Do Bisexual men actually settle down with men?

[sylarrr007]

I'm biromantic bisexual, I lean way more towards women romantically.

At least you are transparent about it to men who may want just more that a hookup with you, I guess

 

[Jjsurp99]

Nah, I think I'd rather try a dick, thanks.

You can get a dildo, though. I heard dildos don't lead you on or lie and they don't care if you catch feelings. Just make sure it's a gay dildo, the bi ones have a tendency to run away and end up in women's vaginas, allegedly.

Proof is on Internet and other bi guys you don't like men just penis

 

[Allex23]

While gay men a less open to taking the risk of pursuing a long term relationship with a bisexual man today it seems more women are open to relationships with bisexual men than ever before. People tend to gravitate to where they are accepted for who they are. I don't think that makes the bisexual man the villain of the story.

Women Report That Bisexual Men Make Better Lovers, Fathers, and Partners

I'll leave you with this fantasy

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Proof is on Internet and other bi guys you don't like men just penis

And straight men don't like women, just pussy. That's how you sound.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

At least you are transparent about it to men who may want just more that a hookup with you, I guess

Because gays and straights are never less than 100% transparent about wanting just a hookup, right? Funny how it's only bi men catching strays here. This is exhausting. Y'all need to deal with your traumas, for real.

 

[jthomasmpls]

Now this is where there's a clash of conflict between bisexuals and monosexuals. "Everyone cheats on everyone so why is ours as bisexuals singled out as way more deviant than monosexuals?" It's the argument I've heard from most bi people and I'm sure y'all experience it nonetheless and it's not your fault because for some of you, y'all don't see gender

While I do agree that it shouldn't be treated as worse but it's not the same thing. Now I know you may not agree and you may not even get it because you are in a throuple and not a monogamous relationship which is the majority and which most people want (it could be an assumption but it's the reality of things). The question some monosexuals sometimes ask themselves when they get into relationships with bisexuals is "am I enough?" And yes monosexuals getting into relationships with other monosexuals ask themselves that question too but it's much more complicated when it's the former which you may not get. I'm just going to speak on the gay male side of things and why we view it that way, keep in mind that this is also anecdotal..........I've been in four relationships my entire life and they've all cheated on me, three were with bisexual men who left me for women (well I broke the last one up myself as it was amicable) with the last one telling me, I can't give a bisexual man everything a woman can, the bisexual man may love me and may not see it as a competition but that statement alone affected my psyche and self esteem making me question if I was enough for him, we both wanted the whole heteronormative picket fence life but when he made a comment like that, I pieced the puzzle pieces together and realized that a man may never be enough for most bisexual men especially the ones who are straight leaning (I was his first ever same sex relationship), now if he had cheated on me with a woman (because I had a feeling that's where things were headed as he wanted to open up the relationship because in his words, "he misses women"), I would have just died like literally kill myself because I loved him so much despite my gay friends telling me about their painful experiences with bi men and my own experiences with the previous bi men I dated, I'm sure he loved me too but I couldn't take that risk. What I'm trying to say is my fellow gay man cheating on me with another man didn't really hit or hurt the way the last two bi men cheated on me with women because of how heteronormativity rule the world and how opposite gender relationships are seen as higher, there were so many things that came into my mind before I broke up with him and when I weighed the pros and cons of being in an hetero relationship compared to an homo one, I had my answer so like I said, it's not the same

I already explained to urien why I made such statement, you can read it in the previous page

Isn't this equal to saying to gay men painting a broad stroke on all bi men that have been said here time and time again when gay men speak about their experiences with bi men?

This happens a lot and I'm glad you mentioned porn because there's a subset of gay men who don't like to watch g4p pornstars, infact once I know they are straight men, I'm completely turned off

Sorry for the assumptions as I went via your attraction metric and how monogamous relationships are seen as the norm but I did include a bit that said "I don't know if you are married or not".

I never implied or stated that we are non-monogamous. We are monogamous. But I get it, people often assume if a relationship is anything other than two people it's a non-monogamous free for all. Nor did I suggest that because we are a throuple that we are impervious to infidelity. We are not.

What is cheating should be defined by the people in the relationship. In my opinion the definition of cheating should be discusses, defined and agreed to at the beginning of a relationship and discussed, potentially redefined, periodically. I wish I knew that when I first got together with my ex wife. My ex wife considered masturbation, watching porn, looking at another attractive women cheating, she even got upset with me if someone "checked" me out (lots of lessons learned). Btw, before anyone makes any assumptions, prior to divorce I never had a sexual experience with another man.

In the case of one partner withholding sex for whatever reason and not making accommodations for their partners sexual needs and desires who is the "bad guy"? No need to pull out the "what about" scenarios, there are all kinds of reasons, exceptions and accommodations for the ebbs and flow of sex in a long term relationships. Sometimes, often, the victim of the infidelity is not the victim of the relationship.

The question of "I am not enough" or why am I not desirable to my partner. Not enough or undesirable is not limited to "I don't have the opposite genitals". Not enough/undesirable could be anything, not tall enough, dick is not big enough, dick is too small, dick is too big, breasts are too big or too small, too thin, too heavy, not fit enough, too fit, don't have brunette hair or blonde hair, or don't have blue eyes or brown eyes or not of a certain ethnicity, don't make enough money, not wealthy enough, not an intellectual equal, never serious, always serious, they don't don't share enough, they share too much, undesirable social status etc. the list of "not enough/undesirable" goes on and on.

For those who might be curious about infidelity, sexual desire and sexual compatibility in long term relationships, I suggest reading Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" and "The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity". Her podcast is pretty fantastic as well. "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin is also very insightful.

Again the plural of anecdote is not data. Anecdotal experiences are personal experiences. Personal experiences are very real and legitimate for the individual who experience them and should be treated with respect and processed in a healthy manor. Personal experiences can range from amazingly wonderful to devastatingly painful and everything in-between. I am genuinely sorry you had some very negative experiences with bisexual men. I am guessing not all of your experiences with gay men were amazingly wonderful for both of you either. I am also okay with anyone choosing not to engage with bisexual men for their own individual self care and well being. But I am not okay with painting all bisexual men with the same brush. If someone was in an abusive relationship, that is horrendous and inexcusable, I don't think it would be fair to assume all members of the abusive persons gender to be abusive because that's just not true. The same is true of bisexual men. No one class of people is all good or all bad.

No two, or in my case three, people develop the same feelings at the same pace, that does not mean anyone is holding out or string someone along. One person always says I love you first. One person always says this relationship needs to change or end first. That's the joy and sometimes painful reality of being vulnerable to another person(s). The other harsh truth is most people never tell the real reason they end a relationship, either out of shame/embarrassment or an attempt to spare the partners feelings and self-respect. Relationships are not for the faint of heart.

At the end of the day I believe people should treat people the way they want to be treated, hopefully with kindness, empathy and respect. Leave the campsite better than you found it.

 

[jthomasmpls]

I'll leave you with this fantasy

denial is not a river in Egypt....​

 

[sylarrr007]

Because gays and straights are never less than 100% transparent about wanting just a hookup, right? Funny how it's only bi men catching strays here. This is exhausting. Y'all need to deal with your traumas, for real.

I've stated why it's different for someone you know you may have a chance with than the one you know you can never have a chance with but ok

 

[sylarrr007]

I never implied or stated that we are non-monogamous. We are monogamous. But I get it, people often assume if a relationship is anything other than two people it's a non-monogamous free for all. Nor did I suggest that because we are a throuple that we are impervious to infidelity. We are not.

What is cheating should be defined by the people in the relationship. In my opinion the definition of cheating should be discusses, defined and agreed to at the beginning of a relationship and discussed, potentially redefined, periodically. I wish I knew that when I first got together with my ex wife. My ex wife considered masturbation, watching porn, looking at another attractive women cheating, she even got upset with me if someone "checked" me out (lots of lessons learned). Btw, before anyone makes any assumptions, prior to divorce I never had a sexual experience with another man.

In the case of one partner withholding sex for whatever reason and not making accommodations for their partners sexual needs and desires who is the "bad guy"? No need to pull out the "what about" scenarios, there are all kinds of reasons, exceptions and accommodations for the ebbs and flow of sex in a long term relationships. Sometimes, often, the victim of the infidelity is not the victim of the relationship.

The question of "I am not enough" or why am I not desirable to my partner. Not enough or undesirable is not limited to "I don't have the opposite genitals". Not enough/undesirable could be anything, not tall enough, dick is not big enough, dick is too small, dick is too big, breasts are too big or too small, too thin, too heavy, not fit enough, too fit, don't have brunette hair or blonde hair, or don't have blue eyes or brown eyes or not of a certain ethnicity, don't make enough money, not wealthy enough, not an intellectual equal, never serious, always serious, they don't don't share enough, they share too much, undesirable social status etc. the list of "not enough/undesirable" goes on and on.

For those who might be curious about infidelity, sexual desire and sexual compatibility in long term relationships, I suggest reading Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" and "The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity". Her podcast is pretty fantastic as well. "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin is also very insightful.

Again the plural of anecdote is not data. Anecdotal experiences are personal experiences. Personal experiences are very real and legitimate for the individual who experience them and should be treated with respect and processed in a healthy manor. Personal experiences can range from amazingly wonderful to devastatingly painful and everything in-between. I am genuinely sorry you had some very negative experiences with bisexual men. I am guessing not all of your experiences with gay men were amazingly wonderful for both of you either. I am also okay with anyone choosing not to engage with bisexual men for their own individual self care and well being. But I am not okay with painting all bisexual men with the same brush. If someone was in an abusive relationship, that is horrendous and inexcusable, I don't think it would be fair to assume all members of the abusive persons gender to be abusive because that's just not true. The same is true of bisexual men. No one class of people is all good or all bad.

No two, or in my case three, people develop the same feelings at the same pace, that does not mean anyone is holding out or string someone along. One person always says I love you first. One person always says this relationship needs to change or end first. That's the joy and sometimes painful reality of being vulnerable to another person(s). The other harsh truth is most people never tell the real reason they end a relationship, either out of shame/embarrassment or an attempt to spare the partners feelings and self-respect. Relationships are not for the faint of heart.

At the end of the day I believe people should treat people the way they want to be treated, hopefully with kindness, empathy and respect. Leave the campsite better than you found it.

Everything you wrote here tells me one thing, you don't see gender or you don't see gender the way most monosexuals do so I guess we will just have to agree to disagree

 

[BifuriousJoel]

I've stated why it's different for someone you know you may have a chance with than the one you know you can never have a chance with but ok

That's splitting hairs so hard it's not even funny. Functionally, there's zero difference. What's the difference between a bi man leading a gay on and just wanting a hook up and a gay doing the same?

Also, the hypocrisy here is too much. Gays know they can never have a chance with straight guys but that doesn't stop them from chasing them.

 

[jthomasmpls]

Everything you wrote here tells me one thing, you don't see gender or you don't see gender the way most monosexuals do so I guess we will just have to agree to disagree

Everything you’ve written tells me you don’t have the critical thinking skills to process ideas other than your own beliefs and have a productive dialogue.

 

[Jjsurp99]

Because gays and straights are never less than 100% transparent about wanting just a hookup, right? Funny how it's only bi men catching strays here. This is exhausting. Y'all need to deal with your traumas, for real.

Theres a difference though bi men are most likely married to women and be having side affairs with men. Straight and gay men only stick with their respected sex

 

[dreamer20]

Theres a difference though bi men are most likely married to women and be having side affairs with men. Straight and gay men only stick with their respected sex!

^^So both straight and gay men only have side affairs with men?!? Your bigotry must have a caused you to have a brain fart there.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Theres a difference though bi men are most likely married to women and be having side affairs with men. Straight and gay men only stick with their respected sex

So...

A gay man married to a man and having an affair with men =

A bi man married to a woman and having an affair with men =

Y'all don't even know what you're saying anymore. That must've been some bomb ass bi dick that made y'all lose the plot this bad.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

^^So both straight and gay men only have side affairs with men?!? Your bigotry must have a caused you to have a brain fart there.

Bro hates bisexuals so much he forgot what "sex" means.

 

[alpha_centauri]

Or maybe bi guys ruin gay men when they string gay men along

This laughable claim again? Gay men "string" other gay men along so what's your point? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[alpha_centauri]

So...

A gay man married to a man and having an affair with men =

A bi man married to a woman and having an affair with men =

Y'all don't even know what you're saying anymore. That must've been some bomb ass bi dick that made y'all lose the plot this bad.

They also refuse to accept the fact that outside of the Western world most gay men are not out, and many are deeply closeted and in marriages of convenience to women.

Gay men marrying women was once extremely common even in the Western world too.

 

[alpha_centauri]

5 years ago my answer would be, YES!

But now I don't think so, even the bisexual men I knew and (swore) they were more attracted to men, and said that "they didn't have the patience to deal with women's annoyance", are now dating/married to women, and I know some who humiliate themselves for women and are rejected by them (either because they are bi or effeminate).

I am bisexual with minimal attraction to women and I would NEVER get involved with another bi man, keep in mind that for most bi men, men are good for sex, but not enough to build a life together, and if the guy wants to be father or don't want to deal with homophobia, the chances of you being replaced by another woman are 100/100

Stereotype much?

Most relationships do not last. I have gay friends who married gay men, adopted children or fostered kids and they all wound up divorcing, because of lying and cheating, or in some cases abuse, even the couples in open marriages divorced.

Why would any man, bi or gay want to get involved with you?

 

[WilliamG]

The question was: "Do bisexual men actually settle down with men?"
We learned that some here are concerned about the personal lives of others.

 

[sylarrr007]

Everything you’ve written tells me you don’t have the critical thinking skills to process ideas other than your own beliefs and have a productive dialogue.

And you just proved my point