumption of guilt. Such statements or questions are sometimes rhetorical tools, the statements or question attempts to limit direct replies to be those that serve the questioner's agenda. The traditional example is the question "Have you stopped beating your wife?"

For the record,

I have never heard a bisexual say "we aren't all like that”.

“why don't you guys ever call your fellow bi men out giving y'all a bad name?” Another loaded statement. Speaking of bad names, nothing worse than a bitchy old queen.

Also for the record, I have never seen or heard you or any other gay man call out a gay man for bad behavior like gay men trying to convert straight men. Ironically that is one of the fastest growing genres in porn right now. I know, I know, porn it’s real and cue the dramatic music as gay men begin to twist themselves into pretzels while clutching their pearls claiming they are the true victims of that porn genre (sorry that was a little snarky but the mental image made me laugh).

Now to your question to me, which was loaded with assumptions, I am not sure why. Can you explain your assumptions about me? I am in a seven, almost 8 year relationship with a man and a woman. They have been married for 25 years. We have been a throuple for about a 1/3 of their marriage and this is my second longest relationship. We do all things couples do. Sometimes all three together, sometime he & me, sometime she and me, sometimes it's the two of them and we each have individual interests and activities that the others don't have that we pursue and enjoy solo or with other friend(s). It's a remarkably normal relationship. We love, care for and are attracted to each other uniquely, equally and differently, sometimes all on the same day. I couldn't say to either of my partners that I am more attracted to men or women. Attraction is unique and individual.

I hope that answers your questions and you have an enjoyable weekend!

Gay men get called out all the time trust me they bunch of hos too. O hate this argument because straight leaning bi guys don't even like men just the dick that's all

 

[tritevideos]

No it's not hypocrisy of femmephobic, you are attracted to what you are attracted to. Hypocrisy and femmephobia would be you hating your fellow femmes and treating less than because they are feminine

i see

 

[jthomasmpls]

Gay men get called out all the time trust me they bunch of hos too. O hate this argument because straight leaning bi guys don't even like men just the dick that's all

yawn.... and honestly, trust me, I don't know any bisexual or straight men that just don't like men as an entire group people. If I run into any I will let you know. I cannot say the same for gay men, which is strangely odd to me. Wait, if gay men go for straight men is it just because they like the dick and not the man??? People are funny.

btw, what's wrong with liking dick???

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Gay men get called out all the time trust me they bunch of hos too. O hate this argument because straight leaning bi guys don't even like men just the dick that's all

Who would've thought that straight-leaning bi men are straight-leaning? What an unexpected twist!

 

[Allex23]

5 years ago my answer would be, YES!

But now I don't think so, even the bisexual men I knew and (swore) they were more attracted to men, and said that "they didn't have the patience to deal with women's annoyance", are now dating/married to women, and I know some who humiliate themselves for women and are rejected by them (either because they are bi or effeminate).

I am bisexual with minimal attraction to women and I would NEVER get involved with another bi man, keep in mind that for most bi men, men are good for sex, but not enough to build a life together, and if the guy wants to be father or don't want to deal with homophobia, the chances of you being replaced by another woman are 100/100

 

[jthomasmpls]

5 years ago my answer would be, YES!

But now I don't think so, even the bisexual men I knew and (swore) they were more attracted to men, and said that "they didn't have the patience to deal with women's annoyance", are now dating/married to women, and I know some who humiliate themselves for women and are rejected by them (either because they are bi or effeminate).

I am bisexual with minimal attraction to women and I would NEVER get involved with another bi man, keep in mind that for most bi men, men are good for sex, but not enough to build a life together, and if the guy wants to be father or don't want to deal with homophobia, the chances of you being replaced by another woman are 100/100

While gay men a less open to taking the risk of pursuing a long term relationship with a bisexual man today it seems more women are open to relationships with bisexual men than ever before. People tend to gravitate to where they are accepted for who they are. I don't think that makes the bisexual man the villain of the story.

Women Report That Bisexual Men Make Better Lovers, Fathers, and Partners

 

[Jjsurp99]

While gay men a less open to taking the risk of pursuing a long term relationship with a bisexual man today it seems more women are open to relationships with bisexual men than ever before. People tend to gravitate to where they are accepted for who they are. I don't think that makes the bisexual man the villain of the story.

Women Report That Bisexual Men Make Better Lovers, Fathers, and Partners

Yeah women also don't like being cheated on by their bi partners either. You really don't understand that

 

[Urien]

like I said before, go check your privilege because what you spewed was completely tone deaf

Give us a bad look? My friend, we are the seeds of Satan in the eyes of many. Even the ever prescient Queer As Folk (original not the wokedup remake) said "there are only 2 types of Straight people in the world... The ones that hate you to your face, and the ones that hate you behind your back".

Obviously this isn't always true, but it is easier to live your life as a homosexual with this as a rule rather than an exception. Nothing you will say or do will ever appease mainstream heterosexual society. We don't have to. So live your life and take what you can get.

I won't "check my privilege" (can't believe you fell back on that meme). We all have the cards we are dealt and our dragons to slay.

We also fundamentally view ourselves differently from what I gather from your posts. I only see/call myself a "homosexual man" for the sake of brevity and not-complicating/overexplaining in my social interactions.

I don't believe homosexuality is an identity. I believe it is a pattern of behavior. I am not a gay man per se as much as I am a man who enjoys doing gay things. By extension, I don't believe "bisexual people" are a thing. So you asking bi people to call other bi people out sounds absurd to me. They are just people.

So when I have sex with "bisexual men", I am in actuality just having sex with another man who enjoys doing gay things from time to time. Language is very powerful, using words like "conversion" can reframe the entire perspective on the matter. It distorts reality which means you can't make informed decisions. There is no "conversion" happening here.

You can call me tone deaf, and I completely understand you and why you would see me this way from your position. I was like you 20 years ago. But if the truth sounds tone deaf or harsh I'm still gonna say it.

Best of luck in Uganda. Don't do anything that will get you jailed or killed there. This world is for the breeders. Work within the system.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

I know the biphobes in this thread will never believe this but I'd trade being bi for being gay in a fucking heartbeat. At least that way I'd have a shot at having a fulfilling and romantic relationship with a man. But as it is, I fear I'm doomed to only being romantically into women and only sexually into men. If you think that kind of half-existence is a privilege, well, I don't know what to tell you.

 

[Jjsurp99]

I know the biphobes in this thread will never believe this but I'd trade being bi for being gay in a fucking heartbeat. At least that way I'd have a shot at having a fulfilling and romantic relationship with a man. But as it is, I fear I'm doomed to only being romantically into women and only sexually into men. If you think that kind of half-existence is a privilege, well, I don't know what to tell you.

You don't even like men as you said multiple times it's the dick you want that's it. Stay with women

 

[jthomasmpls]

Yeah women also don't like being cheated on by their bi partners either. You really don't understand that

Nobody likes to be cheated on. And everyone cheats. You really don't understand that. The plural of anecdote is not data.

Here are some interesting facts and studies about infidelity;

Women in the medical profession are among the highest rates of infidelity.

Infidelity Statistics & Trends 2021 - Who Cheats More?

According to Institute for Family Studies in America democrats, men, black people, people over the age of 65, people who grew up with only one parent and people with only some college education, and those who only go to church once a year are the most likely to cheat.

Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America

I cannot find a single study that supports the claim.belief/myth that bisexual men cheat more than any other sexual orientation nor has anyone been able to produce such a study. If you or anyone has a study that supports those claim I would love to see it. Please share.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

You don't even like men as you said multiple times it's the dick you want that's it. Stay with women

Listen, I'm not going to kink shame you for being into disembodied ghost dicks if that's your deal, but where I'm from, a dick usually comes attached to a man.

 

[sylarrr007]

Nothing you will say or do will ever appease mainstream heterosexual society. We don't have to. So live your life and take what you can get.

Did you even read.........? You know what? Never mind, at least you accept the fact that statement was tone deaf

 

[Jjsurp99]

Listen, I'm not going to kink shame you for being into disembodied ghost dicks if that's your deal, but where I'm from, a dick usually comes attached to a man.

You can also get a dildo to satisfy your hunger

 

[BifuriousJoel]

You can also get a dildo to satisfy your hunger

Nah, I think I'd rather try a dick, thanks.

You can get a dildo, though. I heard dildos don't lead you on or lie and they don't care if you catch feelings. Just make sure it's a gay dildo, the bi ones have a tendency to run away and end up in women's vaginas, allegedly.

 

[jthomasmpls]

Nah, I think I'd rather try a dick, thanks.

You can get a dildo, though. I heard dildos don't lead you on or lie and they don't care if you catch feelings. Just make sure it's a gay dildo, the bi ones have a tendency to run away and end up in women's vaginas, allegedly.

 

[sylarrr007]

Do gay men end relationships because they find a more attractive man?
Do lesbians end relationships because they find a more attractive women?
Do straight men end relationships because they find a more physically attractive women?
Do straight women end relationships because they find a more attractive man?

Maybe immature people do, but most relationship end because of a compatibility issue.

There is no simple answer for attraction or relationship duration for bisexual men either; it's not a binary, it's not either or, more or less, it can change (the bi-cycle is real). Attraction is heavily influenced by the individual(s) and all relationship end until one doesn't. The end of all relationships is hard and painful for both people but usually never equally hard or equally painful for both people. Relationships are also not depositions or interrogations under a white hot spotlight. People are imperfect, regardless of the gender or sexuality.

Nobody likes to be cheated on. And everyone cheats. You really don't understand that. The plural of anecdote is not data.

Now this is where there's a clash of conflict between bisexuals and monosexuals. "Everyone cheats on everyone so why is ours as bisexuals singled out as way more deviant than monosexuals?" It's the argument I've heard from most bi people and I'm sure y'all experience it nonetheless and it's not your fault because for some of you, y'all don't see gender

While I do agree that it shouldn't be treated as worse but it's not the same thing. Now I know you may not agree and you may not even get it because you are in a throuple and not a monogamous relationship which is the majority and which most people want (it could be an assumption but it's the reality of things). The question some monosexuals sometimes ask themselves when they get into relationships with bisexuals is "am I enough?" And yes monosexuals getting into relationships with other monosexuals ask themselves that question too but it's much more complicated when it's the former which you may not get. I'm just going to speak on the gay male side of things and why we view it that way, keep in mind that this is also anecdotal..........I've been in four relationships my entire life and they've all cheated on me, three were with bisexual men who left me for women (well I broke the last one up myself as it was amicable) with the last one telling me, I can't give a bisexual man everything a woman can, the bisexual man may love me and may not see it as a competition but that statement alone affected my psyche and self esteem making me question if I was enough for him, we both wanted the whole heteronormative picket fence life but when he made a comment like that, I pieced the puzzle pieces together and realized that a man may never be enough for most bisexual men especially the ones who are straight leaning (I was his first ever same sex relationship), now if he had cheated on me with a woman (because I had a feeling that's where things were headed as he wanted to open up the relationship because in his words, "he misses women"), I would have just died like literally kill myself because I loved him so much despite my gay friends telling me about their painful experiences with bi men and my own experiences with the previous bi men I dated, I'm sure he loved me too but I couldn't take that risk. What I'm trying to say is my fellow gay man cheating on me with another man didn't really hit or hurt the way the last two bi men cheated on me with women because of how heteronormativity rule the world and how opposite gender relationships are seen as higher, there were so many things that came into my mind before I broke up with him and when I weighed the pros and cons of being in an hetero relationship compared to an homo one, I had my answer so like I said, it's not the same

Your statement “why don't you guys ever call your fellow bi men out giving y'all a bad name?” Is a loaded statement. A loaded statement is a form of a statement or in some cases a questions, that contains a controversial assumption and or a presumption of guilt. Such statements or questions are sometimes rhetorical tools, the statements or question attempts to limit direct replies to be those that serve the questioner's agenda. The traditional example is the question "Have you stopped beating your wife?"

I already explained to urien why I made such statement, you can read it in the previous page

For the record,

I have never heard a bisexual say "we aren't all like that”.

Isn't this equal to saying to gay men painting a broad stroke on all bi men that have been said here time and time again when gay men speak about their experiences with bi men?

Also for the record, I have never seen or heard you or any other gay man call out a gay man for bad behavior like gay men trying to convert straight men. Ironically that is one of the fastest growing genres in porn right now. I know, I know, porn it’s real and cue the dramatic music as gay men begin to twist themselves into pretzels while clutching their pearls claiming they are the true victims of that porn genre (sorry that was a little snarky but the mental image made me laugh).

This happens a lot and I'm glad you mentioned porn because there's a subset of gay men who don't like to watch g4p pornstars, infact once I know they are straight men, I'm completely turned off

Now to your question to me, which was loaded with assumptions, I am not sure why. Can you explain your assumptions about me? I am in a seven, almost 8 year relationship with a man and a woman. They have been married for 25 years. We have been a throuple for about a 1/3 of their marriage and this is my second longest relationship. We do all things couples do. Sometimes all three together, sometime he & me, sometime she and me, sometimes it's the two of them and we each have individual interests and activities that the others don't have that we pursue and enjoy solo or with other friend(s). It's a remarkably normal relationship. We love, care for and are attracted to each other uniquely, equally and differently, sometimes all on the same day.

Sorry for the assumptions as I went via your attraction metric and how monogamous relationships are seen as the norm but I did include a bit that said "I don't know if you are married or not".

 

[sylarrr007]

I know the biphobes in this thread will never believe this but I'd trade being bi for being gay in a fucking heartbeat. At least that way I'd have a shot at having a fulfilling and romantic relationship with a man. But as it is, I fear I'm doomed to only being romantically into women and only sexually into men. If you think that kind of half-existence is a privilege, well, I don't know what to tell you.

Attraction is not something that can be forced either romantic or sexual. We live in an heteronormative world so I totally understand why your romantic attraction shifts to the opposite gender so you do you. What a lot of gay people are mad at is the lack of transparency not for you but for mostly biromantic bisexual men who may lean more to women romantically so not for bi men like yourself

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Attraction is not something that can be forced either romantic or sexual. We live in an heteronormative world so I totally understand why your romantic attraction shifts to the opposite gender so you do you. What a lot of gay people are mad at is the lack of transparency not for you but for mostly biromantic bisexual men who may lean more to women romantically so not for bi men like yourself

I'm biromantic bisexual, I lean way more towards women romantically.